The stick falls from my hand and bounces on the floor. I scramble to my feet, pulling my underwear back on and fixing my dress. My hands shake as I pick the test back up.
Still positive.
Everything spins around me. I struggle to breathe. My pulse drums in my ears. The room shrinks.
I’m at my boyfriend’s funeral with a positive pregnancy test. This cannot be happening. But it is. A part of him is still with us in my belly.
I really am going to throw up. Everything comes into focus just long enough for me to turn around and stick my head in the porcelain throne.
Knock, knock!
“You okay, Sutton?”
I flush so I don’t have to respond. Then I wash my hands, turning on the water as high and loud as it will go.
How am I going to face Anchor? Or anyone, for that matter?
I rinse my mouth with tap water, then open the door.
He’s right in front of me. Inches away. Concern covers his face. “Did it work?”
I nod.
“And?”
“Positive.” Then I realize I don’t have the test. Did I drop it? How could I be so dumb as to leave it in there? I spin around and glance all over.
It’s sitting next to the toilet. I must’ve dropped it when I threw up. Shaking, I grab it and stuff it into my purse.
“Are you okay?”
“Stop asking that! No, I’m anything but okay.”
Anchor looks me in the eyes. “I’m here for you. Obviously, Kade can’t be. You don’t have to tell anyone else. I’ll help you with whatever.”
“Why would you do that? I’m not your problem.”
“You’re not a problem. Besides, it’s something I can do for Kade.” His eyes show the same heartbreak I feel.
“I’m sorry for snapping at you.”
“It’s okay.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not.”
He looks around the church foyer. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”
“Actually, yeah. Anywhere but here.”
“The lake?”
“Okay. Let me just text my mom.”
“Sure. I should tell my parents too.”
Anchor heads for the stairs.
“I’m going to stay here. I can’t be around all those people right now.”
“Texting it is.” He pulls out his phone.
I do the same and send my mom a quick message.
Sutton: Anchor and I need some air. He’s going to take me to the lake.
Mom: Are you sure? They’re about to show the slideshow.
Sutton: I saw it during the service. I really need to get out of here.
And it gutted me to watch. It’s a good thing for waterproof makeup.
Mom: OK. Will you be home for dinner?
Sutton: Probably.
Mom: Love you.
Sutton: You too.
Anchor turns to me. “You ready?”
Pain presses behind my right temple. “So ready.”
We ride in silence to his house, then we walk to the beach without a word. Once we settle into Kade’s spot, Anchor looks out over the water. “What do you think you’re going to do?”
Tears blur my vision. “I have no idea. This changes everything. I mean, not that the accident didn’t. But I don’t know what to think. I was already on the fence about going to Harvard without him.”
Anchor nods, and we sit in silence for a while. He turns to me. “If you decide to keep it, I’ll help with the baby.”
“What? Why would you do that? You can’t be serious.”
He holds my gaze. “This is going to be the hardest decision of your life. Whatever you decide, you aren’t alone. I’m here for you.”
“But to help with a baby…” My voice trails off as I take it all in. “That’s a huge commitment. You have your life to live, Anchor.”
“So do you. Kade’s death changed everything for both of us. This will too.”
I press my palms on my flat stomach. “This doesn’t really effect you.”
“It still changes things. And believe it or not, I do care about you. Not just because you’re Kade’s girlfriend. We’ve spent so much time together, you’re my friend—one of my closest friends. You’re a good person, and you don’t deserve any of this.”
Tears sting my eyes. I swallow the ever-present lump in my throat. “Thanks.” I want to say more, but if I do, I’ll break down. And I’ve done enough of that lately. Too much.
“You don’t have to say anything. In fact, let’s make a rule. No talking. Just thinking. We have a lot to think about.”
I wipe my eyes and nod. “I wish Kade was here.”
“Same.” Anchor puts an arm around me. “But you aren’t alone.”
Anchor
It’s been a full month since Kade’s funeral. A month and a week since my best friend died. Since I last saw him. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the graduation party. We all had so much fun, and that’s the only thing that really helps me feel better. He enjoyed his final night. Celebrated life to the fullest.
But the thing that won’t let me go is that I could’ve done something to stop the accident from happening. What if I’d talked him into staying longer? Or what if I’d brought up renting a hotel room so we could all swim the rest of the night away? Or something. If only I’d made a different choice, Kade would still be with us.
We’d all three be planning for Harvard. Packing. Spending the entire summer at the lake.
He’d be the one helping Sutton decide what to do about the pregnancy.
Sutton and I have seen each other almost every day since the funeral. She didn’t want to leave her house for a couple days after, but I finally convinced her to meet me at the lake. Now it’s a daily thing. We don’t talk about the baby, though. I told her I was here for her if she wanted to talk about it, but she just wants to work through Kade’s death first.
I lean against a tree and glance toward her yard. She’s not coming yet, so I scroll through my social media feed. Everyone’s moving on with their lives. Kade’s gone, and the world is still spinning around the sun. I’m not saying people aren’t still sad. They are. People still post about him, but not nearly as much as before. It was a flood of grief and sorrow. Now it’s a trickle. Barely.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, life going back to normal when Kade can’t go on with his.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
I turn to see Sutton. She smiles at me as she sits with a picnic basket. The smells of baked chicken and roasted veggies makes my mouth water.
“You brought food?”
“Miss Alice realized we’ve been skipping lunch.”
“Probably should start eating more. Especially you.”
She scrunches up her face, making a funny but adorable expression. Guilt punches me in the gut. How can I think of her as adorable? She’s Kade’s girlfriend. What’s wrong with me?
“The thought of food makes my stomach turn. I hope you’re hungry.” Sutton pulls open the basket’s lid, and the aromas nearly knock me over.
“I am, but I’m only going to eat if you do.” I lift an eyebrow.
She groans and blows a chestnut curl from her face. “Seriously?”
“You’re eating for two now.”
“If I needed to eat, food wouldn’t disgust me.” She pushes the basket toward me.
I nudge it back to her. “If you eat, then I’ll eat.”
Sutton frowns. “Fine.”
“You’ll eat?”
“Since you’re forcing me.”
I chuckle as I pull everything out and dish us up.
Her eyes widen. “You think I can eat all this?”
“All that?” I snort. “I gave you half what I gave me.”
“And you’re like a vacuum cleaner. You eat a ton.”
“Maybe you should stop eating like a bird.”
She folds her arms. “Birds eat twice their body weight every day.”
“Really?�
��
“Yes.”
“Correction. You should start eating like a bird.”
“Ugh.” She draws her brows together but at least picks up the fork and digs into the vegetables.
Ten minutes later, I’ve devoured two platefuls and she’s eaten everything except the chicken that I gave her. “Try the chicken. It’s amazing.”
“I know. Miss Alice makes it all the time, but chicken makes me want to puke these days.”
“Your loss.” I snatch her drumstick, hoping she’ll take it back but she doesn’t, so I take a big bite. By the time I’m done, I’m stuffed. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this full, and it feels good.
We fill the basket with everything, then settle into our typical silence as we watch the water. After a while, I turn to her. “Have you decided what you’re going to do? You know, with the baby?”
She takes a deep breath. “I’m going to have it. I don’t know if I’m going to raise it or put it up for adoption, though. But I can’t not have Kade’s baby, you know?”
“It’s not my place to have an opinion, but that’s what I was selfishly hoping. I mean, it won’t be like getting him back, but it’ll be kind of like seeing him again. If that makes any sense.”
Sutton nods. “It does. That’s why I have to go through with this. It’s like it was meant to be. Maybe his parents will want to raise the baby.”
“Maybe.” They’ve been looking forward to the empty nest for a while, but it’s possible they don’t feel that way anymore. I wouldn’t know because I haven’t visited them. I know I should, but I don’t want to go to Kade’s home knowing he’s gone. It’s hard enough with all the memories of him in my own house.
She curls her mouth. “Yeah, I don’t think they’d want to, either.”
“Am I that transparent?” I ask.
“Maybe.”
I lean against the tree again and take a deep breath. “So, have you been to the doctor?”
Sutton looks away. “I’ve been taking those vitamins you bought me.”
“Good, but shouldn’t you see a doctor? I don’t know much about this stuff, but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to go regularly.”
“Probably.”
“I’ll go with you so you don’t have to be alone.”
Her mouth gapes slightly. “Stop. You don’t have to do everything for me.”
“I told you I’m here for you, and I meant it.”
Tears shine in her eyes and she looks away again.
I hate this. Everything about the whole situation. She wants Kade back. I want him back. He would want to be back. This whole thing is wrong. And it sucks worse than anything else.
I turn to her. “I’m thinking of taking a year off before starting Harvard.”
Sutton turns to me, her eyes wide. “You are?”
“Yeah. I’m not going to be able to give school my all. I can barely function now, and I’m not working or in school or anything. My boss keeps calling, but I keep putting her off.”
She sighs. “If I have this baby, I won’t be able to finish the school year. I could do the fall term, but spring is out.”
“We could both take the year off. Who would blame us? A summer isn’t enough time to recover from Kade’s death.”
“My dad’s going to kill me.”
“I thought you didn’t care what he thinks.”
She shrugs. “I don’t, but he freaks out over little things. Can you imagine how he’ll react to me taking a year off because I’m pregnant?”
For some reason, that thought strikes me as funny. Hilarious, even. I burst out laughing.
Sutton looks at me like I’m crazy, but then the corners of her mouth shake. That only makes me laugh harder. She laughs, though not nearly as obnoxiously as I do. That only feeds my fit, and soon, we’re both howling like fools.
We finally calm down and struggle to catch our breath. My stomach aches but it feels good.
She wipes her eyes. “I haven’t laughed since before the accident.”
I sit back up. “Me neither.”
We take a minute and just watch the water. We do that a lot. I can’t remember what we were laughing at, but I do know she needs to make a doctor’s appointment. “What about making that appointment?”
Sutton frowns. “You’re not going to drop it, are you?”
I shake my head. “You need to go.”
She sighs. “I’m going to have to find a new doctor. I can’t go to one who’s going to call my parents.”
“Aren’t there privacy laws? You’re an adult.”
“But I’m still on my dad’s insurance policy.”
“Doctors have to follow privacy laws, but don’t forget, you can’t hide this forever.”
Sutton buries her face in her palms. “But I want to keep it secret as long as possible.”
“How long will that be?”
“A while. I still haven’t gained any weight.”
“That won’t last long.”
She shoves me.
“I don’t mean that as an insult. It’s just fact.”
“Whatever.”
“Will you call?”
“Why do you care so much?” she snaps.
“Because someone has to. You haven’t told anyone else, so it falls on me.”
Sutton mutters something.
“What was that?”
She glares at me. “You’re annoying.”
“I’ve been called worse.”
“If I make an appointment, will you drop this?”
“Sure.”
“I’m still finding a new doctor.” She pulls out her phone and slides her finger around the screen. “Here’s one that’s not too far away, and the site says she’s accepting new patients.”
“So make the call.”
“I will.”
I lean back and close my eyes, hoping to give her the sense of privacy if she wants it. She talks to the receptionist, and I think about what I’m going to do with myself for a year. My parents won’t be happy about me putting off college, but they’ll understand. They have to.
“The appointment is set for next week.”
I open my eyes. “Good. Remember, I’ll go with you if you want. Or not. Maybe you want your mom there instead.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not telling her until I have to.”
“Okay. Let me know, then. The ball’s in your court.”
Sutton
My bedroom door flings open. Mom charges inside, her eyes wild. I’ve never seen her so angry.
“Mom, what’s the matter?” My mind races with possibilities as I set my laptop next to me on the bed and scramble to my feet. “Is the house on fire?”
“You made an appointment with an obstetrician?”
Blood drains from my body. “How did you know?”
“The insurance company called your father with a question!”
“They called Dad?” Anger surges through me. “What about privacy?”
“Are you pregnant?” She steps closer, her hands on her hips.
This wasn’t the way I envisioned this, but there’s no point in hiding the truth now. “I am.”
Her hands fall to her side and her expression softens. “How did this happen?”
“Do I really have to explain that to you? You were the one who gave me the talk.”
“I mean, when? Who?”
“Who?” I stare at her. “Who?”
“Kade?”
“Who else?” I shout. “What do you think of me? He’s only been dead a month!”
“You have been spending a lot of time with Anchor.”
“Are you for real?”
“I had to ask.”
Fury tears through me. “Get out! Get away from me!”
“Sutton…”
“I’m serious! I can’t even look at you right now, Mom! You honestly thought this could be anyone’s other than Kade’s? We had our whole lives mapped out! There could never be anyone else.”
She takes a deep breath. “When did this happen? How far along are you?”
I glare at her, but since she won’t leave I may as well answer. “My period was supposed to start two days before graduation.”
“Didn’t you two use protection?”
“Of course we did. Condoms.”
Mom rubs her temples. “I should’ve made you go on the pill as soon as you got your period.”
“I tried them. They made me feel crazy, so I stopped.”
“It could’ve been the hormones!”
I shake my head no. “I felt normal again after I stopped.”
She slinks to sit on the bed. “What else don’t I know about you?”
“I think you know pretty much everything now.” I scowl.
“What are you going to do about this? About school?”
“I’m planning on postponing Harvard for a year.”
She mutters something I can’t make out.
“What did Dad say?”
“I’m sure you can imagine. He’s freaking out. Blaming me.”
I roll my eyes. “Right, because you did this to me.”
“You know how irrational he is.”
“Oh, yeah.”
Ding-dong!
My stomach drops. “Tell me that isn’t him.”
“He was in the area when he got the call.”
“Dad’s here?”
“Unfortunately. I wish you’d have told me. We could’ve figured this out together.”
“That was my plan, in like two or three months.”
Ding-dong!
Mom rubs her temples again. “Guess we’d better get that.”
“We could pretend not to be home.”
“Both our cars are out front.”
“Dammit.”
“Sutton.”
“Mom.”
We stare each other down.
Ding-dong! Ding-dong!
“Come on.” She waves me toward the door.
“I’m going to the lake. Tell him I’m not here.”
She narrows her eyes. “You’re not leaving me here to deal with him by myself. This is your mess.”
“My mess?”
“Come down there with me.”
If it’s possible for blood to actually boil, I’m pretty sure mine is right now. I stare at my mom in disbelief. She never treats me like this.
“Now, Sutton.” Then she storms down the stairs, muttering to herself about Dad.
The Only Things You Can Take (Wildflower Romance #2) Page 4
