I glance over at Sutton’s Mom. I’m not sure anyone has told them about the baby yet.
“What’s going on?” Mrs. Steyn’s eyes are growing wider by the moment.
Rori clears her throat. “Sutton—”
“They should hear it from me,” I interrupt and turn to them. “You guys should sit.”
“We should?” Kade’s mom turns to her husband.
He puts his arm around her and helps her sit at the table. “What’s going on?”
I sit and take a deep breath. “Sutton wanted to tell you, but she’s been under a lot of pressure from her dad, not to mention stressed out about Kade.”
Kade’s mom nods and leans closer to her husband. “What is it?”
“She’s pregnant. It’s Kade’s.”
Her mouth falls open. Kade’s dad sits upright. Neither say a word.
I clear my throat. “She hasn’t told anyone other than her parents and me yet. But then there was a complication yesterday—”
“Is she okay?” Mrs. Steyn asks. “And the baby?”
“Yeah. Sutton just has to rest.”
“What’s she planning on doing?” Mr. Steyn asked. “I assume that being this far along, she’s going to have it. Is she thinking of adoption? Because we would be interested.”
Rori stands behind them and puts a hand on each of them. “We’re still working on the details. She seems intent on raising her.”
“Her?” Mrs. Steyn asks. “It’s a girl?”
“We just found out,” I say. “When she was in the emergency room.”
“I hope she’s open to us being involved. This child is half of our Kade.”
“She is.” I look both of them in the eye. “She thinks the baby will help all of us with his loss.”
Kade’s parents ask a bunch of questions about the baby and Sutton, and between Rori and me, we’re able to answer everything. They seem a little dazed, but also happier. Like they’re looking forward to this.
Rogan arrives just as they’re leaving, and Kenna comes downstairs to say Sutton woke up.
My head spins. What I need is a good night’s sleep after tossing and turning around in that hospital chair, but that’ll have to wait because Sutton really wants this little birthday party for Kade.
“Wait,” I say as the Steyns are stepping outside. “We’re going to sing happy birthday to Kade up in Sutton’s room. Do you want to join us?”
“We don't want to impose,” Kade’s mom says.
“She’s not feeling well,” Mr. Steyn agrees.
“It’s no imposition.” I shake my head. “Sutton will be happy to see you.”
“Yeah, come on.” Kenna waves them up the stairs. “She really wants to focus on celebrating Kade’s life, not feeling bad about his passing.”
Kade’s parents exchange a glance, then agree to stay. We all make our way upstairs to Sutton’s room. Her eyes widen when she sees all of us entering.
I give her a hug and whisper, “I invited Kade’s parents. I hope that’s okay.”
She nods. “Do they know?”
“Your mom and I told them everything. They seem happy about it.”
“They do?”
I nod, then pull away. “They do.”
Mr. and Mrs. Steyn both give her a hug.
“We hear you’re carrying our grandchild.” Kade’s mom sits at the edge of the bed.
Sutton bites her lower lip. “I am. I meant to tell you sooner, but it was hard to find the right time. The words.” She sighs. “Plus, my dad was making things hard on me.”
“That’s not surprising.” Mrs. Steyn puts her hand on Sutton’s. “But if you need anything, just let us know. Before and after the baby’s born. We want to be involved with Kade’s child. It’ll be like having a piece of him back.”
Sutton nods. “That’s how I feel.”
“I’m serious. I can watch the baby during the day when you go to school—if you decide to go locally.”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet, but that’s a possibility. A Harvard degree just doesn’t seem as important as it did before.”
Rogan and Kenna hand out plates with greasy slices of supreme pizza and cans of orange soda. Kade would’ve loved it.
I put on some music and find that Sutton has a playlist of Kade’s favorite songs, so I play that. We share favorite memories of him and make predictions about who the baby will look like. Then we sing “Happy Birthday” to him and let his mom blow out the candles. We enjoy cake that Kade would’ve loved.
Mrs. Steyn smiles. “This has been really nice. Thank you all for inviting us.”
“It wouldn’t have been a party without you two.” Sutton’s eyes widen. “Wait. I have something for you.”
Kade’s parents exchange a glance.
Sutton starts to climb out of bed, but I stop her.
“Bed rest, remember?”
She scowls for a moment, but then leans back. “Okay, can you get it for me, then?”
“Of course. Just tell me where it is.”
Sutton gives me directions to find something tucked away in her closet.
I dig around in the right corner until I find the cardboard tube and pull it out. “Is this it?”
Her face lights up. “That’s it. Can you give it to them?”
I hand it to Kade’s dad, who is closest.
Together, they pull the lid off then take out the poster and unroll it. It’s a signed picture of a Mariner. Probably one of Kade’s favorites—he was obsessed with the team. I went to some games with him but never followed the league closely.
Kade’s mom wipes her eyes. “Kade would’ve loved it. I know you like the Mariners. Are you sure you don’t want to keep this?”
Sutton shakes her head. “I’ll just see it and regret not giving it to him when I got it.” Her voice cracks. “Then at least he would’ve been able to enjoy it.”
Mrs. Steyn wraps her arms around Sutton. “I’m sure this wasn’t easy to get. He knew how much you loved him. He really did.”
I step aside and close the closet door, but manage to knock over a decorative box and spill some photos. When I pick them up and start putting them away, the top one catches my attention. It’s a photo of Kade and Sutton kissing at a park. I think I snapped the picture. I remember loving how cute they were together. The perfect couple.
My stomach clenches. Now, after all Sutton and I have been through together, seeing her kiss someone else—even Kade, when they were together, when he was alive—feels like a punch to the throat.
I glance over at everyone else. Their attention is still on Sutton and Kade’s parents. I flip through some more pictures. They’re all romantic photos of Kade and Sutton. A few I took, but most are selfies.
My stomach is knotted so tight I can barely breathe.
I’m a horrible person. I shouldn’t feel this way. But I do.
Kade’s parents make their way for the door. I put the photos back and close the closet door, then jump up and say goodbye, trying to ignore my irrational jealousy. I would far rather have Kade back and have him and Sutton together than have my current reality.
But that doesn’t change how I feel about Sutton. He’s not here, and I’m falling more in love with her with each passing day.
That’s my reality, no matter how much of a selfish jerk that makes me.
Rori follows the Steyns out, then Rogan and Kenna pick up the plates and head downstairs.
I take a deep breath and force myself to shove the photos from my mind, but the images are burned into my memory. All I can see is the two of them kissing.
I’m jealous of my dead best friend. That’s some kind of seriously messed up thinking.
Sutton sighs, bringing me back to the reality of her having just come home from the hospital. I rush over to the bed and kneel next to it. “Are you okay?”
“Just tired.”
“The party wasn’t too much for you, was it?”
She shakes her head no. “I have to go to th
e bathroom, but I’m supposed to stay in bed.”
“I’m sure you’re allowed to walk to the toilet. But in the meantime…” I scoop her into my arms, ignoring her squeals of protest, and carry her to the hall. It’s more awkward than I thought, given her belly, but I manage to get her to the bathroom.
I wait in the hall for her, then scoop her back up and carry her to her bed. We sit in silence for a minute before I turn to her. “That was really nice of you to give that poster to his parents.”
She shrugs. “I meant what I said about it making me feel guilty. I shouldn’t have waited.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“No, but still.” Sutton draws in a deep breath. A moment later she yawns.
“Do you want me to go, so you can sleep?”
“I’m tired of sleeping—as ironic as that sounds. Will you stay here with me?”
“You know I will. Do you want me to turn off the music?”
“No, I like it. Thanks for putting it on.”
I tuck the blankets around her, then sit next to her on top of the covers. We talk about Kade until she falls asleep on my chest. I don’t know if she heard my heart racing, but it hasn’t gone back to normal since she rested her head there.
Sutton
I twirl in an awkward circle as my mom wraps the string around my oversized belly in the Steyn living room.
She cuts it and holds it up. “This is the length. Who got the closest?”
Friends and family compare their string length to the one my mom took. My friend Lucy is closest without going over, so she gets a prize bag. Everyone cheers for her.
I stifle a yawn, not wanting my mom or Kade’s mom to think I don’t appreciate the baby shower they’re throwing for me. I’m truly grateful, but ever since I hit the third trimester, I’ve been tiring out easily. Sleeping a lot.
“Present time!” Kade’s mom grins at me and waves me over to the massive pile of gifts.
Exhaustion sweeps through me just looking at it. I manage a smile, then sit at the seat next to the table. Mom hands me the first wrapped box and Kade’s mom grabs a notepad, ready to keep track of who gave me what.
Everyone oohs and ahhhs over the adorable clothes and other items. I make sure to smile wide and give hearty thanks to everyone for their thoughtfulness while fighting my heavy eyelids.
People mill around for a while, finishing up what’s left at the snack table. I make small talk and answer the same questions about the pregnancy and plans for after the baby is born.
At long last, the final guest leaves. I crash onto the couch and close my eyes.
Someone sits next to me. I don’t want to, but I open my eyes. It’s Ava, one of Kade’s sisters. She pulls her knees up to her chest. “I can’t believe the baby’s going to be here in a month. I’m going to be an aunt. It’s so weird.”
“A month and a half,” I correct. “Why’s it weird? Because you’re fifteen?”
She frowns. “Because Kade’s gone.”
Still, after all these months, comments like that still knock the wind out of my sails. “Right.”
“Do you have a name picked out yet?”
“There are a few I’m thinking of, but I’m keeping them to myself.”
“You won’t tell anyone?” She scoots closer, begging me with her eyes.
I shake my head. “I want to pick the right one, then announce it when she’s born.”
Ava pouts. “You don’t want to tell anyone?”
“Not until she’s here.”
“Not even her auntie?”
“Ava, stop bothering Sutton.” Mrs. Steyn gives her a mom-look. “Help me take these dishes to the kitchen.”
“Fine.” Ava turns to me. “I won’t tell anyone if you do tell me.”
I try to give her a friendly smile. Not sure it works. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Ding-dong!
Ava jumps from the couch and springs toward the hall. “I’ll get it!”
“Is it safe for guys now?” Anchor’s voice drifts from the front door.
My heart skips a beat. Suddenly, I have energy. I push myself up from the couch and waddle through the hallway.
Warmth spreads through me as Anchor comes into view. I haven’t seen him in two days, but it feels like ten, despite the fact that we’ve talked on the phone and texted every day.
Even though I look like a whale, his expression lights up when he sees me. “You look great. Is that a new dress?”
“Yeah.” I glance down at the maternity dress Mom picked out for me. All I can see is my stomach and boobs. That’s pretty much all I am at this point—stomach and boobs with legs, arms, and a head. And also a bladder, which needs constant emptying these days. I turn to Ava. “Can you tell my mom I’ll be outside with Anchor?”
“Sure.” She bounds down the hall.
“How did your baby shower go?”
I yawn, then grab my thick coat from the rack. “Good, but it wore me out.”
He helps me with the jacket, then we go outside and sit on the porch swing. Snowflakes drift down, sticking to everything.
Anchor rubs my shoulders. “Everything seems to tire you out these days.”
“That it does.” I close my eyes and enjoy the massage. “How was work today?”
“Grueling, but now I have two days off.” Anchor’s been working at his dad’s construction company. Mr. Jones made Anchor start at the bottom, so he’s doing hard labor five days a week, which is why we haven’t seen each other as much.
We haven’t talked about Kade much recently. It’s just easier that way. The pain is still crushing. We both count all of the firsts—the first skinny dip Kade missed, the first birthday, the first Thanksgiving and soon the first Christmas and first New Year. I can see it in his eyes, and I’m sure he can see it in mine. But we don’t talk about it.
“Maybe I should be the one massaging your shoulders.”
He smiles. “I wouldn’t stop you, but I probably should.”
“You’re always taking care of me.” I turn and rub his tight shoulders. “Let me take care of you for once.”
Anchor closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath. I rub until my hands cramp, then I lean back and watch the snow trickle down.
“Are you ready to give birth?”
I turn to him, surprised by the question. “I’m not sure, especially after seeing that video in class.”
He nods. “That kind of tripped me out too.”
Anchor has been taking turns with my mom, coming to the birthing classes with me. Mom has been busy with work, and hasn’t been able to make half the classes because of her schedule. She fully intends on being there for the birth, and Anchor didn’t want me having to go to any of the classes alone.
He holds my gaze. “You’re going to do great. Everything is going to be perfect, including the baby.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“You don’t think so?”
I frown. “I keep thinking of what can go wrong. There are so many things!”
Anchor puts his hand on mine. “Just because something can go wrong doesn’t mean it will. I’m sure Kade will be watching over the whole thing.”
“We haven’t talked about him in a while.”
He shakes his head. “We have to move on. He wouldn’t expect us to mourn him every day for the rest of our lives.”
“I know. It still makes me sad that we’re moving on.”
“We still have plenty to remember him by. He’s not going to be forgotten.”
“It just sucks, you know? Having to move on without him, but I know there isn’t really any other option. He’s not here. He’s never going to be here again.”
Anchor flips his hand around and slides his fingers through mine. I swallow and stare deep into his dark brown eyes. For the first time, I notice gray flecks. He rubs my wrist with his thumb.
It’s such a simple gesture, but it sets my skin on fire. My breath hitches. My heart skips a beat. I can’t pull
away from his gaze. He leans toward me, closing the space between us. Only a few inches of air separate our mouths.
I want him to kiss me. Want him to lean just a little closer and—
The door bursts open and laughter spills out from inside.
Anchor pulls back and lets go of my hand. Ava and Emma run out to the yard and scoop up snow, making balls and throwing it at each other.
My pulse races as I try to make sense of what almost just happened. Anchor was going to kiss me. And I wanted him to. Really wanted him to. Now I want to go back in time and press my lips on his before Kade’s sisters interrupted us.
We watch them without a word for a few long moments before Anchor turns to me with a twinkle in his eyes. “Do you want to join them?”
I glance down at my huge, unstable body. “In a snowball fight?”
“I’ll tell them you’re off-limits. Come on.” He rises and holds out his hand.
I watch the girls playing and having fun. It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed. “Okay.”
“Really?” Anchor smiles, melting my insides. “You’ll do it?”
“If nobody hits me.”
“I’ll make sure they don’t.” He takes my hand and helps me up, then he helps me down the slippery stairs and calls out to the girls. “We’re going to join you, but you can’t throw any at the pregnant lady!”
Emma turns to me and arches a brow. “Girls against boys?”
I turn to Anchor. “You up for that?”
He laughs. “You think I can’t handle a few girls?”
“That’s it!” Ava throws her armful of snowballs at him.
Emma gives me half of hers, then we pelt him.
I laugh like I haven’t in a long time.
Anchor
For the last month and a half, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that almost-kiss. On about a hundred different occasions, I almost asked Sutton what she thinks about it. But that was literally the last time we had any alone time together.
And it’s been driving me crazy.
Has she been thinking about it as much as me? I saw the look in her eyes. She had to have wanted it as much as I did. As much as I do. But at the same time, she’s still getting over Kade and about to have his baby. That’s what makes me feel like such a horrible person—and I’m tired of feeling this way. But it is February, and everyone is talking about love and Valentine’s Day, which is coming up in less than two weeks.
The Only Things You Can Take (Wildflower Romance #2) Page 8
