“Or it’ll get worse. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but if I were you, I’d get it figured out now before you have a miserable year. It should be your best year, you know.”
Kady bounces into the room. “There you are!”
“Here I am.” I smile at her, then turn to Lincoln. “You should talk to them.”
He nods.
“Come on, you guys!” Kady grabs one of my hands and one of Lincoln’s. “Dinner’s ready. Let’s eat!”
I rise. “Have you seen Daddy?”
“He’s coming. Just got out of the shower. Come on.” She tugs on my arm.
Lincoln stands. “We’re coming.”
“I helped make the sauce.” She lets go of our hands and skips out of the room, her dark hair bouncing against her back.
I turn to Lincoln. “You should talk to your brother. I won’t say anything, but he’ll understand.”
“Mr. Popularity? I doubt it.”
“He’s a good guy, and he cares about you. Besides, the same thing happened to him.”
“It did? Are you sure?”
“Yeah, right before graduation. And obviously, he didn’t tell you. Seems like you two have more in common than you thought.”
“Why wouldn’t he tell me?”
“Maybe he thought you were Mr. Popularity.”
Lincoln shakes his head. “He probably didn’t think I’d understand because of our age gap.”
“Regardless, you should talk to him. He could give you better advice than I’m giving you.”
“I’ll think about it.”
We walk to the kitchen in silence. Anchor steps down from the stairs, his hair wet and hanging in his face. His eyes light up when he sees me. “You are here! I thought Kady was just saying that to get me downstairs.”
I hug him, taking in his freshly-showered scents as I lean my head against his. “I’ve missed you.”
“Me too. I can’t wait to be done with school.”
“A year feels like forever.”
He kisses my cheek. “But last summer doesn’t feel like it was that long ago. This year will go by faster than we think.”
“I sure hope so.”
“Come on.” Kady glares at us. “Don’t you want to try the sauce?”
Anchor leans down to her level. “I want to try it so much that I’m going to eat it all by itself.”
Her mouth drops open. “You are?”
“I am.”
She giggles, then drags us to the table.
As promised, Anchor scoops a bunch of the sauce and plops it on his plate. “I hear this is the world’s best sauce. I’m going to taste it and see.”
Kady is wide-eyed and clutching her hands together. Everyone else is watching Anchor with amusement in their eyes.
Anchor makes a big production of filling his spoon with the sauce and slowly bringing it to his mouth. Then he puts the whole glob of sauce in his mouth and swishes it around with flair. He pauses as one cheek expands, then the other. Then he repeats the process before swallowing it.
“Well?” Kady’s eyes are so wide, they look like they could pop out of the sockets.
He wipes his mouth with a napkin but doesn’t say anything right away. Then he brings his hand to his mouth and looks deep in thought for a moment before turning to her. “You know…”
Kady jumps up and down. “What?”
Anchor leans closer to her. “That is, without a doubt…”
“Yeah?” She stops bouncing and holds perfectly still.
“…the best tartar sauce the world has ever tasted!”
Kady squeals.
“And we here are the luckiest people on earth, because we get to taste it!”
She jumps around again before running around the kitchen, giving everyone high-fives.
“Great job!” I give her a big hug, then throw Anchor a grateful glance.
He winks at me.
We all settle in at the table and eat the fish and chips. Everyone praises Kady for the sauce, even Greer who probably did most of the work. As soon as the food is eaten, everyone goes their separate ways, except Anchor and me, who help his mom with the dishes.
I bump him with my hip. “That was really sweet of you to make such a big deal about the sauce. I think you made Kady’s week.”
“It was my pleasure.” He takes my hand and leads me to the hall. “Now about us. We need to figure out a way to spend more time together despite our schedules.”
I thread my fingers through his hair. “Any time you want to take me back to Delia’s, I’ll gladly drop whatever I’m doing.”
He traces my lip with his thumb. “I won’t be able to top our last time there. Our engagement, was just… wow.”
I kiss his thumb. “It sure was, and I don’t expect it to be exactly like that. It’d be fun to go there again, though.”
Anchor stares into my eyes. “It sure would, although being anywhere with you is a dream come true.”
“Like right now?” My voice comes out deeper than usual.
“Exactly.” He tips my chin toward him and kisses me, deepening it immediately.
“Mommy!” Kady’s voice sounds shrill. Scared. “Mommy! Come here!”
I pull back and stare at Anchor for a moment before running toward Kady’s voice.
“Mommy!” She’s in the playroom, her back to me.
“What is it?” I run over to her. Anchor is at my side.
“My eye feels weird!” Kady turns to us. Her left eye is sticking out a little and the iris is turned toward her nose.
Terror grips me. “Look at me!”
“I am!” Tears fill her eyes.
Anchor jumps up. “We’re taking her to the hospital right now!”
Anchor
I hate the hospital. Not this one in particular. All of them. If I could choose one place never to go again, it would be hospitals in general. The only good that’s come from them was when Kady was born. That’s it. Nothing else.
I’m trying not to think about the night Kade died or the time we brought Sutton here when she was bleeding. I’d been terrified of losing her too.
Now I’m scared about what’s happening with Kady. Between falling at ballet, not being able to write her name that one time, the recent headache, and now her eye sticking out and crossing, I know we won’t hear good news.
I close my eyes, trying to get her eye out of my mind. That was equally as bad as seeing Kade covered in blood on the concrete and then her bloody pants not long after that.
We didn’t lose Sutton. Kady has to be okay too. She just has to be.
“How much longer?” Sutton’s voice brings me back to the exam room. Two nurses and a technician took Kady for some scans. “She must be so scared. I should be there with her.”
I rub Sutton’s back and kiss the top of her head. “The nurses were really nice. I’ll bet they’re making her feel at ease.”
“It isn’t the same.” Sutton sniffles. “I should’ve put my foot down and insisted on going.”
“I’m sure it won’t be much longer.”
She turns to me with fear in her eyes. “What’s wrong with her? Have you ever seen anything like that?”
I shake my head. “I have no idea.”
“How bad do you think it is?” Her lips tremble and tears shine in her eyes.
It’s all I can take to hold myself together. The thought of something potentially happening to Kady is bringing back a lot of memories from Kade’s death. But Kady is probably fine. She has to be. Maybe her hormones are out of whack or something easy to fix like that.
“Anchor?” Sutton asks.
“It could be nothing. Maybe it’s something simple. Some kind of infection that just needs antibiotics.”
“You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“We can’t let ourselves think the worst. She needs us strong.”
Tears trail down her face. “I don’t know if I can be strong.”
I wipe one of her tears with my
thumb. “Let’s make a deal.”
“What?” She blinks and a teardrop clings to her lashes.
“Let’s agree to stay strong for her sake. Then if we get bad news, we’ll take turns being strong. I’ll be strong for you, then you have to be strong for me. Deal?”
She stares at me, unblinking.
That’s all it takes for tears to sting my eyes. For that annoying lump in my throat to return. I blink them away and focus on staying strong for Sutton. “Deal?”
She doesn’t respond.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Sutton leans against me and shakes. “Why do we have to go through so much heartache together?”
“Don’t say that. Don’t do it.”
“What?”
“Jump to the worst conclusion. We don’t know what the test results will be. They’ve taken her blood and now are scanning her. We know nothing.”
She looks up at me, makeup smeared across her face. “I can’t lose someone else. I just can’t—especially not her. She’s part of Kade!”
I clear my throat. “I know. Believe me, I know. We need to be strong for her. For each other. Let’s hold it together now, then once she’s sleeping in her own bed, we’ll lose it. Deal?”
“What’s it with you and deals?”
I stare into her gorgeous sad eyes. “Because I need you to be strong for me. I need you. This is killing me as much as it is you. I couldn’t love that little girl more if she was my own.”
“She is yours. Just not genetically.” Sutton swallows then wipes her tears away. “I’ll try to be strong. I’ll really try.”
“Thank you.”
“But what if—?”
I put my finger to her lips and shake my head no. “Not now.”
Sutton chews on her lower lip. “Okay.”
I lean my head against hers and take a deep breath. If only I had the answers to her questions—good answers. But I have the same nagging worries and uncertainties. None of this makes sense. Why would something have to be wrong with Kady after everything we’ve all endured already? She’s our miracle. Our living, breathing, last piece of Kade. A light shining in the darkness.
I’m not sure how much time passes before the door opens. The nurses come back in with Kady, who has a mess of stickers covering her hospital gown.
“I got stickers.” She points to them and halfway smiles. It could be my imagination, but it looks like her eye is getting better. The colored part isn’t all the way to the edge like it had been back at home. It doesn’t seem to be sticking out as much, either. Or maybe I just want to think that.
“She was very brave.” The older nurse gives us a sad smile.
“That’s great.” The pain is evident in Sutton’s voice. I hope Kady doesn’t pick up on it. Sutton looks at the nurse. “What did the scans show?”
The younger nurse steps closer to us. “The technician is preparing the images for the doctor. Once the doctor looks everything over, she’ll come in here with the results.”
“When will that be?” Sutton squeezes my hand so tightly, it reminds me of when she was in labor.
“It could be an hour.”
“An hour? Why that long?”
“These things take time, if they’re done right. And we certainly want everything done right.”
I lean forward. “Are we going to wait here?”
She nods. “We aren’t too busy right now, so the room is yours unless a flood of people come to the ER.”
Sutton asks a few more questions, but I can’t focus. I don’t want to think about anything, so I just watch Kady with the other nurse, who’s letting her test her stethoscope.
The nurses leave, and Kady sprawls out on my lap and Sutton’s. She twists, turns, and squirms before finally falling asleep. Sutton rubs Kady’s hair while silent tears fall from her eyes. She eventually falls asleep, leaning against me.
I want to sleep too, but can’t. My muscles ache, my head hurts, and my mind won’t stop spinning. It’s so hard not to think the worst after everything we’ve already been through.
My phone buzzes, reminding me that I’ve been ignoring a slew of text messages. I reply to Mom, letting her know what we’ve found out, which isn’t much. Then I copy the message and paste it to everyone else.
A few texts come in response, and I send a quick thanks. It’s all I have the energy to do.
I go over to social media to try and distract myself, but it doesn’t work. My knotted stomach and pounding heart won’t let me forget why I’m sitting in an uncomfortable chair in the ER with Kady’s knee jammed into my rib. Though I’d take that every moment for the rest of my life if it meant she was okay.
Somehow the time passes, even with me checking every few minutes. An hour and twenty-three minutes later—those last twenty-three minutes were the longest—a doctor and the younger nurse come in.
I nudge Sutton. “Wake up. The doctor is here.”
“Huh? What?” She sits upright, groans, then rubs her neck.
The doctor introduces herself, though I don’t catch her name, then pulls up a chair to sit across from us. “I’m sorry you have to be here so late.”
“Is she going to be okay?” Sutton asks.
“That’s what we’re trying to find out.”
Sutton clings to my hand. “You mean you don’t know?”
I hold my breath and study the doctor and then the nurse. Both are expressionless. My stomach tightens even more than it already is.
The doctor takes a deep breath. “We’ve been going over the results of the scan, and there appears to be a mass.”
I can’t breathe. A mass? Where?
Sutton squeezes my hand again.
The doctor brings out some printed images of a skull. Kady’s skull.
“The mass is there?” I exclaim.
She nods and points to a spot near the base. “This is it.”
“What does it mean?” Sutton asks.
“We believe based on the location that it’s the cause of all her symptoms—her eye and also the coordination problems.”
“Can it be removed? Tell me you can take it out.”
“We’re going to have to refer you to a specialist. This goes beyond our scope of knowledge. There are doctors we can refer you to who can answer all of your questions. They’ll know the best treatment options.”
Pain squeezes my chest. I can only manage shallow breaths. This is sounding worse and worse. “You can’t tell us anything?”
The doctor frowns and shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I wish I could but there are too many variables. The placement of the mass is critical. Depending on where it is, it may or may not be operable. I’m sorry.”
“You just showed us where it is!” I struggle to keep my voice down so as not to wake Kady.
“I did, but with these scans, it’s impossible to tell how deep it is. Also, this is far from my scope of knowledge. You’re going to need a specialist to answer your questions, and I can refer you to the best of the best.”
Sutton stares at me. It kills me to be this helpless. Then she turns to the doctor. “When can we see the specialist?”
“I’ll put in the requests as soon as I leave this room, but that will depend on the other offices. Some may be able to see you this week, others may have a longer wait time. You’ll have to decide which one you want to see. We can provide you with their information.”
Sutton leans forward. “We’ll take the first one that calls us.”
I turn to her. “But they might not be the best.”
“We can figure that out later. For now, there’s no waiting. It sounds like she’s going to need more testing.”
The doctor nods. “Also, if your insurance allows, you can get multiple opinions before deciding who to go with, but they’re all good. The top in their field around here.”
We ask more questions, but don’t get much more information. She doesn’t know much beyond the fact that it’s a mass that shouldn’t be there. We let her
go so she can put in the requests, then we wait again until the nurse brings us the list of doctors.
Sutton flips through the papers immediately.
The words all seem to run together as I try to focus on them. I put my hand on her arm. “Let’s get home so we can get some sleep. None of the specialists are going to call before the morning.”
She turns to me, wide-eyed. “You expect me to get any sleep?”
Sutton
The three of us are in my bed again. I couldn’t bear to put Kady in her own bed in the room next to mine, and Anchor couldn’t leave us. Kady’s sprawled out between us, her feet pressed against me, and Anchor is sleeping. I had managed to fall asleep for a little bit, but staying asleep proved to be the problem.
My eyelids are heavy, but my brain won’t shut off. How can there be a mass on Kady’s brain? I just don’t understand it. We feed her plenty of organic foods and I’ve been careful not to let her use too many handheld devices, having heard they aren’t good for developing bodies.
Then there’s the question I was too afraid to ask at the hospital. The question that’s bound to be answered soon enough. Is it cancer? Will it kill her?
Tears blur my vision. How can I live through it? Losing someone I love so much was the worst thing I’ve ever been through. I can’t even think about going through that again. I carried her for nine months and have given her my whole heart every day since. And to make matters worse, she’s part of Kade. It’ll be like losing him all over again, only worse.
Again, it will crush every dream I have. Every plan involves her. Everything from finishing school to the wedding to our family.
Stop!
I can’t let myself think like this. Not yet. For all we know, they can cut out the growth and then she can carry on with her life as normal. There was a girl in our neighborhood who went through that years ago. Now nobody would ever guess the ordeal she’d been through when she was younger. She’s exactly like any other girl her age, except for some scars covered by her hair.
That can be Kady.
Thinking of the neighbor girl allows me to finally relax a little. It was really hard for the family at the time, but everything has been normal for them for so long now.
The Only Things You Can Take (Wildflower Romance #2) Page 15
