Tears stung the back of her eyes, but she would not cry. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep the tears at bay. She’d made her choices, and she would live with them. She would not beg this man to give her a second chance.
He eyed her oddly when she did not immediately answer. “Addie? If you wished to return to your home—”
“No,” she said quickly. “I—That is, not yet.” The idea of going back there alone, with only Reggie to keep her comfort in a house filled with memories, both good and evil…it was too much to think about.
“Very well.” He nodded slowly. “It would be my honor to assist you however you wish to proceed.”
“You have already been too kind,” she managed. The thought of him helping her to move on…without him. She sucked in a deep breath. “I will go to the Havershams,” she said, deciding it as the words came out. “Lord Haversham was a relative of my father’s. He will no doubt know what to do about Reggie’s guardianship and the estate.”
Something seemed to shut down in Tolston’s expression. Where once she’d been able to read him, he was now a hard slate. Not unkind, just unreadable. Like he was no longer allowing her access to his inner thoughts.
She tried to ignore the coldness stealing over her. “I truly appreciate all you have done for me, Lord Tol—”
“Alec, please,” he interrupted. With a small, rueful smile, he added, “After all we have been through, I hope to call you a friend, and wish for you to do the same.”
She nodded, forcing a smile of her own. “I should like that.”
It was a lie, of course. The last one she’d tell this man, she promised herself. It would be rude to deny his friendship after he’d saved her life and Reggie’s. And yet, she did not want him for a friend. As a friend he would be a bitter reminder to all she’d come so close to having, all she’d run away from.
She could not expect him to propose again, not after she’d run like a fool.
“Alec, I—”
“Addie, I—”
They started and stopped at once, sharing a small smile at the awkward exchange.
“Ladies first,” he said.
She swallowed. “I just wanted to say again how much I appreciated your assistance. I should have trusted you with the truth from the beginning, and I am sorry that I did not.”
He studied her for so long she began to grow uneasy.
“You were right,” he finally said. “You did not know me well enough to trust me. After the betrayal of trust you’d gone through, how could you know you could trust me?”
It was true, and yet her heart fought against it. She should have known. She had known. She’d just been too scared to admit it. Not just for her life and Reggie’s, but for what that would mean. She’d been afraid to let this man any closer or give him any more power over her head and heart.
She’d been afraid to fall in love.
So silly, really, when she’d gone and fallen for the man anyway. And now it seemed her foolish fears had kept her from having him in the end. “Thank you for understanding.” It came out as little more than a whisper, and she hated the formal way that he stood and said his goodbyes.
Wait, don’t go.
But he was gone. Out the door before she had a chance to make things right.
Chapter Fourteen
Amazing how much could change in a fortnight.
“You look lovely, Addie.” Emmaline smiled at Addie’s reflection in the mirror.
True to his word, Tolston had helped to put everything to rights. Like the ever-dutiful Earl that he was, he handled the investigations, he dealt with the solicitor who held the financial power over Addie and Reggie, and he’d even been the one to tell Lord and Lady Haveresham the full story of what had transpired.
They believed him, of course.
They might have believed her, too, if she had trusted them with the truth from the beginning. But there was no use second guessing her every decision—that was what Louisa kept telling her.
Despite the Haversham’s offer to house her and Reggie, she’d talked at length with Miss Grayson and Lady Charmian, and had decided for the time being at least, that she and Reggie would stay put.
She’d finally found a place that felt like home, and she hated the idea of uprooting Reggie once again. He loved it at the school and so did she.
But even being content there hadn’t changed the fact that she missed Tolston.
Desperately.
“Do you suppose he will be here tonight?” Emmaline asked the question that had been burning in Addie’s brain ever since Lady Haversham had announced that they would be throwing a party in her honor at their home.
She’d been spending her afternoons with the Havershams, along with Reggie, and the kind lady and her husband had suggested that a party announcing her debut into society would be the best way to squash any rumors or gossip that had been swirling ever since the night of the masquerade.
Emmaline sat beside Addie at the vanity, which they were sharing to prepare for tonight’s grand ball.
“Who?” Addie said.
Emmaline laughed, taking a hair pin out of her hands. “Do not play dumb, dear. It does not suit you.”
Addie sighed. Of course she knew to whom Emmaline referred. There was only one gentleman who they’d discussed in great detail these past two weeks, and only one man who was forever on her mind.
Tolston.
She hated the way he’d left. Hated even more that she hadn’t seen him since.
He’s a busy man, that was what Miss Grayson kept saying, her expression kind and understanding and filled with just a hint of sympathy. Addie suspected Miss Grayson was well aware of her feelings for Tolston, but neither of them acknowledged it aloud.
But Miss Grayson was correct. Tolston was a busy man to begin with, Addie was sure, and his schedule had been that much busier dealing with the aftermath of her drama.
But busy or not, she could not help but think that he was avoiding her. And could she blame him? They’d grown intimate too quickly, their rare friendship forming during her darkest days.
Whatever connection they’d forged had been fierce and frantic. Maybe it had been too intense—a brief, powerful flame that flickered and extinguished rather than a slow simmering burn that could last a lifetime.
“Mother invited him, you know,” Emmaline added.
“Did she?” Addie knew she had. The older woman had mentioned it several times, while searching for some sort of reaction.
Addie had no idea what Lady Haversham had heard or how much Emmaline knew, but she was determined not to fuel her own hope, and the last thing she needed was their optimism. That would only make it harder to move on. To move forward.
She would find someone new, that was all. This was the start of a new day. A brand-new chapter in her life.
By the time the ball started and she paused at the top of the staircase, waiting to be announced, she’d almost convinced herself that she was not disappointed he would not be there to dance with her.
Almost.
While she’d gotten somewhat used to lying to others, lying to herself had never been Addie’s strong suit.
When the first strains of the next song began, she started her descent, focusing all her energy on keeping a smile on her face as she scanned the crowd for Louisa’s red hair, Emmaline’s tall frame, or Delilah’s inky black coif.
She could use a friend by her side tonight as she answered what were sure to be a host of questions from curious members of the ton who’d caught wind of the gossip that swirled around her.
Halfway down the steps, her footing stumbled, and she clung to the rail as a lady with impossibly high hair shifted and she saw him.
Tolston.
He was here, and he was watching her with a gaze made of fire. She could feel the heat of it as his eyes moved over her, taking in the fitted gown and the upswept hair.
Friends. They were friends, she reminded herself. That was why he was here.
&nbs
p; And yet…there was nothing friendly at all about the way he was looking at her.
When she reached the bottom, she let herself be swept away by the crowd of interested society members—some who were familiar, and others who were introduced to her right then and there.
But nothing could distract her for long from Tolston. She could feel his eyes on her no matter who she was talking to. No matter which way she walked in the room, he was always nearby.
It wasn’t until partygoers started to enter the dining hall, and the room began to clear a bit, that he approached.
“Addie,” he said softly. “You look beautiful.”
“Alec.” His name came out on a breath, and she realized too late that she had nothing else to say. Emmaline, who’d been at her side, slipped away without a word, and they were alone.
Well, they were alone in a crowded room.
“How are you adjusting back to life as Miss Adelaide Hopewell?” A hint of a smile played over his lips, and she remembered viscerally what those lips felt like pressed against hers.
Friends. They were just friends now.
She gave her head a little shake. “We are doing well,” she said slowly. “Reggie is doing well—he’s found his best friend in Louisa, I believe.”
He smiled at her attempt at a jest. “And you?”
“I—” She almost lied. I am well. She couldn’t manage it. “I am adjusting,” she said. “I think I am still figuring out who I am now.”
He watched her so raptly, paid such close attention, like every word she said mattered. It was unnerving, but also rather lovely. Spectacular really. No one had ever made her feel more important, or so very cherished. That look had more words spilling out of her mouth, happy to confide in the man she’d grown to trust so well. “I do not feel like the same girl I was when I fled my home,” she said. “But I am not certain I know who I am to be in this new life, either.”
He nodded. “That makes sense. You have been through more upheaval than most experience in a lifetime. Give yourself time.”
“Time, yes, of course.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long,” he said.
She widened her eyes in surprise. “There is no need to apologize to me,” she said. I am no longer your problem.
“But there is,” he said. “When I left you last…” He glanced around suddenly as though worried he’d be overheard. “I ought to have explained my intentions.”
She furrowed her brow in confusion. “Your intentions?”
“You did not trust me with your secrets.” He said it boldly, baldly—the words hanging between them like an accusation.
At least, that was how she heard it.
Blinking wildly, she fought this panicky feeling she’d been harboring all day—all week. For a fortnight to be precise.
It was the horrible feeling of regret. Like she’d ruined everything that was good between them, and it was too late to go back and fix it. “Please, Alec, I can explain.”
“No, Addie.” He cut her off, taking her gloved hands in his.
She caught her breath at the touch. His voice was achingly gentle as he continued. “That is what I wanted to explain to you,” he said. “There is no need to explain yourself. There never was.”
She blinked up at him in confusion, and then her breath left her in a whoosh because he didn’t even try to hide the emotions there in his eyes. Longing, regret, sadness, hope…
Love.
The earth seemed to shift around her, the rest of the party fading into nothing as the world came down to this man, this moment.
“When I left, I knew that you were right,” he said, his voice little more than a growl. “You’d said you did not know if you could trust me because you did not know me, and you were right.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head. He wanted to finish.
He deserved to finish.
She clamped her mouth shut, her heart racing in her chest.
“After hearing your story, it became clear that I didn’t know you all that well, either,” he said. “And yet, I felt like I did.”
She blinked, emotions choking her throat, but she forced out the words. “I felt the same.”
She was rewarded with a slight hitch of his lips as he squeezed her hands. “We had a connection, my love, an understanding.”
Her lungs stopped functioning when he called her my love. The words echoed through her skull and made her heart leap with joy.
Love. This was love.
“We had a connection that I will never be able to explain as long as I live,” he said with a soft smile. “But I rushed things. I didn’t give you a chance to get to know me, or me you,” he said. “That wasn’t fair to either of us.”
She licked her lips. “W-what are you saying?”
He let out a huff of air. “I knew what I had to do. I needed to give you space to settle into this new life. Sort out your emotions.”
She shook her head. Was that why he’d avoided her this past fortnight?
“That is why I focused on making things right for you…as much as I could,” he said. “I want you to have options. Whether you want to return to your home or stay at the school, you and Reggie ought to have every choice. I don’t want you to make any decisions based on….” He cleared his throat. “Obligations.”
“Decisions?” She narrowed her eyes. “What decisions?”
He leaned forward slowly. “The next time I ask you to be my bride I want you to make that choice freely and clearly, without feeling that you are indebted to me because I helped you when you needed assistance.”
The breath rushed from her lungs, and her head was spinning.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
Happiness. Pure, unencumbered joy that she’d never felt before made her heart feel like it might burst out of her chest.
“I must tell you, Miss Addie Adelaide…” His voice was a murmur as amusement stole over his features. “While I enjoyed our first encounter immensely, I would prefer not to have you fall at my feet again.”
She blinked once. Twice. “Do you mean it?”
He grinned, and she saw her happiness reflected there in his eyes. “That I do not wish for you to swoon? Undoubtedly.”
She let out a shocked laugh. “No, I meant… Do you really wish to marry me?”
“One day,” he said, tugging on her hands until she stumbled closer. Too close for propriety sake, but then again—he’d just asked her to be his bride.
Well, not in so many words. “Did you just propose to me?” she asked, all the wonder in the world in her voice.
His grin turned roguish. “Not exactly.”
She sighed, but even his teasing words could not make her smile fade. “Alec, are you toying with me?”
He shook his head. “Never. It is just that I want to be clear about what is happening here. You were right before. You did not know me well enough to place your life in my hands—”
“And yet,” she interrupted. “I did place my life in your hands, and you saved it quite admirably.”
His smile warmed her from head to toe. “Miss Addie Adelaide, I mean to court you. I intend to give you all of the romance and courtship we skipped over in our short period of time together.”
“You do know that is not my name, do you not?”
He merely grinned at her, love in his eyes and a roguish tilt to his lips. “Let me court you.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Does that mean you rescind your proposal?”
“Never. It merely means I don’t wish to hear your answer until the end of the season. At that point, if you deem me worthy to be your husband, I will happily make you my bride.”
She couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Me? Deem you worthy? Must I remind you, up until recently I was your maid.”
He tugged her even closer, ignoring everyone around them. “You were never just that, not from the moment I met you. I’ve never known anyone like you, Addie, and I never
want to lose you.”
She rested a palm to his chest, feeling his heart thump in a strong steady pace beneath her hand. “I may not have trusted you with all my secrets, but that spoke more to my own fears than to my faith in you.” She drew in a deep breath and met that warm, loving gaze she so adored. “I think I trusted you from the very moment I met you. Some part of me fell in love with you from the very start.”
His eyes grew soft and tender. “Ah love, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
She smiled through her tears of joy. “Yes, Lord Tolston, I will allow you to court me.”
Epilogue
One year later…
“Are you certain you are ready for this?” Tolston asked.
Addie smiled up at her husband. “I have you by my side, do I not? Together we can face anything.”
He smiled down at her, dropping a kiss on the top of her head as she rested against his shoulder. It was in the early stages yet, but if all went well, by this time next year, they’d be traveling with a babe of their own, as well as Reggie.
Luckily Reggie had been sleeping for most of this trip north. They’d need him cheerful and rested for the homecoming that was ahead.
“This is his home,” she said softly, not wanting to disturb Reggie.
“His home is with us,” Tolston said, his voice gentle as he laced her fingers with his.
“Yes, but this is his to inherit,” she said. “Along with the title and the wealth. It’s good that he come back often.” She was saying it more for herself than anyone else’s benefit. It was not that she did not want to make this trip—she just knew that it would bring with it so many memories and emotions that had been laid to rest.
But she knew she could not avoid her past—the good and the bad—for any longer. She and Tolston were starting a future, and it was time to reconcile with the past. Besides, Reggie ought to know this place. One day it would be his to control.
Until that time, Tolston had taken over guardianship and financial power for the boy. Between Tolston and Addie, they’d put the estate back in order—hiring on the servants who Duncan had let go and making sure that everyone in the area knew what had really happened.
The School of Charm: Books 1-5 Page 14
