Louisa blinked. “I am?”
She stared at Delilah for a long moment, waiting for the other girl to laugh. Delilah was not one to say nice things to be nice. She wasn’t really one to say nice things, period.
So, if she said it, then she most likely believed it to be true.
“Of course you are,” Prudence said with disdain.
Louisa blinked in surprise at that. “If that is true… If you believe he might genuinely prefer me, then why are you all looking at me like that?”
Addie looked to the others and then back to her. “We’re just concerned, that’s all.”
Louisa’s brows hitched up. “That a marquess has taken an interest in me?”
“That you might feel beholden…” she started.
“That you might have reservations,” Prudence added delicately.
Delilah scoffed openly at their attempts at diplomacy. “We want to make sure you’re all right with it, is all. We know you’d do what you must for your family, but no one wants to see you miserable.”
It took her much too long to make out what they were trying to say. “You think I’d be miserable?” Her mind flashed to the handsome man who’d turned her world upside down. “Why?”
Addie scrunched up her nose. “Well, he’s just so…”
“Boring,” Delilah said.
“Uppity,” Prudence hedged, her voice a question.
Addie nodded. “You said yourself he was insufferable.”
“Yes, but…” I’d been wrong. The words didn’t come. Possibly because they weren’t entirely true. He was all those things…and yet he wasn’t at all. With her, alone, he was so very different. So much more than she’d first suspected after their first fateful run-in.
Addie was watching her expectantly, waiting for a response.
Had she called him insufferable? Guilt had her shifting under Addie’s stare. “I only said that after the ghost incident,” she said, as if that would explained matters. “It’s possible I judged too harshly.”
“The ghost incident?” Delilah repeated in rightful confusion. Louisa never had told Delilah and Prudence about that night.
Addie waved aside the question. “But do you like him, Louisa?” she asked, her gaze fixed on her with something akin to suspicion.
“I…” She cleared her throat. ‘Like’ felt like such a pale, insipid word for what she felt when she was around him. She didn’t like him, no. Whatever this was…it was far more intense and vivid and passionate and…and…confusing.
She thought back to his kiss, to the way he’d spoken to her—like she was somebody worth speaking to. Like she was someone worth thinking about. Like she was somebody worth kissing.
Yes, she’d definitely developed a one-track mind when it came to kissing.
“I wish I could see him again,” she said with a sigh.
They all stared in surprise at that. It was the only truth she knew for certain. Her head had been reeling ever since he’d kissed her and she wasn’t sure what to make of anything. “I want to see him again.” She said it with more conviction this time.
“If he truly plans to court you, I’m certain you will,” Prudence said.
If. Louisa’s insides flinched at her use of the word ‘if.’
So, she wasn’t the only one who doubted all he’d said. She wasn’t the only one who thought it sounded too good to be true.
“Of course she’ll see him again,” Delilah said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he came to visiting hours to pay his respects,” she said.
“Do you think he will?” Louisa asked.
“Definitely,” Addie said, leaning over to squeeze her hand reassuringly.
Louisa smiled. Of course. If he were in earnest, surely he’d come to see her. Wouldn’t he?
Yes, he would.
Two more days passed and he…did not.
Her mother and sister did, however.
She found herself sitting rather painfully in the formal drawing room, the situation so very similar to their last visit and yet utterly new.
Because now she knew that the marquess wanted her.
Or at least she thought he did.
She hoped he did.
She just hoped he hadn’t changed his mind.
Her belly flipped at the thought.
It didn’t help that her mother was still so very certain that Tumberland was meant for Margaret. “He’s expected tomorrow, you know,” she said with a sly little look at her eldest daughter.
Margaret didn’t acknowledge the glance.
“Did you, uh…” Louisa took a deep breath as guilt mixed with embarrassment. “Er, that is…Margaret, did you enjoy your evening? Did you enjoy…Lord Tumberland?”
Margaret blushed.
Louisa frowned.
What did that blush mean? Louisa had been blushing nonstop, as well, since the party the other night, but that was because he’d kissed her.
He hadn’t kissed Margaret as well, had he?
She huffed with impatience at herself. She’d had little faith in Tumberland and his feelings from the start, but days of silence on his end had managed to drive her to distraction.
Margaret eyed her oddly as she answered. “Yes, I had a lovely evening, thank you.”
“Well, of course she did.” Her mother shifted in her seat. “He danced with her twice.” Somehow this sounded like she was arguing. As though Louisa had claimed he’d only danced with her once.
“Yes, but—”
Her mother’s eyes narrowed. Margaret’s gaze grew curious. Even Miss Grayson was watching her with her teacup halfway to her lips as though worried about what she might say next.
“Might I have a word with you in private, Margaret?” she managed. Now she, too, was blushing furiously and never in her life had she been embarrassed to speak to her own sister.
All the other ladies exchanged a baffled look, but Margaret quickly set her tea to the side. “Of course, Lulu.”
Lulu. The old nickname seemed to taunt her now. She and her sister might not have been close, but they were still sisters and she was about to break her sister’s heart.
Wasn’t she?
Oh, of course she was.
Who wouldn’t be head over heels in love with the marquess? Oh certainly, he seemed a bit intimidating and standoffish at first glance, but anyone who’d spent any time with the man would be won over by that mischievous glint in his eyes, in the way he looked at you like you were the only person on the planet.
Louisa led the way out into the gardens behind the school and waited until her sister had found a seat on a bench before she started. “Margaret, would you be very disappointed if Tumberland was not preparing to court you?”
The words came out in a rush of inelegance that made Louisa cringe. For once she wished she knew the right thing to say that did not involve putting her foot in her mouth.
Margaret studied her closely. “What is it that you think you know, Louisa?”
“Um…” He kissed me. He says he wishes to court me instead. We had a moment, you see… Or at least, I thought we had, but truth be told it feels more like a dream now…
The longer her silence lasted the more certain she was that she’d gotten it all wrong. She’d somehow misunderstood.
It had been just another misunderstanding. One of the many that made up the course of her ridiculous life.
Margaret reached out and squeezed her hand. “Dear, you ought not look so distraught.”
“But—”
“I’d be relieved,” Margaret said. She’d said it so quickly that Louisa thought perhaps she’d misheard.
“You’d…what?”
Margaret winced as she tugged at her gloves. “Do not tell Mother.”
“No, of course not,” Louisa was quick to reassure her. “I would never.”
Margaret sighed, and the sound seemed to echo in the trees as a brisk breeze made the leaves flutter around them. “It is not that Tumberland is so very awful…”
“No, of course not,” Louisa said again, this time with a scowl. Awful? Were they still discussing Tumberland? Certainly not, because who on earth would think him awful? The man was odd, certainly, for preferring Louisa to Margaret, but other than that quirk, he was really quite perfect.
A memory of warm, dazzlingly golden eyes had her holding her breath. For a second, she thought she could smell the distinct, heady scent of his cologne. She bit her lip to stop the wistful ache that was starting to feel like a permanent fixture in her chest.
It was stupid.
Impossible, even.
No one missed a man they barely knew and had only recently met. That was insanity.
“Do not misunderstand,” Margaret was saying now, her cheeks still pink and her expression oddly flustered. “Were Tumberland to propose, I would undoubtedly say yes.”
Louisa clenched her fists. The very thought of her man proposing to Margaret—not that he was hers. Not yet. But try telling that to the churning jealousy that would not be denied.
Margaret’s sad sigh brought her back to the moment and helped her remember herself. “But he has not mentioned marriage to you,” Louisa confirmed.
Margaret shot her a questioning look before shaking her head.
Louisa didn’t try to hide her sigh of relief. She knew what he’d said. She reminded herself of it daily, but she couldn’t stop the fact that while she wanted to believe in whatever magic it was that had come over him the other night—she couldn’t quite convince herself, especially not here in the cold light of day.
“Mother expects that he’ll talk to Father tomorrow,” Margaret said. “And after that he will talk to me.”
Louisa let out a long exhale. That sounded…reasonable. She wished it didn’t also sound so very predictable. She wished she couldn’t see it happening in her mind’s eye, exactly as her mother and sister and father all seemed to think it would.
Of all the times for her fanciful imagination to quit on her, it would have to be now.
Margaret was staring down at her lap. “The truth is…”
Louisa waited miserably for her sister to expand on the future she had planned with the marquess.
“The truth is, I prefer his friend.”
Louisa’s head snapped up as Margaret’s hand clamped over her own mouth as if she’d horrified herself by speaking aloud.
“What?” Louisa breathed.
Margaret’s eyes widened to saucers on her pretty face and she gave her head a little shake. “I shouldn’t have said that,” she mumbled through her gloved hand.
Louisa blinked wildly. Maybe Margaret shouldn’t have said it, but she had. Relief flooded her at the realization that Margaret wasn’t even remotely besotted with Tumberland.
“You like Mr. Allen,” she said with a laugh.
Margaret turned red and scowled at her. “This is not amusing.”
“It is, though.” But she cut herself short. A part of her wanted to explain everything, but she couldn’t. Not yet.
She wished to say that she would marry Tumberland and that all would be well, but here in the light of day sitting next to her perfect sister…the words would not come. They seemed like the worst sort of lie.
She could only imagine her sister’s look of shock and disbelief, which would be nothing compared to her mother’s.
“Margaret,” she said, reaching out a hand to cover her sister’s. “Trust me when I say that we will find another way to save this family.”
Her sister shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “You don’t know the half of it, Lulu.”
Louisa squeezed her sister’s hand. She knew more than Margaret realized, thanks to her spying efforts. She wondered if even Margaret knew just how dire their family’s financial difficulties were. Or that it was Lord Evil who was forcing their father’s hand.
She only wished anything she’d overheard might have helped Tolston create a criminal argument against that cruel man. But being cruel wasn’t necessarily against the law and it did nothing to prove he was conspiring with would-be murderers or dastardly guardians.
“I promise you, Margaret, all will be well,” she said.
Her sister’s eyes were full of hope—she wanted to believe her, that much was clear.
“Tumberland will…Tumberland has…” She couldn’t bring herself to finish.
Tumberland…what? Tumberland had kissed her. He’d said some pretty words about courtship and preferring her, whatever that meant. That was hardly enough to reassure her family and keep them safe.
And in the days that had passed he’d done nothing to make good on his words. She hadn’t heard from him, hadn’t seen him…
“Yes,” Margaret said, patting her hand kindly as she stood. “I’m sure Tumberland will.”
Her sister looked so resigned, her smile so sad and her air so final, Louisa couldn’t bring herself to argue.
Margaret expected him to propose to her and right at this particular moment, it seemed like the logical assumption. To suggest any alternative seemed like tempting fate. It would be cruel to give her sister false hope.
Oh, who was she fooling? She was the one who did not wish to harbor false hopes. It was her heart that would be crushed if she let herself believe and then had her hopes dashed.
“Will we see you tomorrow?” Margaret asked.
Louisa opened her mouth and closed it promptly. Her mother had not invited her to dinner with Tumberland and his friend. The only way she would be invited was if Tumberland forced them to invite her…again.
That thought added to her sadness as she forced a smile. “I doubt it.”
Margaret seemed to understand and her answering smile was just as sad. “I’m sorry, Lulu. You know our parents love you, it is just—”
“I understand,” she said. And she did. The mature part of her knew very well that they cared about her, but that she’d embarrassed them in the past and couldn’t risk that now.
She understood.
She did.
The sound of the leaves rustling behind her made her sigh. This is reality, they seemed to say. She might have been lost in a dream the other night, but then again—Tumberland might have been as well.
Perhaps he’d been in his cups.
He hadn’t seemed it, but then again, she wasn’t familiar with the signs.
“Now you look worried,” Margaret said. “I did not mean to cause you concern.”
“Do not be daft, Margaret,” she said affectionately. “This is my family, too. All of your concerns are mine, as well. I know I’ve always been…” They shared a look as Louisa struggled for the right word. “Eccentric.”
Her sister smiled softly. “Believe it or not, I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
“Yes, well, I am sorry if that added more pressure for you to be perfect,” she said.
Margaret blinked rapidly. “You did nothing wrong, dear. I was always glad that you were able to keep your childish way.”
Louisa tried not to wince but Margaret must have seen her because her smile was soft and sad. “I did not mean it that way, Louisa.”
“No, it’s all right,” she said. “I understand. I’ve never been asked to make a sacrifice for this family. But perhaps it is time that I did.”
For once in her life, she needed to stop being childish. Stop believing in fantasies and miracles and start thinking about what would be best for her family and her sister. If that meant she had to release Tumberland from whatever madness had made him kiss her and make promises he was likely reconsidering…then that was what she would do.
Margaret eyed her warily. “Why do you have that look in your eyes?”
“Do I have a look?” she asked mildly.
Margaret pursed her lips. “You know that you do. It strikes fear in my heart whenever I see it.”
Louisa patted her sister’s shoulder. “No need to be afraid, Margaret. In fact, I mean to make everything better.”
Margaret sighed. “But you see, Sister, there really is
no need. It has already been done.”
“What has?”
“Tumberland is supposed to talk to Father tomorrow. Mother and Father fully expect a proposal.”
Louisa stared at her. Maybe he had changed his mind, and if he had?
Then she would be okay with it.
Eventually.
She swallowed down a stabbing pain.
Oh, all right, maybe she’d never be able to be happy for her sister, but she would do her best to step aside gracefully.
This time the wind in the trees behind her felt less reassuring and far more ominous.
“We’d better go back inside,” Margaret said. “Mother will be wondering what we’re talking about.”
Louisa forced a smile. She’d caused a scene for nothing, because when push came to shove she couldn’t figure out how to tell her sister that the man everyone thought she’d marry had kissed her instead. That he preferred her.
Her heart wanted to hold onto those words, but her brain chose this particular moment to embrace pragmatism. Pretty words after a gentleman got carried away and kissed a girl in the shadows paled in comparison to plans that all of society expected to see realized.
This time the wind snapped a twig behind her and she jumped before giving her head a little shake to rid herself of silly thoughts of ghosts and spirits. That sensation she used to get when she imagined Sir Edmond watching her was back in full force now, and her skin prickled with the feeling of being watched.
Glancing over her shoulder as she followed Margaret inside, she told herself she was being ridiculous. There was nothing there but wind and—
She stopped short, her eyes going wide and her mouth forming a little O as her gaze collided with Tumberland’s. He was standing behind a tree and his oh-so-serious expression never changed as he lifted a finger to his lips to tell her to keep quiet.
“Are you coming, Louisa?” Margaret called back.
“Yes—yes! I’m coming.” She frowned at Tumberland in confusion as she backed away. She held a finger up in a gesture that she meant to say, give me a moment. And then she turned and headed back inside—more confused than ever.
The School of Charm: Books 1-5 Page 26
