“No,” I mumbled hoarsely. “I don’t think I would. Because I’m not a sure thing.”
“Love is never a sure thing.” Nixon hugged me again. “All right, enough sadness, go open your presents. Chase made lasagna.”
And that was it.
Nobody talked about Sergio.
And there was laughter.
Mainly because Tex bought me a pink gun and a teddy bear that said killer. I’d confessed I was lonely at night.
“You need children.” Chase tossed a chip at Tex’s face. “And soon, I mean pink guns? Teddy bears? Isn’t that a sign?”
“Maybe for you.” Tex glared.
A loud knock at the door interrupted the conversation.
I was out of my chair before anyone could say anything, running toward the door as though my life depended on it.
When it swung open, I burst into tears.
Dante had two suitcases in his hands and a smile on his face. “Happy birthday, sis.”
I launched myself into his arms and kissed his face. “I missed you.”
“Clearly.” He chuckled wrapping his bulky arms around me and squeezing me tight. “God must love me because I smell lasagna, and I’m starving.” He set me down and made a beeline for the kitchen. Maybe that was just part of being a guy? If there was food, you knew where it was. Period.
I smiled and walked after him.
The minute he entered the kitchen, the girls eyes widened. I went to grab a plate from the table while Bee started choking.
“Are you okay?” I asked concerned.
“Holy shit,” Mo said under her breath. “Is he for real?”
“Who?” I frowned then looked at Dante. “My brother?”
Trace and Mil had huge grins on their faces.
Mil shook her head. “No wonder Joyce had an affair. No offense Trace, but I second Mo, holy ever loving shit, he’s hot.”
“I’m right here.” Chase raised his hand. “Sitting right next to you.”
Mil swatted his hand away and kept staring while Bee took a large sip of water and cleared her throat. “I almost choked to death. You should warn people, Val!”
I burst out laughing. “Um, he’s my brother.”
“But not my brother,” Mo joked while Tex flashed her a glare.
Dante was in deep discussion with Phoenix, I tried to see him through their eyes. He was tall, just like the other guys, and had a similar body type to Nixon and Chase. Bulky, but lean at the same time. His biceps were clean of tattoos though.
He had baby skin.
Geez, and they were all still staring at him like he was a stripper!
He laughed out loud, his crystal blue eyes twinkling as he ran his fingers over his buzzed jet-black hair, his shirt lifted, just slightly, showing an amazing set of abs. Gross.
One of the girls, I didn’t know which, sighed, while another cursed.
So, he looked like a model. It wasn’t like they were married to hunchbacks, I could make a killing off of a mafia-themed calendar.
“Where’s Sergio?” Dante asked the room, while Phoenix elbowed him and slowly shook his head.
But Dante, being Dante, wouldn’t drop it.
“Val.” His nostrils flared. “Where the hell is he?”
Trace started fanning herself while Mo poured wine and leaned forward.
“I punched him then asked him to leave,” I said in a quiet voice. “How many helpings did you want? Of Lasagna?”
“I’m going to kill him,” he hissed.
“I’ll help!” Tex said in a cheerful voice.
“Put your hand down.” Nixon sighed sounding bored. “Nobody’s killing Sergio.”
“Clearly he needs to be killed if he made my baby sister punch him. She’s the least violent person I know!”
That was true.
I winced. “Well, to be fair, I’ve been taking lessons from the girls so…”
His eyebrows shot up. “Lessons?”
“Baking.” I nodded. “Shooting. Fighting.”
Dante cursed. “You’re twenty.”
“I’m an Abandonato,” I said proudly.
“Hear, hear!” Nixon lifted his whiskey into the air and winked while Chase clinked his glass.
”Damn it, I hate being outnumbered.” Tex pouted.
“Enough gossiping.” Phoenix eyed me. “I say we initiate our two new members… family style.”
My eyes widened. “I can’t kill someone.”
Everyone was silent and then burst out laughing.
“Capture the Flag,” Nixon said, through his laughter. “Paintball style.”
“In the dark?” I was excited just thinking about it. Then again, they were trained killers so maybe I’d just hide in a dark hole and rock back and forth.
“Suit up!” Chase stood. “Tonight, we war!”
I will roar you as gently as any sucking dove. –A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Sergio
I DROVE IN circles and then drove to her grave.
For the first time since her death, it felt like a grave. There was nothing alive about the marble headstone that stared back at me, just a marker of the life that was lived, and the body the dirt contained.
It started to rain as I fell to my knees in front of the marker and yelled at the top of my lungs. Lightning flashed across the sky, matching my mood.
I’d fucked everything up. And for what?
This?
This grave.
This grave that I’d put a soul into.
That I put a heart into.
A memory that I wound up like a robot and played over and over again in my head until I was bordering on insanity.
Having sex with Val had changed everything.
I craved her.
And, to make matters worse, two nights ago she’d left her door open, and I’d snuck in and just watched her sleep like a total maniac coming off a drug high.
I was worried about her.
I wanted to talk to her, ask her how her day was, see her face light up when she told stories.
Damn it, I really just wanted to hold her hand.
Pride kept me hesitant.
And fear kept me distant.
Because the more I fell for her, the harder it was to remember Andi.
To still love Andi as if she were alive.
Because that’s what I was doing, loving an object that didn’t hold me at night, didn’t comfort me, didn’t do anything except lay peacefully in the ground like bodies are supposed to do. The grass touched more of her essence than I still did.
And yet, the memories they kept her living, breathing, a walking ghost right along beside me.
Maybe that’s how people who are left behind by loved ones go insane; they carry on as if the person is still there, until it becomes their reality, even though there isn’t anyone next to them in bed, they still arrange the pillows as if there was.
I would always love Andi, but it was like Val was fighting for a position in my heart, a position I didn’t even know was vacant, it didn’t feel vacant, not when I closed my eyes and forced myself to think about Andi’s lips, her touch, her laugh.
But the laugh? Wasn’t as strong.
The touch of her lips no longer made my mouth buzz with awareness — because it was air — I was kissing air.
“You’re gone.” There, I said it out loud. “You’re not coming back.”
I closed my eyes as rain poured over my face mingling with the hot tears. I didn’t know what to do or how to fix things.
So I found myself asking. What would Andi do?
Life was beautiful.
Death was beautiful.
She’d be pissed I was wasting away.
Her note said she released me.
What I hadn’t realized, was I’d never needed her permission.
Because first, you need to release yourself.
AN HOUR LATER, I returned to the house. I caught a glimpse of one of the girls dressed in all black, with a pink bandana around her
head. I parked the car and got out when I saw Phoenix pop out from behind a bush, face smeared with camo war paint. I barely had any time to run for cover when a paintball hit me in the stomach causing me to double over with a curse.
“Got ya!” Tex yelled thrusting his gun into the air.
“Bastard!” I hissed. “Do I look like I can defend myself?” I held out my hands and waited.
He shot me again.
“That’s it!” I charged him but it was dark, and I couldn’t locate him fast enough before he ducked behind a tree.
“Need someone to save your sorry ass?” Nixon ran up to me and tossed a paintball gun, I caught it midair with one hand. “Also, if you could take out one of the girls, that would be super helpful, we’re losing.”
“The hell!” I yelled. “We haven’t lost in five years!”
“So you see the seriousness of this situation?”
“I’ll take care of it.” I found myself smiling despite the fact that I’d had one of the worst nights of my life since Andi’s death.
“Good man.” He jogged off and called over his shoulder. “By the way, your girl took out Chase.”
My footsteps faltered. “Seriously?” Chase was one of the best, bastard knew how to sneak up on a person, which should be surprising knowing his loud personality, so the fact that she got him was more than slightly impressive.
“Her aim was a bit low, he didn’t cry, but his eyes watered.”
Pride swelled in my chest as I ran after Nixon and hid behind the first tree. I had enough land that it was easy to set up a paint ball field. It was professional to say the least.
We had several trees strategically planted around the house for protection. The field to the left near the garage was usually empty unless we pulled out all of our obstacles for paintball, creating a huge competition field for Capture the Flag that ended up making most professional fields you paid money for look like a cheap ass circus.
I didn’t have time to change.
We were losing, and Abandonatos were competitive by nature.
So I quickly tossed my jacket to the side and started moving stealthily through the trees leading to our group’s flag. We always had two base camps, one for the other team, one for us; the flag was always visible. Getting there was the problem.
“I will cut a bitch!” Phoenix roared as a paintball sailed past his ear. “They’re taking head shots!”
“Then duck,” I offered in a dry tone. “Be the bigger man, Phoenix.”
He flipped me off then jogged to the left while I made a beeline toward the girls’ camp.
It was about eight hundred feet away, visible, with a spotlight in the window that ran across the landscape back and forth over the course of twenty seconds.
I ducked behind a tree as it landed near me and passed.
Exhaling, I moved again, careful to keep my eyes peeled for pink.
A flash of color moved to my right and then, behind me, as leaves crunched.
With a sigh, I pointed the gun behind me without looking and shot two rounds.
“Son of a mother fu—”
“You got Mo!” Tex shouted just as I turned and gave Mo a little wave. She shook her head and marched toward our base camp while Tex gave me a nod and pointed forward with his fingers.
I was already ahead of him.
I moved to the right while he went wide left.
A shot went off.
Another girl yelled.
I waited in the crisp night air as the wind picked up around me, but nothing. She didn’t scream again, which begged the question, was she down? Or was it fake?
Two more steps.
Tex let out a loud curse as rapid fire sounded.
“I hit you first!” he yelled.
“Bull shit!” Mil tossed back. “I got you first.”
Glaring daggers, he stepped backward shaking his head toward me, just as I fired at her side.
“Aw, bummer Mil, that sucks balls. Guess you just got hit too.”
Her eyes narrowed in on Tex while she gave me the finger and slunk off.
“Get the flag, man.” Tex’s eyes were like laser beams. “The only girl left is Val.”
I didn’t want to insult her by asking how out loud. But still. How the hell was she the last girl standing up against mob bosses and their wives?
Maybe she’d hidden after hitting Chase.
Not that she seemed like the type.
I took a cautious step toward their base camp and then hid behind a tree when I heard the sound of someone breathing.
My started to race as the breathing got louder and louder.
The minute I realized where the breathing was coming from, was a minute too late, as a gun was pointed at my back, I dropped my hands to my sides and turned around, right pointer finger still on the trigger. “Val.”
“Sergio.” Her cheeks were flushed, her face dirty like she’d been crawling through the mud.
“Did you trip?” I mocked, because really, playing nice with her would just be suspicious at this point. I left because it was her birthday and she’d rather shoot me in the dick then look at me for another two minutes.
Val’s eyes narrowed into tiny slits. “I was army crawling.”
“Through the poison ivy?” I nodded my head toward the leaves. No chance in hell was she going to fall for it, but I had to try.
Her eyes flashed, and for a brief moment she glanced down at her arm, just as I held up my gun and pointed it at her chest.
“Oldest trick in the book.” I shrugged. “Sorry.”
“Wow, I don’t hear that word often from you.”
“It’s hard to pronounce.”
“Maybe for you…”
I held back my smile. At least she was talking to me, even if every single word was dripping with insults and sarcasm. “Hands up, Val, I’m taking your flag.”
“I bet you say that to all the girls before you pull the trigger.”
“You have to admit, it does relax them a bit before they meet their maker.” I gripped her with my free hand and pushed her toward the base camp where the flag was held. Once we were inside the tiny fort, I pushed her to the side, not hard enough to hurt her, but so she knew I wasn’t going to play nice just because she was my wife.
Or just because I’d forgotten her birthday.
Or pissed her off.
Holy shit, I was a jackass.
I grabbed the flag and turned just in time to see her holding another paintball gun and aiming it at my face.
“Surprise.” She grinned cheerfully. “I stole Trace’s gun before she got taken out.”
“But—”
“The rules never said I couldn’t take someone else’s gun. They just said we had to have an equal amount of weapons.”
“Now, Val.” I held out my hand, the one containing the flag, just as she fired rapid shots at my chest. Seven.
Not that I was counting.
And when she was done.
And pain seared me from the inside out.
She fired one last shot.
“Son of a bitch!” I yelled, falling to my knees. “I don’t have gear on!”
“Sorry.” She shrugged. “It’s really dark in here.”
“Yeah, amazing how that works, you hit me square in the chest, in nearly…” I exhaled shakily. “…the same damn spot, and you did it blind. Impressive. I thought you couldn’t shoot.”
“I’ve had some free time.”
“Remind me to send you to boarding school.” With great effort, I rose to my knees just as she shot me again in the leg. “What the hell, Val! Fuck!”
“Boarding school? I’m not your damn child!”
“Then stop acting like one and shooting me just because you’re pissed!”
“Of course I’m pissed!” Val yelled. “You’re an asshole! I don’t deserve to be talked down to or ignored or just—” Her face twisted with hurt. “You could say hi. You could at least say hi once. Just once a day Sergio, what’s so horrible ab
out hi?”
I stood for the second time and hung my head. “What’s so hard about hi?” I rubbed the back of my neck. “It’s the start of something. You say hi when you open a conversation, it’s a simple greeting with thousands of meanings behind it. Hi… always leads to how are you, how are you leads to what are you doing today, and that leads to do you want to hang out? Do you have plans? And honestly Val, if I say hi, I’m going to follow through on the rest, I’m going to ask how you are, I’m going to want to die inside when you say you’re sad. And when I ask if you want to hang out, you’re going to say yes, and when I ask about plans, we’ll make them. And if we make plans—” My voice hitched. “If we make plans. I won’t have the energy to keep myself from taking you. From stripping you bare. From demanding every part of your body, your soul. I won’t stop. I’ll keep going, and I’ll lose myself, and if I lose the only part of myself that contains her — I lose her too. All because of hi.”
Val slowly lowered her gun to her side. “So this is it.” Her lower lip wobbled. “It’s a little ironic, right?”
“What?” I stood and took a cautious step toward her. Damn it, I was drawn to her even though I didn’t want to be.
She backed up, away from my touch. “You said goodbye to one wife, the hardest word in the human language to utter. Because of that ending, you’ve refused a beginning. You’ve done that. Goodbye was hard, but why is it, do you think, that Hi is harder?”
I opened my mouth to answer her, but nothing came out.
“Sergio.” This time Val walked slowly toward me, her paintball gun fell to the ground out of trembling fingers. “When you move on with your life, when you find that person, whoever she may be, she isn’t going to remove every last remnant of Andi from your heart. She isn’t going to take over and squeeze out memories. She’s going to fit with them. Live with them. Laugh with them. It’s not a matter of replacing, it’s a matter of joining.”
It looked like she was going to hug me.
But she must have thought better of it, because she stepped backward again, picked up her gun, and ran out of the fort.
Five minutes later I heard cheering.
The girls won.
And I was still frozen in place.
Because my young, innocent wife. Was absolutely startlingly.
Empire Page 23
