“You’ll have to ask your father,” the woman was saying, with mock sternness. “Wait until he comes back.”
“He already said we could,” one of the boys protested.
“Well, ask him again.”
“He’s always grouchy in the morning.”
“Not today. He had a good night’s sleep. His hay fever didn’t bother him. That new anti-hist the doctor gave him.” She glanced up at the clock. “Go see what’s keeping him, Don. He’ll be late to work.”
“He was looking for the newspaper.” One of the boys pushed back his chair and got up. “It missed the porch again and fell in the flowers.” He turned towards the door, and Miller found himself confronting him face to face. Briefly, the observation flashed through his mind that the boy looked familiar. Damn familiar—like somebody he knew, only younger. He tensed himself for the impact, as the boy abruptly halted.
“Gee,” the boy said. “You scared me.”
The woman glanced quickly up at Miller. “What are you doing out there, George?” she demanded. “Come on back in here and finish your coffee.”
Miller came slowly into the kitchen. The woman was finishing her coffee; both boys were on their feet and beginning to press around him.
“Didn’t you tell me I could go camping over the week-end up at Russian River with the group from school?” Don demanded. “You said I could borrow a sleeping bag from the gym because the one I had you gave to the Salvation Army because you were allergic to the kapok in it.”
“Yeah,” Miller muttered uncertainly. Don. That was the boy’s name. And his brother, Ted. But how did he know that? At the table the woman had got up and was collecting the dirty I dishes to carry over to the sink. “They said you already promised them,” she said over her shoulder. The dishes clattered into the sink and she began sprinkling soap flakes over them. “But you remember that time they wanted to drive the car and the way they said it, you’d think they had got your okay. And they hadn’t, of course.”
Miller sank weakly down at the table. Aimlessly, he fooled with his pipe. He set it down in the copper ashtray and examined the cuff of his coat. What was happening? His head spun. He got up abruptly and hurried to the window, over the sink.
Houses, streets. The distant hills beyond the town. The sights and sounds of people. The three dimensional projected backdrop was utterly convincing; or was it the projected backdrop? How could he be sure? What was happening?
“George, what’s the matter?” Marjorie asked, as she tied a pink plastic apron around her waist and began running hot water in the sink. “You better get the car out and get started to work. Weren’t you saying last night old man Davidson was shouting about employees being late for work and standing around the water cooler talking and having a good time on company time?”
Davidson. The word stuck in Miller’s mind. He knew it, of course. A clear picture leaped up; a tall, white-haired old man, thin and stern. Vest and pocket watch. And the whole office, United Electronic Supply. The twelve-storey building in downtown San Francisco. The newspaper and cigar stand in the lobby. The honking cars. Jammed parking lots. The elevator, packed with bright-eyed secretaries, tight sweaters and perfume.
He wandered out of the kitchen, through the hall, past his own bedroom, his wife’s, and into the living-room. The front door was open and he stepped out on to the porch.
The air was cool and sweet. It was a bright April morning. The lawns were still wet. Cars moved down Virginia Street, towards Shattuck Avenue. Early morning commuting traffic, business men on their way to work. Across the street Earl Kelly cheerfully waved his Oakland Tribune as he hurried down the pavement towards the bus stop.
A long way off Miller could see the Bay Bridge, Yerba Buena Island, and Treasure Island. Beyond that was San Francisco itself. In a few minutes he’d be shooting across the bridge in his Buick, on his way to the office. Along with thousands of other businessmen in blue pinstripe suits.
Ted pushed past him and out on the porch. “Then it’s okay? You don’t care if we go camping?”
Miller licked his dry lips. “Ted, listen to me. There’s something strange.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know.” Miller wandered nervously around on the porch. “This is Friday, isn’t it?”
“Sure.”
“I thought it was.” But how did he know it was Friday? How did he know anything? But of course it was Friday. A long hard week—old man Davidson breathing down his neck. Wednesday, especially, when the General Electric order was slowed down because of a strike.
“Let me ask you something,” Miller said to his son. “This morning—I left the kitchen to get the newspaper.”
Ted nodded. “Yeah. So?”
“I got up and went out of the room. How long was I gone? Not long, was I?” He searched for words, but his mind was a maze of disjointed thoughts. “I was sitting at the breakfast table with you all, and then I got up and went to look for the paper. Right? And then I came back in. Right?” His voice rose desperately. “I got up and shaved and dressed this morning. I ate breakfast. Hot cakes and coffee. Bacon. Right?”
“Right,” Ted agreed. “So?”
“Like I always do.”
“We only have hot cakes on Friday.”
Miller nodded slowly. “That’s right. Hot cakes on Friday. Because your uncle Frank eats with us Saturday and Sunday and he can’t stand hot cakes, so we stopped having them on week-ends. Frank is Marjorie’s brother. He was in the Marines in the First World War. He was a corporal.”
“Good-bye,” Ted said, as Don came out to join him. “We’ll see you this evening.”
School books clutched, the boys sauntered off towards the big modern high school in the centre of Berkeley.
Miller re-entered the house and automatically began searching the closet for his brief-case. Where was it? Damn it, he needed it. The whole Throckmorton account was in it; Davidson would be yelling his head off if he left it anywhere, like in the True Blue Cafeteria that time they were all celebrating the Yankee’s winning the series. Where the hell was it?
He straightened up slowly, as memory came. Of course. He had left it by his work desk, where he had tossed it after taking out the research tapes. While Fleming was talking to him. Back at the History Agency.
He joined his wife in the kitchen. “Look,” he said huskily. “Marjorie, I think maybe I won’t go down to the office this morning.”
Marjorie spun in alarm. “George, is anything wrong?”
“I’m—completely confused.”
“Your hay fever again?”
“No. My mind. What’s the name of that psychiatrist the PTA recommended when Mrs. Bentley’s kid had that fit?” He searched his disorganized brain. “Grunberg, I think. In the Medical-Dental building.” He moved towards the door. “I’ll drop by and see him. Something’s wrong—really wrong. And I don’t know what it is.”
Adam Grunberg was a large heavy-set man in his late forties, with curly brown hair and horn-rimmed glasses. After Miller had finished, Grunberg cleared his throat, brushed at the sleeve of his Brooks Bros. suit, and asked thoughtfully.
“Did anything happen while you were out looking for the newspaper? Any sort of accident? You might try going over that part in detail. You got up from the breakfast table, went out on the porch, and started looking around in the bushes. And then what?”
Miller rubbed his forehead vaguely. “I don’t know. It’s all confused. I don’t remember looking for any newspaper. I remember coming back in the house. Then it gets clear. But before that it’s all tied up with the History Agency and my quarrel with Fleming.”
“What was that again about your brief-case? Go over that.”
“Fleming said it looked like a squashed Jurassic lizard. And I said—”
“No. I mean, about looking for it in the closet and not finding it.”
“I looked in the closet and it wasn’t there, of course. It’s sitting beside my desk at the History Agency. O
n the Twentieth Century level. By my exhibits.” A strange expression crossed Miller’s face. “Good God, Grunberg. You realize this may be nothing but an exhibit? You and everybody else—maybe you’re not real. Just pieces of this exhibit.”
“That wouldn’t be very pleasant for us, would it?” Grunberg said, with a faint smile.
“People in dreams are always secure until the dreamer wakes up,” Miller retorted.
“So you’re dreaming me,” Grunberg laughed tolerantly. “I suppose I should thank you.”
“I’m not here because I especially like you. I’m here because I can’t stand Fleming and the whole History Agency.”
Grunberg pondered. “This Fleming. Are you aware of thinking about him before you went out looking for the newspaper?”
Miller got to his feet and paced around the luxurious office, between the leather-covered chairs and the huge mahogany desk. “I want to face this thing. I’m an exhibit. An artificial replica of the past. Fleming said something like this would happen to me.”
“Sit down, Mr. Miller,” Grunberg said, in a gentle but commanding voice. When Miller had taken his chair again, Grunberg continued, “I understand what you say. You have a general feeling that everything around you is unreal. A sort of stage.”
“An exhibit.”
“Yes, an exhibit in a museum.”
“In the N’York History Agency. Level R, the Twentieth Century level.”
“And in addition to this general feeling of—insubstantiality, there are specific projected memories of persons and places beyond this world. Another realm in which this one is contained. Perhaps I should say, the reality within which this is only a sort of shadow world.”
“This world doesn’t look shadowy to me.” Miller struck the leather arm of the chair savagely. “This world is completely real. That’s what’s wrong. I came in to investigate the noises and now I can’t get back out. Good God, do I have to wander around this replica the rest of my life?”
“You know, of course, that your feeling is common to most of mankind. Especially during periods of great tension. Where—by the way—was the newspaper? Did you find it?”
“As far as I’m concerned—”
“Is that a source of irritation with you? I see you react strongly to a mention of the newspaper.”
Miller shook his head wearily. “Forget it.”
“Yes, a trifle. The paper boy carelessly throws the newspaper in the bushes, not on the porch. It makes you angry. It happens again and again. Early in the day, just as you’re starting to work. It seems to symbolize in a small way the whole petty frustrations and defeats of your job. Your whole life.”
“Personally, I don’t give a damn about the newspaper.” Miller examined his wrist watch. “I’m going—it’s almost noon. Old man Davidson will be yelling his head off if I’m not at the office by—” He broke off. “There it is again.”
“There what is?”
“All this!” Miller gestured impatiently out the window. “This whole place. This damn world. This exhibition.”
“I have a thought,” Doctor Grunberg said slowly. “I’ll put it to you for what it’s worth. Feel free to reject it if it doesn’t fit.” He raised his shrewd, professional eyes. “Ever see kids playing with rocketships?”
“Lord,” Miller said wretchedly. “I’ve seen commercial rocket freighters hauling cargo between Earth and Jupiter, landing at La Guardia Spaceport.”
Grunberg smiled slightly. “Follow me through on this. A question. Is it job tension?”
“What do you mean?”
“It would be nice,” Grunberg said blandly, “to live in the world of tomorrow. With robots and rocket ships to do all the work. You could just sit back and take it easy. No worries, no cares. No frustrations.”
“My position in the History Agency has plenty of cares and frustrations.” Miller rose abruptly. “Look, Grunberg. Either this is an exhibit on R level of the History Agency, or I’m a middle-class business man with an escape fantasy. Right now I can’t decide which. One minute I think this is real, and the next minute—”
“We can decide easily,” Grunberg said.
“How?”
“You were looking for the newspaper. Down the path, on to the lawn. Where did it happen? Was it on the path? On the porch? Try to remember.”
“I don’t have to try. I was still on the pavement. I had just jumped over the rail past the safety screens.”
“On the pavement. Then go back there. Find the exact place.”
“Why?”
“So you can prove to yourself there’s nothing on the other side.”
Miller took a deep, slow breath. “Suppose there is?”
“There can’t be. You said yourself: only one of the worlds can be real. This world is real—” Grunberg thumped his massive mahogany desk. “Ergo, you won’t find anything on the other side.”
“Yes,” Miller said, after a moment’s silence. A peculiar expression cut across his face and stayed there. “You’ve found the mistake.”
“What mistake?” Grunberg was puzzled. “What—”
Miller moved towards the door of the office. “I’m beginning to get it. I’ve been putting up a false question. Trying to decide which world is real.” He grinned humourlessly back at Doctor Grunberg. “They’re both real, of course.”
He grabbed a taxi and headed back to the house No one was home. The boys were in school and Marjorie had gone downtown to shop. He waited indoors until he was sure nobody was watching along the street, and then started down the path to the pavement.
He found the spot without any trouble. There was a faint shimmer in the air, a weak place just at the edge of the parking strip. Through it he could see faint shapes.
He was right. There it was—complete and real. As real as the pavement under him.
A long metallic bar was cut off by the edges of the circle. He recognized it; the safety railing he had leaped over to enter the Beyond it was the safety screen system. Turned off, of course. And beyond that, the rest of the level and the far walls of the History building.
He took a cautious step into the weak haze. It shimmered around him, misty and oblique. The shapes beyond became clearer. A moving figure in a dark blue robe. Some curious person examining the exhibits. The figure moved on and was lost. He could see his own work desk now. His tape scanner and heaps study spools. Beside the desk was his brief-case, exactly where had expected it.
While he was considering stepping over the railing to get the brief-case, Fleming appeared.
Some inner instinct made Miller step back through the weak spot as Fleming approached. Maybe it was the expression on Fleming’s face. In any case, Miller was back and standing firmly on the concrete pavement, when Fleming halted just beyond the juncture, face red, lips twisting with indignation.
“Miller,” he said thickly. “Come out of there.”
Miller laughed. “Be a good fellow, Fleming. Toss me my brief-case. It’s that strange looking thing over by the desk. I showed it to you—remember?”
“Stop playing games and listen to me!” Fleming snapped. “This is serious. Carnap knows. I had to inform him.”
“Good for you. The loyal bureaucrat.”
Miller bent over to light his pipe. He inhaled and puffed a great cloud of grey tobacco smoke through the weak spot, out into the R level. Fleming coughed and retreated.
“What’s that stuff?” he demanded.
“Tobacco. One of the things they have around here. Very common substance in the twentieth century. You wouldn’t know about that—your period is the second century, B.C. The Hellenistic world. I don’t know how well you’d like that. They didn’t have very good plumbing back there. Life expectancy was damn short.”
“What are you talking about?”
“In comparison, the life expectancy of my research period is quite high. And you should see the bathroom I’ve got. Yellow tile. And a shower. We don’t have anything like that at the Agency leisure-quarters
.”
Fleming grunted sourly. “In other words, you’re going to stay in there.”
“It’s a pleasant place,” Miller said easily. “Of course, my position is better than average. Let me describe it for you. I have an attractive wife: marriage is permitted, even sanctioned in this era. I have two fine kids—both boys—who are going up to Russian River this week-end. They live with me and my wife—we have complete custody of them. The State has no power of that, yet. I have a brand new Buick—”
“Illusions,” Fleming spat. “Psychotic delusions.”
“Are you sure?”
“You damn fool! I always knew you were too ego-recessive to face reality. You and your anachronistic retreats. Sometimes I’m ashamed I’m a theoretician. I wish I had gone into engineering.” Fleming’s lips twitched. “You’re insane, you know. You’re standing in the middle of an artificial exhibit, which is owned by the History Agency, a bundle of plastic and wire and struts. A replica of a past age. An imitation. And you’d rather be there than in the real world.”
“Strange,” Miller said thoughtfully. “Seems to me I’ve heard the same thing very recently. You don’t know a Doctor Grunberg, do you? A psychiatrist.”
Without formality, Director Carnap arrived with his company of assistants and experts. Fleming quickly retreated. Miller found himself facing one of the most powerful figures of the twenty-second century. He grinned and held out his hand.
“You insane imbecile,” Carnap rumbled. “Get out of there before we drag you out. If we have to do that, you’re through. You know what they do with advanced psychotics. It’ll be euthanasia for you. I’ll give you one last chance to come out of that fake exhibit—”
“Sorry,” Miller said. “It’s not an exhibit.”
Carnap’s heavy face registered sudden surprise. For a brief instant his massive poise vanished. “You still try to maintain—”
“This is a time gate,” Miller said quietly. “You can’t get me out, Carnap. You can’t reach me. I’m in the past, two hundred years back. I’ve crossed back to. previous existence-co-ordinate. I found a bridge and escaped from your continuum to this. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
A Handful of Darkness Page 21
