by Elias Taylor
“I’m so sorry, I can’t help it,” Heather said. “You look so scared.”
The Ferris wheel came to an abrupt stop when they were about a quarter of the way up. Hayden clenched the metal bar even tighter and sucked in his breath. Heather burst out in another peal of laughter. Even with fear mounting in his chest, Hayden could appreciate Heather’s laugh. It was like a peal of bells ringing into the air in joyful celebration.
“I’m glad my panic is so entertaining to you,” Hayden said.
“I’m sorry. You should try and think of something else.”
She swung her legs while she talked, and Hayden clenched his teeth since her movement only made the seat rock back and forth.
“I can only think of how fucking rusty this thing looks,” Hayden said. “I bet it hasn’t been safety checked in years.”
“No way, it’s totally safe. Have you ever heard of anyone dying from falling off a Ferris wheel?”
“There’s a first time for everything.”
“Ok, you really are Doomsday.”
Hayden looked down at Heather’s foot clad in a bright red ballet flat. He could almost distract himself by appreciating the curve of muscle in her calves, but then his eyes inevitably saw the ground below them.
With a groan, the Ferris wheel started to take them even higher. Hayden closed his eyes until the Ferris wheel came to another shuddering stop. He peeked and saw they were even higher.
“Shit, I do not like this.”
“Ok, don’t look down,” Heather said. “Look at me and think about what I’m saying.”
She had on her problem-solving voice. Hayden liked when she got bossy. He bet she was a natural teacher.
“You better say something super fucking interesting,” Hayden said.
“Oh my God, have you started cursing even more than you used to?” Heather said. “Jeez, I remember you used to drive me crazy dropping F-bombs in class when a teacher could have heard you.”
Hayden smiled as Heather shook her head, making her long dark tresses bounce. He relaxed his grip on the metal bar by a fraction.
“I’m pretty sure I only cussed in class because of how you reacted,” Hayden said. “You would hunch your shoulders up and press your hands against your cheeks, it was hilarious.”
“Hey, I was terrified of getting in trouble. That’s not funny.”
“Neither is my fear of heights.”
“I never understood how you could fearlessly ride around on your motorcycle, but as soon as you looked out a second-floor window, you got scared,” Heather said. “Do you remember that time we drove out to hike in the mountains for a day and you freaked when we got to the top.”
“I didn’t freak,” Hayden said. “I just thought you were being a little stupid getting so close to the edge for a photo.”
“That was the only time you yelled at me. When you started shouting for me to get away because I might fall.”
She smiled up at him. Hayden looked down, but he didn’t see the heights or the people far on the ground growing smaller and smaller. He just saw her gorgeous face and her laughing eyes.
“I’m sorry I shouted,” Hayden said. “I know it’s ten years too late, but I shouldn’t have lost my cool.”
The Ferris wheel lurched to another stop, but Hayden barely registered it. He was too busy studying Heather’s face. Her mouth scrunched up the way it did when she was thinking very hard and she furrowed her brow so there was one line right in the middle of her forehead. Hayden wanted to reach out and smooth that line away with his finger, even if it meant taking his hand off the bar.
“Don’t apologize,” Heather said. “You were the absolute best boyfriend.”
“What about that time I made you cut class when I went to get my first tattoo?”
He grinned as he pictured the day. An artist from LA was in town just for the afternoon and Hayden begged Heather to skip her last period class to go to the parlor while he got the tattoo. He had the secret hope that she might get one as well, but Heather balked at that. She insisted that if she had a tattoo that showed when she wore a leotard, Mrs. Newsome would have her head.
Heather groaned as she remembered that day.
“That was hilarious,” she said. “You spent weeks sketching out tattoo ideas and then when the time came you couldn’t decide.”
“It was a big moment.”
“And in the end, you went with an infinity symbol of all things.” She bounced her palms on the metal bar as she recalled the incident.
“It’s not that bad,” Hayden said. “What’s wrong with an infinity symbol?”
“Every single basic bitch I met in college had that tattoo.”
“Well, I got more now to distract from my poor choice.” He loosened his palms and turned his forearms up so Heather could see the designs sprinkled across his skin.
“Let me see the infinity symbol,” she said.
Hayden obliged and pushed up his hair at the back of his neck to show her the blue ink just below his ear. Heather leaned in close to examine the old tattoo.
When the artist had started in with the needle, Heather had reacted more than Hayden. She clutched his knees in her hands and squealed, asking him if it hurt over and over. She kept offering to get him a coke from the vending machine in case he got light-headed. The needle had been painful, but Hayden had been determined to act tough. Like a strong man who didn’t feel pain. What a joke. He had been a kid and it had turned out a sweet girl like Heather had been able to cause far more agony than the tattoo needle.
It was a good thing he had learned his lesson all those years ago, or else he would be in big danger of getting his hopes up all over again just because Heather was being cool to him on this Ferris wheel that she had been forced to ride.
Heather was still gazing at the old tattoo.
“It’s faded,” she said.
Hayden could feel her breath touching his neck, and he felt a tightening in his stomach. After all this time, he still wanted her so bad.
“That happens,” Hayden said. “Nothing’s forever, I guess.”
Heather leaned back. Hayden wished she would bring her face close to his again. He noticed with a thrill that their thighs were touching.
“Totally a Doomsday,” Heather said.
A million thoughts seemed to be hiding in the small quirk of her lips. Hayden would have given his right arm to know them.
“Don’t look straight down, but we’re at the top,” Heather said.
Hayden sucked in his breath. He hadn’t even noticed the wheel’s movements since he and Heather started reminiscing, but they were indeed at the very top. Everything was quiet up there, above the fray. It felt like the entire world had shrunk to just the two of them.
“No, look out at the view,” Heather said. She covered his hand with her own and nodded her head outwards. “It’s better, I promise.”
Hayden raised his head and found she was right. As long as he looked out over Lyndon, his head didn’t spin with images of him tumbling to his death.
He could see almost the whole town from up there. The cute Main Street dotted with bars and restaurants and shops. The streets filled with houses and schools.
“Fuck,” Hayden said. “It is kinda nice.”
“It’s complicated too.”
Hayden turned to her. Heather’s face with the town as a backdrop was almost too much. She looked so inhuman and perfect. The girl who had always been too good for him. She still was. Hayden thrilled as he realized that not only were their thighs touching, Heather was leaning her shoulder against his. He knew it would be painful when this ride ended and she left him again, but for the moment, he had to enjoy being this close to her.
“Hayden,” Heather said. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For the way I ended it.” Her voice was low and tinged with emotion. “It feels like a whole other life, but I think I was too panicky about everything. And I think I was cruel to take out my fear on you.
”
“You were never cruel. You were just honest.”
He believed that. She didn't have a mean bone in her body; she had just told the truth. They weren’t going to make it. He was a distraction. Heather was meant for bigger and better things.
“Well, I never meant to hurt you,” Heather said. “And I’m sorry that I did.”
Hayden wanted to say sorry as well. Sorry that he didn’t fight harder for her. Because now that she was right in front of him again, Hayden realized that Heather Carlson was definitely worth fighting for.
Chapter Nine: Normal Again
Heather drummed her fingers on the metal bar and gazed out over Lyndon. She let Hayden take in her apology. She didn’t know why she had said it, but she meant it. The whole ride on the Ferris wheel, Heather kept realizing that Hayden was still just as kind and sweet as he had been in high school. And what had she done with such a great guy’s devotion? She had cast it aside with only a cursory explanation.
“Thanks,” Hayden said. “But don’t worry too much about me.”
He really did look grateful for her apology. Heather was happy she had done it.
“We were both really young back then,” Hayden said.
“That’s for sure.”
She was shocked at how comfortable she felt with him. At first, she had panicked at the situation. The tow truck incident had been unbearable enough, how was she going to get through a Ferris wheel ride?
When she saw how nervous he got by the heights and when they started to laugh over their shared memories, something within her had softened. This was the Hayden she had once adored.
Even so, as the Ferris wheel began its descent, Heather reminded herself to be careful. Hayden was a whirlwind that she couldn’t afford to get caught up in right now. She still had to focus on her next steps career-wise. It was nice to reflect over old stories with Hayden and she was happy to get at least some guilt off her chest, but that had to be it.
If she let herself fall for his charm, she would be sucked into his world, just like she had been in high school. It would be all about Hayden and skipping responsibilities to be with him (not that he had made her do any of that; she had wanted to be with him), and then time would slip through Heather’s fingers and she would be stuck forever.
Heather was a full-grown adult now. She could control her emotions. She just had to maybe not look at him so much. Because when she looked at him, all she saw was how his white T-shirt made his tanned skin glow. And then her eyes snagged on his broad shoulders and the curve of his arm muscles. He had to be working out or something. Heather couldn’t even look at his face too long because she started to wonder what it would be like to run her fingers over his stubble. He hadn’t had that in high school.
“It’s not so bad going down,” Hayden said.
He grinned at Heather and her stomach erupted in butterflies. She found it delightful how he had this sweet and playful persona beneath his tough-biker-guy “Doomsday” mannerisms.
She really had not meant to hurt him. Not for a second.
The Ferris wheel reached the ground and Hayden almost looked disappointed to get off. Melinda and George were waiting for them at the bottom. The foursome started to wander through the fair, and since Mel and George were still engrossed in conversation, Hayden stayed by her side.
She was happy that he did. She wasn’t ready to end their catching-up time, not just yet.
“So tell me about your other tattoos,” she said.
He started pointing at a few and explaining them.
“This one is for the Hogs,” he said. “And Richie and I got our initials together. This sun my mom designed.”
Heather nodded along. He only explained the tattoos on his forearms. She wondered what others he had beneath his shirt and a slow blush crept across her cheeks. Not for the first time, she cursed herself for getting embarrassed so easily.
Ok, she had to change the subject or she was going to start thinking about how the first few buttons of his mechanic’s shirt had been undone earlier that day and she had seen chest hair that had definitely not been there in high school.
“I almost got a tattoo,” Heather blurted out.
“Seriously?”
“Yup, senior year. A few other dancers were getting little ballerinas on their ankles.”
“And you made fun of my infinity sign? Ballerinas are definitely more cheesy.”
“I know,” Heather said with a groan. “But they kept saying I could always cover it with stage makeup if need be.”
“But why get it if you’re just gonna cover it?”
“Exactly. Plus, I just kept hearing Mrs. Newsome’s voice in my head saying that real ballerinas treated their bodies with respect and you wouldn’t put a bumper sticker on a Bentley, would you?”
“I might,” Hayden said. “If it was a really funny bumper sticker.”
“Like you would ever have a Bentley,” Heather said.
The words were out of her mouth before she even realized it. She clapped her hand over her mouth and looked at him with wide eyes. He was totally going to be offended. He was going to think she thought he was low-class or something.
Instead, Hayden tipped back his head and laughed. For a guy named Doomsday, he had such a wonderful laugh. It was deep and throaty and all the more lovely because it was so rare.
“I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” Heather said. “It’s because you love bikes and I know you would buy a hundred really awesome bikes before you got a Bentley.”
“Chill, it’s ok,” Hayden said. “And you’re right about the bikes.”
Heather smiled up at him. Her walk had a spring in it all of a sudden, despite her bad knee.
Melinda and George turned around. Heather saw that they were near the exit.
“Ok, we’ve seen this whole fair,” Melinda said. “We’re starved.”
“What say you guys about a trip to Franny’s Café?” George asked.
“Where’s that?” Heather asked.
“It’s newer,” Hayden said. “Good burgers and drinks.”
Heather realized she hadn’t eaten anything since lunch and between her car breaking down and her first class, it had been a long day.
“I am kinda hungry,” Heather said.
“That settles it, we’ll take my car,” Melinda said. “You guys can bike and meet us there.”
In the car with Melinda, Heather could tell her friend was bursting with curiosity.
“Well?” Melinda asked.
“Well, what?” Heather said.
“You two seemed pretty cozy on that Ferris wheel.”
“We were just chatting about old times.”
“Oh yeah, old times.” Melinda wiggled her eyebrows in a suggestive manner and Heather rolled her eyes. Fortunately, Franny’s wasn’t far and Melinda didn’t have time to ask more of her burning questions.
Melinda did manage to maneuver herself so that Heather had to sit across from Hayden in the booth. Heather didn’t know what her friend thought was going to happen. Heather and Hayden were definitely over; they had nothing but a shared past in common.
The waitress came around to take their order and Heather asked for water.
“No chocolate shake?” Hayden asked.
“God, I haven’t had a milkshake in ages. Dance diet.”
Without blinking an eye, Hayden turned to the waitress and ordered a chocolate shake with whipped cream. He told Heather she could split it with him. After the waitress left, Hayden turned to the others.
“I’ve seen Heather chug a chocolate shake faster than anyone I know,” Hayden said.
“Don’t go there,” Heather said. “I’ll tell them about the time you ate a whole bag of Doritos in under five minutes.”
“I was hungry,” Hayden said.
The four of them all laughed and chatted about high school and how Lyndon had changed and how it has stayed the same.
When their food came, they dug in with pleasure. Heather was happy
a new restaurant was doing so well in Lyndon. It boded well for her sister Mischa’s plans for a bakery.
As promised, Hayden gave her half of his milkshake.
George turned to Heather with a fry dangling from his finger.
“So what’s next for you?” he asked. “How long are you planning on staying in Lyndon?”
Heather saw Hayden give his friend a displeased look. It was gone in an instant, but she could tell Hayden didn’t like this topic. Neither did she for that matter.
“Not sure,” Heather said. “For now, I’m teaching classes at my old dance studio.”
“Sweet, so you’ve already got a job,” George said.
“Yeah, but it’s not really what I envision doing long-term,” Heather said.
“Well, what else does a retired dancer do?”
She was sure he had good intentions, but his question stung. Heather blinked.
“Dude, she’s not retired, she’s just recovering,” Hayden said. “She can still dance just fine.”
There was a rough undertone in his voice, a warning to his friend.
“Yeah, I have a few options,” Heather said. “I can definitely look into choreography. A lot of performing arts schools in New York are always hiring. Plus there are tons of roles in ballet companies in Chicago. Choreographing, or even producing or marketing.”
“Heather has always been a planner,” Melinda said. “She’s gonna have action plans and pro/con lists drafted within days.”
Heather gave her friend a grateful smile for her breezy attitude. She didn’t want to talk anymore about her future.
Ever since Heather had started talking about New York and Chicago, Hayden had been staring at the empty milkshake glass and fiddling with his fork. His face had fallen into a disappointed expression.
Or maybe he was just bored. Whatever it was, it wasn’t Heather’s place to think about it. She didn’t owe him anything and neither did he owe her. The thought that they were just old friends made her sad, but that’s how it was.
“Well, if you’re still in town next weekend, you should come to a barbeque I’m having,” George said. “Just some bikers and grilling, very casual.”
“Nice,” Melinda said.
