by Elias Taylor
She grimaced and pulled her measuring tape out. She wanted to rework a stone wall along the back of the yard. After struggling with the tape for a few seconds, Beth set her coffee down. She took the measurements and then plopped down. It was no use. She usually could drown out everything that was going on in her life by focusing on work, but not this time. Clutching her iced latte, Beth was starting to regret her decision to work. All she wanted was to be curled up in bed with Chinese food takeout.
Christian was haunting her.
The worst part wasn’t that she had gone home with him or that she had kissed him and gone to his bed. The worst part was that she had wanted to. If she were a good friend, wouldn’t that kind of desire never rise up within her? She shouldn’t even look at a friend’s ex like that.
He wasn’t just a friend’s ex, though. He was Christian. He was the guy who had punched a jerk in the middle of a dance floor for her, and he was the guy who had listened to her as she talked about her dreams of opening her own business.
Beth sighed and stood up. There were other guys like that. Probably. She had never met one, but she also didn’t get out much.
After taking a few more measurements, she decided to call it a day. She was either going to think about Christian while struggling to get work done, or she was going to obsess over him while lazing in her apartment, and she would much prefer the latter.
As she walked over to her car, Beth replayed the evening before for the hundredth time. What should she have done differently? Maybe she shouldn’t have gone out to dance. Or maybe she should have just told Christian no when he offered her a ride. Even when she was at his place, she could have stopped it. She could have pulled away from him when they started to dance and made a swift exit.
Nope, she hadn’t done any of that. And for what? One night of passion? Christian might be interested in going on a date or two, but Beth knew better than to expect anything more. Ever since her father died, Beth knew that people, even people who truly loved her, could exit her life in a flash. Guys like Christian would definitely keep their eye out for the exit sign.
There was no way Christian wasn’t into her. He probably just wanted a fling. Engaging in that type of relationship would only make this mess worse. Beth couldn’t do it. She would get hurt if she did. She wished it wasn’t so, but when she loved, she loved hard. That’s why it had been so painful when her father died. He had been her whole world.
Beth slid into her car and nodded her head. She resolved to avoid Christian at all costs. What happened between them was wrong, she reminded herself. It had felt right, but she had betrayed Tisha, and she couldn’t let it happen again.
A small, traitorous thought tickled the back of Beth’s mind. If the roles were reversed, what would Tisha have done? The thought made her feel foolish because the answer was obvious. Tisha wouldn’t have thought twice. When Tisha wanted something, she went for it with little regard about who's back she had to step on to get it.
A long-ago memory surfaced. Tisha and Beth had been in the eighth grade, and Beth had a devastating crush on Milo Fields. He had been everything a thirteen-year-old girl’s dreams were made of. He was tall and had blond, floppy hair and a big smile. Now, she could look back and laugh over how smitten she had been, but at the time, it had been very serious.
Beth had confided in Tisha. Tisha was her best friend, and they shared everything with each other. Tisha had sworn that Beth’s secret love was safe with her. Every time Milo so much as glanced Beth’s way in the hallway, she had reported it to Tisha. Her best friend had helped her dissect every single comment Milo made, parsing his words to figure out how he felt about Beth.
Tisha knew how much Beth liked Milo. She had seen the doodles of his name all over Beth’s notebook. She had witnessed Beth be reduced to a stuttering mess whenever Milo entered a classroom.
Tisha had vowed to help Beth win Milo over. Tisha was in chorus with him and told Beth that she would chat with him to see how he felt about Beth. It was how all middle school romances were conducted, so Beth gave Tisha permission to play matchmaker. She trusted Tisha.
For a few weeks, Beth’s dreams had run wild. She imagined going to the Winter Dance with Milo. She would wear a sparkling silver dress her mother had got for her at the mall, and she and Milo would get lost in each other’s eyes as they danced below the snowflake decorations in the school gym. And then maybe, just maybe, she would get her very first kiss.
All those dreams came tumbling down when Milo asked Tisha to the dance. Beth still remembered, with startling clarity, the lunch period when Tisha had broken the news.
“It’s not my fault that he likes me.” Tisha gripped Beth’s hand and batted her innocent eyes at her.
“Of course not.” Beth had been holding back tears, and she remembered focusing on her bag of carrots in her packed lunch as she tried not to cry. Tisha was right. It wasn’t her fault. Milo liked Tisha because she was blonde and bubbly and fun. And everything that Beth wasn’t.
Then, the real blow had come.
“I said yes,” Tisha said. “I, like, had to. He would have been so hurt if I didn’t.”
Beth had masked her shock by nodding and agreeing. So Tisha went to the Winter Dance with Milo while Beth stayed home, nursing her bruised heart.
Beth rolled her eyes as she revved her car’s engine and backed out of the drive. The Milo situation had been unpleasant, but it wasn’t the same thing. Was it? Beth had a silly schoolgirl crush on Milo. Tisha had been in a long-term relationship with Christian.
Tisha ended the relationship with Christian, but still, it had been very serious. Beth was pretty sure Tisha had cheated on him in the last year or so—it was no coincidence that she was engaged to another man by the time she broke up with Christian—but Tisha and Christian’s relationship had been a bigger deal than Beth’s infatuation with Milo.
Beth refused to justify her bad behavior by dragging up Tisha’s past infractions. Beth wasn’t Tisha, and she wasn’t about to start acting like Tisha at this stage of her life. Regardless of how Tisha had acted in more recent years, nothing changed that Tisha never should have gone to the dance with Milo. Friends didn’t do that to friends. Just because Tisha hadn’t been a good friend back then didn’t mean Beth got a free pass.
She wondered where Milo Fields was now. Probably working some boring job. Beth smiled to herself. The Milo drama had seemed so serious at the time, but she had also gotten over that crush really fast. She could get over Christian, too. Yes, he was handsome and interesting, and she was dying to see more of his photographs, but he was not the one for her.
When she got back to her apartment, Beth changed into her pajamas and collapsed on her couch. She would take the day to rest and recover and wallow in her guilt; then, she would start focusing on work again. She needed to start meeting with banks to discuss small business loans. She would throw herself into her job and keep busy by focusing on her career. That would do the trick. In no time, she would forget all about her one night with Christian Crown.
The ringing of her phone startled her from her thoughts. As soon as Beth saw the number, she knew there was a possibility it could be Christian. She wouldn’t answer it. Ugh. Then again, it could be a potential client. She just left Christian this morning. Surely, he wouldn’t call her this soon. On the fifth ring, Beth decided to answer it.
“Hey, Beth.”
Dammit. Beth cursed her weak willpower. It was Christian.
“Hi.” Why was her voice so shaky? She shouldn’t be this nervous around him. It was absurd.
“So, I didn’t want to wait the standard three days to call,” Christian said.
Beth chewed her lip. How could he be so hot even over the phone? “Okay.”
“Let me take you out this week,” Christian said. “I promise, I won’t start another biker brawl.”
“I think, technically, I’m the one who started the biker brawl,” Beth said.
“Tell that to my dad,” Christian said. �
��I mean, you do have great dance skills. It was totally lethal for you to get out on the floor.”
Beth blushed. She shouldn’t be flirting with him. She had promised herself this whole thing was over. She really shouldn’t be talking to him. Yet, he called her. The very next day. He had to know how risky starting a relationship would be, too.
“I had a lot of fun last night,” Christian said. “More fun than I’ve had in a long time.”
His voice softened as he spoke, and Beth’s heart went out to him. He had suffered over how Tisha treated him. Maybe all the girls and mindless hook-ups had been to cover his pain.
“Me too.” Beth couldn’t deny it.
“So, what do you say? Dinner? Tuesday?”
Beth glanced down at her charm bracelet. She had been softening toward him, but the sight of her father’s gift to her hardened her resolve. This wasn’t right. This would only end with more pain and suffering. Her father had been ripped away from her because of an untimely death. Christian would be ripped away from her because she had no right to him in the first place. She was tired of losing people she cared about. Beth took a deep breath. She couldn’t afford to be nice about it.
“I appreciate you saving me last night,” Beth said. “But we’re not meant to be.”
There was dead silence on the other end.
“We both know why,” Beth continued.
There it was. She hadn’t come out and said Tisha’s name, but she had invoked her friend’s presence. It hung between them like a heavy weight.
“Okay,” Christian said with a hint of disappointment.
Beth waited to see if he said more. She didn’t know what she wanted him to say, exactly, but she felt like she needed him to agree with her. Or argue. Anything but stay silent.
“I’ll see you around, Beth.” Yup, there was definitely disappointment in his tone.
“For sure,” Beth said. She was going to do everything she could to never cross paths with him again.
“And hey, if you ever need saving again, I’m there,” Christian said.
“Thanks.” Beth let out a small laugh. “Bye.”
She hung up before he could say anything else that made her regret the entire conversation. Beth tossed her phone aside and fell back into her couch cushions. Despite herself, she had to smile. Christian had called her. He had called her a mere hours after they parted ways.
Maybe they weren’t meant to be, but still, it was flattering.
Chapter Twelve: Christian
Christian tossed his phone aside and began pacing across his living room. He cursed aloud. He knew it had been coming. As soon as Beth started to pull away, he knew the reason.
Tisha.
He had been an idiot to think he could call Beth up as if he was just a guy and she was just a girl. He hoped she would go on one date despite Tisha. After his dad left, Christian told himself he would treat Beth well. His dad didn’t know everything about him. Christian was more than capable of taking care of someone.
Of course Tisha had come up. That bitch wouldn’t let him live his life, even years after their breakup. Christian growled and punched a wall. His knuckles throbbed, but the pain at least depleted some of his anger.
He screwed up. Beth probably blamed herself for betraying a friend, but if there was one thing Christian was certain of, it was that Tisha didn’t deserve Beth’s loyalty. Beth might feel guilty, but she was a far better person than Tisha. The fact that Beth pulled away from Christian proved it. Tisha would never deny herself happiness out of respect for others.
It had been years. It was past time for Tisha to stop impacting his life.
His dad was right. Tisha had messed him up. Christian had been screwing up for years, and Tisha had destroyed his instincts. When he finally had a chance to do something good—to be with someone he cared about and just might care for him—the ghost of Tisha still messed it all up.
He didn’t blame Beth for rejecting him. He was damaged goods. Even if Tisha wasn’t in the picture, he wouldn’t be good enough for Beth.
Christian could no longer stay pent up in his house. He grabbed his helmet and headed outside toward his bike. A long ride along the coast would clear his head. He decided to take one of his favorite rides along the highway that skirted the ocean. He hadn’t taken it in a while. He had been so busy working on random photography jobs that he hadn’t had the chance to just ride for pleasure.
As the sea air raced over his body, he picked up speed. The ocean glimmered to his left. It would be nice to take this ride with Beth, he thought. He could almost feel her arms wrapped tightly around his torso and her head resting against his back.
Almost, but not quite. Imagining her arms around him was nothing like the real thing. It had only been this morning that she had been on his bike, and he already craved to feel her again. He hadn’t wanted a woman this bad in a long, long time.
Christian parked his bike at a small beach. The waves were a little too rough for swimming, and it was void of other visitors. He walked out until he was only a few yards from the water, and he sat down with his elbows on his knees.
What was he doing? Everything in his life seemed tenuous. He knew he wanted to build up his photography into a media company, but he couldn’t find any momentum. He used to be an optimist, but ever since Tisha, Christian lost his faith, even in himself. He had used women as diversions. Things to keep him warm at night and then discard. He had told himself they were all demons, anyway, but that was a lie he repeated to keep himself from getting hurt again.
Beth was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time, and she was slipping right through his fingers. He wished he had never looked Tisha’s way back in high school.
Christian shook his head and squinted out at the setting sun. He couldn’t change the past. He considered calling one of his brothers. He felt lonely and wanted to talk to someone, but Anthony and Tyler would just want to chastise him about the fight. They wouldn’t be as harsh as his dad, but they would still be disappointed.
When his phone rang, Christian looked at it with trepidation. To his relief, it was his mother. Christian smiled as he picked up.
“Hi, Mom,” he said.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Linda was quiet and kind, the perfect balance to her strict and alpha-type husband. Over the last few years, she had been the one to support Christian no matter what. He would have given up on his photography ages ago if not for her.
“I’m guessing you heard about last night,” Christian said.
He wasn’t as sarcastic with his mom. He knew she wasn’t calling to yell at him. “Yes, but I heard you had a good reason.”
“Those guys were jerks to some girls,” Christian said.
“Well, as someone who likes to keep the peace between the bikers, I’m appalled,” Linda said. “But as your mother, I hope you hit them extra hard. I know I raised you to be a gentleman.”
Christian grinned. His mother could always make him feel better about everything. “I really didn’t mean to start a brawl. I was just trying to protect them.”
“I believe you,” his mom said.
“Dad’s pissed,” Christian said. “Like always.”
“It’s only because he’s worried about you,” his mom said. “We know you have a good heart. You just need to connect it to your head.”
“I’m gonna work on that.” Christian chuckled. His mother’s criticisms didn’t bother him. “I promise.”
“Who were the girls?” Christian raised his brows at his mother’s tone. She asked the question as if it were no big deal, but he could tell she was digging for gossip. There was no use hiding anything. His father already knew he had left with Beth.
“Beth Harold and her friend,” Christian said.
“Oh?” his mother asked. “I always liked Beth.”
Christian rolled his eyes. His mother was acting all casual, but he could tell she was trying to get him to discuss Beth. What was she playing at? “She’s Tisha’s best friend.
”
“Was Tisha’s best friend,” his mom said. “As far as I know, Tisha hasn’t been around a lot.”
Christian furrowed his brow. He couldn’t believe his mother was dismissing the Tisha issue with such ease.
“Honey, I know she hurt you, and you carry that pain with you still,” Linda said. “But I would be so happy if I never heard that girl’s name again.”
“Me too, Mom.” Christian laughed at the hint of steel injected in his mother’s voice. She might be sweet on the surface, but she was a fierce protector of her sons, especially in matters of the heart. “Me too.”
“Beth’s kinda pretty, isn’t she?” his mom asked.
Beth wasn’t pretty, she was beautiful, but Christian wasn’t going to say that out loud to his own mother. “Mom, I’m not sure I wanna talk about her looks with you.”
His mom let out an over-dramatic sigh. Christian smiled in amusement. His mother really could be relentless when she wanted information.
“So tell me about how you feel about her,” Linda said.
Christian froze. He had always known his mother was perceptive, but he couldn’t believe she had guessed he had strong feelings for Beth without even having seen them together. He had to be honest; he had never been able to lie to his mom. “I think she’s the best girl I’ve ever met.”
He couldn’t see his mother, but he knew she was beaming. He hated to disappoint her, but it was better she knew now.
“But she’ll never go out with me,” Christian said. “I already asked, and she gave me a firm no.”
“Well, there’s complicated history there,” his mom said. “You two can get over that.”
Christian snorted. His mother talked about the complicated history as if it was a speed bump. “I don’t know.”
“Trust me,” his mother said. “Don’t give up. What’s the harm in trying one more time?”
Christian let his mother’s words sink in. What was the harm? He had already experienced heartbreak, and he had survived. Why not try once again? What was the worst that could happen? She would say no again? He could live with that.
