by B. Celeste
His blue eyes light up. “Cool. I’ll pick you up at your dorm?”
“Uh…” I wince. “How about we meet at the library? I should get some studying done that way I don’t feel bad about spending a night out.”
He just laughs like I’m joking.
Because he doesn’t know me.
When we part ways, I remain in the little café on campus and pull out my phone. Rolling my eyes over Jane’s insistent messages on updating her with the details of my date, I simply say I’ll be seeing him tonight for a party.
Parker: Hey
Kinley: Hey yourself
Parker: I’ve consumed my weight in caffeine to get back into the work grove
Kinley: You shouldn’t have stayed up so late talking to me then. I told you you’d be tired
Parker: Yeah, yeah. I wanted to though
Kinley: We spent two days together…
In those two days I learned that Parker Jennings has big dreams to be the head publicist of New York City one day—the guy everybody wants to work with. I respect his aspirations, especially because it’s a competitive world there. I know just from the conversations with him and Jeff at the agency that it’s hard enough to break into under somebody else’s company, much less your own.
But I also know Parker is hard working just like me. It’s why we get along so well. He doesn’t fault me for wanting to spend a majority of my time writing, just like I don’t fault him for focusing on trying to master his own trade.
Parker: What are you up to?
Kinley: Not much now. Just had a “date”
Parker: …a date?
Kinley: A classmate convinced me to get coffee with a guy. It wasn’t a big deal
Parker: Huh. You’ll have to fill me in tonight
Kinley: I’m actually going to a party with the guy I just saw
There’s no reply for a few minutes, leaving me staring at my phone in wait. No bubbles appear at the bottom even though it says it’s been read.
Kinley: Talk tomorrow?
Parker: Sure
I grab my bag and toss the empty cup out as I walk toward the door. Eric is across the street shoving one of his friend’s shoulders as they all laugh. When I walk down the sidewalk, I notice Eric point toward the café before one of his friends makes a crude hip-thrusting gesture.
Rolling my eyes, I grip my bag strap tighter and try ignoring them. My gut tells me not to go tonight, but my brain challenges the ill feeling settled in my stomach.
For once, I want to be normal. But the night of the party, Eric’s heavy arm draped across my shoulder, I realize too late that I’ve never been normal. And when I burst into tears after he kisses me and peels off the condom in his bedroom I willingly followed him into, nothing but tortured regret remains inside my conscious.
Eric leaves.
I call Parker.
And things … change.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kinley / Present
The light blue walls that greet my eyes as soon as I turn the door handle has my heart aching with nostalgia. I take my time and look around the dusty shelves and patterned comforter set, walking over to where pictures of a young Corbin rest where they always did with the exception of one that I know he hid in his suitcase before he left all those years ago.
It was of him and his parents.
When I finish my assessment, I turn and look at my big brother, whose wary expression pierces my gaze before he takes in our surroundings. “This was his room, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
Both of our eyes go to the bed, my face heating, his scrunching. It only makes me blush harder as I walk away from the mattress I know well. Gavin can think whatever he wants. It isn’t like he was abstinent back then either.
Leaning against the wall, I cross my arms over my chest and wait for him to speak. It’s clear he’s uncomfortable and I don’t know if it’s because he’s in the room of the last person he wants to be or because we’ve never been good at having serious conversations. It’s probably a mix of the two.
“I didn’t want you to leave,” he says in such a quiet voice that I almost miss it. Limply, his large shoulders raise. “I was selfish and didn’t want to see you go. I knew it would hurt Mom and Dad if you followed him. The chances of you coming back then were slim since you acted like Lincoln had nothing for you.”
Nothing he says is what I expect, leaving me blinking in silence at him. The hurt is evident in his tone as he speaks, meeting my eyes without any form of anger in his features. “We were here. Your family. And…” He draws in a breath. “I know that his parents meant a lot to you, too. They were here in Lincoln just like us.”
“Gavin—” My voice cracks. “—I never wanted it to seem like there was nothing for me here at all, but career wise… I mean, you know how small this place is. I wanted to be somewhere bigger, with more opportunities. Places with bookstores and restaurants and people that…” I lick my lips and give it my all to try absorbing some of the hurt that was never meant to fall on him or my family. “People who didn’t look at me like I was broken over Corbin. Admit it, Gav. Everyone knew my business. I couldn’t stand it.”
He doesn’t answer right away, giving me some belief that he’s considering my words. Eventually, he nods in understanding. “It isn’t that I don’t understand why you wanted space from the town. But you stepped away from us, too, like we were part of the problem. I thought once Corbin left everything would go back to normal, but then your book took off and you met Parker. Seeing you leave with him … that shit wasn’t easy for any of us, Kin.”
My eye twitches involuntarily. “You weren’t ever the problem. You were the only one who ever offered to go with me to New York City or tell me how cool it was that I was writing like I wanted. But Mom… Well, it just didn’t feel like Mom or Dad really cared. That hurt.”
“They do—”
“They might,” I agree, cutting him off, “but I’m not a mind reader, Gavin. They’re always so focused on you and what you do that it seems like I’m the black sheep for doing what I love instead of going into a career I’d be miserable in. I went to college, dropped out, argued nonstop with Mom about practicability, and it kept putting an even bigger wedge between us. And Dad never really tried to stop her from voicing her opinions because we all knew he couldn’t. She was going to say what she wanted no matter if it hurt my feelings.”
He doesn’t bother countering anything I say because he knows there’s no point. We get our strong-headed stubbornness from Mom. That included our lack of filter. I’ve just gotten better at controlling it over the years.
I step toward him. “I’m sorry for upsetting you, but Lincoln was never my forever home even though you’re all here. Even though things didn’t work out with Parker, it was good he got me out of here. It put things into perspective for me.”
His lips twitch. “I always knew how upset you were over them not bringing up your writing more. But they did talk about you all the time to me. They’d ask if I heard about what you were doing, how deadlines were, that sort of thing. Dad brags to Rich the mailman still when he drops by packages at the door. I’ve heard him.”
That I didn’t know, and it makes me smile. Dad was always the person to voice how proud he was in ways without outright saying those words. It made me feel like I’d done something impressive in their eyes, and that’s all I ever wanted.
“Things have been tense between you and Mom for so long, but can’t that stop?” he asks, frowning. “I know you two don’t agree on a lot but be honest with yourself, Kin. She just wants what’s best for you. And, as a father, I get it.”
I swallow, glancing down at the bump he’s gesturing to with his chin. “Now that you’re going to experience parenthood, you’ll understand why she’s been tough on you. No parent wants to see their child struggle, hurt, or anything bad like that. She had no way of knowing you’d be supported and happy and it probably scared her. If Sam decides he wants to do something o
utside of farming, something like what you do, I’d be nervous too.”
My brows go up. “Farming isn’t exactly a money maker last I heard. But I get your point.”
He manages to chuckle. “You’re right. Farming is probably the last thing I’d want Sam to go into after what Kayla and I have gone through since starting.”
We stand in silence for a few comfortable moments. I caress my stomach wondering what I’ll be like as a parent. I’ve been too stressed hiding that I’m pregnant to even think about what happens when I give birth, and this all becomes real. And the thought … it terrifies me.
My throat thickens. “What if I’m bad at this? I never thought about kids because I’ve just focused on building my career. What—”
“Stop,” he insists, reaching out and grabbing my hand. “We all have those thoughts, but you know what? You and Corbin—” He tries not to force out his name but it’s still rocky at best. “—have the means to make sure that baby is well cared for, and I have no doubt in my mind that my little niece or nephew will be loved.”
My hand twitches in his, uncertainty lingering in my conscience. “What if something happens to that though? I get why Mom was upset that I dropped out to pursue writing fulltime because book royalties are never stable. With everything else going on…”
He deadpans. “You’re involved with a famous actor whose pants probably cost more than my mortgage payment. I think you’ll be fine.”
I blink. “So, are you okay?” I ask, not enlightening him on what he’s okay with. He’s never going to be fine with what boundaries I pushed to get where I am, or what we did to Lena no matter her motives today. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need his support in any form that he’ll give me.
The side of his lips quirk. “I’m okay with spoiling the shit out of your kid, giving them candy even when you tell me not to, and telling them embarrassing stories about you. Like that time when we walked to the store to grab pizza and the lady pulled over to tell you that your skirt was tucked into your underwear.”
I gasp, instantly feeling my body flame from the memory I’d definitely pushed way, way back in my mind. “Seriously?”
He just grins.
“Dweeb,” I grumble.
“Dickwad,” he returns easily.
We smile at each other.
“Whatever happens,” he tells me, tone full of seriousness, “I’ve got your back. You know that, right? I know what I did was shitty, but I did it because I love you.”
“And because you’re selfish,” I remind him.
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”
“I know,” I relent quietly.
Glancing down at the carpet, he kicks his boot out and clears his throat. “Is it really him, Kinley? You’re sure? Things with Parker got serious fast once they started happening, and we all thought you were over Corbin because of it.”
I’m surer about Corbin than I am on anything else. Things with Parker happened faster than I had time to process because I got swept up in the idea of moving on. I let the possibility of loving someone other than Corbin someday drive me to make rash decisions. The time we had together mattered, but not enough to dwell on for too long. I found a way to move on from him. It should have been that easy to move on from Corbin, but for whatever reason, fate chose us. I can’t deny it even if I wanted to.
So, I give Gavin a small smile, and wrap my arms around his midsection for a rare hug. “I know you want me to say no, but sorry. It’s always going to be Corbin.”
He harrumphs before winding his freakishly long arms around me and squeezes. “I figured as much. Couldn’t hurt to ask.”
I just smile against his chest.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Corbin / Present
The talk with my father yesterday left little to be said, yet it was exactly what we needed. He patted my hand, squeezed my shoulder, and sat by me while Mom just watched with glassy eyes. She’s wanted this for too long and we finally succumbed to a different kind of inevitable fate.
Because of Kinley.
Because of this baby.
It was Mom who suggested that we turn off our phones for the remainder of the day because even she, who avoids tabloids like the plague since seeing me featured in my fair share of them, knows how this industry works. By the time we turn them back on, they’ll be plastered with every kind of article there is to read.
It was Kinley’s Mom who suggested we stay another day. And maybe to both our surprises, we agreed. It seemed easy. The place we’d both been eager to escape from a decade ago became the one place we needed to escape to now.
Studying Kinley as she bounces a blond toddler on her lap, I notice the flattened state of her lips as her and her mother speak in low tones in the living room. Based on the straight posture of her mother’s spine, I can tell they’re laying it all on the table—years of frustration all being voiced today.
But it’s what they need.
My eyes go to Dad across the room, where he speaks to Kinley’s father about the custom hutch he’d built to store the collectable Holstein cow figurines Kinley’s mother collects. I know if I stand up and walk over to the large piece of furniture, there’d be two different copies of large white checks hanging on the back wall between the model trucks and shot glasses on display.
Gavin’s first milk check.
Kinley’s first royalty check.
A small hand brushes my arm, snapping me away from the corner of the room where the two men talk, and focusing instead on my mother. “You look lost in thought.”
I hum out a reply, leaning back in the chair I occupy with two half-empty boxes of pizzas to my right. “Did you know about Parker when you told me there was a lot about her I didn’t know?”
Her expression says it all before she even opens her mouth to confirm it. “Yes.”
Swallowing, I find myself nodding. “Did you meet him? Get to know him?”
Her hand falls into her lap. “I only met him once. She kept him to herself for a while, denying anything was going on between them if anyone asked. And after they made things official, she didn’t talk to me as much. She moved to the city with him, you know. I think she needed distance from here.”
My jaw ticks.
Her smile is sad. “I understood why. It wouldn’t have been fair to him if she kept in contact with her ex’s mother. But if you’re asking because you want to know if he was good for her, then yes. I believe he was exactly what she needed.”
Before I can even open my mouth to reply, she cuts me off. “But if you’re asking if she was good for him, then no. Regardless of our limited contact, it was clear to see that you were it for her. She and Parker shared something special, but nobody can force love.”
Eyes traveling back to the room connected to this one, I notice Kinley and her mother gripping each other’s hands. They both look at Sam, Gavin’s son, and smile over whatever he’s rambling about on his aunt’s lap.
Her mother touches her stomach.
And Kinley holds her palm there.
“You told me it was better to let her live her life instead of disrupting it,” I mention, turning back to my own mother beside me.
Her lips curve upward. “I did.”
My brows raise as if to ask why.
She laughs and pats my arm. “Darling, when have you ever listened to me? I knew as soon as you said you got the leading role that it was only a matter of time.”
I don’t say anything.
Something sparks in her eyes. “Who better to play Ryker than the man he’s based on, hmm?”
I narrow my gaze. “You read the book?”
“I’ll read everything that girl writes,” she answers simply, looking around me at Kinley as she plays with her nephew’s hair. “No matter what, she’s family and I am proud to know her. And the baby … well, I may not have seen that coming so soon, but I already love it because it’s a mixture of two people I love dearly.”
Not good at the mushy shit, I shift
in my chair until the wood creaks. “So, it doesn’t matter what the past is anymore. Lena, Parker, nobody matters but you two. And I think it’s best to realize that when you return to your worlds.”
I lock eyes on the chestnut hair that rests loosely down Kinley’s back. The way she coos at the little boy until he giggles makes emotion swirl in my chest as I imagine it’s our child on her lap.
I choke on the feelings settled into my throat until Mom rests her hand on my arm knowingly and caresses my skin with her thumb like she used to, to comfort me when I was younger. Kinley thinks everybody but us moved on from the past we’d created, but I think everybody always knew, whether they wanted to or not, that we’d end up here.
When I manage to look around at the two merged families together, I realize that we may have a long way to go before we’ve fixed things, but we’re trying.
And that’s more than I ever did before.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Kinley / 20
It was the kiss—a nice kiss that felt foreign but welcome. Soft but sure. A little sloppy and awkward in a I’ve-only-done-this-with-one-other-person kind of way but … nice.
The more I think about the first kiss, the more I accept my naivety. Parker’s lips aren’t as full as the ones I acquainted myself with in the past and they didn’t have an urgency like the ones I knew well did, but as far as first kisses with new people went, it wasn’t bad.
The second kiss was the same.
The third…
They were all just … nice. Good, even. And good isn’t bad, obviously, so I rationalized the tight feeling in my chest as a pesky cautious feeling since my past two experiences ended badly. It’s the same feeling that has me accepting that Parker’s kisses aren’t just friendly pecks.
My parents would ask about Parker since he visited Lincoln, and I’d tell them he was doing great. They know he graduated NYU because I went to the ceremony, and they know he’s been hired fulltime to work for Jamie because I’d gone to their celebratory party in the city. But I felt wary of offering them more information because I didn’t know what they thought of us and worried it was nothing good after Corbin.
