by Mercy B
“One more chance, G.”
“Why?”
“Because I ain’t letting no other nigga who push up on you make it, and that’s a promise.”
“Selfish. So selfish, Sosa.”
“I’ll be that.” He shrugged. “But I can’t let another nigga have what’s mine. Not when I am ready and willing to change to make this work. I ain’t never had my pops growing up, and you ain’t have ya old lady. Let’s give our child something that we both were missing.”
Sosa had mentioned his father’s incarceration before. It was crazy how we’d both been slighted in our childhood. Destiny and I were at odds, but I was happy that both of my parents were still alive. Sosa, on the other hand, had it bad. His father was locked away for life, and his mother had died.
“Let’s just give this shit a try.” Sosa closed in on me.
I found my back against the wall for the third time as I watched Sosa lower himself to his knees and palm my stomach. With both hands planted, he stared back up at me after feeling the movements of the baby.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“What do you want?”
“I don’t care. I just want a healthy baby.”
“I want a son,” he admitted. “I can’t take another G.”
We managed to chuckle at his sense of humor, knowing there was truth to the statement. “I can’t take another Sosa.”
“It’s moving?”
“Yes, Sosa. What else could it be doing?”
“Shit, I don’t know. I’ve never touched a pregnant stomach before.” He shrugged.
“Well, yes.” I simmered down.
“Listen.” Sosa kissed all around my stomach and then stood to his feet. He stared down at me as I stared up at his tall frame. “Let me make it better.”
“Sosa, I don’t…”
“Shhhhhh.” He covered my lips with his and cupped my pussy with his hands.
Upon contact, I melted in his embrace. Though I didn’t want to, I became wrapped in his kiss, not wanting him to ever separate us. I felt him push the waist of my leggings toward my ass and then over it.
“So…” I tried calling out to him as he pulled away from me.
“Shut up and turn around,” he demanded.
I missed this. I missed him. I missed us. My mind was in a losing battle with my heart. There was no doubt about the toxicity of his presence in my life, and I knew that I’d need to walk away from him. But that all went out of the window at the moment. Feeling him inside of me—that was the only thing that mattered for now. I would handle the extras later.
“Bend over.”
If he’d told me to jump five stories, I would’ve done it right then. His tone was so commanding, requesting my obedience that was received time after time. With each hand on the wall, I followed instructions while wishing that I hadn’t.
“Sosa.” My stomach weakened as I recalled what had happened minutes ago. “I can’t do this.”
“Chill, G. Let me get you right.”
“There’s”—gagging, I squeezed my lids together and tried to rid my thoughts of the images embedded in my brain—“there’s a fucking body over there.”
“Don’t concern yourself with that. My people will handle it. Face the wall,” his voice rang in my ear.
“But, she’s—”
“Face the fucking wall,” Sosa gritted out as he entered my oasis and caused a commotion amongst my wall. “Shit, G.”
He didn’t stroke. He didn’t move once he’d hit rock bottom. He didn’t allow me to move either. We both savored the moment as if it were our last. Leaning forward, Sosa sank his teeth into my back.
“Ummm,” I moaned, loving the pain he was supplying and the pleasure that I knew was sure to come.
Flashbacks of our first sexual encounter arose, draining me of my womanly fluids. Sosa was so forward and so rough. I loved every bit of the hood wood that he’d doused my body in from my mouth to my pussy. He’d filled me to capacity.
“Open up. Let me feed him to you.” My lips were moist, allowing him to rub his thickness across them with ease.
He’d laid me across the couch after collapsing and propped a pillow underneath my head. I wasn’t the one to administer head while lying down. Control was feasted on during my sexual encounters, and this one would be no different.
Grabbing the base of his dick with my right hand, I conjured a glob of spit from the back of my mouth and sent it flying onto his dark meat. As I gave him time to adjust to the introduction of my state-of-the-art blowjob, I maneuvered until my knees were on the ground, and I was looking up at him.
The intensity in his eyes was humbling as he communicated that I’d be needing a lot more neck and forehead sweat before he was merely pleased with my efforts. He’d knocked me out cold—for the record—so I knew that I had to come with it.
Summoning the saliva from the back of my throat, I spread it all over his dick with my tongue before pushing it into my mouth. A pretty big boy, Sosa was challenging, to say the least, but I welcomed it. My main focus was relaxing my throat and expanding it to accommodate his size.
Back and forward, I weaved my neck without the assistance of my hand. Each stroke I committed with my mouth allowed me to push Sosa a bit further down my throat than the first time. By the twelfth pump, I was able to slide him down my throat until I reached his ball sack. My gag reflex didn’t exist when I was on my knees.
“Shit!” Sosa exclaimed.
His moan sounded similar to the one he’d just released. I could still remember the way he gripped my hair and fucked my throat. My mouth watered, and juices collected on his dick as he began to stroke me from behind. In and out, Sosa was being a tease. Each time he pulled backward, he removed himself from my pussy completely and nearly sent me into a blind rage.
“Who pussy is this, G?” Snatching my hair from the loose ponytail that it was in and nearly disconnecting my head from my neck, Sosa wadded my tresses in his hand and deepened his strokes. “Who pussy is this, G?”
“Yours.” I’d tell him whatever he wanted to hear right now.
“Whose?”
“Yours, daddy.”
“And don’t you ever forget that shit. You remind any motherfucker that steps to you of that shit too.”
“Yes.”
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Damn, you feel so fucking good. Ya shit so wet.”
“I’m about to cum, Sos.”
I closed my eyes and tried counting the millions of tiny stars that popped and spread light in the darkness while simultaneously trying to stay aboard the wave that had washed over my body and threatened to take me under. My toes locked in addition to the stiffening of my limbs. I heard my soul cry as I yelped in pleasure and begged Sosa to continue his massacre on my pussy.
The room had gone soundless for a few. When I returned, I heard Sosa confessing that his peak was near. He had one more request, one that excited me as much as it scared me. I’d fantasized about it for months on end, even performing the act on camera for him to see.
“I’m ‘bout to nut, G. I want to cum in yo’ ass. You gon’ let me do that?”
“Yes.” Before I could keep the words from spilling, they’d flown through my mouth. “Yes.”
Immediately, Sosa removed himself from my vagina and placed the tip of his dick at my ass. I had never had anal sex, but I’d been preparing for this day for some time now. It had been over a year since I’d discovered the pleasure anal could bring me after experimenting on myself with the toys I bought sparingly.
In one swift motion, Sosa had plunged into me. I winced upon contact and tried to focus on anything but the excruciating pain. It felt as if my backside had been set on fire. The first stroke loosened me up. The second one helped me to erase the pain. The third stroke, Sosa was moving freely about. By the fourth stroke, a moan had escaped my lips.
“This shit feels too good. This what you been want
ing, huh?”
My head bobbed as I admitted, “Yes.”
“Tell me.”
“I wanted this.”
“I’m ‘bout to bust, baby girl.”
Sosa’s grip tightened on my waist as I felt his dick convulse inside of me. His strokes were faster and deeper until they weren’t anymore. The weight of his body rested on my back soon after. We were both spent.
After a shower, I emerged with a shirt that Sosa had given me to wear in the absence of any night clothing. He’d promised to get in with me only if he could get things squared away in the room we’d been in. I assumed he meant Jazmin’s body. At the realization that Sosa had dropped the girl without second thought had me shaking my head. He was insane. Yet I wasn’t afraid of him or what he’d do to me.
While waiting for Sosa to present himself, I made my way around the palace that he was currently locked away in. It was beautiful, everything aligning with the gold and white theme. Even the walls were white with gold trimming.
This place was fit for a boss. A lord. Sosa was one in his own right. The high ceilings and expansive staircase had me feeling royal as I descended them in search for the kitchen. Besides sleep, food was the only thing on my mind. I hadn’t eaten in hours, and my little one wasn’t so pleased with my decision or lack thereof.
“G,” I heard my name being called as I found my way through the enormous space.
“Where are you?” I searched for the source.
“Straight ahead and hang a left. I’m in the kitchen where you’re headed,” Sosa instructed from a distance. I wasn’t sure how he knew my every move until I made it to the kitchen and witnessed surveillance of the entire house.
“I thought you’d join me in the shower,” I said.
“I had plans to, but I wasn’t finished. Have a seat.”
“Where did this come from?”
The plate that Sosa set before me was filled with shrimp tacos and black beans. Before he could respond, I’d scooped one of the four up and bit into it. He was no fool and knew that I needed food fast.
“I had Gabriel whip it up while you were in the shower.”
“Damn. How long was I in there?”
“A little over thirty minutes.”
“I had no idea. Between waiting on you and the way the showerhead massaged my shoulders, I didn’t want to get out when I did,” I chewed and spoke at the same time.
“Then you shouldn’t have.”
During my time in the shower, there had been a shift in Sosa’s demeanor. His confidence had wavered, and he didn’t sound like himself. He’d softened, and I didn’t mean in an appealing way either.
“My stomach started growling.” I chuckled. “Are you okay, Sos?”
“Yeah. Just got a lot of shit on my mind, G. I’m good. I just was thinking about all of this. I want you to know that I apologize for putting you through it. I’ve never known how to consider anyone’s feelings but my own, and right now, I’m feeling like shit.”
I couldn’t lie and tell him that it was okay, because it wasn’t. So I nodded and continued eating. As I felt him staring at me, I regretted not responding to his confession because I could feel the sadness that consumed him.
“I’m going to shower. Maybe you’ll be finished when I get done. I’ll come scoop you so that you won’t get lost.”
“Sure.” I nodded.
Sosa returned about twenty minutes later and finished my final taco. I was too stuffed to eat it myself. I washed my food down with water, and he finished off a glass of something liquor infused. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew what it consisted of. Liquor.
Small talk was all that I was allowed, seeing as how Sosa had shut down on me. After some time, I announced that I was ready to lie down, and he rose from his seat with me right behind him. Sosa led me up the stairs and down a long, wide hallway to a room with double doors.
Behind the doors was nothing short of amazing. The large king-size bed with the canopy top had me head over heels. I always felt as if they were a bit childish, but this set up had proven me wrong. I marched over to the platform that was to assist in reaching the pillowtop mattress and millions of thread-counted sheets. I fell onto the pillows and rested my bones. They needed it, and so did I. Once I was comfortable under the covers, I noticed Sosa still standing by the door.
“Aren’t you going to come in?” I wanted to feel him near me.
“You sure?” he inquired with a raised brow.
“Positive. It’s been so long.” The sun was beginning to rise, enticing us both. “Get in. I’m exhausted.” I held the cover up and waited until he slid into the bed before turning my back toward him. When he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer, my heart danced. As I drifted into a deep sleep, I felt his hand caress my stomach and begin rubbing in a circular motion. In that moment, I felt whole. I was complete.
The large bed was lonesome. There wasn’t a sign of Sosa when I opened my eyes. The coolness from where he once laid assured me that he’d risen before me. For the first time in months, I awakened feeling renewed. I wasn’t sure what our future held, but I was looking forward to more nights with Sosa rubbing my belly until I fell into a coma-like sleep. My phone was nowhere to be found, but I could see from the clock on the stand beside me that it was one in the evening. I’d slept the day away nearly.
Stretching my arms, I silently thanked the thick shades that shielded the sun from my eyes and the rest of my body. I wouldn’t have been able to sleep so well hadn’t they been doing their job. Rolling over, I rubbed my hand across the empty space, remembering how good I felt to be at Sosa’s side again. We’d experienced a rough night that ended on a decent enough note for me to continue petitioning for his return. I’d lost the urge before he’d put dick down my spine and lulled me until I was asleep.
The sound of crinkling paper caught my attention. There was a small note in the bed that was poorly written, proof that Sosa had been the author before seeing his signature at the bottom. My eyes scanned over the words swiftly, heart crumbling with each letter that I sounded out to form the word before the words combined formed a sentence. The sentence formed a paragraph that simply made me physically ill as well as emotionally.
“No… No. No.”
G,
You’re right. I’m not the man you fell in love with. I’m the monster ya pops warned you about. Love makes me unstable. I can’t control anything with it in my presence. I know I’ve hurt you, and your disappointment will live with me forever. That’s a tougher sentence than life behind bars. I ain’t cracked up to be the nigga you need or the father my kid deserves. I put a gun to his mother’s head and wanted to pull the trigger. Twice. That ain’t love, baby girl. That’s obsession. I apologize for the man I’m not. Get up with my lawyer when you get back. You two are set for life.
Sos.
Tossing the cover from my waist, I jumped from the bed and sprinted out of the room. This couldn’t be happening. Sosa couldn’t be leaving me again. I should’ve known something was the matter from the way he’d shut down on me last night. After we’d made love, he shielded himself, or maybe he was shielding me. Whichever the case, I wasn’t with it. I was a grown ass woman, and I could manage myself.
With the note in my hand, I rushed down the hallway to find another room. Any room. He had to be there. Somewhere. Anywhere, but not here. It took me an entire hour to comb the palace-like adobe, and I ended up empty-handed. I wound up back in the room that I’d slept in, against the wall with my ass touching the floor. My emotions where running rampant. I didn’t know what I was feeling or how to connect with the disconnect I was experiencing. It was all quite baffling, much like the note that I read for the fourth time.
G,
You’re right. I’m not the man you fell in love with. I’m the monster ya pops warned you about. Love makes me unstable. I can’t control anything with it in my presence. I know I’ve hurt you, and your disappointment will live with me forever. That’s a tougher sent
ence than life behind bars. I ain’t cracked up to be the nigga you need or the father my kid deserves.
He was being a coward. He was doing to our unborn exactly what my mother had done to me, and that shit hurt. Giving my mother the benefit of the doubt, she’d held her composure until my final months before life. Sosa hadn’t been a part of my pregnancy, not one bit. He hadn’t come to one appointment or been anything more than an absentee parent as if he hadn’t forced this shit on me.
A baby wasn’t in my plan, but so what? Nothing ever went according to plan, and if I had to accept that, then he shouldn’t be allowed not to. I continued to dissect the letter, attempting to find a sign of uncertainty, but there wasn’t one. Sosa had meant every word he said.
I put a gun to his mother’s head and wanted to pull the trigger. Twice. That ain’t love, baby girl. That’s obsession. I apologize for the man I’m not. Get up with my lawyer when you get back. You two are set for life.
Sos.
“Fucking coward!” I yelled at the crinkled note as if Sosa could hear me.
Yes, he’d put a gun to my head, but dammit, he didn’t mean it. Sosa was suffering from conditions far beyond my diagnoses, but I knew one thing he wasn’t. He wasn’t stupid and would never pull the trigger. He couldn’t. He’d harm himself before he did me. So I wasn’t worried, and neither was I afraid. I was ready to help him sort through his issues, but he wasn’t giving me the chance.
And to mention his obsession with me was irrelevant. I’d dedicated my entire existence to his freedom for the past few months. Shit, I was obsessed. All the way to Mexico, I’d hunted him down when the police were still wondering where the hell he’d went and where the long ass tunnel he’d built had led to.
For six hours, I sat in the same position with my heart sitting beside me. It had been badgered and bruised, and I was wondering if I could ever get it rehabbed to where it once was before Sosa had come into the picture.
By the time I came up from the hard floor, the night had fallen again, and my stomach wouldn’t let me waste another minute on the floor, waiting for what wasn’t to come. That happened to be Sosa’s return. I was devastated, walking down the steps in search of the kitchen, completely and utterly hopeless. Sosa had managed to do it all again.
