by Lissa Kasey
Nate wondered what that felt like. Home. It’d been a long time since he felt home anywhere. Safe anywhere. He wasn’t really sure he wanted to leave the group right now. What if the vandals were out there somewhere? Nate started to protest, but Jamie stopped, looked briefly at Nate and nodded. He pulled off his gloves and handed his tools over. Nate hesitated, but did the same a moment later. Jamie returned to their pile of stuff, grabbed two bottles of water out of the cooler and handed one to Nate.
“Are you sure?” Nate asked him. “We should help.”
Jamie shook his head and put his arm around Nate’s shoulder as he steered him away from the group. “Drink some water,” Jamie said. “I’m not on duty today, and this is supposed to be a relaxing trip for you. The team has it. It’s not the first time it’s happened, won’t be the last. Sometimes people are just pigs. We have a donation fund at all the parks to help with the cost of this stuff. Federal and state funding is never enough, and the fire department volunteers for a lot of help duty, since they are waiting around for fires and other emergencies. Charlie and Jessie will tell you it’s all about prevention. Catch this stuff before it goes up and takes the whole island with it.”
“Only you can prevent forest fires,” Nate said, remembering the slogan of his youth.
“Exactly,” Jamie agreed.
Nate uncapped the bottle of water and took a drink. He continued to sip as they walked. Jamie dropped his arm and stepped away. A clear trail was worn into the vegetation curving down into the glistening brightness of water. They stood on the hillside, water just yards away. A million tiny sparkles of waves flickered in the distance. Farther beyond, the mountains towered overhead. The view stopped him for a minute. It looked like a postcard. Leaving Nate just … speechless. A beauty he couldn’t begin to describe and wondered if he would experience it more often now that he lived on the island with Jamie, or if even here it was a rare occurrence. He regretted not bringing his phone for a minute, or some sort of camera.
For the first time in what felt like forever, he felt something other than fear or numb disregard. Awe? Wonder? He wasn’t sure, though he still tried to label the feeling. Control over his emotions was crucial. If a year of psych wards, therapists, and endless mind-altering drugs had taught him anything, it was the importance of control. Or at least the perception of control. How long had he pretended to be the numb and uninteresting office worker? How many times had he fake-laughed at a joke or smiled with the lie of “fine” on his lips. Was that the value of his life? How few waves he created? Waves sometimes meant struggles, but staring out in the smooth rolling of them over the ocean, he realized it almost meant beauty and growth too. The way the waves rose and fell, lapped at the shore, and hid secrets, like the big orca whale that breeched the surface just then.
“Wow,” Nate said.
“Yeah, it’s pretty amazing,” Jamie agreed.
“I wish I’d brought a camera. This is one of those moments I think I’ll look back and wonder if it was real, or just my brain playing tricks on me. My memory is just not great some days.”
Jamie pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Nate. “Take all the pictures you want. Whatever you need to prove this is real, today, tomorrow, ten years from now.”
Nate snapped a few pictures. He wandered farther up the little ridge, catching new angles of the mountains and even the glimpse of a whale that Jamie pointed out.
“There aren’t usually whales on this side of the island,” Jamie told him. “Though sometimes they pass by. I think it has to do with the vibrations of the boats on the other side. Not a lot of boats over here. Jason, Graham’s boyfriend, does whale tours from shore. They are on the east side of the island, up by the resort.”
“Resort?” It was the second time Nate had heard it mentioned.
“There’s a couple of camping style resorts on the island. Private land you can camp with nicer amenities than the state park,” Jamie said.
“How nice? Like a hotel?” Nate wanted to know. That sounded like his kind of camping.
“There are a couple of tiny houses if you want the high-class stay. Mostly it’s just full showers and bathrooms in their parks. Some have swimming pools since the ocean is so cold here a lot of the time. Wi-Fi parks is a thing now too. Camping trailer hookups. We have two here in the state park, but they are almost always reserved and no one can stay more than three days. Some people stay in the resorts for half the year.”
“Camping?” Nate was incredulous.
“Sort of. It’s not really camping when you have hot and cold running water, and electricity.”
“Oh, the horror,” Nate joked.
Jamie laughed. “I’m hoping you’ll like camping.”
“Bugs? Hard ground? Strangers leaving messes?” Nate pointed out.
“All judgments you’ve made on very little knowledge. There’s also sunshine, beautiful views, and fresh air. Let’s head back. It’s after lunchtime.”
“Will we be eating squirrels?”
“You’re mean, and no, there’s not much meat on a squirrel anyway. I brought kosher hot dogs, some fruits and veggies. I also have trail mix in case you get the munchies later. All on your approved foods list.” Jamie turned back down the trail. Nate followed, not rushing to catch up as he was certain he wouldn’t get lost on the very obvious trail. He was shocked to find they’d been gone over two hours. Two hours and all he’d done was appreciate nature and take some pictures.
He scrolled through the pictures on Jamie’s phone. Some he had taken really captured the beauty of the area. As much as any picture could. Further back the pictures were all of animals. Dogs, cats, Harry, Mattie, a couple of a nest of what looked like chipmunks. No selfies, no sign of Jamie doing what Nate thought most single straight men did, Tinder hookups, dick picks, that sort of thing.
“What are you looking for?” Jamie asked.
“Dick picks,” Nate said. “The hot selfies you send to girls you want to bang.”
Jamie snorted. “Yeah, no. I’m too old for that shit. And no one wants a dick pick. Dicks aren’t pretty. That’s why sex is called bumping uglies. I’m extremely thankful that I am old enough to have done most of my stupid before the internet.”
“I think some dicks are pretty,” Nate said.
Jamie’s eyebrow rose as if to say really?
“Okay, not pretty, exactly. Attractive? I mean, I like boy parts.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to think they’re pretty. People talk about butts and boobs all the time. I don’t know if it’s because of my years on the force, or the college science, but it’s all just anatomy to me. When I worked as a cop in southern California, before I got married, I saw some bad shit. You have to learn to think that way after a while. Anatomy, instead of people. Victims are bodies. Thinking about them as human beings with emotions, families and lives, makes finding their corpse hard. Being a cop up here was easier, even while having my hands tied by more local rules. The only dead we saw then were car wrecks or the occasional home death. Wrecks are the worst. Hard to think of people when there are parts all over the road.”
Nate had never thought about that part of the job before. Television made being a police officer sound either sexy or like a criminal. They saved people, hunted criminals, or were bad and shot people. But they were also first responders in a high stress job. “I guess that makes sense, as horrifying as it is.”
Jamie nodded. “I love the ranger gig. Animals are so much nicer. The trees don’t judge. The wind just blows.”
They were both silent for a minute before they busted up laughing.
“That was so cheesy,” Nate wheezed, holding his ribs.
“I know. I realized it the second I said it. Wow.” Jamie reached over and pulled Nate into a sideways hug. “Aren’t you glad you’re stuck with my cheesy ass? Soon you’ll be spouting silly poetic things too.”
“Gross,” Nate said, shoving at him. “You’re all sweaty. Keep your cheesy ooze over ther
e.” And they laughed all the way back to the campsite.
Chapter 12
Nate expected there to still be some mess, or at least some of the crew hanging around, but they were gone. The clearing was spotless, and their stuff had been dragged into the middle of the log divider area.
“Let me get the fire started and I’ll have you roast the hot dogs for lunch while I set up the tent,” Jamie said.
“Do I look like a caveman to you? Do you prefer them raw or burnt to a crisp?” Nate asked.
“Smart-ass. You just hold them in the fire until they start to get a little dark around the outside. You don’t leave them there.” Jamie made quick work of starting the fire. He used a small paper-like stick and a lighter.
“Isn’t that cheating?” Nate asked. “You being a ranger and all?”
“And we can’t use modern technology? I can start a fire from rubbing two sticks together. Did that in the Boy Scouts, but it takes forever, and it’s almost always too windy for it.” He pulled out two long metal sticks with prongs on each end. He dug a package of hot dogs out of the cooler and opened them, sticking one dog on each stick, then gave the handle end to Nate. “Fire heat meat, argh, grunt.”
Nate laughed at Jamie and shoved him lightly. He took the sticks and sat down beside the fire, holding the dogs over the flame and studying the distance, while Jamie unpacked the tent. The entire area was quiet. Not silent in a creepy way, just absent of the sounds of humanity. No planes or cars, people or music, just wind, birds and bugs. Nate could see the appeal, but wondered how long it would take him to go stir-crazy. At least they were only out here two days.
Watching Jamie put the tent together was a bit like magic. At first it was just a roll of fabric, poles, and string. Then it was a big dome with windows and a big door.
Nate cursed as one of the hot dogs fell off the fork into the fire. “Shit.”
Jamie glanced up and laughed. Nate dug out another and carefully put it on the fork. He held the first hot dog up higher and studied the coloring. It was a little darker, but not cooked as far as Nate could tell. He’d always been a microwave hot dog sort of guy.
The tent was huge. Nate wondered if it would be comfortable at all, or just keep them from getting wet if it happened to rain. Jamie took the rolls that had been strapped to his pack inside the tent once it was secured and a minute later returned and pointed to the sticks.
The first hot dog was black.
“Sorry. I’ll eat that one.” Nate felt bad for wasting more food. Would they have enough for two days?
“We have plenty, it’s fine.” Jamie sauntered over to the fire and sat down beside Nate, taking the stick with the first dog and scraping it off into the fire. He put another on the stick and handed it to Nate, then took the second dog and turned it, studying it for a bit. “I did bring the fixings for s’mores. I’m just worried they will give you a headache. Troy said sugar and chocolate can cause migraines sometimes.” He dug a set of small metal plates out of his pack and set them at their feet. He deposited his hot dog on it and stuck another in the fire. “Protein first.”
The idea of getting s’mores made Nate’s stomach growl. He put his dog on his plate. Jamie handed him a second one to cook, and a fork to spear the first with.
“Careful it’s hot,” Jamie joked like Nate hadn’t just pulled it out of the fire. It was hot. Like lava hot. But also smoky and brilliant with flavor. Nate wondered if he’d ever had a hot dog so good. It didn’t need a bun, or any sauce. He usually drowned his in ketchup and mustard just to mask the flavor of the highly processed meat.
“It’s good,” Nate said between bites. He watched his other dog carefully, turning it so all bits could be that nice smoky bite.
“Kosher beef. Important stuff. Been my favorite for years.” Jamie was on his fourth hot dog.
Nate stopped at two. He wanted to try the s’mores, but also didn’t want to overeat yet. If he got a migraine, well he could curl up in the tent and sleep for a bit, right? Maybe he’d think about it for a while. He hated the idea of being out of commission on the fun trip that Jamie had planned. And a migraine could make him so nauseous that he’d not care how good anything tasted. “I’ll think about the s’mores. But I’m good for now.”
“Yeah, best not to eat too much right now. I’ve a little hike planned. Spend some time in the woods, then back in time to see the sunset over the mountains.” Jamie packed away the hot dogs.
“Hiking hiking? Or are we just walking like we did today?”
“Hiking is just walking. Sometimes the path is just a little more rugged.”
“So is our path going to be more rugged?”
“A little. But not so much you’ll notice. I want you to bring your pens and your book folder. We’ll have some time up there. Away from the world. Maybe you’ll think of some pretty things to say.”
“Describe the flowers and stuff?” Nate said, teasing mostly.
“No flowers this time of year. Leaves are starting to change though, and that’s something worth taking note of. I’ll give you my phone once we get there too, so you can take pictures.” Jamie got up and started packing up his bag, much lighter now, and dowsed the fire. “Expect to be tired by the time we get back to camp tonight. Physically tired. Maybe emotionally tired.”
Nate was already tired, but that seemed to be his new normal. “What if someone takes our stuff while we are away?”
“Nothing important to take. Anything left here at camp I can replace. That’s sort of the point of camping. Surviving on the basics. Even if it’s only for a few hours. Oh and that reminds me.” He took a small garbage bag out and pulled something out of it. It looked like an odd toddler’s training toilet only bigger. “Graham left this for us. It’s clean. Thought it might make you feel less weird about having to pee out here.”
Nate made a face as he realized it was some sort of camping toilet. A chamber pot, that’s what it reminded him of. Like all the historic fantasy novels he’d read in his youth.
“It’s a compost toilet. Everything absorbed by the sawdust. You just go and then sprinkle a little of the dust on the top.” Jamie motioned to the small bag of brown particles.
Nate didn’t even want to ask about number two, but he knew he’d break down eventually. His brain just had to know. Questions and unsolved riddles, never sat well with him, part anxiety, part stubborn curiosity. He checked his pack for his book and pens. He hadn’t unpacked anything so it was all still there. He was as ready to go as he was going to be. Walking he could do, though he kind of wished he had little Harry to hop along beside him, for a distraction if nothing else.
“Ready?” Jamie asked after he was certain the fire was out.
“Sure.”
Chapter 13
The hike really wasn’t a big deal, not like Nate’s brain had been telling him to expect. There were no mountains or steep trails. No broken rocks or cliffs to cross. It was mostly just a trail through the woods. Nate could hear water. Both the ocean and something that sounded like a stream, though they hadn’t encountered either yet.
Jamie pointed out certain types of trees and occasional wildlife. They saw a couple of deer, lots of rabbits, and even a red fox on a ridge above them. They stopped at a small overlook with huge boulders butting up against a dense section of trees. “We’ll be here for a bit,” Jamie said. “Pull up a rock.”
The spot was the warmest they’d been, the rocks heated by the sunlight. But the wind blew through them, a near howling thing filled with the bitter bite of the chilled water beyond the rise. Nate was thrilled he’d brought a coat. He’d have been frozen without it. He found a little cubby in the valley of a rock and crawled in, hoping he wasn’t damaging wildlife. It took him a few minutes of fidgeting to find a comfortable position. Jamie handed Nate his phone with a stern warning that it was for pictures only.
“You won’t get any reception out here anyway.”
“Okay,” Nate agreed. He hadn’t been on social media in a while
. Would anyone have noticed he was missing? Not enough to do anything about it. The one who cared had come, hadn’t he? Nate smiled at Jamie and began snapping pictures. Not just of the sky and the scenery, but of Jamie too.
Jamie sprawled across another large, flat rock, like he was sunbathing. He had closed his eyes and let his arms hang wide. He could have been snoozing for all Nate knew. And it didn’t matter, did it? Nate felt safe and happy, as fleeting as that was. His best friend was five feet away and they were on an adventure together. That was something worth remembering, right?
“Thanks for coming for me,” Nate whispered.
He saw Jamie’s lips curve up in a smile. “Anytime. Thanks for not putting up much of a fight.”
Nate dug out his book folder and flipped through it until he found a page to write. Words came slowly, stumbling and tripping him up as he tried to meld them into something with meaning. This time it was just about gratitude and Jamie. How one man, one friend, could be so amazing as to just give him everything and demand nothing in return. Was he for real?
Nate sighed a content sound. He could nap here too. The sun warmed his skin and his eyes felt heavy. It had been a stressful day. Was napping in the wild safe? Would there be bears to maul him? Wolves? Rabid raccoons?
Jamie’s rock was pretty big. Would he be upset if Nate joined him? It was a nice sunny spot, and Jamie would notice something off long before Nate did. Nate eased himself off his little perch and tiptoed to Jamie’s side.
“You okay?” Jamie asked without opening his eyes.
“Just wondering if you’re willing to share your rock. In case of bears or something,” Nate said lamely, though he really did worry.
