by Lissa Kasey
“Okay, Nate. He’s done this before,” Nate told himself. “Jamie said he likes to climb the roof. Maybe if I do something normal, he’ll just come down on his own.”
Nate went inside and retrieved his book folder. He and Harry spent a lot of time in the hammock together while Nate read, napped, or worked on his book. Maybe he would come down if he saw the opportunity to snuggle.
He made his way to the hammock and got comfortable, head full of worry for Harry and ideas for his book plot. It was a bit of a mess right now, but the binder seemed to have a way of sorting it all out as he completed the activities.
Progress on the book was slow, but he’d gotten through the entire tab for act one, all his character and world-building information. He was now in the second section which focused on plot building, side plot structure, and matching characters with conflicts. Many of the activities led to writing short scenes and dialogue. None if it flowed together yet, but he could begin to see something building. It was exciting and terrifying all at once. Would he finally complete something?
Well, he’d completed a few books when he was younger. Things he’d be embarrassed to let anyone see now. Likely, it was the inadequacy of his old works that made him hesitate now. If this little workbook could help him get over that…it would be worth its weight in gold.
He worked for almost an hour and Harry still didn’t come down. Instead the goat seemed to be pacing the roof like he was stuck. How did he stay up there like that with hard little goat hooves? It wasn’t like he had cat claws.
“Fuck,” Nate muttered getting up. His anxiety was increasing, though much slower than it had in the past. He decided to send Jamie a text and see if he had another idea for getting the goat off the roof.
Harry has been on the top of the roof for a while and won’t come down. Any ideas?
A few seconds later Nate got a reply back.
Jamie: Take his leash out of the cupboard and shake it where he can see. He’s always up for a walk.
Could it be that easy? Nate headed over to the leash cupboard and found Harry’s leash. He held it up to where Harry was again peering down on him and shook it. “How about a walk, little dude?”
Harry let out an excited cry and began his careful descent. Nate took note of the goat’s path, thinking maybe he and Jamie could brainstorm ideas to keep him off the roof. Nate was horrified by the thought that one misstep could result in major damage to the little goat. Jamie had a big house, but Nate didn’t think even Harry, the super mini goat, could survive a two-story fall.
Harry leapt to Nate’s side, bouncing like the little ball of energy he was. Which of course, made it difficult to get the harness on him. “You’re a brat, you know that, right?” Nate asked the goat.
The second he was strapped in, Harry bounded toward the gate. Nate followed, letting the goat have a long lead so he could get out all his energy.
“I don’t know where you get it from but can you share? I could use a nap.” He turned them in the direction toward town because people would excite Harry and wear him out sooner. “Maybe after your walk we can nap?”
Harry didn’t care. He nibbled on weeds as they passed and stopped for attention from Charlie at the fire station. In town was much the same. Everyone stopped to greet the goat. Nate remembered a few of their names, though everyone seemed to remember him and said hello.
“And if it isn’t the little flower-eating monster,” a voice said from behind them as they were nearing the vet clinic.
“Hey, Troy,” Nate said.
Troy threw Nate a grin and then knelt down to receive affection from Harry. Troy made kissy faces and baby-talked the goat. “Who’s the cutest little flower destruction warrior on the planet? Huh? Is that you? I heard talk that someone is trying to get a butterfly garden set up in town. Buffet for you, right?” He petted the goat fiercely, even hugging him.
Nate had a moment to think about what a great guy Troy seemed. He liked animals, got along with everyone as far as Nate knew, and seemed very reliable as well as smart.
Finally Troy let the goat go and offered a hand to Nate. “Hey, Nate. How you been?”
Nate took his hand and enjoyed the firm grip and warm smile for a minute. “Good. Getting a lot done.”
“Yeah? How’re your headaches?”
Nate had to stop to think about it. He hadn’t had one. Not since changing his diet. He and Jamie hadn’t even started adding foods back in yet. Nate was doing fine just cruising along on the basics. “Absent, which has been amazing. I’d almost forgotten…”
Troy nodded. “The human memory for pain is short. Otherwise we’d never do anything that could bring us pain again. I’m glad things are looking up for you. You look good. Getting a bit tan, I think.”
Nate blushed. “I’ve been walking a lot. Spending time outside in the hammock.” It wasn’t exactly warm as the days ranged in the mid-sixties, but it was warm enough for Nate.
“It looks good on you. So does the smile.”
Nate looked down, feeling a bit awkward with being complimented after living in chaos for so long. “Thank you. You look great too.” Troy had great hair and beautiful bone structure like those Asian television stars Nate saw online sometimes. His perfection made Nate feel inadequate. At least Jamie always felt real to him, and not like he’d stepped off the cover of some magazine. He knew Troy didn’t think that way, but Nate couldn’t help where his brain went sometimes. Why would a guy like Troy even talk to him? Nate pushed off the negative thoughts, reminding himself that the world wasn’t always so black and white. Jamie had reminded him more than once that “How you see yourself, is not how the world sees you.” Nate often wondered just how the world saw him.
“Headed to work?” Nate asked.
“Just on break. Off at six.” Troy glanced down at Harry then back up at Nate. “Don’t suppose you’re free tonight? I’d love to take you to dinner.”
Nate thought about it for a few seconds. It had been years since he dated. Were there new guidelines? He’d have to go home and research first. But what could it hurt? Even if it didn’t work out, Nate could use more friends. And Jamie was probably sick of having Nate in his business every second of his life. Most nights they sat on the couch and watched movies or TV together. It was just one more thing that helped set a routine for Nate. Nate enjoyed the time. He and Jamie talked a lot. It was always comfortable, but Nate still worried he was a burden to Jamie. In reality, the perfect guy for him was Jamie. If Jamie were gay. The two of them fit together perfectly. Bastian had been right about that. Nate still dreamt of that great romance. Like the stories he read filled with true love and passionate kisses. Would he ever have that with Troy? Probably not. And that was okay. Nate might never have it with anyone, but he still had his best friend.
“Lori’s has a great menu for food allergies,” Nate said.
“They do,” Troy agreed.
“As long as you don’t mind being seen with me in a very public place.” Nate paused for a minute wondering if they were on the same page. “On a date.”
“Not at all. Is seven okay? That will give me enough time to get ready. I can pick you up if you want, or meet you there.”
“Let’s meet,” Nate said. He didn’t want to feel like he was obligated to go home with Troy. That was a step that would still need some time before he conquered.
“Great. Seven at Lori’s.” Troy offered his hand.
Nate took it and wondered if they were supposed to hug or kiss or something. He needed to get home and research.
“I’ve gotta get back to work,” Troy said.
“Right. See you later,” Nate agreed. They parted ways. Troy looked back a few times before darting into the bakery, likely for a sandwich for lunch. Nate steered Harry back toward home.
“Short walk today, little buddy. No more roof time, okay? I need to look up how to date someone. It’s been years.”
Nate lost a few more hours to his OCD research. At least it wasn’t medical th
is time, he told himself. He’d read enough first date stories to stir a huge wave of anxiety in his gut. He skipped lunch and spent time trying to put together an outfit for dinner. A pair of dark grey slacks and a white button-up seemed dressy enough, but not over the top for the diner. His hair, however, was a different story. When had it gotten so unruly? Had he always had natural curl? He didn’t have time to get it cut.
The sound of a truck pulling into the driveway made Nate jump. Shit. He’d forgotten to tell Jamie. He also hadn’t prepared dinner like he normally did. Nate glanced at his watch. No, he didn’t have time. But he could see if Jamie wanted him to bring something home from the diner. Or make him a sandwich. Did they have supplies?
Nate raced downstairs to look in the fridge for something he could throw together. Nope. Tomorrow would have to be a bacon day. If he set the reminder on his phone, he’d get it done.
He heard Jamie come in behind him. Then silence.
Nate closed the fridge and turned around. “Hey…” Jamie always looked good in his uniform. Though tonight he looked tired too. He wasn’t staying as late as he had been, but apparently, he and Graham had been doing a lot of rounds in the park to keep an eye out for whoever had trashed the place.
Jamie’s gaze rolled over him. “You look nice.”
“Yeah, so about that…” He sighed. “I accepted a dinner date with Troy. And then I forgot to make dinner for you.” His OCD had gotten the better of him, but he was still too ashamed to admit it. “I’m sorry. I can bring something home for you from Lori’s,” Nate blurted out.
Another beat of silence. “You’re going out with Troy?”
“Just dinner.”
“Are you ready for that yet?”
“It’s just a meal together. He seems nice. Has asked me out a bunch of times.”
“How many is a bunch?” Jamie wanted to know.
“Like three or four, I guess. I took Harry for a walk today and ran into him in town.”
“What if he wants to take you home after?”
“I’m not ready for that yet. Troy doesn’t seem like the type of guy to push.”
“But you don’t know him that well,” Jamie pointed out.
“No,” Nate agreed. “I figured since he was a friend of yours, he couldn’t be a bad guy, right?”
Jamie took that in for a minute. “No. Not a bad guy,” he agreed.
“I’m sorry about dinner. Do you want me to bring you home something?”
“You’re not here to make me meals. I can feed myself,” Jamie said a little bit grumpily.
“But I like making you meals. It makes me feel useful. I like doing things for you.”
Jamie closed his eyes a minute and took a few deep breaths. Was he mad at Nate? Or maybe Nate just annoyed the shit out of him. Finally he opened his eyes and gave Nate a tight smile. “I’m glad you feel useful. I enjoy your cooking. I like having you here.”
Nate couldn’t suppress his smile. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Even when you’re annoying and telling me to eat breakfast when I’m racing to my truck after waking up late with cats wrapped around us both.”
“Sorry, but food is important. A protein-rich breakfast…”
Jamie held up a hand to stop the lecture he’d likely heard a dozen times from Nate. “I know. I read the research links you sent me. I eat it, even if I’m not awake enough to enjoy it.” He walked past Nate into the laundry room to deposit his work shirt. He came back out, shirtless, and Nate wondered if he was gaping, like an air-deprived fish. He felt like he was.
Had Jamie gotten leaner in the past few weeks? Or bulked up? He had a bit more muscle showing on his bare upper frame and new definition in his tummy even if it was only faint. His pants hugged his thighs tightly. Nate had to work not to examine him further.
“I’m going to run up to the shower. Are you leaving for your date already?” Jamie asked.
Nate checked his watch. “Ten minutes?”
“Date starts at seven?”
“Yes. It’s just food,” Nate defended again. “At Lori’s.” Very public. Which suddenly made Nate nervous. What if people started hating on them because they were two queers hanging out at the best restaurant in town? But hadn’t someone told him Bastian and Charlie regularly went?
“How about I text you at eight. If everything is going okay, you just text back okay. If not, send back the word mayday and I’ll think of a way to politely intercede.”
Who said those kinds of things in real life? Politely intercede. “Okay,” Nate agreed.
Jamie hesitated another long minute, his gaze intent on Nate. His jaw clenched, but he said, “Text me if you decide to go home with him. So I don’t worry.”
“I’m not going home with him,” Nate said.
“Mhmm,” Jamie said.
“I’m not. He’s nice, but I don’t do casual. Never have.”
“What if you decide you’re madly in love with him while on this date?”
Now Nate did gape at Jamie. “Does that happen in real life? I mean I have already met the guy, and he’s nice, but I’m not in love with him. A single date won’t change that. The only person I think I care about in the world right now is you, and that wasn’t instant either.”
“You love me like a friend,” Jamie clarified.
“Of course.” Because Jamie was straight, Nate had never dared to step across that boundary. Though if he had to admit it, his love was more than just friendship. If Jamie told him right that minute that they could be together, Nate would be all in. If friendship was all Nate could have, he’d ride that train too. “Troy might become a friend too.”
“Is that what you want?”
“For us to be friends? Sure. Everyone needs more friends. It doesn’t have to be more.”
Jamie smiled. “And would you have even tried to make friends a year ago?”
In the height of his illness? No. Another sign of his healing, though slow. “No. I wasn’t such a great friend to you then, even though we’d been friends for years.”
“Water under the bridge. I understood. I’m happy you’re making friends. Maybe you can try the writer’s group next?”
“Maybe,” Nate agreed. He’d already been thinking about it. “If I survive this date.”
Jamie looked him over again. “Be careful.”
“Is there something about Troy I should know about?” Nate asked.
“No.” Jamie said. “I just worry about you. Want you to be safe.”
Nate grinned. “Isn’t that why I’m here? So you can keep me safe?” Even if it was just keeping him safe from himself.
Jamie nodded. “Yes. I guess it is.”
Nate stepped forward on instinct and hugged Jamie. It was awkward for a second because he’d forgotten that Jamie wasn’t wearing a shirt. But Jamie accepted his hug and returned it, engulfing him in a fiercely protective hug that brought Nate’s nose to Jamie’s shoulder. Why did Jamie always smell so good?
“Thanks,” Nate said after a moment and pulled away. “I don’t plan on being out late. I just wanted to try, you know?”
“Try?” Jamie asked.
“To be normal for a change.”
Jamie waved his hand. “Normal…”
“Like other people,” Nate corrected.
“Still not necessary. You’re fine just the way you are.”
A dozen negative thoughts crossed Nate’s mind, but he refrained from voicing them, instead he shrugged. “Always good fodder for my writing, right? Gotta catch up. I’m about fifteen years out of practice and can’t write about things I don’t know.”
“I don’t think there’s much you don’t know.” Jamie narrowed his eyes at Nate like he was on to him. “Just how much time did you spend researching dating today?”
Busted. “A couple hours.” Nate’s OCD was not anywhere near as bad as it had been a few weeks ago. But he was still working on shifting his focus to get out of the compulsion when it happened.
“Can we start a new p
rocess?” Jamie wanted to know. “When you feel the need to go researching something, anything, text me first. I’ll monitor the time and can try to throw distractions at you.”
“Okay,” Nate agreed. “Sometimes it’s overwhelming though, and I just have to know the answer to something.”
“And what if there is no answer?”
“That’s why I get frustrated and lost in searching for hours.”
Jamie shook his head. “Yeah, we need to work on that.” He sighed. “Go. Or you’ll be late. I can feed myself. And I’ll text you at eight. Remember, mayday.”
“I doubt there will be a mayday, it’s just Troy.”
“Who can be cute and funny, or a total dick depending on the situation,” Jamie said and headed for the stairs.
Nate stood there a moment, wondering about Jamie’s choice of words. He thought Troy was cute and funny? Why did that make jealousy rise up in Nate’s gut?
Chapter 21
Nate made it to the diner five minutes to seven. He parked, and tried to remember what Troy’s car looked like. But his scattered memory did another proverbial shrug and Nate gave up trying to find it. He headed inside and glanced over the booths as he walked up to the server. No Troy that he could see yet. It was in that moment he realized he didn’t know Troy’s last name. Was there a reservation for them? Did Lori even take reservations?
“Table for one?” the hostess asked.
“I’m meeting someone. I’m sorry. I don’t know his last name. First name is Troy. He works at the grocery store pharmacy. Do you know if he’s here yet?”
“I know him. But I’ve not seen him yet. Let me get you to a seat.” She showed him to a booth and promised to send Troy his way. Nate’s gut churned with worry. His phone said it was seven. Maybe Troy wasn’t the punctual kind?
But he’d been on time to the bakery.
The waiter came and Nate ordered a glass of water. He fidgeted with his menu. The water came. Fifteen minutes passed. No Troy. Nate couldn’t keep his eyes off the door. His stomach hurt with the worry that everyone was looking at him, knowing that he sat alone and had been stood up. He also thought of a thousand reasons why Troy would be late. Maybe he’d been in a car accident, or got caught at the pharmacy late and was now racing to get there.
