What would it be like to have only him for company for such a long trip?
I heard Ben talking to the butler in the hall, and before I knew it he was walking into the room. Vance stood to greet Ben, and then everyone else followed suit as he made the introductions. As I stood alongside Vance, I couldn’t help but notice Ben’s gaze travel over us; an almost embarrassed look fighting to transform his otherwise smiling face.
When he took my hand in greeting, I wanted to sink into the floor. Had he heard the rumors? I wasn’t sure what exactly he knew about our engagement, but just the fact that Vance and I had gone from hardly knowing each other to becoming engaged and sitting there in Everwood together in such a short amount of time would have seemed a little risqué to someone like Ben. And if he had heard why…would he spread the rumors around Boston?
But no, he wouldn’t ever do that; he wasn’t that sort of person. That was why I’d always liked him so much. Because he was good. But the way he looked at me made me wonder if he had actually had some hidden feelings for me all that time? And if he had, why hadn’t he done or said something about them? Even during our last dinner together at Everston he had acted as if I hadn’t meant a thing to him, that he was perfectly all right with leaving Laurelton and never seeing me again.
He was exactly the kind of man I’d always thought I would marry, if I’d had the chance. And there he was, looking, suddenly, in all honesty as if I’d hurt his feelings by choosing to become involved with someone like Vance Everstone.
I’d never been in love with Ben, and the sudden thought of him attempting to kiss me as Vance almost had days ago, shifted through my thoughts, giving me pause: would Ben have ever been able to create such feelings in me?
I doubted it. Even now, as he stood facing us, I knew there wouldn’t have been the same kind of barely controllable passion as I’d already experienced with Vance.
Although Vance and I had hardly seen or spoken to each other for days on end, just spending time and talking with him about our future as we had in the last twenty minutes had helped remind me how easy it was for him to draw me in. As much as I apparently tempted him beyond all reason, I couldn’t deny that the struggle would likely be just as strong on my side, whenever it was he did get around to kissing me.
For some reason, although we’d come to where we were by accident, it was evident that it was an easy attraction between us. And over the five days since arriving to Everwood, I’d come to respect Vance’s strict rein on the physical aspects of our relationship.
If it meant keeping those charged emotions from developing into an all-consuming fire, it would be well-worth it. I’d never in my life been tempted to think of letting go of my own foundational moral restraints, but that was also before someone as intriguing as Vance stood within my reach.
11
Deeper
“He had been held to her by a beautiful thread which it pained him to spoil by breaking….”
—Thomas Hardy, Far from the Maddening Crowd
Later that evening, after an awkward dinner in the company of the ever-watchful Ben Whitespire, Vance cornered me in the hall as I made my way to the parlor where the women were waiting for me. Vance and I hadn’t been alone since we’d met in the library on the day of our arrival, and I wasn’t sure what he wanted. He didn’t usually want to be alone with me.
As I followed him down the hall, my hand on his arm, my stomach twisted and turned.
He didn’t want to spend time with me, did he? But there he was, escorting me down the hall. It shocked me how comfortable I felt with him. Who was this man? This Vance Everstone, who seemed firing mad at me one day and calmly collected and attentive the next time I saw him?
When we finally were shut inside a nearby room, his back to the tall wood door, he unlinked our arms and sighed.
I didn’t move far from him, situated at the frame of the door, waiting for whatever was to come. I secretly hoped it would be the culmination of what I’d seen in his eyes after I’d dared to kiss his cheek in my overflowing gratitude regarding Fairstone.
When he didn’t say anything—only stared at me—I said, “You bought me a house.”
“I thought we might need somewhere to live.”
“You’ve done so much for me, Vance. Given up so much. I can’t help but think you would rather be back at Everston, in your solitary room, or roaming back and forth from Bangor, taking care of your lumber company, not settling down the street from your family.”
“It’s good to be back with them after all these years. I realize that now. I wouldn’t have been able to come back without you.”
“Surely, you would have been fine. They love you.”
He smirked playfully. “They love that I brought you home with me.” Vance still stood against the door, and I moved on into the room—which was merely another sitting room, but with a large piano and a golden harp situated at one end.
“So this Fairstone house needs to be renovated?” I asked. “And you want to get married there?”
“It’s as good a place as any. None of the fashionable churches in town will have room in their calendars for at least a year and a half, possibly two.”
“And you want to get married this year.”
“Before the summer is through, in fact.”
Didn’t most engagements take some time, for whatever reason? Perhaps to let the bride get used to the changes happening in her life? Perhaps it wasn’t that strange of an occurrence to get married so quickly when you matched well.
But did I match Vance? I felt like we did at times, but then there were always the times he shut me out on purpose. Would he be like that after we were married?
Vance didn’t move too far from the closed entrance of the room, though I’d made my way to the beautiful harp and stopped to admire it. I’d heard of the instrument, but I’d never seen one in person. It was much taller than I’d ever imagined, and the sight was awe-inspiring.
“Won’t remodeling Fairstone take time?” I eventually asked.
“The project will be finished in time, don’t worry. I’m hoping to have it completed by the middle of May. But I’ll need your help in selecting flooring and wallpapering and such. And furniture.”
“Will we need to bring someone—?”
“Yes. And we’ll begin with your rooms.”
“My rooms? Won’t the entire house be ours together?”
“The bedchamber and sitting area directly attached to the master’s suite is reserved for his bride.” Vance looked almost bashful for once.
“And I suppose you’ll expect the door to be unlocked?” I asked.
His normal, self-assured grin crept over his lips. “The door?”
I blushed, embarrassed that he’d made me specify.
“Between our bedrooms.” I didn’t look at him now, but fingered the chords of the harp softly, apprehensively, for I didn’t know what to expect if I actually strummed them with any force.
“My hope is that the door will always be unlocked.”
Finally, still without looking at him, I glided my fingertips over the chords and the most marvelous sound filled the room with haunting echoes. And that was when I took the chance to say the words I feared asking, but desperately wanted the answer to. “Even though you don’t love me?”
He took his time in answering, and I couldn’t help but wonder what that meant.
“My time as Giselle’s husband, although it didn’t start out properly, and for as short as it was—and turbulent—we did have a consummated marriage.” He circled the piano, keeping it between us as he spoke. “And it taught me that settling down, having an everyday, committed companion, and hopefully someday a family of my own, wasn’t all that bad of an idea. I wasn’t planning to jump back into making that happen any time soon, but here you are.” His every word had come out cautiously, as if he’d thought upon each one carefully before uttering it. “Don’t you think we could make it work?”
“I think we can,” I con
fessed, hoping I didn’t seem too eager to comply. “I know this probably isn’t proper to ask, but you will be faithful, won’t you? I know there are all kinds of husbands—”
“In the past, it might not have meant anything to me to be trustworthy or faithful to anyone, but you will be married to a new creation—to the new man—who wants to be those things in all ways.” Vance moved away from the piano, but stopped himself from coming too close. “Violet, I hope to have your forgiveness for getting you into this mess…for having to marry me against your wishes, but also for everything I’ve done before….”
“It is my goal, Vance. You already have my forgiveness concerning our situation, but really, none of it was actually your fault.” I swallowed awkwardly, wishing to reassure him. “I have to admit, though, I might not fully realize what doing so about the latter concern will require of my heart until much later, when I better understand everything. But I will try.”
This didn’t require an answer, and he didn’t give me one. But he did come around the piano just then, slowly, his eyes never leaving my face. It so often seemed as though there was a constant battle going on inside of him regarding me. He obviously found me attractive, but almost struggled with the fact. I suddenly recalled his arm coming around me earlier, and the flash of hunger in his eyes right after I’d kissed his cheek.
It didn’t make sense to me why I enjoyed his attention so much, and why he created these tense feelings in me.
Would he ever love me? I knew many marriages were built on less than ours would be. And if the rumors about his past were even half true, making women fall for him seemed to be something he did quite naturally. It was certainly proving to be true for me. I had high hopes for our union, because if he remained as he’d been in the last two weeks, for the most part, I was quite sure I’d have little trouble falling in love with him, no matter his past. I hoped with all my heart that he would come to love me too, for all of his good intentions. But I also realized, at the same time, that it wasn’t a guarantee.
Vance had made his way around the piano, slowly advancing toward me.
Backing up, I clumsily bumped into a chair, landed on the armrest and then immediately slid off to stand behind it. I really just wanted to avoid the same kind of terrible response he’d had the last time we’d come to be so close in an otherwise empty room.
Most likely because of my inelegant retreat, he’d seemed to come to his senses by the time he reached me. He no longer looked as if he wanted to devour me—which I found to be rather disappointing.
I was utterly pathetic.
“My family seems to like you, just as I knew they would.” He was so vague sometimes; what did he mean by that? Could he tell I hadn’t believed him on that score?
What else could he tell? That he had my heart wishing for things that I didn’t understand? That because my future was now so intricately connected to his, I had no qualms about his desire to make our marriage real and not just contrived for the sake of my reputation?
And how would I ever come to say such things to him without sounding like a complete wanton?
“They are involved,” I said half to myself, for I was definitely referring to more than just his relatives. “But they’re kind. Which reminds me, I should go—”
“Wait just a minute, don’t go yet. There’s a reason I brought you in here, before I got distracted.” Vance walked across the room to the table where he’d set his folder. He pulled a pamphlet out and handed it to me, turning it over.
“I wanted you to have this, so you’d be able to watch out for Steele, to let me know if you happen to see him lurking about.” Vance pointed to a grainy image of a man at the bottom of the paper labeled Rowen J. Steele.
He didn’t look like a rotten gambler who would trick Ezra into promising him his sister for the sake of covering a bet. He looked nothing like I’d imagined—and not scary at all, really. But I knew from briefly meeting too many of the men who’d pressured Ezra into transforming my mother’s beloved ancestral home into a brothel that outer appearances oftentimes had nothing to do with the inner hearts of man. And if all Vance had told me was true, Rowen J. Steele seemed the perfect example of how deceptive appearances could be.
“He’s not going to succeed, Violet. Not if I can help it.” Vance stood around the edge of the small table, I assumed mostly to gauge my reaction to seeing Rowen Steele’s photograph.
“Do you really think that Mrs. Ward finding us in my dorm room was my brother’s doing?”
“I can think of no other explanation. I don’t recall anything from between when we were attacked and when I groggily awoke to her shouting at you—for what definitely looked to be good reason.”
“The most embarrassing moment of my life.”
“For as much as Ezra’s to blame, he seems to be trying to figure out how to keep you from Steele as much as I am. I’m not sure how cutting your hair off played into his scheme, and I’m not even certain this engagement to me will put a definitive hamper on his plans.”
“What do you think Rowen Steele wants with me?”
“I’m sure everything you have to offer, Violet. And just because he can. I told you about the bet, but I didn’t mention that I’d offered to buy the bet back from him.”
“How much did you offer him?”
“Twenty thousand.”
My safety was worth that much to Vance? But then his comment about comparing me to rubies came back to mind. I’d looked up the verse from Proverbs in the concordance Vance had made use of our first day at Everwood and thought of it quite often. It was a good reminder, after all: “She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her.”
“And he refused?” I finally asked. “How would I have ever paid you back if he had agreed to take it?”
“You wouldn’t have had to, because you never would have known a thing about it.”
“And you would never have had taken a special interest in coming to Everston so much when you did, getting to know me for the sheer benefit of protecting me.” I picked up Vance’s folder from the table and placed the pamphlet back inside.
“Keep it.”
“I’d rather not.”
“If that’s what you would prefer.” His voice was gentle; he had such an air of protection about him…at least when it came to me. It was one of things I liked best about him. No one had ever made me feel as safe as he did.
What on earth had induced Vance to try to win me back from this Rowen Steele before he’d met me in the first place? Could it be that under everything he purposefully displayed to everyone, he had a good heart?
I could only hope.
I decided against moving away from him, although he was now only about a foot away, and I was certain I needed to join his sisters soon before one of them came looking for me. Still not moving my feet, I flipped through the papers in the folder and again caught a glimpse of the photograph of Fairstone.
“I really thought he’d take the money. And now I doubt he’ll be surprised to find that we’re engaged, for whatever the reason. At least not nearly as surprised as Ben was to see us together.”
“You don’t think Ben already knew? That no one had happened to tell him?”
“He isn’t the biggest gatherer of gossip, as I’m sure you’re well aware.” Vance huffed, as if frustrated. The same kind of response he often had whenever the subject of Ben Whitespire came up. “I haven’t spoken to him, well, since any of this happened.” Vance indicated to the space between us, as if there was actually something there physically tying us together. “Dexter’s been in contact, but I think it was a shock for Ben. What did you think of his response?”
I had every intention of pretending that I had noticed nothing untoward in Ben, but for some reason I couldn’t allow myself to lie to Vance. “I think that he was sorry, that he regretted being too late.”
“Are you sorry he was too late?”
I swallowed as Vance took a step
closer, coming to stand mere inches from me. But he definitely wasn’t interested in kissing me now. I didn’t know what he was doing, or what he wanted.
Collecting my wits, I added, “He’s a fine upstanding gentleman, whom any girl would be lucky to—”
“I know. You’ve said all that before. But how strong were your feelings regarding him two weeks ago?”
“I thought I liked him. But he never indicated that he….”
“That he what?”
“I don’t know. I have no idea what he thinks, what he’s ever thought about me.”
“Oh, I can tell you right now what he’s thinking. That man is sick with jealousy, because you’re now mine and not his.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I stood my ground, hoping to make a point that it didn’t really concern me anymore what Ben thought.
“None of this makes you want to run into his arms?” Vance asked. “Because he is the better man; you’ve said as much before. He’s a pastor intent on taking a mission; he wants to serve God with his every breath. And you’re the kind of girl who would value such things.”
“I could never do that, run into his arms. I’m engaged to you. I feel safe with you. And I hardly know him.”
“You hardly know me.”
“I know enough. I know you have a strong heart.”
He huffed again. “Like I said, you hardly know me.” Vance abruptly crossed the room toward the door to the hall, the frustratingly random wall going up without warning. I felt as if he was again suddenly closing himself off from me. I knew leaving just then would only make things worse, and so I followed him. Would I ever truly get through to him, even after our wedding?
Before reaching the door, he turned and I almost ran into him.
“I forgot to tell you. I found your Aunt Letty; she actually doesn’t live too far away.”
“In Westborough?” I asked, suddenly wishing I’d allowed myself to crash into him.
“South Boston. She has two adult children living with her, Cal and Mabel. Do those names sound familiar?”
The Cautious Maiden Page 11
