“Come if you want,” Vance spoke over his shoulder. “You know I have plenty of room.”
14
Going Home
“Kiss me, so long but as a kiss may last!”
—Percy Bysshe Shelley
Vance’s carriage did fit the six of us, fortunately. It was wide and spacious. Miss Abernathy insisted upon sitting next to my aunt, which meant Roxy sat with them in the frontward-facing seat, and I sat in the seat facing the back of the vehicle with Mabel and Vance on either side of me.
It was the first time Vance and I had been forced into such a position, squeezed up against each other as we were. I was pressed against his side as he sat with his legs sprawled out. I tried to breathe normally for those twenty minutes it took to get to the doctor’s house; I tried to focus on my aunt and how she was feeling, but the intense warmth I felt from sitting so close to Vance was distracting, to say the least.
Upon arriving to Dr. Meade’s fashionable residence in one of the row houses of Beacon Hill, the housekeeper met Vance and I at the door. After Vance had explained the situation—that he wanted the doctor to examine his fiancée’s closest and dearest relative—Dr. Meade brought out two male servants equipped with a lightweight portable bed to help bring my aunt into the house. Dr. Meade’s wife, who had remained inside with the housekeeper, greeted us amicably and led the entourage to a spare bedroom on the main floor, which was decorated just as finely as what I’d seen of the rest of her generously sized townhouse.
Upon arriving, Vance sent a missive to his family at Everwood explaining what had happened and that he and I were in the company of Miss Abernathy. All of this fuss wasn’t what I’d expected from him at all, but I certainly couldn’t complain. Surely, Aunt Letty would get the best care for whatever ailed her, and it was all because of Vance’s thoughtfulness.
By the time Aunt Letty had been thoroughly examined, more than enough time had passed for my cousin Cal to have received the message regarding his mother at The Propylaeum. And yet, after we waited another hour for the doctor to decide whether he would have Aunt Letty stay close at hand in case the episode repeated itself, Cal still hadn’t arrived.
Dr. and Mrs. Meade were more than happy to let Mabel stay the night with her mother; since it was determined it was most likely her heart which had been acting peculiar. And just as this had been decided, there came a knock to Dr. Meade’s front door.
Vance and I had turned down the hall as the doctor’s housekeeper opened the door, and I spotted someone who looked as if he could very well be my brother Ezra’s twin enter through.
Since there really was no one to make introductions for us, Vance quickly walked me toward the front door and interrupted the housekeeper’s questions, “I assume you’re Violet’s cousin, Mr. Cal Hawthorne? I’m her fiancé, Vance Everstone.” He let go of my hand and offered it to my cousin, “And this is your cousin, Violet, of course.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you both.” Cal took Vance’s hand and turned to me as he shook it. “Yes, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make it back at the time I’d indicated to my sister. I looked forward to meeting you at the tea rooms, under better circumstances than this.”
I smiled in agreement and shook his hand as well. He didn’t seem to be a no-gooder. Although he looked very much like Ezra, there was a difference in the upright way he carried himself. He was also dressed well and had impeccable manners.
He continued, “I had a bit of a run-in with some scoundrels along the road on my way back into town.” At this, Cal’s eyes shifted downwards, and I suddenly wasn’t sure whether to believe him or not.
I spied Vance checking the time in a nearby grandfather clock, and decided it was probably too late in the evening to continue the visit. “We should probably go; Vance’s family knows of the situation, but they are expecting us home soon.”
“Don’t let me hold you up; it was a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I’ve heard so much from mother and Mabel.”
“We’ll have to have the three of you to dinner at Everwood,” Vance offered. “And my father’s wedding is coming up. It’s a private affair, but I think we can squeeze in a few more invitations. I’m sure the rest of my family would love to meet Violet’s closest relatives.”
At Vance’s not-quite-true words, Cal’s eyes again shifted downward, and I wondered just how much he knew about my rascal of a brother.
“That’s a gracious offer,” my cousin answered, “which I’m sure we wouldn’t be able to refuse, Mr. Everstone.”
***
It was already around nine o’clock—much later than I’d imagined it would be—when Miss Abernathy, Roxy and I set out for Back Bay with Vance in his carriage.
“To Hilldreth Manor,” Vance directed to his groom.
Miss Abernathy had just seated herself next to Roxy inside and answered him through the open door. “Oh no, you ought to take Violet home to Everwood, and then drop us off—”
“It is fine; it will only be a few minutes from Hilldreth Manor to Everwood, and not worth the running about.”
“Oh dear, I suppose, since you are engaged already, a few minutes’ privacy in a carriage won’t hurt anything.”
“Thank you, Miss Abernathy. I know we’re all exhausted, I’d just like to get everyone home as soon as possible.”
“That does sound like a grand plan.”
Not much was said on the ride to Hilldreth Manor. We were all tired after such an evening.
And then there was Vance—my ever-favorite subject to think and worry about…and daydream about.
He was seated across from Miss Abernathy, Roxy and I on the way from Dr. Meade’s house to Hilldreth Manor. By the passing glow of a streetlight through the windows, I could tell that his eyes were fastened onto me for the entire ride. Was he thinking the same thing I had since he’d explained his plan to drop them off first—that it would leave us alone in the carriage?
Vance hadn’t said much to me while at Dr. Meade’s; he’d been too preoccupied with taking charge of the situation and making sure everything was as he wanted. Miss Abernathy, Roxy, and I had spent the majority of the time in Mrs. Meade’s parlor, having more tea to make up for the fact that we’d missed half of what would have been served to us at The Propylaeum.
When Miss Abernathy and Roxy were both safely behind the doors of Hilldreth Manor, the carriage slowly lurched forward down Commonwealth Avenue toward Everwood. Without a second thought, I quickly took advantage of the steady lamplight, stumbled across the open space between our seats, and landed with an inelegant thud beside Vance.
“Oh, Vance,” I almost sobbed as I cuddled my right shoulder in between his body and his left arm, burrowing as deep as I could, wrapping my left arm about him. “What a day.”
He didn’t answer, and I closed my eyes, my cheek rested against his chest. I could hear his heart beat wildly beneath my ear, but my comfort really came in having his left arm wrap around me, bringing me closer. Of all the times he’d made me feel like melting inside from heated glances and gentle caresses, this was such a different sensation—as if we were melding together, becoming one.
Despite how secure it felt to have him hold me like that, the troubles from the day would not leave me.
Rowen Steele was still a threat.
Why was Mabel suddenly so distant?
How ill was my aunt? Would I lose her so soon after finding her?
And what was my cousin Cal really like?
Once I’d settled my mind a bit, and my breathing calmed, I opened my eyes to the darkness and pulled away from our tight embrace. I felt foolish for throwing myself at him as I had, even if it had only been for a much-needed hug.
Vance was loathe to let me go; I could tell. His strong arm stayed in place, and I didn’t try to escape again. He peeled the glove off of my left hand and held it with his right, slowly pressing each of my fingertips to his lips. He let out a long breath. “We really ought not to—”
“I know.”
/> “We’ve already been thoroughly compromised as it is, and forced to marry.”
I loosened my left hand from his grasp and reached for his face, blindly taking in every beautiful angle of his strong jaw, soft lips, and chiseled nose with my bare fingers. “I think compelled would be an appropriate word to use for us…for what’s happened…and what’s happening between us.”
I felt his lips lift into a smile under my fingertips at my use of his own words.
He used to be such a different man, infamous for his scandalous exploits. It grieved my heart to think of all he’d been forgiven, but somehow by knowing the redeemed man, I couldn’t help but feel for him, so deeply. More than I would have thought possible with any man only weeks ago. The unexplainable connection between us promised so much, if only he would let me in.
Vance brought his hand to hold mine against his warm cheek. He then kissed my palm. He had to feel it. It couldn’t just be the fact that we were forced—or compelled—to marry.
“It’s only appropriate that this all started with something as pure as my desire to help you out of the dire circumstances you weren’t even aware were a threat.” He pulled back the lacy cuff of my sleeve, his mouth creating a burning trail to my wrist, where he stopped, and simply held the evidence of my raging feelings to his lips.
I sucked in my breath, tried to breathe normally—but it was impossible.
“But in return for this gallant effort, Violet, you’ve stolen my peace.”
And that’s when the carriage stopped in front of Everwood.
I closed my eyes, wishing it didn’t have to end. Vance let go of my wrist, then took his arm from about my shoulder. By the time I opened my eyes and tried to effectively gain some control over my emotions in hopes of seeming perfectly normal to anyone else I might come upon, Vance had exited the carriage and was holding the door for me.
I came down the metals steps, his bare hand holding mine as I did so. I tried to hurry away up the sidewalk, unsure of what to do, but he held me back, linking his hand to my elbow.
“Thank you, James,” Vance called over his shoulder to his groom. “Go on ahead.”
The carriage creaked down the street on its way around the block to the alleyway behind Everwood.
Vance walked me the short distance to the door close beside me, but there was a sudden urgency about the way he did so that I didn’t understand. Was he trying to get me into the house, in the presence of anyone else so he wouldn’t be forced to continue the conversation from the carriage?
But then he stopped me under the stone archway, basically an alcove far from the lamplight, right there along the street where no one would see us…unless someone from inside Everwood were to open the door.
Vance stood before me, but since we were enveloped in darkness, I couldn’t tell exactly how close he’d come. “I want you to understand something, Violet.”
“What is it?” I asked, sure that now I would be reprimanded for my emotionally overzealous behavior in the carriage, forcing him to admit things he apparently wasn’t comfortable sharing.
“The slightest thought of you wreaks havoc within me.”
That obviously wasn’t what I expected to hear from him.
“I care for you, Violet,” he continued. “More than I’ve cared for anyone else—”
“Anyone, ever?” I hardly knew how to believe him, but everything from the carriage moments before came crashing back. Yes, I could believe it. And I would.
“There’s a closeness between us I’ve never experienced.” Suddenly there was a new apprehensiveness to his words, as if admitting as much took some effort. “Have you?”
“Never.”
“Not with Ben?”
“Why must you bring him up? There was nothing—” I reached into the darkness between us and quickly found the lapels of his jacket. He was actually already much closer than I’d imagined.
I wanted to shake Ben Whitespire from his head. But instead of shaking Vance—I would never have been able to anyway—I just brought him closer. He took a step, closing the distance between us. We were but an inch apart.
He let out a long breath. “I’m not sure if kissing you is a good idea.”
“It is,” I sighed, “most definitely. Let me assure you….”
“I’ve never held myself back from anyone so diligently, Violet.”
I loosened my clutch upon his jacket.
“I don’t think you realize,” he leaned in over my shoulder, breathed the words against my ear, “just how difficult it is for me not to want to try everything I know. It’s so easy…it would be so easy….”
“I don’t want everything, Vance. I just want…something.”
Without a word, Vance tipped my chin, and slightly tilted my head so I felt his breath against my jaw. And that was where he kissed me, at first.
My fingers again clawed into his lapels, bringing him crashing into me, pressed against me. He backed me against the stone wall bringing his face to mine. My eyes were shut against the darkness, but I felt how close he was to all of me. I couldn’t resist him being so tantalizingly within reach, and I nudged his nose with mine, urging him to do what I couldn’t do myself.
He lifted my jaw again, and this time, he finally brought his lips against mine, and I finally, truly knew what melting was like. All of those other times I’d felt like pooling to the floor were nothing to this. His smooth lips moved gently, effortlessly over mine, and I pressed in farther, shifting one hand to the back of his neck, wanting to convince him I was indeed kissing him back, in case he wasn’t sure. At this, he tilted his head a bit more, deepened the kiss, and somehow managed to moan my name at the same time. His hands were at my waist, pulling me close.
I brought my palms to his face, my fingers rested against his cheekbones, trying to understand how I’d come to this; how I’d ever come to fall in love with Vance Everstone.
“Violet,” he repeated quickly, between kisses and labored breaths, his hands still pressed against the small of my back. “Violet, you have no idea—”
I broke away just enough to speak, but quite breathlessly, “You’re right, I really don’t—”
With his lips still just barely against mine, and his hands not letting up, he whispered: “Ben wouldn’t be doing this if he—”
“I don’t want him the way I want you.”
At this sudden turn, his hands eased off of my back, and his lips slid to my jaw, and then my ear, until he simply breathed into my hair.
I would never be able to walk from the sidewalk to the front door ever again—passing that exact spot—without blushing profusely. “We should go inside; your family is probably—”
“I’m not going in.” His voice seemed heavier than before. “Not right now.” He let go of me completely and backed a few steps away.
“But your family—”
“You can explain all that happened, and that I dropped you off. I need to go.”
“I don’t think they would mind that you—”
“Violet, trust me. It’s best that I leave right now. Having more…of this….” He motioned to the space between us. “It’s too tempting.” Vance took a step for the door and pounded the knocker.
“What will I tell them?”
“Tell them I had things to do.”
And before the Everstone’s butler came to answer the door, Vance had disappeared out of the alcove and down the sidewalk, out of my sight.
15
The Walk
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not.”
—Blaise Pascal
Sunday, April 24th, 1892
Has anyone seen Vance?” Nathan Everstone walked into the breakfast room, escorting his wife, Amaryllis.
“As far as anyone can tell, he never came home last night,” Dexter answered. “Violet, did he explain where he was headed when he brought you home?”
I wanted to crawl back to my room at this abrupt news, and having to make Vance’s vague excuses onl
y made me feel all the worse. “He said he had things to do.” I put my fork down, hardly able to think about taking another bite. I had so been looking forward to seeing him over breakfast. Where had he gone? And where was he now?
The general gist of our conversation before he’d left the night before raced through my mind, and a sudden vision of Vance’s tousled hair and bare arm sprawled over my pillow in my dorm room came to me. Only now it wasn’t my pillow, or my room, but someone else’s….
Where could he be? Why hadn’t he returned home?
Was it because he couldn’t face me after that kiss? Had I done too much, pushed him too far? I’d unknowingly stayed up half the night deliriously and happily reliving every moment from the time we’d dropped Miss Abernathy and Roxy off at Hilldreth Manor to our time at the front door of Everwood. And now I wondered if I should have been crying instead, because I simply couldn’t understand my fiancé.
“You could contact the office, perhaps he’s spent the night there?” Natalia offered, trying to seem cheerful.
Dexter cleared his throat—not that it made a difference in how gruff his voice came out. “I’ve already sent someone to Everstone Square. He wasn’t there.”
“I’m sure he’ll show up for church this morning,” Natalia persisted. “He’s probably…he’s probably just—I bet he’s at Fairstone. He did say the master suite was—”
“But why would he go there when he has a perfectly ready—and much warmer, I can imagine—room here?” Natalia’s husband, George, reasoned. “It’s not as if Fairstone is livable.”
“Well, wherever he is, he’ll show up soon enough. That’s how Vance is, isn’t it?” Estella sat down beside her husband. “Leave for Europe for years with nary a word to any of us, and then he just drops right back into everything like it was nothing.”
Although there were some days I didn’t see Vance at all, I’d at least known he’d be around, never far away. That seemed to have made all the difference between my feeling safe and secure in his protection—if not always in his regard—and not. For now, knowing that he’d purposefully left for the night with no real explanation to me or anyone, I felt like I hardly mattered to him. Despite the fact that he’d kissed me quite thoroughly right before he’d left.
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