“What are you doing?” she asks, looking over at me.
“Taking you somewhere so you can calm down,” I say as I set my phone to navigate and pull the car back onto the road. As we drive along, my chest aches with my need to comfort her. I feel like I’ve handled this all wrong, and I don’t want to take her back to a flat full of people while she’s this upset. This is the best I can think to do.
Sixteen
Paige
“I can’t believe this. After all she did to me. She gets to have her happily ever after. This is bullshit!” I screech, shaking with the rage I feel at seeing my mother again after so many years. “I hate her Elliot, I hate her so much that I can’t even breathe through it.” I pace up and down the room as he sits on the edge of the bed watching me rant. “She looked for me? Bullshit she looked for me. It’s been twelve years. You’re telling me she couldn’t have gone through every Paige Larsen in the phone book a thousand times by now? Who the fuck does she think she is? Everything that happened to me is her fault. She was my mother! She was supposed to care about me.”
I stop pacing and shut my eyes, placing my hands on either side of my head and gripping handfuls of my hair. My mouth opens, and a wretched cry unrecognisable as my own, comes from deep within me. Two firm strong arms slip around my waist as Elliot pulls my body against his rock-hard chest. I collapse, literally. My knees give way and my body sags against him. I’m hanging off him, sobbing wildly against his chest. He holds me steadily while I cry, kissing me in my hair and shushing me.
“It’s OK. I'm here. You're not alone anymore. Everything will be OK,” he repeats like a mantra, slowly calming me down.
Scooping me up as though I’m a child and weigh next to nothing, he carries me over to the bed and places me gently down, smoothing my hair out of my face. Lying next to me, he curls his body around mine and holds me tightly, protectively. My heart aches so much, and I just want it to stop. But I don’t think it ever will.
At some point, I fall asleep in his arms, overcome with the exhaustion but filled with a comfort that only he can give me. No one else makes me feel this way. No one else gives me hope. I’ll miss him when he goes.
Elliot
I lie on the bed, holding Paige tightly as she sleeps, all the while replaying the morning over and over in my mind, mentally kicking myself each time. I feel like I let her down. I should have taken her home when she asked me to the first time. I was supposed to protect her, and now I feel like all I did was put her in a position to get her heart broken.
I run my free hand over my face as I stare up at the ceiling. I’m a little out of my depth here, and I don’t know what to do or say to help her. I’ve been harbouring so much hate towards my own father for using his money to control me for so many years, but at least my mother has always been supportive of me. And really, my father cares about me too—he just wants things for me I don’t. I feel selfish and spoilt. I was given everything while Paige had everything torn from her when she was cast out into the world on her own. I dread the thought of what her life must have been like since then. How the hell did she even survive?
When I feel Paige stir, I reach over to smooth her hair away from her face. She wore it out in her natural curl today, and it’s not keen on being tamed. After a few attempts, her face is free, and we’re looking at each other.
Her hand scrunches tightly as she pulls at my shirt, urging me toward her. I slide down the bed a little so our faces are level, touching her face softly, trying so hard to be what she needs right now.
“Kiss me, Elliot,” she whispers, her eyes swimming with more tears she has yet to shed.
I brush my lips lightly on hers and slowly deepen the kiss as she responds fervently. Our tongues slide against each other as we moan softly into each other’s mouths, pulling at each other’s clothes, repositioning ourselves, so she is on top of me, her legs straddling me either side.
She moves her hips against me, rubbing herself up and down my already hard shaft. Watching her as she works, I’m lost in the sensations of what she’s doing to me as my fingers ache to feel her skin underneath them. Sliding my hands under her shirt, I massage her breasts, tweaking her nipples gently as they stand erect between my fingers.
Erotic whimpers escape her throat as she leans down, kissing me and rocking over me. I feel close to bursting and try desperately to keep myself calm. Removing my hands from underneath her shirt, I thread my fingers through her hair, holding her head steady as I trail kisses down her delicious neck.
She has a look of pure ecstasy on her face as she rocks. I don’t think I have ever been this turned on fully clothed. Placing her hands on my chest she sits up and continues her movement, gasping and moaning, causing my head to swim and my body to scream with my need for her, until finally she opens her eyes and cries out, her hips stilling to a gentle pulse before she collapses in a heap on my chest. I breathe steadily, amazed by what I just witnessed. The throbbing in my own pants threatening to explode each time her body moves as she’s heaving against me.
“Do you have anything with you?” she whispers breathlessly in my ear.
“In my wallet,” I say, reaching over to the bedside table where I’d placed my phone, wallet and keys when we arrived.
She sits up to undo the top button of my jeans and then pulls at the button fly to pop the rest, releasing my erection. I lift my hips as she works my jeans off my legs and drops them at the end of the bed, removing her own jeans at the same time.
Tearing the foil open I pull out the condom and move to apply it. “No, I want to do it,” she says, climbing on top of me and reaching out to take the circle of rubber from my fingers.
She pinches the bubble and places it on top of my shaft, rolling it down to the base in long languid motions. As she positions herself on top of me, I hold my breath, waiting for her to take me inside.
Looking at me wickedly she uses my tip to tease her opening, flinching slightly as she moves it over her clit and back again before slowly sliding down my length. She does this little grind when she hits our deepest point, and I moan, placing my hands on her hips as she rides me.
She squeezes herself around me, and I’m excruciatingly close to coming, but I don’t want this to end. Her face is perfect as she focuses on her movement, grinding against me each time she takes me in.
“Are you sure about this, Elliot?” she whispers in between her moans.
Gripping her firmly, I hold her hips still, stopping her movement and getting her full attention. Her eyes focus clearly on mine and a slight look of panic flits across her face.
“Sure about what?”
Her eyes close and I can see she’s on the verge of getting upset again. “About me… about us…”
Reaching up, I take her face in my hands, keeping her steady so she can’t look away. “Paige, open your eyes.”
For a moment she squeezes them tighter, but I wait, gently stroking her cheeks with my thumb, until they flutter open, focusing again on me.
“I want you, Paige. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I have wanted you. So yes, I’m sure. I’m fucking positive.”
Her eyes close again as she sucks in her breath, and I draw her face towards mine, crashing our lips together as we continue our movement, pressing our bodies together until there isn’t even a millimetre’s worth of space between us.
She’s still wearing her shirt, so I pull it up, urging her to take it off. She complies, removing her bra, dropping them down the side of the bed before reaching down to lift my shirt.
I crunch up and remove it, dropping it with hers before I lie back and pull her toward me, kissing her passionately. My chest aches from the intensity of my feelings for this woman. I want to possess her, to know everything there is to know about her, to spend every living moment with her. But I know that, emotionally, she’s holding back, keeping herself just outside of my grasp, and I wonder whether she'll ever surrender fully to becoming ‘us’. I deepen my kiss, wanting to hold on so
badly, knowing this could all be too fleeting.
She makes noises while she kisses me. I can tell she’s about to come again. I try not to move too much more than a small pulse as we fully connect, letting her guide the rhythm. When she cries out, I finally let go as well, pushed over the edge by the pleasure from her moans.
She lies down on my chest again, breathing hard, and I roll us both so I’m on top now, kissing her face, her neck. I run my fingers over her body and enjoy the smoothness of her skin beneath my fingertips.
Placing her hands either side of my face, she guides me so I’m looking at her. There is such adoration in her eyes as she gazes up at me, tears still threatening to spill I lean down and kiss each one, tasting a slight saltiness on my lips when I do. Her hips rock up against me and I'm hard again, moving inside her, setting aside my worries and losing myself in our blissful connection.
Paige
Being with Elliot is a heaven I never thought was possible for me to experience. I don’t think I ever want to go back out into the real world again. I don’t want to face the things I have to face, or speak of the truths I have to tell. I just want to be right here, right now, connected with him, forever.
Seventeen
Elliot
As we lie together, naked and wrapped around each other, I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be. I feel like I’ve found myself in her arms, and I don’t want to let her go.
“I’m so sorry for making you go in there. I should have taken you home,” I say to her as she lies on my chest, tracing her fingers in between my abs as I twirl her hair around my fingers, enjoying the way it coils around each one like a spring.
“You didn’t make me do anything, Elliot,” she answers.
She sits up to talk to me, and my eyes fall to her breasts—I don’t think I’d be a guy if they didn’t. She doesn’t speak, so I drag my eyes back up to hers, and she’s smiling at me. But it doesn’t touch her eyes or display any happiness; it's thoughtful and a little sad.
“Are you going to be OK?” I ask out of concern, smoothing my hand against the skin of her arm.
She looks over at the closed curtains of the hotel room window and sighs. “I just wasn’t expecting her to be there. I barely even got to say two words to him. It feels like we wasted the trip out here.”
“There isn’t a moment of time around you I consider a waste, Paige.”
She turns her attention back to me and looks slightly pained as she smooths her hand down the side of my face. “You have such a beautiful heart, Elliot.”
Paige
He’s looking up at me, and my chest hurts from caring about him so much. Why did this man have to come into my life? I was surviving fine without him, and now I don’t feel like I can even breathe without him near me.
We’ve gone from meeting on a plane to being a constant in each other’s lives in a little more than six weeks. I don’t know how I’m going to say goodbye when he leaves. All I know is that I need to be with him, perfect like we are now, for as long as we can. I don’t want to tell him any more about my past. I don’t want to ruin what little time we have together with the evil I used to be. I want to be new. I want to be with him.
He takes my hand from his face and kisses my palm, pulling me down to lie beside him. His fingers trail up and down my back as he leans up on his arm, studying my tattoo. It feels strange having someone look at it after keeping it covered for so many years, kind of like my soul is exposed.
His voice is low and intimate when he speaks. “Is this how you see yourself?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you see yourself as a phoenix, rising out of the ashes?”
“Not really,” I answer, rolling over to face him.
“Well then… what does it mean? You said it’s to remind you of everything you don’t want to be anymore. What don’t you want to be, Paige?” He sits himself up, so he’s leaning against the headboard as he waits for my answer.
I look away from him as a tear spills from my left eye and try to discreetly wipe it on my pillow. Taking a deep breath, I sit up, clearing my throat.
“I just… don’t want to be who I was. It… um, it’s kind of like my cross to bear—if that makes sense. That’s why it covers my back, and the phoenix means… that I hope something good can come out of all the wrong… that’s all.” I glance at him as he studies me intently. I can see he isn’t happy with my answer, but that’s all he’s getting for now. I just want the next six weeks with him and then I’ll tell him everything. Then I’ll let him go.
In an obvious move to shift his focus, I swing my leg over to straddle him, grinning wickedly as I lean in to kiss him. He’s a little slow to respond, but when I use my hand to stroke his shaft back to life, his kiss becomes much deeper.
His hands move up into my hair as he pulls me toward him, delving into my mouth with his tongue. He breaks free and holds my face away for a moment. “We can’t go all the way this time,” he informs me. “I don’t carry multiple condoms around in my wallet.”
“That’s fine,” I say, kissing him between my words. “We just won’t penetrate.”
He lets out a moan as he dives back into the kiss, his fingers in my hair and his chest pressed against my own. I can feel his shaft hard between my legs and slide myself up the length of him, careful to avoid the tip.
“Oh, you’re like silk,” he says into my neck as he nips at my ear, then flips me onto my back. I laugh in surprise at the suddenness of his movement but quickly slip into oblivion as he slides down my body and settles his mouth between my legs.
Elliot
After doing everything we possibly could to each other without having actual sex, we both fall asleep, exhausted, and curled around each other. It’s dark when I open my eyes to the sudden music. At first I don’t realise where I am, but I quickly remember when I look at my phone and see Shane’s number on the screen. “Ah, crap!” I say, grabbing at it and answering before it rings out.
“Where the fuck are you?” he complains immediately in my ear.
“I’m sorry, man. We're on our way,” I lie, flipping on the bedside light as I get up and hunt down our clothes. “It just took longer than we expected. We’ll be about an hour.”
Shane sighs on his end. “Fine,” he says flatly. “Just hurry, I’m supposed to be at Coral’s before then. She’s gonna be pissed at me.”
He disconnects without saying any more, and I get my jeans on as I move over to Paige’s side of the bed. “Paige, honey, wake up,” I whisper, gently rocking her shoulder to rouse her.
She blinks a few times before her eyes focus on me properly. “What? What’s wrong?” she asks, sitting up and taking the clothes I’m handing to her.
“We need to get back. Shane needs his car.”
“Oh shit. I forgot about him,” she says, suddenly throwing her clothes on and stuffing her feet into her shoes.
“I know, me too,” I say, as I grab my jacket and hold out hers. She slips her arms in, and I pause our rush for a moment to kiss her. “I don’t want to go.”
“Me either, but we can’t keep his car forever,” she returns, kissing me again. I cup her arse in my hand and pull her body against mine, savouring these last few moments of our time alone. As we pull apart, she sighs and picks up her bag. Then I take her hand, and we walk over to reception to return the key before getting back into the car for the drive back to the flat.
In the hour it takes to get back to Waterloo, talk is hard to come by. I’m lost in my head, ruminating over the limited time I have left with her, and she’s curled in on herself, lost in her own thoughts. It takes everything I have not to drive back to her parents’ place and give them both a rather large chunk of my mind. I managed to take her mind off her pain for a short while, but sex doesn’t fix things, it simply masks them.
“You OK?” I ask once we’re home and inside the flat. Shane practically jumped in the car before I was out of the driver's seat to race his way to Coral.
<
br /> Paige leans against the wall in the entrance and sighs. “I don’t know what I am,” she says, then she pulls her hand from mine and slips away, both mentally and physically. How do I help her?
Eighteen
Paige
“Maybe you should take a few days off,” Andrea suggests, as I send yet another customer on their way, making no conversation with them that wasn’t related to their hairstyle.
“I need to work at the moment, Andrea.” I busy myself cleaning up the fallen hair from the floor.
“Do you need to talk about it?”
I pause my sweeping and look up at Andrea’s concerned face. We're experiencing one of the rare quiet times in the salon when we have no clients waiting, and our next appointment isn’t for another hour. So it’s safe to talk. My problem is, do I want to?
Sighing, I fall into the salon chair, leaning my upper body weight on the broom in my hand. “I just…” I start, having trouble working out what to say. I’m trying to let people into my life, but it’s still hard to share my worries when I’m so used to dealing with them on my own.
“Just what, Paige? Talk to me. You’ve been moping around the salon for over a week now,” she prods, wheeling a stool over so she's sitting directly in front of me.
“I went to meet a um… relative, the weekend before last, and it just brought up a lot of… well, shit from my past. Stuff I wasn’t expecting to be reminded of, and I’m just trying to work through it all in my head. I’m sorry I’ve been out of sorts, but I don’t want to take time off. I’d just spend it thinking, and I don’t want to do that.”
Beautiful Boxset: Beautiful Series, books 1-4 Page 56
