The only girl I’ll ever want.
I know in my heart, you’re the one for me,
I try to be worthy of your love
Deserving of your touch
Please give me the chance to prove to you
That I’ll love you forever
You’re the only one for me
“I was trying to find a way to tell you how I felt,” Marcus says from across the room, causing me to drop the book as I gasp in surprise.
“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have been reading that,” I stammer, my mouth feeling like it’s flapping about in my embarrassment.
He shrugs and stuffs his hands in his pockets. He looks a total wreck, with two days’ worth of stubble growing on his usually clean-shaven face, deep dark circles under his eyes and hair that looks limp and lifeless compared to its usual healthy shine.
“It makes no difference now. You’ve made your choice,” he says, his voice emotionless as he moves towards me, pointing at his bag lying open on the bed. “I just came to get my things.”
“Marcus,” I start, although I don’t know what else is meant to follow. I’ve hurt him and he’s hurt me. There just doesn’t seem to be any words fitting for this situation right now.
“Don’t bother, Naomi. I lost. You chose Theo. We all knew something like this was going to happen. We’ve been fighting over you since fucking high school. I just… you know, it never crossed my mind that you wouldn’t choose me. I was sure we had something. Goes to show what I fucking know.”
He reaches out and grabs a hold of his bag, holding his hand out for his iPod and notepad. “Last night Marcus…” I start again, but he cuts me off.
“Save it, Naomi. I don’t need your apologies. It’s just words,” he says, taking the items from my hands and zipping up his bag.
“Excuse me?” I hiss, my eyes popping as my brow furrows. I can’t quite believe my ears right now. “I wasn’t going to apologise. I was going to ask you why you did that. Why would you humiliate me like that? You could have singlehandedly destroyed the careers of five people. You took the chance that was given to us, and for your own childish reasons, you made a public mess of something that was supposed to be private. How could you? This song claims that you love me and I’m the only one for you. Is that how you treat the people you love, Marcus?” I stand up from where I was sitting, my voice rising as I give voice to everything that’s stopped me from being in a relationship with Marcus.
“You are selfish, you are conceited, and you think everyone on this earth owes you some sort of a favour just because you choose to grace them with your presence. You use women like they’re pieces of gum, chewing them up and spitting them out. You treat your brother—who works his arse off for this band—like he’s some maniacal control freak. And Jack and Lachlan are just guys you can replace. It’s not fair, Marcus. You can’t behave like that and expect to win. People have feelings. And as for me, I have been stupid enough to carry a torch for you. All through high school, I doted on you. I wanted you to choose me, but I knew. I knew that the first time I gave into you you’d toss me out, just like all the rest. And you did. Whether you screwed me or not that night, you still gave me the friend speech the next morning, you didn’t give me one bit of caring, one bit of kindness. Nothing. You are a user, Marcus Bailey. And until you grow up a little and take a good long look at yourself, you are always going to be alone.”
By the time I’m finished, I’m screaming, and I’m crying, all the hurt and humiliation I’ve felt at his hands comes crashing down around me. He just stands there listening to me, his jaw clenched tightly as he glares at me, the only hint that he has any feelings about this at all is the glassiness that can be seen in his eyes.
“Are you finished?” he asks quietly.
“Yes,” I whisper. “Yes. I’m finished.”
“Good.” He hitches his bag on his shoulder and heads for the door. But as he rests his hand on the door knob, he pauses as if considering something then turns back to face me. “I heard you.”
“What?” I ask, shaking my head in confusion at his words.
“I heard the two of you fucking. That’s how I found out about you and Theo. Weren’t you wondering how I knew? It’s not like you did me the courtesy of telling me before you both started sneaking around behind my back, moaning and yelling at the top of your voice. How long was it going on for? Was that whole ‘leave me alone’ speech just a cover to keep me away? You could have told me, you know. I’m a big boy. I could have taken it. But no, you decide to sneak around behind my back while I’m trying to give you the space you asked for. Trying to be a better man in the hopes that one day you would change your mind. I thought that when you saw how I’d changed you’d realise I wasn’t interested in groupies anymore, that I’d do anything it took to be with you. I respected your decision, Naomi. I respected you enough not to pursue you while on tour—like you asked. And my fucking brother? Again? What the hell is it with you and him? What does he have that I don’t have?” He roars the last part, and when I blink, I’m shedding tears.
“He has my love,” I state, wiping at my face. His expression changes, and I immediately feel guilty for throwing that in his face.
“I loved you first,” he bellows, glaring at me. I just stare at him with my mouth open as my tears flow freely. I have no idea what to say. No idea how to fix this. It's far too broken and damaged for me.
“You know what?” he says, grabbing for the door again. “You two obviously deserve each other. Have a fucking happy life. You won’t be seeing me again.” Turning on his heel, he opens the door to the hotel room, slamming it behind him as he walks out of my life.
Marcus
“Hurry up.” I press the down button for the elevator repeatedly. I’ve got what I came here for, and I just want to get out of here and as far away from her as I possibly can. One thing Theo was right about, we never should have let her in the band. I was an idiot to think this could work.
I hit the button a few more times, wishing the lift would just hurry the fuck up. My mind can’t stop running through the argument I just had with her. I can’t believe she’s with Theo. I felt so sure that if I cleaned my act up and showed her I could stop sleeping around she’d choose me. I was positive. Goes to show what I know.
“Finally,” I grumble, as the LED display becomes a downward pointing arrow and the elevator doors open. Much to my despair, inside are Theo, Jack and Lachlan, and not one of them looks happy to see me.
“You’ve got a hide showing your face here, mate,” Lachlan bites out, his head shaking from side to side as he looks at me like I’m something you’d scrape off your shoe.
“I’m leaving OK? I just came to get my stuff,” I reply steadily, refusing to show any sort of weakness to these three. I know they’re angry with me for what I did last night. But I can’t deal with their shit right now. Not after what just happened with Naomi.
“Don’t come back,” Jack grunts. “We don’t need your crap, Marcus. You could have ruined us last night.”
My brother is strangely silent. I would have thought that he, out of all of them, would be the first one to start yelling at me for breaking up the band on stage last night.
“Don’t you have some sort of smart-arse comment too?” I demand from Theo. He just glares at me. I can feel the rage rolling off him, it’s mixing with my own, daring one or the other to pounce.
“No?” I say, stepping a little closer to him. “Nothing? You’ve got nothing to say to your only brother? The one you just stabbed in the back by fucking the girl we both promised not to touch.”
“I think you’re the only one who’s done any stabbing, Marcus,” Jack accuses.
“None of us would ever do that to you,” Lachlan yells. “You don’t know the shit we had to go through after you left. I think you’re lucky Theo isn’t ripping your throat out.”
“You have nothing to say to me, brother?” I yell, ignoring the others, furious at Theo for not reacting.
<
br /> “Just go, Marcus,” he says coolly, stepping to the side to let me pass.
“What’s wrong, Theo? Are you so whipped already that you can’t fight your own battles anymore? She was happy to let rip at me before. Does she have your balls now? You’re not even going to do your usual and punch me?” Rage seeps out of me as my vision narrows and all I can see is red.
Naomi
The sound of raised voices catches my attention, and I just know it must be the guys. Quickly, I wipe at my face to dry away my tears of self-pity and run for the door. When I fling it open, it’s just in time to see Marcus roar like some sort of caged animal and dive at Theo, sending both of them rolling into the lift’s cabin.
“Holy shit,” Lachlan yelps, only just managing to jump out of the way in time.
Marcus has Theo by the throat, holding him against the back wall of the cabin as the lift doors slide closed. Fuck. Jack rushes to the button panel hitting it to open them again, but he isn’t fast enough.
“The stairs!” I scream, attracting both Jack and Lachlan’s attention. They nod and run for the stairwell with me following closely behind. We have no idea what floor they’re going to land on, so we head straight for the ground, hoping we’re the ones to make it there first.
Theo
“Oofff”
I don’t think that’s a word. But it’s the sound of the air being forcibly expelled from my lungs as Marcus lands a blow in my guts, followed by a quick head-butt to the face that sends me stumbling backwards into the wall of the lift. Pain radiates through my face and stomach as I hunch over, desperately gasping for breath.
“Fight back,” he demands.
I shake my head in the negative as words refuse to form from my lack of breath. I wipe at my mouth where it feels like my lip has been split.
“Fight!” he commands, shoving me harder into the wall. “You’ve never passed up a chance to punch me before, Theo. Fucking fight me now.”
“No,” I gasp. “I’m not doing this.”
“Why?” he screams into my face, his own red and twisted with pent up fury.
“Because I’m sick of fighting with you. I love her OK? I’ve always loved her, and I’m not going to fight about this. I’m not going to let you ruin it again. I got the girl, Marcus. After everything you did to try and keep us apart. It still happened. She loves me. She’s going to marry me.”
He grabs the front of my shirt, twisting the fabric in his hand as he pulls me towards him, his other arm cocked back, fist clenched, knuckles white, ready to punch.
“Do it. If it’ll make you feel better, just do it.”
The look of rage that set into his features falters as he glares at me.
“Do it,” I repeat, daring him to take a swing.
The lift pings to signal our arrival on the ground floor, and a second later, the doors open. Marcus blinks a couple of times as if he’s coming out of a trance, then relaxes his grip on me and lowers his fist.
“You know what? You’re not worth it,” he states, leaning down to pick up his bag. Then he strides off, crossing the lobby without as much as a backwards glance.
Still leaning against the wall, I watch after him until the lift doors start to close, feeling both relieved and saddened. The guy is my brother. He’s my family. But that doesn’t excuse the way he treated Naomi, the band, or me. If he’d just talked to us instead of making a public display of his anger, then maybe we could have sorted this out. We could have dealt with this like adults. But in true Marcus fashion, he chose a public tantrum and selfishly made it all about him.
“Theo!” A small arm and leg wedge themselves into the decreasing gap of the closing doors, causing the safety feature to engage and reopen them. Naomi bursts through, breathless and beautiful as always, closely followed by Jack and Lachlan. “Oh god, are you ok?” she asks the moment she sees me. “You’re bleeding. Does it hurt? Where is he?”
“I’m fine, and he’s gone. Don’t worry, he’s gone,” I tell her, sliding my arms around her and hugging her to me.
Her face crumples. “Everything is such a mess, Theo. I’m so sorry,” she cries.
“No, everything’s perfect now that you’re here,” I whisper as I tilt her head up to mine.
“Um, we’ll just take the stairs,” Jack informs us, hitting the number for our floor before he backs out of the cabin with Lachlan.
As we ride back up to our rooms, Naomi tells me how Marcus caught her packing up his things and confronted her about his feelings and the fact she chose to be with me.
“He’s so angry with us,” she whispers, shaking her head slightly like she’s trying to shake the hurt away. “This just… it wasn’t how he was supposed to find out. It wasn’t supposed to get this messy.”
“I know, baby, and I’m so sorry. I should have stayed away from you until we got home. I should have waited too.”
“No. Don’t ever be sorry for that. I love you now, and I want to marry you now. Don’t ever be sorry for how we feel about each other.”
“You still want to marry me?” I smile, loving the sound of those words.
“Of course, I do,” she assures me.
“Good,” I state, reaching into my pocket. “I actually spent a bit of time shopping.”
Forty
Theo
“Just breathe. You’re going to be great,” Naomi assures me as I prepare to head out on the stage. This is the first time I’ve ever fronted a band, and I’m about to do it in front of an audience of thousands.
Taking a hold of Naomi’s hands, I twist the engagement ring around her finger, focusing on the way the diamond sparkles to take my mind off what I’m about to do.
“I’ll be right there with you,” she assures me.
“Dude, it’s packed out there. This is going to be our biggest show yet,” Lachlan claims as he bursts through the door.
“Holy shit.” My heart beats even more wildly than it was a moment before.
“Good one, dickface,” Jack tells him.
“What? What did I do?” he asks innocently.
“Theo’s a bit nervous,” Naomi informs him.
“Oh shit. Sorry, man. You’re gonna rock though. No need to worry.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” I growl through clenched teeth. The guy who’s going to be our drummer for the next couple of shows comes to the door to tell us that it’s time to get on stage.
We were lucky that one of the entourage that travels with Radio Silence is a capable drummer. He’d watched all of our shows and could play well enough to carry us through. But we’ll still need to find someone more permanent ourselves.
“Thanks, Ben,” Naomi says as she picks up her bow and violin then takes my hand. “Let’s do this.”
The crowd cheers for us as we make our way onto the stage at the entertainment centre. There are big screens set up on either side of the stage to project the show to those in the back seats. This is all a little out of my comfort zone. It’s a lot easier to be the one in back, writing and producing, and keeping beat. Being in the limelight isn’t my thing.
I look over at Naomi, who nods and smiles at me, urging me to start.
Slinging my guitar over my shoulder, I approach the microphone. “Bear with me, guys. This is my first time doing this.”
“Yeah, Theo!” I hear from the audience.
“Oh good. I’ve got one fan.” I laugh uneasily. A slight ripple of laughter rolls through the crowd as well. “You know what? We might as well get this out of the way. If you’re after a repeat of the Melbourne performance, you’ll need to watch YouTube. There won’t be any flying guitars tonight. I like this one too much.”
The audience laughs again, and I hear a couple of people dare me to throw it, anyway. “All right. Here goes. This one is called Fragile. I wrote this one about trying to have a relationship when one of you is scared to get your heart broken.”
Focusing on my guitar, I let my fingers move over the strings, plucking out the intro before it’s
time for me to sing. I pour my heart into it, feeling every emotion behind every lyric.
The band plays perfectly together. I know we’re doing our best. I just hope it’s enough. I hope I’m enough. Will they still love Matiari without Marcus?
Why did you sing your song to my heart
When you knew we were fragile right from the start
As I sing the last two lines and play the final notes on my guitar, my heart gallops in my chest, nerves building because I know this is it. This is the moment where I find out if this band I’ve worked so hard on is still going to make it. It’s the moment I’ll find out if Marcus’s stunt ruined everything for us.
My fingers dance over the strings, and I wish I could just keep playing. I’m not sure if I want to know…
Forty-One
One year later
Theo
“Well, at least he’s doing well for himself,” I say as I drop the paper in front of me on the kitchen table. Naomi slides her hand over my thigh and gives me a reassuring squeeze.
“He still hasn’t returned your calls?” she asks, leaning her head against my shoulder as she peers at the article in today’s paper. There’s this great shot of Marcus singing in front of a screaming crowd at a music festival, the headline states that he’s signed up to start his own world tour.
Leaving Matiari seems to have been the best thing that could have happened to him. His public airing of our dirty laundry was so popular it went viral online. I guess that’s what happens these days. There’s always someone filming you, and you never know what’s going to make you famous.
His instant popularity earned him legions of fans and a recording contract with a big label. His first single titled Lovers and Sinners was a huge smash, although I find it hard to listen to as its lyrics are obviously directed at Naomi and me.
Beautiful Boxset: Beautiful Series, books 1-4 Page 111
