It still hurts to think about it. Jon and I became an item just before my career started taking off. There was this huge New Years Eve party at some club one of my parents’ business associates owned. My friends begged me to go, and I relented since I didn’t want to spend New Years Eve alone. Jon was a friend of a friend of a friend. He was at the beginning of his career, attending a party with all the right people. At first, I was wary of his motivation behind talking to me, but then he took care of me when I got a little too drunk. He was the perfect gentleman, taking me back home and tucking me safely into bed without trying to cop a feel. The next day, he called to make sure I was OK then came over and took me to lunch. He was beautiful to look at, exciting to talk to, and took his time getting to know me.
He wooed me, expertly, and he slowly became my world, my one. When he proposed, I cried and said yes straight away. I seriously thought we would be together always. He was perfect for me, and I was perfect for him. I was going to take some time away from work so we could have kids who didn’t have to travel constantly like I did. There would be two perfect children and we’d be the best parents ever. But it was all bullshit. The man liked the way I made him look and the doors knowing me opened for him. He never loved me.
The last I heard, he was engaged to some girl who could easily be my doppelgänger. She looks exactly how I did back then. The man has a type. Well… two types. He wants a ‘good girl’ to wait for him at home, while he ‘sows his wild oats’ with his other type—anything with a pussy and two legs.
I shake my head, and for the second time tonight, I force thoughts of self-indulgent men out of my mind. I broke up with Jon over a year ago. He’s nothing to me now. Really, I should thank him. He opened my eyes and taught me that romance, love and a happily ever after are all just piles of shit we’re fed as kids to give us hope that the world is still magical when it isn’t. It’s full of lies, deceit and disappointment, and the faster we get used to that, the better off we’ll all be. Dogs are better than boys in my opinion.
Picking up my remote, I power on the television and flop down on the couch. Perry immediately climbs up next to me and rests his doggy head on my lap. I select a Jason Statham movie on Netflix then reach out for my glass of wine while I wait for it to load.
I take a sip, enjoying the cool, sweet liquid as it tantalises my taste buds and slides down my throat, that first sip of relaxation after a long week dealing with picky clients.
Absentmindedly, I sip at my wine and scratch Perry’s head as the movie starts, opening with a fight scene in the middle of a London street. Perfect. No love stories for me. I don’t believe in them anymore…
* * *
Marcus
“You know what you need right?” Craig says, as he walks with me to my car.
I flip my key over my finger and let it slap against the palm of my hand. “I know you’re about to enlighten me.”
His blue eyes reflect the lights of the car park that also makes his strawberry blonde hair look even redder. He’s an odd-looking man with a soft jawline and shrewd eyes. But he’s a good manager, and hasn’t done me wrong since we started working together at the start of my solo career.
“Are you ready for this?” He turns to me and rubs his hands together as if he’s warming them up so he can use them to talk. Craig is a big hand gesturer. I swear that one day he’s going to knock someone out with those flailing arms of his. I often wonder if it’s because he’s a bit on the short and freckly side, so he tries to compensate for his lack of height and looks with an over the top personality and lots of money.
“I am.” I nod, waiting for his deep insight into my needs.
“A ton of pussy.”
“Pussy?”
“Tons of it. I can’t help but notice you’re a little on edge lately. And I also can’t help but hear the rumours about you saying no to more than a few girls. That’s not good for a man, Marcus. Your balls are so used to ejaculating that they’re gonna swell and explode.” He holds his hand up and opens his fist for emphasis, mimicking an explosion in his throat. “Do you want to be a soprano?”
Chuckling, I shake my head as I open my car door. “I don’t need a ton of pussy, Craig. I’ve had a few ton’s worth of pussy in my lifetime already. Maybe I want to try having one pussy for a while.”
Craig laughs and shakes his head. “You? With just one pussy? That’s like saying… I don’t even know. It’s so fucking wrong that I can’t even think of an analogy for it. You’ve lost your mind, mate. You’re not a one pussy man.”
“Goodnight, Craig. I’ll see you Monday,” I say, ignoring him as I climb into my car and shut the door. Craig continues to shake his head as I drive away.
I guess I can’t blame him for laughing at me. It’s not like I’ve ever had a steady girlfriend. I don’t even know if I’m capable of having a relationship. The closest I ever came to commitment was when I gave up groupies to try and show Naomi I was worthy of her. Not only did that not work out, it only lasted two weeks.
Naomi.
I hope your fame keeps you warm at night, Marcus.
I can’t get her parting words out of my head. It’s been ringing in my ears since she accosted me in the limo after my unplugged show. She’s always had this uncanny ability to see past my bullshit and cut me to the core with a few well-placed words. Now, as I step back and take a look at my life, all I can see is a man who has everything, and no one to share it with. Touché, Naomi. She’s got my number, even though my brother has her.
Maybe I’m just tired. When I think about it, I’ve been screwing around since I was sixteen years old. I’m now twenty-six. That’s ten years of senseless fucking. I know, I know. It’s most guys’ dream come true. And, until recently, I loved it. I mean, who doesn’t want to get lost between the legs of a beautiful woman every night? But like everything in life, repetition breeds boredom, and boredom breeds contempt. I’m tired of going through the same routine, day after day, night after night. I need something different, a new focus.
That’s why when I pull up outside Lisa’s house, I’m glad to see the inside lights on. It’s time for me to experience something real for a change. With her voluptuous curves, and her fiery attitude, Lisa feels real to me.
I hope she doesn’t slam the door in my face.
Lisa
Engrossed in my movie, it isn’t until Perry jumps off the couch and starts barking that I realise someone knocked on my door. Picking up the remote, I hit pause and shoo Perry out of the way so I can see who’s there.
Glancing through the peephole, I close my eyes and wish away my visitor. Nothing good can come of this. “I’m not home,” I call out, feeling slightly annoyed that he’s here. Again. What part of ‘I’m not interested’ isn’t he getting? I thought I got rid of him…
“That’s OK,” Marcus replies. “I’ll just wait out here until you get back.”
Despite my annoyance, I can’t stop my mouth from quirking in a slight smile at his response. “You’ll be waiting a while. I’m not sure what time I’ll be back,” I reply, watching him through the peephole.
He smiles and leans against the door. “OK,” is all he says, as he pushes back and moves to sit on my front steps.
I assume that he won’t stay there for too long and move back to the couch to continue watching my movie.
“Perry,” I call, trying to get my preferred companion to re-join me on the couch. But he won’t budge from the door. He just sits there, looking at it, then at me as his tail wags impatiently. “I'm not letting him in. You’re wasting your time.”
Perry whines then scratches at the door. “Seriously, Perry, what is your deal with this guy?” Perry responds by looking at me with his sad doggy eyes and continues to whine.
I roll my eyes and walk back over to the door. “Perry, if you still had your balls we’d be taking a trip to the vet after this. You’re supposed to be loyal to your owner. Not to some guy you’ve only met once.”
Seeing me place my h
and on the doorknob, Perry’s tail wags like crazy. I’ve never seen him so eager for me to let a visitor in.
“You might as well come in. My dog would like to see you,” I say as I open the door.
Marcus stands immediately and turns his charming smile my way. “Your dog?”
“Yes. My dog.”
I stand aside as he walks in and immediately kneels down to scratch Perry behind the ears. “Oh, you’re a good dog. Aren’t you?”
As I shut the door, I realise I’m not really dressed for visitors. I’m just wearing black lounging pants, a white singlet top and an oversized cardigan with my UGG boots on my feet. My hair is twisted up in a lopsided bun and I don’t have a scrap of makeup on my face. Oh, my god. Why am I worried about how I look?
“I’m going to finish my movie,” I say, leaving Marcus and Perry to their love fest. I walk back to the couch and take a seat before pressing play again.
“Is this the one where he’s into the nun?” Marcus asks, as he sits down beside me. Perry, the little traitor, jumps up beside him and lays his head on Marcus’s lap. Once again, my eyes roll.
“She’s not a full-on nun. She was forced to become one. It’s not quite as sordid as you think,” I reply.
“If you say so.”
We sit quietly for a while, watching the movie together. This feels strange. There’s a man I barely know in my house, and my dog would rather be pet by him than by me. Uncool. I’m a third wheel in my own living room. I take a rather large gulp of wine and sigh.
I catch Marcus watching me as I set my glass on the coffee table. “I suppose I should offer you a drink. I mean, you’re officially hanging out with Perry, but he doesn’t like sharing his water bowl.”
He grins. “Sure. I’d like a drink.”
I hit pause again and head to the kitchen to fetch a glass and fill it for Marcus. I also return to the lounge room with the rest of the bottle to refill my glass. I’ll need more wine if I’m going to get through this visit. “I only have wine.”
“Wine is fine.” He accepts his glass and proceeds to watch me refill mine. My hand is shaking.
“Do I make you nervous?”
I lift my now very full glass and gulp down almost half of it. “Are you asking this me, or the me who’s at the bottom of this glass?” I ask, tilting my glass toward him.
He chuckles and takes a sip from his own glass. “Both.”
Perry lifts his eyes and looks at me. He seems so comfy right now. I wish I could be comfortable around Marcus.
“Then yes, I’m nervous having you here. When I finish this glass I won’t care much. “I remain standing, still holding my glass while I use the other to wrap my cardigan tighter around my body.
“Why are you nervous having me here?”
“Because I don’t know you. I don’t know why you’re here.”
“I told you. I want us to be friends.”
“Why? You can be friends with anyone.”
“That’s not true. It’s actually very hard for me to find a friend. Everyone wants something from me.” I know a little something about that feeling.
“Is this because I didn’t know who you were the other day?”
He shrugs. “That’s part of it.”
I move and sit on the single lounge seat instead of right next to him, tuck my legs up and take another drink from my wine. My head is starting to feel the dizzying effects of the alcohol, helping me to relax during this odd visit. I don’t like the way he’s barging into my world, but I can understand how a man like him could be tired of fake friends. Back when I still lived with my parents, I came in contact with a few of their business associates who had famous ties, and many of them spoke of the same feeling; it’s hard to find people you trust who don’t want something from you. They were some of the most messed up people I’ve ever known too. Being famous isn’t for me.
“I looked you up,” I tell him, narrowing my eyes a little. “So, I think I know who you are now.”
His brow lifts. “Who am I?”
I blow out my breath slowly. “Existentially. I don’t even think you know the answer to that question. Your life seems too fast-paced for even you to have any idea.”
“Who am I theoretically then?” he asks, watching me over the rim of his glass.
“Theoretically, you’re a typical rock star. Your life seems to revolve around parties and women—neither keeping your attention long. You’re constantly on the move, and besides knowing you’re in your hometown now, I’d hedge a bet that you’ve spent a hell of a lot of time not knowing where in the world you are at any given moment.” I’ve heard a lot of rockers write the name of the city they’re in on the top of their set list so they don’t accidentally say the wrong one on stage.
He drops his attention to Perry, running his fingers over the dog’s golden coat. “Call me Carmen Sandiego.” He smiles, making light of my assessment.
“You also seem…” How do I say this without being completely insulting? “um, immature.”
His eyes snap to mine. “Immature?”
Oh dear. “Childish?”
He frowns. “That isn’t any better.”
“Well, it’s the best I can come up with. I saw the YouTube video that launched your career. The one with your old band.” He drops his eyes again. “Why did you humiliate her like that? Did she cheat on you?”
“There’s a thousand articles out there explaining what happened. If you looked me up, you would have seen them.”
“In my experience, the press tells a different kind of truth.”
He lifts his brow. “Don’t I know it.”
“Why don’t you tell me your truth then? If you want to be my friend as much as you say you do, why don’t we start with some honesty?”
“Is this conversation on the record or off?”
“I’m not a reporter. It’s always off the record.”
“Then why did you interview me?”
“I told you. I was helping a friend. I work in advertising normally.”
“Really?”
I nod. “Mm-hm. But you’re getting off track.”
He sits back and runs his fingers through his hair with a sigh. “There’s not a lot to say. For once, the papers got it pretty right. I was in love with her, but she chose my brother instead.”
“My ex cheated on me,” I confide. “I totalled his car in retaliation.”
“Nice car?”
“Maserati.”
He lets out a low whistle. “Guess he deserved it.”
“Cheaters deserve whatever they get.”
“She didn’t cheat on me. Not exactly, anyway.”
“What does that mean?”
“It all goes back to high school. I always had a thing for her. So did my brother. When she joined the band, we all agreed to abstain. But being on the road, things got heated anyway. I did everything she wanted, trying to prove I was the kind of man she needed, then I overheard her and Theo…” He pauses and clears his throat. He doesn’t need to elaborate for me to realise he heard them in bed together. “I lost it. I didn’t expect it to turn into this crazy career I’ve had. I just wanted to hurt them, and the best way I could think to do that was to ruin the band, set the world on fire.” He tips his glass back and drains it. “It didn’t work. We’re all more famous than we ever were. Naomi works with Radio Silence, and Matiari is their official supporting band. They’re together and happy, and I’m…” He looks into the bottom of his empty wineglass. “Really, really rich.”
“And lonely?” I offer, because there’s no way this man would be hugging my dog on my couch if he wasn’t. This is a pure human need for company and understanding. It has little to do with me, and everything to do with him feeling trapped in this world he’s created for himself. Fame isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be.
He sits back and rubs Perry’s belly. “Nah. I’m not lonely. I’ve got Perry.” He flashes me one of those million dollar grins, and my heart goes out to him. There’s n
othing worse than feeling alone in a room full of people.
“Listen. If you’re going to push this friend thing on me, then I need this to stay on the down-low. No more grand gestures of tickets sent to the office. I don’t want anyone to know we know each other.”
He studies me with wary eyes. “I thought I was only here for Perry.”
I shrug. “Well, it doesn’t help Perry if I refuse to get along with his friends.”
He laughs, and the sound is almost musical. “I suppose it could make things awkward, and I can keep things on the down-low.”
“Thank you. I live a simple life, Marcus. And I like it that way. I don’t want my face online or in print. If someone asks you if you know Lisa Russell, I want you to say ‘who?’ I don’t need my life turned upside down just because you need a friend.”
“I can accept those terms.”
“And no funny business. Friends only, OK?”
“Deal.”
“Good.” I get up and move to sit next to him, Perry sprawled on the couch between us. “Because I want to finish watching this movie, and I can’t see the screen properly from over there.”
“No funny business,” he repeats, letting out a deep breath. I press play on the movie. The nun is drunk and giggling, but I don’t get to see much more when Marcus turns to me again. “I bet I can get you to change your mind.”
I glance his way, my mouth turned up slightly in an amused grin. “Is that so?” He has no idea how stubborn I can be.
“No mortal woman can resist my charms for too long.”
I drop my head back and let out this massive throaty laugh. He’s delusional. “Perhaps I’m the exception to that rule.”
“I don’t think so,” he says, voice soft enough to pebble my skin.
My eyes find his and they lock. Something passes between us, and I look away feeling as though I know him far more than I should. Perry makes a contented sound and snuggles in, his head on Marcus’s lap, feet and tail on mine. No mortal woman can resist my charms for too long.
Beautiful Boxset: Beautiful Series, books 1-4 Page 126
