69The most sought-after look: Alanna Nuñez, “Would You Get Labiaplasty to Look Like Barbie?” Shape, May 24, 2013. See also Mireya Navarro, “The Most Private of Makeovers,” New York Times, November 28, 2004.
70“Thirty percent of female college students say”: Herbenick et al., “Sexual Behavior in the United States.” The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior is the largest survey ever conducted on the sexual practices of men and women ages fourteen to ninety-four.
70The rates of pain among women: Ibid.
70In 1992 only 16 percent of women: Herbenick et al., “Sexual Behaviors in the United States.” See also: Susan Donaldson James, “Study Reports Anal Sex on Rise Among Teens,” ABC.com, December 10, 2008.
70Girls were expected to endure the act: Bahar Gholipour, “Teen Anal Sex Study: 6 Unexpected Findings,” Livescience.com, August 13, 2014.
71Consider that at every age: Laumann et al., Sex in America.
71Or that girls are four times more: Twelve percent of young women said they tolerate unwanted sexual activity versus 3 percent of young men. Kaestle, “Sexual Insistence and Disliked Sexual Activities in Young Adulthood.”
71According to Sara McClelland, who coined the term: McClelland, “Intimate Justice”; author interview, Sara McClelland, January 27, 2014.
72For men, it was the opposite: McClelland, “Intimate Justice”; McClelland, “What Do You Mean When You Say That You Are Sexually Satisfied?”; McClelland, “Who Is the ‘Self’ in Self-Reports of Sexual Satisfaction?”
72Women’s commitment to their partner’s satisfaction: In sexual encounters between women, both partners have orgasms 83 percent of the time. Author interview, Lisa Wade, March 19, 2014. See also Douglass and Douglass, Are We Having Fun Yet?; Thompson, Going All the Way.
Chapter 3: Like a Virgin, Whatever That Is
76Just last week, Christina told me: In 2012, filmmaker Lina Esco launched a movement called “Free the Nipple,” focused on ending the double standard that sexualizes women’s upper bodies but not men’s. In August 2015, “Go Topless Day” protesters demonstrated in sixty cities across the globe for gender equality in public breast-baring. Free the Nipple, dir. Linda Esco New York: IFC Films; Kristie McCrum, “Go Topless Day Protesters Take Over New York and 60 Other Cities for ‘Free the Nipple’ Campaign,’” Mirror, August 24, 2015.
77Nearly two thirds of teenagers: Sixty-four percent of twelfth-graders have had intercourse at least once. Kann, Kinchen, Shanklin, et al., “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance—United States, 2013.”
77a sizable number of girls: Seventy percent of sexually experienced girls report their first intercourse was with a steady partner; 16 percent say it was with someone they’d just met or with a friend. Martinez, Copen, and Abma, “Teenagers in the United States: Sexual Activity, Contraceptive Use, and Childbearing, 2006–2010 National Survey of Family Growth.”
77Over half, both in national: Leigh and Morrison, “Alcohol Consumption and Sexual Risk-Taking in Adolescents.”
77Most say they regret their experience: Martino, Collins, Elliott, et al., “It’s Better on TV”; Carpenter, Virginity Lost. While research doesn’t answer the question “Waited for what?,” Martino and colleagues write that “youth who say they wish they had waited longer to have sex for the first time apparently come to regret their decision to have sex, whether because they felt unprepared for the experience, wish they had shared it with someone else or been at a different point in their relationship, found the sex itself to be unsatisfying, or found that the consequences were not what they hoped or expected they would be.”
78in her book The Purity Myth: Valenti, The Purity Myth.
81One in four eighteen-year-olds: Jayson, “More College ‘Hookups’ but More Virgins, Too.”
81unless they’re religious, most don’t advertise: Carpenter, Virginity Lost.
82each, more or less, reflected in: Ibid.
83first intercourse was just a natural: This could be why researcher Sharon Thompson found that young women who recognize and make sexual decisions based on their own desire are more likely than those who ignore or deny it to find pleasure in virginity loss. Thompson, Going All the Way.
85By 2004 more than 2.5 million: Bearman and Brückner, “Promising the Future.”
85I made a note to myself to check: Rector, Jonson, Noyes, et al., Sexually Active Teenagers Are More Likely to Be Depressed and to Attempt Suicide.
86Girls, for instance, are also more likely than boys to be bullied: Dunn, Gjelsvik, Pearlman, et al., “Association Between Sexual Behaviors, Bullying Victimization, and Suicidal Ideation in a National Sample of High School Students.”
88perhaps due to a lack of education, or perhaps: Regnerus, Forbidden Fruit. Regnerus found that only half of sexually active teenagers who report seeking guidance from God or the Scriptures when making a tough decision say they use protection every time they have intercourse. Among sexually active youth who say they look to parents or another trusted adult for advice, 69 percent do. Regnerus’s findings were drawn from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (hereafter Add Health) as well as a national survey he and his colleagues conducted of about 3,400 children ages thirteen to seventeen.
88Pledging has to feel special: Bearman and Brückner, “Promising the Future.” Bearman and Brückner’s data were drawn from Add Health.
89Male pledgers are four times more: Bearman and Brückner, “After the Promise.”
89by their twenties, over 80 percent: Rosenbaum, “Patient Teenagers?”
89The only lesson that sticks: Ibid.
90Once wed, they found that talking to friends: Molly McElroy, “Virginity Pledges for Men Can Lead to Sexual Confusion—Even After the Wedding Day,” UW Today, August 16, 2014.
90A young woman who had taken: Samantha Pugsley, “It Happened to Me: I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity and I Wish I Hadn’t,” XOJane, August 1, 2014.” See also Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, “My Virginity Mistake: I Took an Abstinence Pledge Hoping It Would Ensure a Strong Marriage. Instead, It Led to a Quick Divorce,” Salon, May 5, 2013.
90Meanwhile, a 2011 survey: Darrel Ray and Amanda Brown, Sex and Secularism, Bonner Springs, KS: IPC Press, 2011.
92Again, his concern seemed less: Relationships in middle adolescence have been linked with positive, healthy commitment in later relationships; but they can also sometimes be a symptom of pathology. Like so many of these issues, it depends on the context and the couple. Simpson, Collins, and Salvatore, “The Impact of Early Interpersonal Experience on Adult Romantic Relationship Functioning.”
92What’s more, if Dave really: U.S. Census Bureau, “Divorce Rates Highest in the South, Lowest in the Northeast, Census Bureau Reports,” News brief, Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau, August 25, 2011. See also Vincent Trivett and Vivian Giang, “The Highest and Lowest Divorce Rates in America,” Business Insider, July 23, 2011.
92Statistically, the strongest factor: Jennifer Glass, “Red States, Blue States, and Divorce: Understanding the Impact of Conservative Protestantism on Regional Variation in Divorce Rates,” Press release, January 16, 2014. Council on Contemporary American Families.
95even those who believe they’ve talked: According to a joint poll of readers conducted by O Magazine and Seventeen that involved a thousand fifteen- to twenty-two-year-olds and a thousand mothers of girls those ages, 22 percent of mothers believed their daughters were uncomfortable talking to them about sex; 61 percent of girls said they were. The percentage of girls having oral sex (30 percent) was double what mothers knew or suspected. Forty-six percent of girls who’d had intercourse did not tell their mothers. Among the girls who’d had an abortion, many also never told their mothers. Liz Brody, “The O/Seventeen Sex Survey: Mothers and Daughters Talk About Sex,” O Magazine, May 2009. A 2012 Planned Parenthood survey found that while about half of parents said they were comfortable talking about sex with their teenagers, only 19 percent of teens said they were comfortable talking t
o their parents; and while 42 percent of parents said they’d talked “repeatedly” to their children about sex, only 27 percent of teens agreed. Thirty-four percent said their parents have either talked to them only once or never. Parents in the survey believed they were giving their kids nuanced guidance; the kids were only hearing simple directives, such as “don’t.” Planned Parenthood. “Parents and Teens Talk About Sexuality: A National Poll,” Let’s Talk, October 2012. See also Planned Parenthood, “New Poll: Parents Are Talking with Their Kids About Sex but Often Not Tackling Harder Issues,” Plannedparenthood.org, October 3, 2011.
101What if, as Jessica Valenti suggests: Valenti, The Purity Myth.
Chapter 4: Hookups and Hang-Ups
104The seismic tectonic shift in premarital sexual behavior really took place: Armstrong, Hamilton, and England, “Is Hooking Up Bad for Young Women?”
104That’s what is meant by the term: Wade and Heldman, “Hooking Up and Opting Out.”
105According to the Online College Social Life Survey: Armstrong, Hamilton, and England, “Is Hooking Up Bad for Young Women?”
105The behavior is most typical among affluent: Ibid. African American women and Asian men have historically been most marginalized in the sexual marketplace. Gay students, too, have lower hookup rates, perhaps because, on many campuses, their numbers are small and concerns about safety remain high. See Garcia, Reiber, Massey, et al., “Sexual Hook-Up Culture.” According to sociologist Lisa Wade, black students are also more conscious of appearing “respectable” and avoiding stereotypes of the “Mandingo” or “Jezebel.” The hookup culture centers around fraternity parties, too, and black frats tend not to have their own houses. Poor and working-class students, often the first in their families to attend college, also avoid the party/hookup scene. Lisa Wade, “The Hookup Elites,” Slate DoubleX, July 19, 2013.
105Only a third of these hookups included intercourse: Armstrong, Hamilton, and England, “Is Hooking Up Bad for Young Women?”
105Kids themselves tend to overestimate: Alissa Skelton, “Study: Students Not ‘Hooking Up’ As Much As You Might Think,” USA Today, October 5, 2011; Erin Brodwin, “Students Today ‘Hook Up’ No More Than Their Parents Did in College,” Scientific American, August 16, 2013.
105from the 92 percent of songs on the Billboard charts: Dino Grandoni, “92% of Top Ten Billboard Songs Are About Sex,” The Wire: News from The Atlantic, September 30, 2011.
105Mindy Kaling, creator and star of: “Not My Job: Mindy Kaling Gets Quizzed on Do-It-Yourself Projects,” Wait, Wait . . . Don’t Tell Me!, National Public Radio, June 20, 2015.
106The truth is, nearly three quarters: Debby Herbenick, unpublished survey, February 2014.
106In hookups involving intercourse: Armstrong, England, and Fogarty, “Accounting for Women’s Orgasm and Sexual Enjoyment in College Hookups and Relationships.”
106Orgasm may not be the only measure of sexual satisfaction: Ibid.
106As one boy put it to Armstrong: Ibid.
107That may partly explain why 82 percent of men said: Garcia, Reiber, Massey, et al., “Sexual Hook-Up Culture.” A 2010 study of 832 college students found only 26 percent of women and 50 percent of men reported feeling positive after a hookup. Other studies have found that roughly three quarters of students regretted at least one previous instance of sexual activity. Owen et al., “‘Hooking up’ Among College Students.”
107As the age of first marriage rose: Armstrong, Hamilton, and England, “Is Hooking Up Bad for Young Women?”; Hamilton and Armstrong, “Gendered Sexuality in Young Adulthood.”
111Her schoolwork was suffering, too: The breakup of a relationship is among the most distressing, traumatic events teens report, and evidence is growing that it is a major cause of suicide among youth. Joyner and Udry, “You Don’t Bring Me Anything but Down”; Monroe, Rhode, Seeley, et al., “Life Events and Depression in Adolescence.”
111More than half of physical and sexual abuse: According to the CDC, more than one in seven high school girls were physically abused by a romantic partner in the past year, and one in seven was sexually assaulted. Latina and white girls were victims of dating abuse more than black girls. Kann, Kinchen, Shanklin, et al., “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance—United States, 2013.”
111those experiences prime girls to be victimized again: Exner-Cortens, Eckenrode, and Rothman, “Longitudinal Associations Between Teen Dating Violence Victimization and Adverse Health Outcomes.”
114On most of the campuses I visited: There has recently been some effort to change this as a strategy to reduce sexual assault. Amanda Hess, “Sorority Girls Fight for Their Right to Party,” Slate XXFactor. January 20, 2015
117in order to create what Lisa Wade, an associate: Author’s interview with Lisa Wade, June 9, 2015.
117As with intercourse, the proportion of young people: Reductions in rates of binge drinking have been driven by college men, not women. National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, “Binge-Drinking: A Serious, Unrecognized Problem Among Women and Girls.” See also Rachel Pomerance Berl, “Making Sense of the Stats on Binge Drinking,” U.S. News and World Report, January 17, 2013.
117one out of four college women and one out of five: National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, “Binge-Drinking: A Serious, Unrecognized Problem Among Women and Girls.” See also Berl, “Making Sense of the Stats on Binge Drinking.”
117Other surveys have found that nearly: “College Drinking,” Fact Sheet. Kelly-Weeder, “Binge Drinking and Disordered Eating in College Students”; Dave Moore and Bill Manville, “Drunkorexia: Disordered Eating Goes Hand-in-Glass with Drinking Binges,” New York Daily News, February 1, 2013; Ashley Jennings, “Drunkorexia: Alcohol Mixes with Eating Disorders,” ABC News, October 21, 2010.
118They’re most likely to be the most drunk: In one study of men and women who engaged in an uncommitted sexual encounter that included penetrative sex, 71 percent were drunk at the time. Fisher, Worth, Garcia, et al., “Feelings of Regret Following Uncommitted Sexual Encounters in Canadian University Students.”
118a process that involved asceticism: Caitlan Flanagan, “The Dark Power of Fraternities,” Atlantic, March 2014.
125the number who fake: Caron, The Sex Lives of College Students.
129Mixing energy drinks with alcohol leaves a person: Centers for Disease Control, “Caffeine and Alcohol,” Fact Sheet; Linda Carroll, “Mixing Energy Drinks and Alcohol Can ‘Prime’ You for a Binge,” Today.com, News (blog), July 17, 2014; Allison Aubrey, “Caffeine and Alcohol Just Make a Wide-Awake Drunk,” Shots: Health News from NPR (blog), February 11, 2013.
131But as Armstrong and her colleagues have pointed out: Armstrong, Hamilton, and Sweeney, “Sexual Assault on Campus.”
131Since victims have a hard time: Ibid.
133A report by the Justice Department released: Thirty-two percent of victims the same age who are not in college report their assaults. Laura Sullivan, “Study: Just 20 Percent of Female Campus Sexual Assault Victims Go to Police,” The Two Way, National Public Radio, December 11, 2014.
137When they do, boys tend to feel remorse about: Oswalt, Cameron, and Koob, “Sexual Regret in College Students.”
Chapter 5: Out: Online and IRL
145Or maybe writing about male bodies liberates women: For more on fan fiction, see Alexandra Alter, “The Weird World of Fan Fiction,” Wall Street Journal, June 14, 2012; and Jarrah Hodge, “Fanfiction and Feminism.” For a fascinating discussion of why so many “slash” stories are male on male, including those written by lesbians, see Melissa Pittman, “The Joy of Slash: Why Do Women Want It?” The High Hat, Spring 2005. In the spring of 2014, Chinese officials arrested twenty authors for the crime of writing male/male slash fiction—most were young women in their twenties. Ala Romano, “Chinese Authorities Are Arresting Writers of Slash Fanfiction,” Daily Dot, April 18, 2014.
146The company’s policy against posting: It’s impossible to know who p
osts the photos on Reddit, since users are anonymous. Ben Branstetter, “Why Reddit Had to Compromise on Revenge Porn,” Daily Dot, February 27, 2015.
146As with their straight peers, the Internet can be: “Girls” includes both cisgender LGB girls, whose self-identified gender conforms to their biological sex, and male-to-female transgender girls. Ditto “boys.” See GLSEN, Out Online.
146Yet, LGBTQ kids also turn to the Web for information: LGBT teens are five times as likely as their non-LGBT peers to search for information on sexuality and sexual attraction. They are substantially more likely to have a close online friend. Ibid.
146More than one in ten disclosed: Ibid. According to a 2012 report by the Human Rights Campaign, Growing Up LGBT in America, 73 percent of gay teens are “more honest” about themselves online than in the real world, as opposed to 43 percent of teens who identify as heterosexual—though that, too, seems concerning.
148the average age of coming out: “Age of ‘Coming Out’ Is Now Dramatically Younger: Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Teens Find Wider Family Support, Says Researcher,” Science News, October 11, 2011.
153In the early 1990s: Caron, The Sex Lives of College Students. According to the Centers for Disease Control, 12 percent of women ages 25–44 report having had a same-sex sexual encounter in their lifetimes; 6 percent of men do. Chandra, Mosher, Copen, et al., “Sexual Behavior, Sexual Attraction, and Sexual Identity in the United States.”
156In a survey of more than ten thousand: Human Rights Campaign, Growing Up LGBT in America.
157Ryan’s organization has linked rejection: Zack Ford, “Family Acceptance Is the Biggest Factor for Positive LGBT Youth Outcomes, Study Finds,” ThinkProgress.org, June 24, 2015; Ryan, “Generating a Revolution in Prevention, Wellness, and Care for LGBT Children and Youth.”
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