by Lizzie Fox
His words felt like an icy stab, straight to the heart. Honestly, I didn’t know why, but it hurt to hear him say that. Probably because I saw him with so much potential, and if he were to deny the thing I’ve wanted all my life… I wasn’t sure what that meant. Could be a deal breaker, honestly. It never happened with Adam, even though he blamed me for it. But, still… to take the proposition totally off the table…
“I don’t believe that’s true. Just because there is a chance they could get bipolar or whatever. There’s an equal chance they might not either.” My words were more blunt than I had intended, but I didn’t regret them.
He laughed shortly, shaking a finger at me. “You sound just like Quin.”
“We should talk then. Because he’s right.” I sighed. “Look, Seth… it’s one thing if you don’t want to do something like that, have kids—that’s fine. That’s fair. But, there will be millions of people born in the next few years that will get one of those—or all of those things—and some of them will be born to people who don’t understand it. They’ll feel shamed or made to feel worse for things they cannot help. They’re coming into the world whether we like it or not. Wouldn’t it be better if they were born to someone who understood? Who could help, huh?”
Seth was silent, as he glanced down at the tabletop, nervously raked his tongue over his piercing. Finally, he glanced up, with a gentle smirk. “I guess I never thought of it that way.”
“Hmmph. I’m old, I know things,” I said with a wink and he rolled his eyes.
“Thirty-three. So old…” he feigned a scowl.
“Just wait,” I said, shaking my fork at him.
“It’s just a number, Jess. Just like a diagnosis doesn’t define someone. Right?” He challenged, narrowing his piercing blue eyes at me.
“Okay. Right,” I acquiesced. “Seriously though it shouldn’t define you. You’re so much more than your illness, Seth. You’re insanely talented, you’re hot as hell, you’re super sweet and I can’t stop thinking about you. So what should the bipolar matter, as long as you don’t try to shut me out?” I shrugged gently, dipping my gaze to avoid his wide-eyed stare of shock at me. Then I was shocked at myself. Did I really just say all that? I began to feel like an ass, when Seth reached over and set his hand over mine. He offered me a red-faced, half-smile while he eyed me curiously. His mouth furrowed like he wanted to say something, but was otherwise stopped by… well I didn’t know what.
Then he pulled away suddenly, shifted uncomfortably in his seat and went back to his meal. Moment over.
The remainder of the meal we tried to steer the conversation to more pleasant topics; topics that didn’t make me want to cry, like movies and favorite shows and whatnot. Trivial things you should probably know about someone you were attracted to.
Thing was though as we talked, a certain…something happened. I forgot that he was twenty-six and I was thirty-three. I forgot that he had mental issues, and I’d almost forgotten to be sad and guilty about Blake. I forgot I was paranoid about my wider hips, or breasts I thought might be too big, or what I thought was the beginning of crow’s feet under my eyes.
I just forgot it all… the bullshit, the hardships; I forgot I felt like he was out of my league and started feeling something that terrified me more than anything.
I started to feel… like home. There was an intensity squeezing my heart and spinning around in my mind. For the first time since I decided to do this I decided that once and for all, maybe I did deserve love again. Maybe Blake would even forgive me for it. Maybe… I’d even forgive myself.
21
Seth
“So I thought about seeing a movie, but wasn’t sure if that was something you wanted to do,” I had said, after I helped her into my truck after dinner and sat in the driver’s side.
“That sounds fine,” she replied. “What did you have in mind?”
“I’m not picky. We can decide when we get there, it’s just a few blocks away.”
Along the drive, I tried not to gaze at her too long from the corner of my eye; her words from earlier just about broke any idea that I had that I was only after this woman to get her into bed, or that was purely lust—well that was obviously bullshit. She said the one thing I’ve always needed to hear, basically: that despite all of my issues, I was okay. I knew I was falling for her, fast, and hard.
When we arrived at the theater, we decided on one of the new action movies. I wasn’t really a fan of them—too contrived—but there wasn’t a lot playing. I didn’t really think I’d pay much attention to it anyway with the beautiful brunette on my arm.
Jessie was beautiful and sexy in a pair of short, tan capris, strappy sandals with a clunky heel, and a deep pink, off the shoulder shirt that revealed her shapely shoulders and long neck, exposed by her hair piled on top of her head in a ponytail. Unlike the night I met her at the Lagoona, her makeup was simple. Yes, I noticed that, because I really had loved the black around her eyes; it made them stand out that much more. Somehow, tonight her eyes looked bigger and more sultry even without it, and some glossy pink lipstick that seemed to match her shirt. Her lips looked luscious and inviting and I was desperate to feel them under mine again.
I realized upon walking into the dimly lit theater that a movie might have been a bad choice. It was one of those with the reclining seats and adjustable armrests. It became very apparent when the movie began and the theater was only about a quarter full, and we were alone in the very back. And especially when she leaned into me and the scent of her clean floral shampoo or soap or whatever assaulted me—that was it. I slipped my hand under her chin, brought her lips to mine, and without any hesitation, brought them together. I fought the urge to sigh in pleasure; her lips were just as soft as I remembered them. She immediately responded by angling her body to be closer to mine, and parted her lips to allow me in. Her hands rested on my waist, or skirted around my stomach, dangerously close to my dick that was just fucking aching.
I was a guy and by nature, probably a bit of a horndog. In a relationship or with a willing lover, I was quite confident and able to go after what I wanted. Waiting usually wasn’t my thing, nor was beating around the bush. I didn’t like pretenses. I wasn’t one of those men who played the games like waiting a certain amount of time until it was acceptable to call someone or waiting until the “right” time to tell someone I loved them or committed. Incidentally, I’d only said it to one woman in my entire life; a girlfriend I had shortly after high school. It was too soon for her so she broke it off, claiming I was too forward. Well, fuck that.
So, the fact that I was patient now, especially when she was willing was just a testament to how into this woman I was. I didn’t want anything to screw it up.
There was something about her. As blunt as I could be, I saw my future in those green eyes, mapped out before me. It was terrifying and thrilling all at once.
Most people would say I shouldn’t be having these thoughts so soon. But I wasn’t most people, and I didn’t give a shit: this was how I felt.
Soon thoughts of commitment drift far from my mind as Jessie shifted again, and one of her legs draped over mine and she pressed her soft body against me, and I deepened the kiss. She moaned quietly into my mouth, and the vibration of it in the back of my throat sent my mind places I should not be thinking about in public.
She tasted sweet, like the wine she drank earlier. Truly I couldn’t get enough because it just seemed so uniquely…her.
That was why the reclining seats were very much a bad idea, because with the footrest kicked out, and the arm up, it too closely resembled a bed and my cock insanely protested the fact that it had to wait. Especially when she did the unexpected, and the hand of hers on my waist slipped down to cup it over my jeans. And holy fucking hell I just about lost it right there. It was obvious she was thinking just as naughtily as I was, and didn’t hesitate to let me know. No games. Just “this here? I want this.”
Hell. Fucking. Yes.
I b
roke apart from her long enough to grin provocatively at her, staring at her through my heavy eyes. “You’re fucking bad.”
It was her turn to grin; sultry and a complete tease. She said nothing, but squeezed my dick just a bit tighter. Now, this was war.
I tipped my forehead against hers, staring directly into her eyes as she bit her lip. I wasted no time slipping my hand under her shirt, shoving aside the lace and kneading at one of her breasts. I loved the fact that it was a good, soft handful, just like I always dreamed her breasts would be. Yeah, I dreamed about them often before, what could I say?
Jessie’s eyes fluttered shut gently, and she sucked in a breath as I carefully pinched her nipple, causing her to jerk slightly against me.
“Now who is bad?” She said with a giggle, and I shrugged defiantly.
We heard a slight coughing sound and turned to the side, a couple rows in front. A gentleman of about forty ate his popcorn, and most definitely was not paying attention to the movie.
Not skipping a beat, Jessie gave him a little wave, and then turned back to me and cracked up laughing, burying her face in my shoulder to stifle the sound. Not the reaction I expected. Most of my previous relationships—the small number they were—would have been horrified, running out of the theater crying and screaming. Not Jessie.
And certainly, they wouldn’t have been fondling my junk like that either. Something tells me the same impetuous nature rings true in Jessie and if so? This relationship could be a blast.
Provided I don’t get all mental and fuck it up like I always do.
I glared at the guy and he finally turned around, but with a shit-ass grin on his face.
Reluctantly, we abandoned the majority of our making out until the movie was over, though I’d be lying if I didn’t cop a few feels or sneak in a kiss here and there. But I didn’t want to give anyone a show, and not to mention if I didn’t stop, I wouldn’t be able to in about five minutes. I didn’t need to add being arrested for indecent exposure to my rap sheet.
The second the movie was over and let out—and I admit, I barely retained any of the movie, my mind was too distracted—Jessie let out the loudest, longest laugh I’m pretty sure I had ever heard.
“Did you see the look on his face?” She doubled over as soon as we reached the cooler temps of the outdoors after exiting. Her hand gripped mine tightly as she cracked up. It was contagious, and I couldn’t hold in my own. “It was priceless!”
“What’s even funnier is the fact that you think it’s funny and you’re not all freaked out,” I said, between gasping laughs.
Trying to control her laughter, she clutched her stomach and took a deep breath. Unsuccessfully, as it was interrupted by another chuckle. At that point I couldn’t help but take her in my arms and hold her close, which finally calmed her down.
“Why would I be freaked out?” She finally asked, glancing up at me curiously.
“A lot of people would be. Maybe. I don’t know, maybe it’s not so strange after all?” I mused out loud.
She shrugged. “I just like to live with no apologies. All the best things in my life that have happened to me happened when I just… went with it. When I didn’t think or overanalyze. Sometimes they were scary, but in the end… always worth it. I need to get back to that, really.”
Slowly, I grinned. I lowered my face and brushed my lips over hers. She melted into me, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“And what about this?” I asked, raising a brow.
“This? You mean us? You?” She asked, my lips still a breath away from hers, still taking in her sultry presence and the heady charge in the air.
“Yeah.”
She tilted her head, considering. “It’s scary, yes.”
“But, is it worth it?”
Her mouth pressed into a line, gently curving up in the corner. “I’ll let you know in the morning.”
Fuck. Me.
22
Jessalie
Seth practically flew down the highway in his truck after our date of dinner and a movie. The tension in the cab was practically electric, and whatever was about to happen between us would change everything. It was exhilarating, addicting, and befuddled the mind more than the most potent of alcohols.
That was saying something because I knew alcohol well.
The last time I felt this way was the first time I hopped on the back of Blake’s blue motorcycle and sped down the road, away from all the naysayers and to a bright new future cut short.
But I wasn’t thinking about that right now, and I wasn’t feeling guilty about not thinking about it either. All I’m thinking about is Seth’s hand gripping my knee tightly the entire way home.
With a predatory look in my direction, I practically knocked down the door to the house and Seth gripped me by the arms firmly, pushing me inside as the door slammed behind us. His tattooed hands slipped under my chin like they did before, only this time they aren’t hesitant; they’re demanding. There was a certain desperation in those honey-hazel eyes as he searched me, aside from the dilated pupils and the heavy lids. I was almost positive I had the same expression. Like—whatever this was—I needed it. I actually needed it to feel like myself again.
His brow arched as he looked me over. He slips a hand from my chin and grazes his fingertips over my bare shoulder. “Are you sure about this? Absolutely sure? Because once I start I don’t think I can stop. I mean, I don’t want to stop. I will if you need me to, but—”
I lifted my hand and pressed a finger to his lips. “You don’t have to stop. I promise.”
Seth grinned at me salaciously, leaning forward to gently brush his mouth over mine in a teasing kiss. I gripped the back of his neck, urging him forward to deepen it, but he pulled away.
“So, your place, or mine?” He asked, his tone husky and inviting. The sound sent shivers down my spine that rested between my legs, just further heightening my desire.
“I have the bigger bed, I think. If that matters to you. But yours is closer,” I said, biting my lip, my chest heaving and falling rapidly at his closeness.
“Mine it is,” he said with a smirk. He took my hand in his, and lead me up the stairs to the bedroom.
I hadn’t really been in here much since Seth moved in, but I beam upon entry; everything is just so…him. Even after this short time I can tell that, I promise.
The bedroom came furnished with a full-sized bed frame, a nightstand, and a wooden chair in the corner by the tall windows that faced the lake. There were white electric and tan acoustic guitars sit on stands nearby the bed that obviously belonged to Seth, along with a metal music stand. Unopened and opened boxes are scattered about, some with clothes falling out of them. I noticed a laptop on the nightstand, and there was several notebooks and pens over the mis-matched bedding—his, not mine. Red pillows, multi-colored quilt, black sheets.
I didn’t dwell on the décor for long, because my gaze was pried on the sexy, tatted man standing before me, as he shrugged out of his over-shirt and flung it to the ground. The sultry bedroom eyes he shot me as he closed the distance between us sent pangs of lust straight through me, and I didn’t protest when he set a hand on my shoulder, and reached the other into my hair to pull it out of its messy bun. It tumbled down my shoulders and he slid his inked fingers under my chin, and passionately kissed me as he walked us backwards towards the bed. My eyes were heavy and lids slid shut when he trailed a path of soft kisses down my jaw and to my shoulders, and over my collarbone, further igniting the longing inside to near explosive levels. It shouldn’t have been this easy to be turned on, but for one, it was Seth and he was so gorgeous to me and for two, it’d been so long since anyone made me feel this way.
An involuntary moan escaped my lips as he lowered himself just enough to rake his tongue under the neckline of my top, and found the very top of one of my very sensitive breasts. My hands were on his stomach, and tightly gripped his shirt as I gently whimpered when a hand slid under the bottom, pushed aside the lace
, and palmed the heavy mound.
“Oh shit…” Actually I don’t think I’d ever felt this level of desire before. My mind was spinning, my body was flushed and heat spread throughout my belly. Impatient with the pace, and needing to feel more—I released my grip and quickly lifted the blouse over my head and off.
“A little eager, are we?” Seth said, with a playful laugh and smile.
“Wow me with all your moves later. Right now… just get all this off,” I commanded, and he cocked a brow.
“Forward. I like it.” He allowed me to pull his tank to his shoulders and he lifted it off the rest of the way as I promptly got to work on unfastening his pants. His head lolled onto his shoulders as I slid my hands inside, eagerly seeking out his rock hard cock over his black boxer shorts. And from what I felt it was nice sized—not too big. Just right.
“Oh damn Jessie…” he said huskily and I thoroughly enjoyed the look of euphoria that washed over his face. He was damn hot, and turned on? Even hotter.
“Should I stop?” I taunted, and his head snapped up.
“Hell no. You don’t have to ever stop that. Except for when I do it to you.” His words brought another heavy shot of arousal straight to my core. He sought out my lips again, distracting me as he unbuttoned and forced my pants down. They fell to my ankles, leaving me in my black satin and lace panties and bra. My skin heated as he drank me in.
“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? Really?” He asked, his hands snaking over my arms and up my stomach, seeking out my breasts before reaching around back, unfastening the bra, and slipping it carefully off my shoulders, exposing my nipples to the air.
“Show me,” was all I implored, my voice barely above a whisper as he took both of the tense mounds in his hands, kneading carefully.
