“Well, um...” Pastor Collins cleared his throat. “I suppose congratulations are in order now.”
Carrie blinked as if she were coming out of a daze. She looked at the preacher. “Thank you for performing the ceremony.”
“Of course.” He smiled. “I’m very happy you have decided to stay in Last Chance.”
Cade wanted to ask Carrie why Pastor Collins had said that. Had Carrie thought of leaving after her husband died? But now was not the time. Cade would question her about it later.
“Well, Mr. Hamilton, if you would like to follow me, I’ll show you to your new home.”
Her voice cracked, and she blinked back tears, but her eyes continued to grow watery. Cade was sure she was thinking of her deceased husband. The transition to fill another man’s shoes would be long and tedious, but if the Lord brought Cade here to help others, he would do all he could to get through this complicated process.
“Lead the way, Mrs. Hamilton.”
He followed Carrie, and as they reached the door, he picked up one of his trunks and tossed it over his shoulder securely before lifting the second trunk. She gasped, her gaze jumping from one trunk to the other.
“Forgive me for not bringing a wagon,” she said softly. “But I only have one horse, and he needs to be shoed.”
“I can shoe the horse, so don’t worry. But I don’t need a wagon. I can walk.” He glanced away from her, looking toward the town. “How far do you live?”
She pointed up the hill. “Not far, but it’s an upward climb.”
“I’m fine with that. I carried my trunks from the stagecoach to the church. I think I can handle walking to your house.”
“If...” She cleared her throat again. “If you’d like, I could carry one.”
“Sweetie, I don’t think you are strong enough.”
She squared her shoulders and lifted a chin. Now she reminded him of the little girl he had loved to tease
“Mr. Hamilton, I’m stronger than you think. And, although I might not be able to carry one by myself, I could at least help you carry that one.” She pointed to the one in his left hand.
“Fine. Take the other end.” He couldn’t wait to see how long it would take before she lost her strength.
She bent and wrapped her fingers around the handle and lifted it up. They started walking up the hill in silence. He wondered if she would say anything about the kiss, but then, he wasn’t sure if he had an excuse as to why the kiss had turned tender for that brief moment. Perhaps not talking about the kiss was the best action to take.
“Carrie, will you tell me why Pastor Collins thought you were going to leave town?”
She glanced at him before turning her attention back to the road. “After we all realized our husbands had died in the blizzard, Pastor Collins let us know that we shouldn’t be living on the prairie unless we were married because we would be too much of a temptation to those few men who survived the blizzard. He suggested we travel east toward the big cities and look for new husbands there.”
Cade scowled. “Well, I suppose he has a point, but it’s none of his business to tell you and the other widows what you should or should not do.”
She shrugged. “Pastor Collins does care about our welfare... in his own little way, I suppose.”
“Did all the widows decide to stay and find husbands?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t know of any that have left.”
“Well, my heart goes out to all of you who suffered. Losing loved ones isn’t an easy thing to overcome.” His memory opened, and little Clarence’s face popped into Cade’s head. His heart wrenched. That little boy’s family would forever be mourning because of Cade’s mistake.
He shook off the memory and looked back at Carrie. Her eyes misted over again, but she kept her gaze on the road.
“I’m grateful that you didn’t turn me down,” he said meekly.
Her head snapped toward him. “What do you mean?”
“Well, considering how we felt about each other when we were young, I thought you would change your mind about the wedding.”
“Yes, well... I realized that we have both grown up quite a bit. At least I know I have.”
He chuckled lightly. “You have, and so have I.”
“Good. I’m happy to know that.”
They were nearly to the top of the small hill, and he was surprised that she hadn’t complained yet. Perhaps she had grown up, after all.
“How long have you been a doctor, Mr. Hamilton?”
Inwardly, he cringed. Carrie didn’t know about his career decision yet. He supposed now was a good time to inform her. “I think you should call me Cade since we’re married.”
She nodded.
“But to answer your question, I’ve been going to school for several years, and I’ve been working alongside a doctor. I’ve never had a practice of my own. However, a couple of weeks after I had decided to come here, something happened, which made me realize that I’m not cut out to be a doctor.”
Her steps stopped suddenly. He had been expecting it, and so stopped with her. Carrie’s eyes were wide, and her cheeks had grown red.
“You... didn’t come to Last Chance to be a doctor?”
He shrugged. “Originally, I had. But as I’d mentioned a couple of weeks ago, something happened—”
“And you didn’t feel the need to let me know sooner?”
He cocked his head, studying her face. She was upset, and he wasn’t sure he liked it. “Carrie? Did you marry me because I was a doctor?”
“Well... of course.” She huffed. “We need a doctor here in town. We have some midwives, but that’s it.” She shook her head. “Some people are sick, and they need medical help. We are in great need of your expertise.” She sighed. “In fact, my maid, Tilly—”
“Maid?” Cade gasped, not believing what he just heard. “You have a... maid?”
Carrie glared at him. “Yes. I brought her with me from New York after Michael and I were married.”
“You can actually afford to pay her salary?”
Carrie rolled her eyes. “It’s not like that. She’s more like family. She helps me. She always has, and I cannot live without her. Tilly is very sick, and I was hoping that you’d make her your first patient.”
Cade bit his tongue, not wanting to get Carrie upset. He still couldn’t comprehend that she’d bring her maid to the prairie. Then again, Carrie was raised far differently than he – or most children – were raised.
“I’ll see what I can do for your maid, however,” he took a deep breath, “I’m not going to be the town’s doctor. You and the others had better pray they find another one.”
Disappointment etched in her pretty face, and guilt snuck inside him. But he couldn’t let her – or anyone else – make him do something he didn’t want to do. Wasn’t it enough that he was responsible for Clarence’s death? He didn’t want to be the reason someone else died.
THREE
Carrie struggled the last several steps toward the house. She didn’t dare admit that Cade had been correct when he suggested his trunk might be too heavy for her to carry. She knew how he felt about her. He’d called her a spoiled brat enough times as a child, and it was obvious he still thought of her that way. Why else would he have sounded so surprised when she talked about her maid?
But that wasn’t what had her upset. She couldn’t believe Cade hadn’t told her about his change in professions. If she had known he wasn’t planning on being a doctor when he reached Last Chance, she would have picked another man to marry. She had told the other woman in town that a doctor was finally coming to Last Chance. Now she had to eat her words.
Pain pounded in her head, and her limbs became weak, but she held strong. She didn’t need him seeing her as being feeble, so she continued walking. They neared the front porch, and she couldn’t hold up the trunk any longer. Her arm refused. Then again, her legs were refusing to move any further, as well.
As her fingers released the handle o
f the trunk, she took two more steps before she collapsed, falling on the snow-covered ground. A fog swam in her head, and sounds around her were muffled.
Cade’s panicked voice called out her name. At least, that’s what she thought he had said. As her head began to spin, she felt two strong arms around her, lifting her against his body. Her limbs were useless, but she fought for control. She wasn’t certain what was happening to her, but it felt like a dream. Yet, this was like a nightmare.
The moment they were inside her house, the warmth circling around, and the familiar scents wafting through the air, calmed her slightly. Her head throbbed, and she moaned, wishing it would go away so that she could become fully alert.
Cade must have set her on the couch because a cushioned softness was against her back. As he continued to say her name, his cold hands moved over her face and into her hair. The pressure from her head lightened, and she guessed he had removed her bonnet.
Another voice was in the room. Tilly. Carrie’s fears lightened considerably. Her maid would help.
Several moments later, a cold, wet rag was placed on Carrie’s head. Seconds later, she smelled something rank that brought her alert. Her head pounded fiercely, but at least she felt that she had control over her body once again.
The first person Carrie noticed was Tilly standing at the end of the couch. The older woman’s face was pale, and beads of moisture clung to the woman’s forehead. The maid’s eyes were tired, but relief was the expression on the woman’s face.
“Welcome back,” Cade said.
Carrie switched her focus to the man kneeling beside the couch. His gentle smile soothed her. “What... happened to me?”
“I think your body was trying to pass out, but your mind fought it. You were in and out.” He motioned toward Tilly. “Thankfully, your maid had some smelling salts.”
Carrie should bring up the fact that if he had come to town to be a doctor, as he led her to believe, then he would have smelling salts, too. But her pounding head stopped the words she wanted to say. “Yes, Tilly is a godsend.”
“I think you need some food in your belly. That will help.” Tilly turned and moved into the kitchen.
Carried rubbed her forehead. “I must apologize. I... don’t know what came over me.”
Cade stared at her for the longest time, making her uncomfortable. If he had something to say, she wished he’d just say it. She wasn’t a mind reader.
“Perhaps Tilly is correct. I was too nervous to eat this morning.”
His gaze narrowed. “Carrie? How long has it been since your husband died?”
She scrunched her forehead. What an odd question. “Approximately two months. Why?”
“Could it be possible that you’re pregnant?”
Embarrassment swept over her, heating her face considerably. What was he suggesting, especially since he didn’t want to be a doctor?
“I think, Mr. Hamilton, that is none of your business.”
He arched an eyebrow. “So, you don’t think you are pregnant?”
Panic welled inside her, and her mind scrambled to remember the last time she and Michael had been intimate. She quickly calculated the dates and then breathed a sigh of relief. “No, I’m not pregnant.”
“Are you certain?”
Carrie wasn’t about to tell Cade that she and Michael hadn’t been intimate for several months, and it had nothing to do with her being tired because she was up with Parker Joe most of the night, either. Her heart wrenched. No, their lack of intimacy was not her fault. Michael had somehow grown distant six months ago, and she’d never found the courage to ask him why.
She blinked back the tears threatening to spring forth. “Yes, I’m certain.”
He rose to his feet and folded his arms, still staring at her with an expression of blame. “So, was that just an act?” He motioned his head toward the window. “Were you just pretending to faint in hopes that I would realize that I need to be a doctor?”
Anger flowed through her, making her headache worse. She sat up quickly, which made her dizzy, but she bit back the fog clouding her vision. “How dare you accuse me of doing that. Of course, it wasn’t an act.” She paused, and this time, she couldn’t stop the words she’d wanted to say. “But if you had been a doctor, you would have seen that, wouldn’t you? A good doctor would have known if someone was feigning their own sickness.” She slowly stood, only to keep the dizziness from taking over again. “And a good doctor would have noticed that Tilly,” she lowered her voice, pointing toward the kitchen, “is not well, either. And a good doctor would have wanted to treat her.”
Cade’s mouth tightened, and his hands bunched into fists. “Which is why I’m not a doctor,” he bit out. “Because I’m not good, and I never will be.” He turned and marched to the front door. “I’m going for a walk.”
Oh! She wanted to scream, but then that would just make her headache worse. Instead, she moved into the kitchen to help Tilly. Her maid needed rest, and Carrie was going to make sure that Tilly’s health improved, especially since she couldn’t rely on the man she’d married.
“I’m well now,” Carrie told Tilly as she moved beside her to take over. “You need to go lay down.”
“I’m feeling fine, child.” Tilly shooed Carrie away with her hands. “You need to be with your new husband.”
Carrie groaned and rolled her eyes. “Oh, Tilly. I made such a mistake by picking him. I can’t believe I went through with the marriage ceremony.”
Tilly dropped the knife on the counter and turned to Carrie, taking hold of her hands. “Now listen to me. I know you’re not ready to have a new husband, but you need to think of Parker Joe, too. Both of you need this man in your life. It will take some time to adjust, but you will, and so will Mr. Hamilton.” Tilly squeezed Carrie’s hands gently. “Be patient with him. Husbands do not come ready-made.”
Carrie chuckled lightly. Tilly was famous for not beating around the bush. “You’re right.” Carrie sighed. “But Tilly, he doesn’t want to be a doctor.”
The older woman’s forehead crinkled. “For heaven’s sake, why not?”
“He won’t tell me, but I need to change his mind somehow. This town needs a good doctor. You need a good doctor so that you can get well.”
Tilly released Carrie’s hands and hugged her. “Don’t worry about me. My malady will soon be gone.” The woman withdrew and peered into Carrie’s eyes. “But you need to make your husband your priority. He came all the way out here to help you, knowing your situation and what has happened to our town. Now it’s your turn to meet him halfway.”
“Yes, Tilly. I shall try.” Although the words came from Carrie’s mouth, she doubted it would work.
* * * *
Cade stood in the barn, looking around at the pathetic and very sad scene. She had one goat and one chicken. His heart sank. He’d heard the conditions of this town were minimal, but he never suspected their livestock would be meager, as well.
Thankfully, he’d saved money from when he had been practicing medicine, and he would make sure they had some animals soon.
Slowly, he moved through the barn, taking a mental inventory of other things they needed as he let his anger cool. Carrie had no right to throw the blame on him for changing his mind about being a doctor. Women changed their minds all the time, and they never got ridiculed for doing it.
It was bad enough that Cade was fighting his own insecurities, he didn’t need Carrie to say the words he’d been feeling for a while. He just wasn’t good enough.
Releasing a pent-up breath, he ran his fingers through his hair. Apparently, his work as a farmer was cut out for him here in Last Chance. These women were going to need someone experienced in farming to help them with their crops and animals. Within a year, this town would be productive again.
He turned toward the goat’s stall and tossed more hay on the ground. As Cade leaned against the wooden beam and watched the animal eat, his mind wandered back to Carrie and her harsh words. For the
past few months, he’d been trying to overcome the guilt that had filled him when Clarence died.
The little boy had been an active five-year-old and smart as a whip. The boy’s parents had been highly complimentary of the new doctor in town, and for a while, Cade thought he was invincible. He’d been warned not to let his popularity go to his head, but he couldn’t stop it from happening.
Then, the fateful day came when little Clarence had received some kind of infectious disease. Both Cade and the other doctor couldn’t figure out what it was or how to cure it. Cade researched day and night for nearly a week, not getting much sleep himself as he tried to find a cure for whatever the little boy had. His parents had continued to place their faith in God – and in Cade – but it wasn’t enough, and the little boy died.
Doctor Dawson tried to convince Cade it wasn’t his fault and that things like this happen, but when Cade had to see the blame on Clarence’s family’s face every time he saw them and hear the negative whispers about Cade’s incompetence, the dejection was a hard pill to swallow.
Soon, people stopped making appointments to see Cade. He had continued to pray to God for some direction, but after a few months without his prayers being answered, Cade had given up hope. It wasn’t long afterward when he’d read the article in the newspaper about Last Chance and the widows needing help. That was when he knew his purpose.
And he wouldn’t let Carrie try to change his mind. He needed to do something to feel needed and important, or he’d just be a pathetic man struggling to find worth.
It wasn’t until he heard a woman sigh when he realized he wasn’t alone. He’d been so involved with his thoughts, he hadn’t heard Carrie come in and lean against the half-wall of the stall. He tried to compose himself, not wanting to argue.
A few awkward seconds passed as she stared at the goat. Cade shifted from one foot to the other, not knowing how to start a conversation.
“We named the goat Snowflake,” Carrie said. “And the chicken is Mrs. Cluckers.”
He wanted to laugh but refrained. “You name your animals?”
Her gaze finally met his, and she nodded. “We had more a couple of months ago, but the blizzard brought freezing temperatures, and most of the town lost their livestock.”
A Groom for Carrie Page 2
