From the other room, Tilly started coughing uncontrollably. Cade could tell the older woman’s chest was rattling by the way she wheezed. Carrie broke the kiss and stepped back. Her cheeks were pink, and her lips swollen, but it was her eyes that had him hypnotized. They were so dreamy.
Her chest rose and fell quickly. She shook her head. “I wish that blasted infection would leave Tilly’s body once and for all.”
“Give it time.”
“I’d better go check on her.”
He nodded. “And I should go back outside and finish repairing the fence.”
She smiled almost bashfully and turned to head into the other room. Cade smiled. He liked how caring she was toward Tilly and that she treated the maid like family. Perhaps there was a huge heart in Carrie after all because the woman definitely knew how to be passionate.
* * * *
Carrie had wanted to see what would happen when she and Cade retired for bed that night, but she didn’t dare. Besides, Tilly’s coughing sounded so terrible, and Carrie’s maid needed her help tonight. Cade had understood when she apologized for wanting to stay up and help Tilly. Of course, during the night, she also took care of her son, who was having a fitful night.
Dozing off and on during the night didn’t give her much rest, and when the sun rose in the morning, she wasn’t certain she would be able to make it through the day without dropping from exhaustion.
It surprised her when Cade woke up and made breakfast for all of them. Smelling the eggs cooking on the stove made her stomach grumble. She stood from the cushioned chair in Tilly’s room and walked over to the bed on weary legs. The older woman was asleep, and thankfully, hadn’t coughed for at least an hour.
Quietly, she left the room and closed the door. The voices coming from the kitchen couldn’t possibly be what she was hearing. Then again, she was very tired and was probably dreaming this whole thing. But as she walked into the kitchen, Cade sat on the chair, holding PJ on his lap, as he fed him the scrambled eggs on his plate.
Her husband must not have noticed her because his focus was on her son. Cade's funny little sounds when he shoveled a spoonful of eggs and steered it to the baby’s mouth were quite comical. Whatever Cade said, he wasn’t very loud, but his tone of voice was playful and childish.
What surprised her even more was that PJ laughed at Cade... and ate the food. Apparently, her son was like every other male she knew – that food always made them happy.
She leaned her shoulder against the doorframe, mainly because she was tired, but she also wanted to watch without being seen. At least for a few minutes.
As her mind finally started coming alert, she realized that Michael had never done this with PJ. Michael had held their son and played with him a little, but he had never wanted to help her with the baby. Michael never offered to help feed PJ, either. Could she be witnessing what a good father does with his son?
Her eyes clouded over with happy tears, knowing for certain that PJ was going to have a good relationship with his new father and that Cade was going to be a loving father.
Carrie quickly wiped her eyes before Cade noticed. She didn’t want to have to tell him why she was crying this time. It seemed she’d done it too much already... especially when her dead husband didn’t deserve her tears and heartache.
PJ was the first to see her. He giggled and held out his hands toward her. Smiling, she pulled away from the doorframe and walked closer. Cade’s gaze jumped up and met hers. He appeared almost embarrassed to be caught feeding the baby.
“I see you and PJ are getting along splendidly.” She stopped beside Cade and took one of PJ’s outstretched hands, but she didn’t pick him up.
“Yes.” Cade smiled down at the boy. “I’m relieved that he allowed me to feed him.”
“I’m happy to see he’s eating the eggs. He’s never had that before.”
Cade winked. “Then I’m glad I convinced him to eat the food.”
“Thank you, Cade,” she said with emotion clogging her throat. “You don’t know what this means to me.”
When his eyes met hers, he winked. “It’s the least I could do after all you sacrificed to help Tilly last night.”
Her heart grew warmer. “You really are an amazing man, Cade Hamilton.”
“I think you should go lie down and rest a few hours.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. I have too much to do today.”
His gaze narrowed on her. “Were you going to the bank?”
“The bank?” Her mind swam in confusion. Why would he think that?
“Your friend, yesterday. She said that she’d see you when you came to the bank.”
Rebecca! How could Carrie have forgotten about her? “Oh, yes. The bank. I suppose I was going. Her mother works at the bank, and Rebecca told me her mother found something of Michael’s that she thought I would like.”
“Do you mind if I go with you? I need to stop at the mercantile and purchase some things.”
Her heart skipped with excitement, bringing her more awake. This would be her first trip into town with her new husband. Although she couldn’t wait to introduce him to her friends, she also didn’t want to explain why he didn’t want to be a doctor.
“Um, yes. Of course, you can come,” she said, trying to keep the enthusiasm in her voice even if it was dwindling fast. She shouldn’t feel let down that he didn’t want to be a doctor. Instead, she should be elated that he was an attentive husband and that he wanted to help her with PJ. Indeed, Cade Hamilton was one in a million, and it shouldn’t matter at all that he wasn’t a doctor. He was her doctor, and he had helped Tilly and would help PJ if needs be, she was certain of it.
He motioned toward the bedroom. “Why don’t you take a nap until Tilly wakes up? She can watch PJ while we go into town.”
She nodded, feeling again the effect of very little sleep on her body. “I will. Thank you.”
As much as she wanted to kiss him to show him her appreciation, she didn’t know if now was the right time. Michael had once told her when were the right times to kiss a husband – and when were not the right times.
Her mind came to a halt, and she clenched her teeth. She wasn’t married to Michael any longer, so why was she still allowing him to control her thoughts and actions? Well, she would change that... starting now!
Carrie quickly bent and kissed Cade on the lips. He hitched a breath, but the surprise didn’t last long because he grasped her arm to pull her closer. Instead of a quick peck as she’d intended to give him, the gentle kiss continued, even though she was still standing, and he was in the chair with PJ on his lap.
Her hammering heart made her limbs weak, and for the life of her, she wanted to be the one sitting on his lap instead of her precious son. She lifted her hand to Cade’s face and softly caressed his cheek before sliding her fingers through his hair – that was surprisingly not bristly like her first husband.
Although she had fought the impulse of comparing the two men before, she wouldn’t any longer. Cade had so many good qualities, he was now outshining Michael in almost every way.
When PJ started fussing, Carrie hesitantly pulled away. Cade’s eyes had turned a darker green – a gaze filled with desire. She hoped he could see that in her eyes, too.
“What was that for?” he asked.
She swallowed hard, trying to bring moisture to her suddenly dry throat. “Isn’t that what wives do when they appreciate their husbands?”
One side of his mouth stretched higher than the other when he grinned. “I’m not sure, but Mrs. Hamilton, you can do that to me any time you’d like.”
A flutter took over in her chest, making it hard to breathe. “Then you’d better count on it because I will.”
As she walked to her bedroom, she wondered if she would get any sleep now. Her mind was wide awake, and she’d be dreaming of ways she could show her affection to her new husband.
NINE
Cade whistled a happy tune as Carrie sat beside him on h
er wagon's seat on their way toward the bank. The little nap she’d had this morning had done wonders to her state of mind. Of course, the kiss helped the most. Since that affectionate kiss, she’d been walking in heavenly bliss.
For this afternoon jaunt into town, Carrie picked out a ravishing dark blue jacket over her white blouse and black skirt. She had fixed her hair the same way as that first day when she married Cade only because she enjoyed the way his warm gaze slid over her when she wore her hair hanging over her shoulders and down her back.
Since she’d awakened from her nap, Cade had been looking at her differently. The butterflies dancing in her stomach made her wonder if he thought of making her his wife in the Biblical sense. She felt it was time to move forward instead of dwelling in the past.
Now, she couldn’t wait for the sun to go down...
But first, she had to get this visit at the bank over with. Her nerves were jumpy, already sitting so close to Cade on the buckboard seat, bumping her arm against his with every movement of the vehicle. But now she wondered what Mrs. Sterling could possibly have found that was Michael’s. When he worked at the bank, he never took anything personal from home, except for his lunch.
When Cade’s whistling ended, she glanced at him. His twinkling gaze made her heart skip a beat, and his smile nearly melted her senseless.
“Tilly is finally getting more color back in her face,” Carrie said, breaking the brief silence.
He nodded. “She told me that she’s feeling better. I can see it in her eyes.”
“I just wish her cough didn’t sound so awful.”
“That’s to be expected.”
As she stared at him, she wished he would be more open with his life, especially when it came to why he had decided not to practice medicine. Somehow, she needed to coax it out of him.
Carrie placed her arm on his thigh and gazed into his remarkable green eyes. Her heart jumped in her chest because of the personal way she was touching him, but by his expression, she could see that he enjoyed the closeness, too.
“Cade? Will you please tell me why you decided to quit being a doctor?”
His expression changed slightly, and hesitation was in his eyes. She held her breath, hoping her heartfelt plea would do the trick and start him talking.
He sighed heavily. “I suppose it’s time to talk.”
Relief flooded through her. “Yes, it is.”
“A few months before I answered your newspaper advertisement, I was taking care of a little boy who was ill. Every kind of medicine I gave him only made him worse. Up until this point in my career, I had been curing people and fixing broken bones... and even delivering babies. But when I realized I couldn’t do anything to save Clarence’s life, I realized I wasn’t the doctor everyone believed me to be. That’s when I decided I couldn’t let another person die under my care, so I left the practice and decided to take up farming.”
Her heart wrenched. “Oh, but Cade,” she turned toward him on the seat a little better, “don’t you understand that it wasn’t your fault at all? You did everything you could, which means the Lord wanted him back home. And you know as well as I that you can’t argue with the Almighty. The Lord knows you were trying to save the boy’s life, and if the Lord didn’t think it was time to bring Clarence home, the boy would still be alive.”
Sadness etched in Cade’s eyes. “I understand what you’re saying, my dear Carrie, but I...”
“Cade,” she said, interrupting him. “Remember, you are only a doctor. You aren’t God. You can’t fix everyone’s illness.”
He released another sigh as he turned and looked back toward the road. She said a silent prayer that he would understand what she was trying to tell him. He couldn’t expect to save everyone. That was God’s responsibility.
After a few minutes of silence, Carrie faced forward in her seat. They approached a familiar building, and her stomach twisted in uncertainty. “There’s the bank.” She pointed to the red-bricked building on their left.
Cade pulled the horse to a stop and set the brake on the wagon. He hopped down and turned to lift her out. She bracketed her hands on his shoulders, and as he lifted her, their gazes locked. She couldn’t read his expression very well, but he was still confused about his feelings as a doctor from what she could tell. Her heart ached to make him see, but just as God answered prayers, this particular issue would have to be worked out in Cade’s time, not hers.
When her feet touched the ground, she stepped away from Cade. His smile looked forced. “The mercantile is right down that way. I won’t be long at the bank, and I can meet you at the store when I’m finished.”
“Are you certain?” He cupped the side of her face. “Because I don’t mind.”
She wanted to sigh with pleasure. Whether it was his soft touch or his sweet, caring words, she didn’t know. One thing she did know, however, was that she liked this man more and more every day. Dare she say, love? Perhaps not yet, but it would happen shortly, she was certain.
“Don’t be silly, Cade. I’ll be fine.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Something is worrying you, and that concerns me.”
How could she not fall in love with this man? She tried to remember if Michael had ever been this attentive, and... she didn’t think he had. “I haven’t stepped foot inside the bank since Michael died, and well, I suppose I’m nervous about dredging up the past. I’d rather not think about those days.”
“Then, I’ll wait right here for you until you’re done.” Cade leaned against the wagon and folded his arms.
She chuckled. “Really, Cade. I can do this on my own. I’ll meet you at the mercantile. Besides, I want to talk to Mrs. Sterling for a few minutes. I’m saddened by their moving out of Last Chance.”
He nodded and straightened, dropping his hands by his sides. “Then, I’ll let you do this by yourself.” He leaned closer and kissed her forehead. “Don’t be too long.”
As he turned and hopped back in the wagon, her heartbeat quickened again, but this time it was for different reasons. She didn’t want to go into the bank, but if it were something that must be done in order to get Michael out of her heart once and for all, then she’d do it.
Taking a deep breath, she courageously walked toward the bank with her head held high and her shoulders straight as though ready for battle. She knew there would certainly be a battle in her head and heart.
As she walked inside, her chest tightened as if something was suffocating her. You can do this! Had Michael turned her into a weak woman? She didn’t recall being this afraid to face her fears. Then again, she hadn’t many fears growing up.
Only two patrons were in the bank talking with Mrs. Turnpike. Carrie glanced over at the other desk. Mrs. Sterling was sitting behind the desk, leaning over the table as she gathered papers. The older woman glanced up, and when she saw Carrie, a broad smile stretched across her wrinkled face.
“Oh, heavens. You came!” Mrs. Sterling jumped up from her chair and bustled toward Carrie, her arms stretched out in greeting. “Bless your heart for coming.”
Carrie hugged the other lady, trying to keep a smile on her face. “Rebecca told me you were going to move soon, and I knew I had to come and see you.”
Mrs. Sterling’s eyes watered, and she dabbed a white hanky to the corner of her eyes. “I really don’t want to leave, but... we cannot stay here now.”
Carrie nodded. “I understand completely.”
“Rebecca tells me you are remarried.”
Cade’s face popped into her mind, and she smiled. “Yes. Mr. Hamilton is a very nice man, and my son is already taken with him.”
“How wonderful. Thank the Lord. I’m sure there have been miracles all around.”
“Yes, I’m sure there have been.” Carrie twisted her hands.
“Well, just the other day, I was going through some old cupboards here at the bank, trying to organize things before I leave, and I found something that had belonged to Michael.” Mrs. Sterling moved to the far
corner of the bank and dug through a box on the floor. She pulled out a journal and brought it back. “I remember my Wilbur telling me that Michael wrote quite often in his journal at work. Wilbur found it strange that Michael would do that here and not at home but,” she shrugged, “who is to say if that’s right or wrong.”
“Exactly.” With a trembling hand, she took the journal from the older woman. Michael had never told her that he had a journal, which told Carrie that whatever he wrote in that book was something he didn’t want her knowing about. Ever.
“Thank you, Mrs. Sterling. I’ll treasure this forever.” But what Carrie didn’t want to say aloud was that treasure was usually buried... although she thought this book might work better in the fireplace.
The older woman gave Carrie another hug before she left the bank. It wouldn’t take her long to walk to the mercantile, but her curiosity about what was inside the journal got the better of her, and she moved around the building. She stopped under a tree, flipped open the book, and glanced at what was written on page fourteen.
“It is one day before my wedding to Carrie, but my heart is still with Parker Jo. I had promised my parents not to marry beneath my class, and yet, I find myself yearning to see Parker Jo more and more now. It’s said that we want what we cannot have, and I am experiencing that now. Even though I will go through with marrying the woman my parents love, I will never be able to love Carrie as much as I love Parker Jo.”
Reading Michael’s words in his own handwriting finally brought her to reality. Before, she had just wondered about this other woman, especially since Cade had mentioned knowing a woman with that name. But now the truth was in front of Carrie, and it didn’t make it any easier to handle. She must. If he hadn’t loved her, why was she wasting her sorrow and broken heart on him?
She turned back a few more pages to see what he’d written earlier in the journal.
A Groom for Carrie Page 6
