by K E Osborn
My head was saying take it slow, but my heart, well, my pants were telling me to move things along. I listened to my head and wrapped my arms around Callie, holding her tightly. I could smell her hair and beautiful natural scent. It was driving me crazy. I was eighteen, my hormones were running rampant, and all I wanted to do was to make love to her, but I knew I couldn’t. I knew her father wouldn’t approve, not that I’d have told him if we did, but for me, sleeping together meant a lifelong commitment. Once our bodies were joined, they’d be that way for eternity. I knew I wanted that more than anything, but I wasn’t sure how Callie felt. She was spending a lot of time with Niall, and that concerned me.
“You’re awfully quiet. Tell me what you’re thinking?” Callie asked, disrupting my thoughts as she traced circles on my shirt.
I nuzzled into her hair and inhaled. I hated lying to her, but if I told her what I was really thinking, she’d think I was a sleazeball. “Just thinking about how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to be here with you in our place again.”
Callie looked up and brought her hand in to caress my cheek. “You’re sweet to me, Mike,” she said and then leaned up and pressed her soft lips to mine.
It took all my energy not to roll her over and kiss every inch of her body. So, I played it safe and moved my hand to the back of her head and held her lips to mine. She moved her body on top, and a surge of passion swept through me. I groaned slightly as her tongue caressed mine, and I felt every inch of her against me. The movement in my pants had become a desperate fight to contain because she was kissing me so passionately and straddling me.
She pushed her tongue deeper into my mouth, and my body reacted. My hands went to her hips, and I ground up into her. She whimpered and pushed down onto me. I nearly let it all go then and there. I simply couldn’t fight the instinct anymore. I held Callie tightly and turned her over, so I was lying on top and being careful not to put my entire weight on her. She was a small thing, and I wasn’t—I didn’t want to hurt her.
Her hands were all over me, and her touch was setting me on an unextinguishable fire.
“Oh, Callie,” I moaned through our passionate kiss.
She moaned in response and held me tighter. I knew where I wanted this to go, but I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. Neither of us had gone ‘all the way’ with anyone, let alone each other, but that was exactly what I wanted. To be joined with Callie passionately and lovingly.
When her hands moved to my shoulders, I knew Callie obviously felt the same. She started to take off my jacket, and I helped by flinging it off. She moved to my tie and undid it with quick fingers throwing it over with my jacket. I came back down to kiss Callie again.
She moved dramatically and rolled us over, so she was sitting on top of me. I was breathing hard at that point. That little show of confidence was enough to make me explode on the spot, but I didn’t.
Callie looked into my eyes, and I saw her swallow a lump in her throat. Her hands moved down to the top button of her dress, and I inhaled sharply, then moved my hand to cover hers. She looked at me with creased eyebrows.
“I love you, Callie Ann King. But if you’re not ready, then please don’t think we have to do this because we don’t. I just want you to be sure, and—”
Callie cut me off by molding her lips to mine and then pulling away just as quickly. “Mike, you’re the only guy I’ve ever wanted to be with. I want to do this with you… here… tonight. Just you and me, no looking back. I want you, Mike. All of you. I love you,” she said.
I took my time undressing her, so I could take in every inch of her delicate skin. I kissed every section of her heavenly body and took as long as possible to enjoy her. She was panting with want by the time I had gotten to the main part.
Damn! I was nervous as hell.
We were both shaking as I laid on top of her.
“Are you sure, Callie?” I asked before it went too far.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Mike. I want you. I always have. Now, no more talking. Make love to me,” she said and moved her mouth to mine.
It was amazingly difficult not to move frantically and have my climax, but I needed this to be special for Callie as well as for me. I lasted as long as I could with slow and steady movements, always asking if she was okay. I could tell it was hurting her a little by the look in her eyes, but she didn’t want to stop. In old-man Harris’ barn, I made love to my girl multiple times that evening.
The time crept away from us, and before I knew what was happening, I woke to the sun shining in through the cracks in the roof. We had stayed together in the barn for the entire night.
I sat up with a start when I realized what had happened, knowing Bernard would be out looking for us. Instantly, panic washed over me, so I began to rush about. “Callie, sweetheart, get up,” I insisted, reaching for my shirt, pulling it over my head. She groaned and covered her eyes with her forearm. “Callie, I’m serious, your dad’s going to slaughter me.” I asserted the tone in my voice clearly showing her my concern.
Callie bolted upright and looked around the barn and then finally at me as I stood and walked over to my pants. I could feel her eyes burning holes right through my butt cheeks, but I hoped she liked what she saw. When I turned around, she looked straight at my length. I rolled my eyes and bent to pull on my pants. Callie giggled and bit her lip. I was pretty sure she was reliving last night. I know I was as I looked over at her naked body sitting confidently on the haystack.
“Do we really have to go? Haven’t you earned enough money from the O’Connell’s so we can run away together?” she asked in a somber tone. She already knew the answer, and the look on her face showed she was hoping I’d tell her something different. But the truth was, I hadn’t earned nearly enough for a car of my own, let alone a house which we would need. I would not have her living in something run-down or unworthy of her.
“Callie, you know as soon as I have enough for us, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. I would buy you the world if I could. But I have to stick this job out a little longer, so I can afford to give you everything you deserve. I know it’s not the greatest when I’m working, and I know you feel neglected, but I swear, honey, that I’m doing everything within my power to get us in a position where I can support you. I’m in this, Callie,” I told her.
I walked over and sat down next to her. I could see she was disheartened, and I hated that I’d done that to her, but the fact of the matter was that the O’Connell’s, while being helpful and taking me on, the pay I received was dismal at best. At this rate, we’d be in our forties by the time I had enough money saved for us to be together.
Callie took my hand and raised it to her lips, kissing it tenderly. “Mike, I can wait. I’ve waited two years. What’s another two, right?” she asked with a smile that melted and broke my heart at the same time. I wrapped my arm around her, and she cuddled into my side right where she belonged.
Then the realization hit me—no matter how hard I worked and saved, it would never be enough for her. Callie was expecting us to be settling down in two years when the reality was much, much different. She would be waiting for me for years, and I was being selfish by making her wait for a tomorrow that may have never come. I held her so tightly as I struggled with my inner turmoil, trying to hold back the damn tears that were forming in my eyes.
“I love you, Mike,” she said quietly, and then her eyes met mine.
“I will always love you, Callie… always.” Before the tears overflowed, I closed my eyes. I didn’t want that to happen under any circumstances.
If you love her, then let her go.
That’s the stupid motto everyone always talks about, right? And did I love Callie? With every fiber of my being, I loved her. But would she be better off with Niall? He would always have money behind him. He was studying finance somewhere in the city, so I knew he could give her the life she so richly deserved.
“C’mon, let’s go face your
parents,” I said.
Callie nodded and leaned over to pick up her dress, and we headed to the rust-bucket.
When we arrived at the King mansion, Bernard was on the front doorstep waiting. I swallowed hard when I pulled to a stop, and he was standing with his arms folded across his chest, his rifle leaning up against the house menacingly. Just one look at him, and I knew how much trouble we were both in. His face was contorted with rage, and I knew the next few minutes would be the worst of my life.
I hopped out of the rust-bucket and then shot a sly glance at Bernard. He was livid as I guess he should be. I did keep his daughter out all night when she had an eleven o’clock curfew.
I walked around and opened Callie’s door. When she slid out, she tried to avoid all eye contact with her father. She looked at me, and I faked a smile. Callie took my hand, and I led her to the front porch where Bernard was tapping his foot impatiently waiting.
I had no idea what to say.
I knew I’d done wrong.
I should’ve taken her home last night.
And I should never have gone all the way with her.
But I guess in some sad, twisted way, at least I would always have the memory of Callie and that night we spent together in the barn.
“And what time do you call this, then?” Bernard boomed loudly, making Callie jump. I squeezed her hand, and she leaned into my side.
“I’m sorry, Mr. King. I know it’s no excuse but we lost track of time, and we—”
“Let me guess, you fell asleep?” His eyebrow raised in suspicion.
“Daddy, stop it! It wasn’t Mike’s fault. We were having so much fun at the dance, and then we did fall asleep. I swear. As soon as Mike woke this morning, he brought me straight home because he knew we’d broken curfew and you’d be angry. So, don’t blame Mike, Daddy. I’m just as much to blame as he is,” she reasoned.
“So, he takes you out all night and brings you home late, looking like you’ve been up all night, doing God only knows what, and then what? You talk for him? Can’t the boy speak for himself?” Bernard questioned.
I took a deep breath and sighed. “Mr. King, I’m so sorry for returning Callie home this late. I assure you it will never happen again. In fact, I won’t be taking Callie out again, sir,” I informed him as I felt Callie stiffen next to me. I swallowed and raised her hand to my lips, then kissed it tenderly.
“What are you talking about, Mike?” she asked almost in a whisper, trying not to let her father see how upset she was becoming.
The fact that I was about to hurt her nearly killed me. I was shaking, and sweat topped my brow. This was the hardest thing I had ever done, but to make Callie hate me was the only way I could think of that would allow her to move on and into a life she deserved. I wanted so much for her. She deserved to be treated like the beautiful woman she was, and there was no way I was ever going to be able to give her anything like what she was worthy of receiving from a future husband.
So, I had to let her go.
I removed my hand from hers and took a step back.
Callie stepped toward me and shook her head. “Mike?” she questioned.
My gaze fell to the ground. I couldn’t look into her eyes, it hurt too damn much.
“Callie, go inside,” Bernard said sternly.
I knew what was coming—Bernard wanted her to leave, so he could give me the ass-whooping I so thoroughly deserved.
“No, Daddy. Mike, tell me what’s going on right this instant,” she demanded and pushed my shoulder.
I winced but continued to look at the ground. “Callie, I can’t be with you.”
“But what about last night? You told me you loved me?” After she spoke the words, tears started to fall, and with each drop of saltwater that fell from her eyes, another section of my heart broke away. Callie’s hands reached out, and she grasped my arms, but I still couldn’t look at her.
How could I?
I knew I was breaking her heart.
But I didn’t deserve her at this point, anyway.
“Callie, go inside. Now!” Bernard demanded in the sternest voice I had ever heard from him.
He walked over to us as Callie started hitting my chest while she sobbed.
I was breathing so heavily I thought I might pass out.
“It’s better this way, Callie. You’ll see,” I said softly. I knew it was true, but it still hurt like hell to say it out loud.
“What’s better this way? What are you saying, Mike?” Callie cried, taking my jacket in her hands and grasping while shaking me for an answer.
“Callie, I can’t see you anymore,” I choked out and took hold of her hands on my jacket. She started to really sob, and her hands became free of mine. Callie pushed back and brought her hand forward with such force she slapped me across the face so hard my head snapped to the side.
I deserved it.
I deserved so much more.
I never should’ve gone all the way with Callie.
What the hell was I thinking?
I’d let my hormones run rampant, and now she was hurting all the more for it. I hated myself, but I couldn’t see any other option. I was simply out of her league, and she deserved better than scum like me.
“Callie… inside. Now!” Bernard yelled, taking her by the arm and dragging her away from me.
The look in her eyes still haunts me to this day.
That look of undeniable disappointment and regret.
I was so in love with Callie, and I knew this would probably be the last time I’d ever see her.
“You’re an A-grade jerk, Mike O’Leary. I don’t want to see you… ever again,” she screamed through sobs while her father pushed her inside their house.
“Go to your room. Now! I’ll be there in a minute,” he huffed.
Callie ran down the hall and out of my sight.
Dammit all to hell!
With my heart in tatters and a lump in my throat, I started to walk back to the rust-bucket. That was when I heard thunderous footsteps behind me. I knew I was about to be throttled, so I turned around and leaned against the side of the car, waiting for his fist to hit my jaw. I closed my eyes to stop the fear from showing and waited for the impact.
Instead, a got a slap on my arm and a heavy sigh.
I opened one eye to see what the hell was going on, and Bernard was staring at me with a frown, but no hint of anger, just sadness. I opened my other eye and raised my eyebrows in confusion. “Mr. King, I’m—”
“Save it, kid. I saw right through your act. I can see how much my daughter means to you, and so I understand why you did what you did. Now, I’m not going to say that I’m happy you’ve broken her heart, but I am happy you’ve made the decision for her. So, thank you. You’re a better man than I thought you were.” He sighed. “You’re a good kid, Mike, and I know you love Callie, but—”
“I can never give her the life she wants,” I interjected and hung my head low while kicking the soil around with my shoe.
Mr. King patted me on the shoulder and exhaled. “No kid, you could never give her the life she needs.” Giving the last word a lot of emphasis, I knew he had spoken the truth, and my heart sank.
It was then I knew I had made the right decision.
So why did it feel so wrong?
“Look, Mike, like I said… you’re a good kid. You knew what you had to do. I didn’t even have to tell you. You’ve got your head screwed on, and I know, in time, you’ll love someone else the way you love Callie now,” he said. Then, to top it off, he ruffled my hair like I was some four-year-old kid.
That stupid action of his made me feel a million times worse.
“Thanks, Mr. King. I’d better get going. Mr. O’Connell will probably want his car back,” I said while walking around to the driver’s side.
“You did the right thing, Mike. You should be proud of yourself.”
Without looking back, I slid into the car and took off as fast as I could, dust shooting up into the air in wav
es as I skidded out of the King’s driveway.
I needed to be away from there.
I needed to be away from her.
Otherwise, I knew I would cave in and take her back in a heartbeat.
It was becoming harder to breathe on the drive back toward the O’Connell mansion. I was taking quick, shallow breaths, and my hands were clenched so tight around the steering wheel I couldn’t feel them anymore. My vision was blurred, so I had to pull over. I screeched the car to a halt on the side of the road and got out, slamming the door. My hands fisted in my hair, and I paced around in a circle trying to stop the panic which was engulfing me.
What had I done?
“Ahhh,” I screamed loudly and kicked the tire of the car.
I walked around to the hood of the car, still with my hands in my hair, and sat. My breathing was erratic, and my heart was thudding so fast I could feel it disintegrating with each and every pulse.
Then it happened—what I was trying to avoid—the tears fell like a river cascading down my face faster than the currents of the Mississippi.
I was a wreck.
I was destroyed.
I didn’t know how long I sat on the rust-bucket sobbing, but I knew I would never love another the way I loved Callie Anne King.
I sat on the hood of the rust-bucket for hours—most of the day, really. I knew I was meant to be working for the O’Connell’s, but I couldn’t bring myself to move from the hood of the car. The sun started to set in its somber tones, and somehow, I managed to drag my sorry ass back into the car and drive to the O’Connell mansion.
I knew they’d be angry with me for not turning up for work.
Well, actually, they’d probably fire me, and I’d have to find another way to pay the bills and save money. I thought maybe I’d go into carpentry with my father. Or perhaps I’d just crawl into a ditch and die. To be honest, that sounded like the best option.
Okay, maybe that’s a touch dramatic, but I felt that fucking terrible.
When I pulled in the driveway, Patty was in the garage tinkering with a tractor from old-man Harris’ farm. I instantly felt like I wanted to be physically sick. I sluggishly got out of the car and walked over to Patty, who looked up and stopped working.
