by K E Osborn
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” I whisper.
“You do whatever you need to. Do what your gut is telling you. What your heart is telling you to do. Only you know where to go from here, Aiden. I can’t help you with that. You’re the only one who knows what you want to happen. I will support you no matter what you choose. All I want is for you to be happy.” Jeni smiles and leans up, kissing my lips tenderly.
I’m so grateful to have her in my life.
“What would I do without you?” I exhale.
“You’ll never need to worry about that.”
We lay in silence as she runs circles over the shirt covering my chest, and I kiss her head every few minutes. She’s being so patient with me. I’m well aware that Mom and Mike are waiting for me, and I’ve been up here for over an hour. I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
Jeni looks up at me, and I nod.
“Is it time?” she asks, and I nod again.
She smiles and sits up on the bed, looking back at me. “Just remember, I’m here. I’ll always be here. Do you want me to come with you?” she asks.
My stomach does backflips at the thought of Jeni not being there with me.
“Of course, I need you, Jeni. You’re my oxygen. I can’t do this without you,” I admit while my stomach tightens.
“I’m proud of you, babe.” Jeni stands and walks over to my side of the bed. She puts her hand out for me to take, which I do. I interlace our fingers gaining the extra strength I need from her.
We head downstairs to face my mom and my… father.
I take each step slowly, and Jeni keeps the same pace as me, trying not to rush or force me. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me, and I know I am blessed to have Jeni in my life. I look at her, and she’s watching me cautiously.
I am nervous as hell.
Why am I so nervous? I have no idea. What the hell is there to be nervous about?
I guess even though I know Mike inside and out, I can’t help but feel like I’m meeting him for the first time.
We get to the bottom of the stairs, and Jeni winks at me as we round the corner walking toward the kitchen. My breathing is fast and shallow. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. I can’t tell if I’m angry, sad, frustrated, elated? I have no idea what I’m feeling. It’s annoying the fuck out of me.
Jeni squeezes my hand tighter as we walk into the living room, and Mom and Mike are sitting on the sofa. Mom’s rubbing Mike’s back as he sits hunched over with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
He looks miserable.
I know I didn’t handle my reaction well. I was only thinking about myself and how I was feeling, not to mention catastrophizing everything. I didn’t stop to think about the way I reacted and how it would upset Mike. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still furious they didn’t tell me, but I guess the idea that Mike is my father is not a terrible thing, after all.
We walk to the sofa, and I clear my throat, gaining their attention. They both quickly look up, and Mom and Mike have both been crying. Both of their faces are red, and I’m guessing that’s what they see in my face as well.
Mom stands to walk over to me.
“Where’s Chris and Sarah?” I ask.
“They went home to give us some privacy,” Mom announces.
“Good,” I say sternly.
“Aiden, don’t be so hard on Chris, it’s not his fault. He only wants what’s best for you. You know that. Don’t be angry with him. He’s your best friend,” Mike chides, and I scoff.
“Oh, honey. We never meant to upset you like this. We know it’s a hell of a lot to take in and to ask of you to understand right away, and we know this must be difficult for you to come to terms with. But, no matter what, remember we both love you, and we just want you to be happy,” Mom implores with fresh tears filling her eyes.
I stand here in silence.
Damn if I’m not frozen to the spot. I have no idea what to say or what to do.
Jeni gently nudges my elbow, and I look at her.
She smiles with a nod.
I swallow and take in a deep breath. “I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. It is just as you say… it’s a lot to take in. There are so many things that could change because of this. I just don’t even know where to start,” I murmur and run my hand through my hair.
“Aiden, this doesn’t have to change anything if you don’t want it to. I’m still Mike. You’re still you. Nothing has to change,” Mike announces.
I shake my head in disagreement. Mike winces and stands to walk over to Mom. He takes her hand in his, and they entwine their fingers.
“One question… why?” I say, louder than I was aiming for.
Mom gestures outside, I nod, and we walk to the deck to sit at the table.
“I’m assuming you mean… why did it take so long for us to tell you?” Mom asks, and I nod. “It was my fault, Aiden,” Mom admits.
“Callie—”
“No, Mike, it was. It was all my fault. I married your fath… Niall, even though I loved Mike more than anything in the world. I was so stubborn back then. I had to stick with my morals, and I agreed to marry Niall, and so I had to follow through with it. Even though I had cheated on Niall with Mike a couple of weeks before the wedding…” Mom closes her eyes and reopens them with a sigh. “With hindsight, I wish I wasn’t so stubborn and that I went with my heart instead of my head. Things would’ve been so different, but then again, I wouldn’t have your brother and sister so…” she fades out.
“Callie told me she was pregnant and that you were mine. I tried to get her to run away with me, but she wouldn’t. Niall knew she was pregnant, but he had no idea you weren’t his. We both agreed that if we told Niall I was your father, then he’d make sure he and Callie could never divorce. He was a vindictive man, as you’re all too aware. He would’ve fired me, so I wouldn’t have been able to see you. I couldn’t risk it, Aiden. I had to be with you and your mother. I was Niall’s employee, and so I was driving him to work and then spending my days with Callie, taking her to all her appointments while she was pregnant. I didn’t miss anything... when you were born, it was the hardest day of my life. I had to wait outside while Niall got to see you, my son, being born.” Mike’s eyes fill with tears as Mom wipes them away from his cheeks.
I struggle listening to all of this. It’s so hard hearing what they went through. All because of that fucking tyrant I called my father. Niall.
“Callie consulted me about your name. She wanted me to pick your Christian name, and then Niall could pick the rest. Aiden was my grandfather’s name. Luckily, Niall liked it, but he never knew why Callie picked it.”
I’m named after my great grandfather, and then the rest of my name is after a family I don’t even belong to. I don’t know how I feel about that. “So, let me get this straight. You never told me because Mom… you were too stubborn to break off your marriage?” I ask, somewhat heatedly.
She shakes her head. “No, honey, I was stubborn, yes. I should’ve called off the wedding with Niall. So, you’re right, I was stubborn about that. But, as for not telling you Mike is your father, we did that so Mike could have a life with you. Yes, albeit not a father-son relationship, but he would still be around you every chance he could. He watched you grow into the amazing man you are and marry the love of your life. Mike was able to be there for you when Brody and the girls were born. For every step of the way, he’s been there for every aspect of your life, Aiden. If we told Niall you weren’t his, Mike would never have been allowed to be there for anything. Niall would’ve made sure of it,” Mom admits, reaching her hand across the table for me to hold.
I don’t hold it.
I’m still too damn angry or stubborn, I don’t know.
I guess I can see where they’re coming from. But to wait to tell me, even after he died five years ago, that’s the part I don’t understand.
Mom sniffs and takes her hand back, and Mike wraps his arm around her
shoulders.
“So, why after that bastard died did you keep lying to me? You had nothing to lose by telling me or even when I was eighteen? I was legally an adult. I could make my own mind up about who I wanted in my life then. I don’t understand. So, please… please enlighten me,” I plead with my mom as she wipes away more tears.
“I honestly don’t know, Aiden. We should have told you. But not when you were eighteen. You looked up to Niall so much by then. But when he died, we should have told you then. We talked about it and decided we’d never tell you. That you’d been through enough heartache for one lifetime, and that Mike was in your life like a father now, anyway, so it didn’t matter. I guess we were so used to the lie that it was easier than facing the truth.” She sniffles. “We didn’t want to hurt you,” Mom declares.
I tighten my hand on Jeni’s.
“There’s no excuse for us not telling you after Niall died. I’m sorry, Aiden. We should’ve told you,” Mike confirms.
I nod while trying to take in all this new information. “Wait, were you guys having an affair throughout your entire marriage to fath… Niall?” I ask, suddenly feeling infuriated.
“No, definitely not. I cheated on Niall once with Mike. That was when we made you. After I was married, we never went there again. Not that we didn’t want to, but it wouldn’t have been right,” Mom affirms.
“I knew how Callie felt about cheaters, and I certainly did not want to make her into one, especially while she was married. So, I remained her friend even though it was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I never stopped loving your mother. Not ever.”
Mom smiles and caresses his face. “I never stopped loving you either, Mike.”
“So, what happens now?” I ask, and everyone looks at me.
“What do you mean?” Mike asks with a confused look on his face.
“Well, do you expect me to call you Dad?” I ask, sounding more than a little pissed off.
“No, Aiden, not unless you want to call me Dad?” I shake my head. “Well, then, Mike is fine. Nothing changes.” He smiles
I can’t smile back. I don’t have the strength. “I’ll get Jenson Monroe to go over the legalities of it all. I’m sure that Fath… fuck… Niall’s will will be null and void. So, I need to go over the legalities of where I stand with the business,” I announce.
Mom looks horrified. “Aiden, Niall would’ve wanted you to have everything. Even though he was, well, not the greatest person or father, he still loved you,” Mom confides, as a tear rolls down my cheek.
“It’s not Niall I’m worried about, it’s Killian and Brielle. They deserve more than what they got. They should contest it and get what they deserve. I’m sure they’ll want it when they hear about this,” I say harshly.
“Aiden O’Connell, you listen to me right now! Stop with the damn pity party! Your brother and sister love you. There’s no way they will want to take anything from you. I raised them better than that. And you know they wouldn’t disown you for being Mike’s son. They will love you just as much being a half-brother than if you were their full brother,” Mom berates.
I know she’s right. I know Killian and Bree won’t contest anything, but I should at least give them the opportunity if they want to. I guess I’m also petrified of how differently they will treat me, knowing I am not a full blood relative.
Then it dawns on me. “Holy shit!” I say out loud, and everyone looks straight at me again.
“You okay? Jeni asks.
“Nana,” I mumble. “I’m not even related to her.” My stomach collides with the floor.
I look over at Mom with a fresh set of anger in my eyes, and she frowns at me.
“She’s so old. What if this news kills her? I’m going to be responsible for her death,” I exclaim.
“Aiden, don’t think like that. She will love you the same way she always has. You’re not going to kill her,” she chides, and suddenly I feel completely overwhelmed.
I start to hyperventilate. I rest the back of my head against the chair trying to fight off some sort of panic attack. “Fuuuck!” I yell out as I run my hands through my hair.
Jeni pulls my hands from my head. “Aiden, look at me,” she snaps.
One of the twins starts crying. Great, I woke her up!
“Aiden!” Jeni yells, snapping me out of it. I look at her through fearful eyes, and she simply stares into my eyes with so much love, giving me the strength I need to calm the fuck down.
Mom gets up and walks off, I’m assuming to the twins.
Mike clears his throat. “I’m sorry, Aiden. I know how hard this must b—”
“Do you?” I snap as I look at him and frown.
He exhales and stands. “Look, I’m going to give you some time. Hopefully, we can get back to some semblance of normal before the wedding… for your mother’s sake.” Mike’s voice is low and full of hurt as he walks away.
Our baby stops crying as my eyes remain focused on Jeni. I can’t help but literally thank God that I have her by my side.
“Are you okay?”
I close my eyes and exhale. “I don’t know what I am. How the hell am I going to face Brielle tomorrow at work?”
“Take tomorrow off. Stay home with the kids and me. We will have a family day… just us, no parents, no friends. Just us?”
I exhale and shake my head. “I can’t. The Johnsons are back with a new account tomorrow. I have to be there. I really need you with me, Jeni.” I exhale.
“Okay, how about this. I’ll come in with you tomorrow—”
“You can’t… the girls?” I interrupt.
“I’ll have Callie and Mike watch them. We can drive ourselves to work for once. And anyway, I have the report I still need to finish for the Jones’ account, remember? I didn’t get it done before the girls came along. And before you ask, I’ll express some milk for them. They will be fine. Let me come to work with you tomorrow. We can call in Killian, and we can tell him and Brielle together. Kill two birds with one stone. Okay?”
Every time I think I love her the most I possibly can, she surprises me by pushing my love for her even further. “You amaze me,” I say.
“I know.” She smirks. “Do you want to come with me to tell your parents they’re babysitting tomorrow, or do you want me to do it?”
I reflect on her use of the words ‘my parents.’ I shake my head, and she nods in understanding.
“Okay, I’ll be right back. I love you.” Jeni leans in and kisses me softly.
“I love you, too, baby. So much. Thank you.”
She stands and walks off to find Mom and Mike. I lean back in my chair and shake my head. I know I’ve said so much irrational shit, but I can’t help but wonder if they will become my truth. I’m mostly concerned about Nana and how she’ll take the news. I’ll have to visit her, but I think I will leave telling her up to Mom and Mike. I think they should be the ones to disappoint her, not me.
Charlie, our long-haired American Akita, runs over and rests his head on my lap.
“Hey, boy, you never disappoint me, do you, buddy?” I whisper as I pat his head. He yawns and lies next to my chair.
I look out over the night sky and up at the stars, the stars that I grew to love because of my father, well, my pretend father, Niall. I look up at them and wonder if he’s looking down on this whole mess and is ready to throw a fist at Mike. He might even come back and start haunting him now. For a second, just a brief second, I laugh at the imagery of Niall’s ghost getting all worked up.
“It’s good to hear you laugh,” Mom chimes, catching my attention. I look over at her, and she smiles at me. “I love you, Aiden.”
I break out of my mood to show her I still care. “I know, I love you, too, Mom, and I’m sorry. It’s just a shock.”
“I know. We’ll be back over in the morning before you two head off to work. Can you remind Bree and Killian that I love them, and I’m sorry when you tell them?”
I nod, and she half-smiles. She goes to
walk off, and I grab her attention once more. “Mom.”
“Yes, darling?”
“Are you sure Mike wasn’t ashamed and that’s why you didn’t tell anyone? Because I was a dirty little secret?”
Mom walks over and sits down next to me, taking my hands in hers. “Oh, sweetheart, never, ever think that. Mike wanted the world to know about you. He loves you so much, Aiden, and he’s never been ashamed of anything you’ve done. Just remember he loves you like a father, not like a close friend. Everything he did was to protect you and to keep you near him. He would never be ashamed of you, honey. He loves you too much,” she says.
I guess I believe her, but I think I really need to hear that from Mike.
“Thanks, Mom.”
She leans in, hugging me. My body’s stiff, and I can’t bring myself to hug her back, just yet. Let me get used to the fact that she lied to me for my entire life and then maybe I can return the gesture.
“I’ll be just across the yard if you need to talk. I don’t care if it’s three in the morning. If you need to talk, call me, and we’ll be right over. Okay?”
I nod. Mom squeezes my hand and walks off. I start to wonder if DNA really changes everything. If not having any part of Niall in me makes me an even better person than I thought I was. All that fuss about Jeni thinking I was going to turn out like Niall was for nothing because it’s genetically impossible for me to turn out like him. It’s no wonder I was fighting so hard not to be like him, the problem was it’s just not in me to be like him.
This is doing my head in!
I start to wonder where my beautiful wife is. “C’mon, Charlie, let’s go inside,” I command, and Charlie jumps up with a smile on his face. I know dogs can’t actually smile, but he certainly looks like he is.
