by Gaia Octavia
“I forgive you,” I whispered, “for leaving me–”
He turned to me then, blinking as his eyes focused on mine. Before he could argue with me, I finished what I was trying to say to him.
“And for coming back.”
Something in his eyes changed, as if he didn’t quite understand how such a thing was possible. Forgiveness. Understanding.
“If anything happens to you because of me…”
His voice trailed off as he struggled not to show emotion. He looked haunted, like the thought had been looming over him since the moment he cut me loose in that camp.
I hadn’t ever thought about it before. About how he alone had taken on the burden of my safety, or of the fear that must have been lurking behind every step, every moment since we’d left. I was ashamed that it hadn’t even crossed my mind how he must have felt so responsible for me. I hadn’t ever been an obnoxious mistake to him. Not like I’d thought I’d been.
He hadn’t ever regretted saving me. He had cared about me from that first moment on. My heart began to thunder against my chest, the revelation welling deep inside of me, threatening to overwhelm me at any moment.
“Jade.”
The word came out in a ragged gasp and I had to force myself to calm down before I could continue.
“I can never thank you for all that you have done for me. For saving me. For guiding me and helping me. And…”
This was the important part.
“For teaching me. You have given me so much. Taken on so much responsibility. But you’ve also taught me along the way. It’s no longer just up to you, Jade. I can make my own decisions, my own choices that affect my safety. I would never choose to leave you. Not ever. I would rather die than walk away from you because of danger. This is my choice. And whatever happens now, it happens because of my decisions, not because of any failure on your part. Do you understand?”
Jade held my gaze but stayed silent for a long time as he worked things through in his mind. I saw the moment he made his decision, and I could have cried out in relief.
“I understand, Emit,” he said slowly, clearly, “I understand.”
I smiled, laying my head back on my mat.
“Thank you, Jade. For everything,” I murmured as a peaceful sleep found me once again.
⸙
My stomach tightened as the settlement came into view. While I knew my family wouldn’t be at this particular settlement, I couldn’t help but feel a portion of the same nerves I got whenever we walked up to one in the hopes that they would be there. I still had hope though. Because in almost every camp and settlement we had been to, people had told us that Brolah, a camp farther north, was where they would be. It was a newer settlement. And unlike most others, it was still taking on many new families. While it hurt every time we searched for them and didn’t find them, even Jade agreed that my family would’ve most likely ended up in Brolah.
But I knew it. I just knew it.
This settlement, however, was one of the oldest ones around and hadn’t taken on any new camps in years. Jade had already given me the heads-up days ago. We’d come to trade the furs we’d collected over the past few months, and I was looking forward to stocking up on some food that wasn’t in our usual rotation of meat, roots, and berries.
Though the settlement was old, it was anything but run-down. Its people prospered as its position on the trade route was such that it was almost at the halfway point between the northlands and southlands. For well over a hundred years now, the creatures of the deep had made seafaring a thing left only to the bravest. Or, depending on who you asked, to those who were the least concerned about losing their lives. So the trade routes over land were pretty much the only way to come across food and wares from distant lands.
As we entered the market, the sounds and the smells were almost completely overwhelming. There were so many different languages, colors, foods, and styles of dress concentrated in such a small area, I couldn’t help but marvel at the wondrous variety of life. While I was well aware of the evils that existed wherever humans did, I knew that for every evil there was a multitude of goodness, love, and light. I saw the proof of it in every settlement we visited. In every smile and laugh of a stranger. It was a belief that Jade was only just beginning to open himself up to, and the thought had me hiding a grin as Jade glanced around for a willing fur trader.
“I’m going to head over to trade for some coin. Do you want to come, or would you rather look around?”
That was something new as well. In the months since he’d promised to help me find my family, Jade had begun giving me more and more choices instead of always taking the lead and expecting me to follow. While I had no confusion over whose instincts we should follow, the small freedoms were appreciated and welcomed. I knew it’d been hard for him to adjust to not being the only one responsible for my safety, and I knew the fear of failing to keep me safe still weighed heavily on him. To be honest, ever since the incident with the berries, I was happy he trusted my judgement at all.
“I’ll look around,” I answered, realizing he’d still been waiting for me to speak.
“Okay,” he nodded, “don’t go far.”
And then he winked.
I smiled, knocking him lightly on the shoulder. The changes in Jade since we’d left the raider camp behind had been slow to come, but they’d been endless. While he still struggled with many things, and the nightmares still plagued him, I was beginning to see more and more glimpses of his personality break through the icy exterior he’d built around himself for so many years. And I loved everything I saw. He was such a caring, smart, strong young man. I was endlessly impressed by his knowledge and skills, but the moments when the real him shone through were what took my breath away.
I didn’t quite understand everything I felt toward Jade. A lot of it was alien to me. These feelings of deep trust and–well, and love I supposed. I loved Jade in the way that one can only love those who share in your deepest, personal struggles. And I knew that we would always be there for each other, no matter what the future held.
My eyes roamed over the items being sold in the booths as I passed. There were fabrics, foods, trinkets, supplies, and things that I had no clue as to what they were. My eyes drank them all in, marveling at the artistry, skill, and imagination that went behind creating them. It wasn’t until I rounded the end of the booths lining the far side of the market that my eyes stopped on something that seemed to call out to me. I walked closer, fingering the item that had immediately made me think of Jade.
The woman behind the booth came up to me, complimenting my taste. She was a large woman with kind eyes and she wore a rich, deep red dress that complimented her black hair–
flecked with grey. I spoke to her for a while, asking about her booth and how she came to find the items she sold, finding myself interested in her replies. She told me about her son who sailed overseas and traveled the expansive trade route, bringing back unique items he discovered for her to sell.
I could tell she sensed the burning desire I had to pick the object up, but I knew it was something I wouldn’t be able to afford. Still, I couldn’t stop fingering it as she told me where it had been made and where her son had purchased it. Finally, I let my hand fall back to my side, trying my best to quiet the longing I felt. I wanted so much to be able to get it, but I had no coin and nothing of value to trade. What little coin we did get for our furs we needed to spend on supplies, not sentimental trinkets.
The woman, sensing my impending departure, reached out for my arm.
“Wait, wait,” she said in her thick, pleasant accent, “I will give you a special price. Just for today.”
I smiled at her. Even if she was just desperate for a sale, I appreciated her attempt to sway me toward the purchase.
“Thank you,” I said to her, patting the hand that still rested on my arm, “but I have no way to pay you a fair price for it.”
Instead of becoming disinterested after my admissi
on, her eyes softened, and she left her hand where it was.
“You so remind me of my boy, Petra,” she said wistfully. “You have someone special you want to give this to, no?”
I smiled.
“Yes. I suppose I do,” I said truthfully.
“I would be willing to make a trade,” she said, nodding at my waist.
I looked down, realizing she was looking at the woven bag Ma had made for me. The only thing I still had of her. I immediately shook my head, unable to imagine handing over what could be my last connection to the woman who meant so much to me. But then I saw Jade’s eyes as I handed him his gift and the smile that would spread across his face–the one that made my insides warm to see.
Didn’t Jade deserve a kind gesture more than anyone else I had ever known? When was the last time he’d received one? It had to have been many years ago, without doubt. Before he was taken prisoner. I closed my eyes and forced my fingers to unfasten the bag.
The woman’s smile widened. “I have been looking for just such a bag for myself but could never find one with the right colors and weave like this one. Whoever made this is a fine craftsman.”
“My mother,” I said, smiling through my sadness.
“Good for you, boy,” she said kindly, her eyes sparkling, “you can have her make you another when you next see her.”
I felt my heart skip as tears threatened, but I managed to breathe through it as the woman picked up the trinket and handed it to me. I clasped it in my hand, feeling the softness and the hardness of it before slipping it into my pocket. Now that I didn’t have my bag, my pocket would have to do.
“Thank you. Truly,” I said, holding her hand to my lips for a moment.
She blushed with happiness and waved me off.
“My pleasure, dear boy,” she called as I turned to go find Jade.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
⸙
JADE
Emit was sitting by the fire, looking a bit nervous. I had no idea what had gotten into him today but figured that our visit to the settlement–while he hadn’t thought his family would be at that particular one–must have set his mind to thinking about how much he was missing them and worrying if we would ever find them. He seemed a bit distant when we met back up in the market, where I was waiting for a bar of soap to be cut.
I’d wondered what was bothering him, but after a short while–though remaining quiet and a bit distracted–he seemed otherwise okay. I sat down next to him by the fire and handed him some of the sweetened nuts I scored from a vendor for a bit of coin. He grunted his thanks and began eating, still staring into the flames as if trying to decode an ancient foreign language.
“Are you okay, Em?”
It took a moment for him to register that I had asked him a question.
“What? Yeah,” he nodded, “I’m okay, Jade.”
He fidgeted again, which was making me begin to feel anxious as well. I hoped that whatever was bothering him would be sorted out by morning if he wasn’t willing to talk about it.
“I, uh, got something for you today,” he said quickly.
I just stared at him.
“I just wanted to thank you for everything you do for me and when I saw this, it made me think of you.”
I looked down and realized he was holding his hand out in a closed fist.
“Happy Birthday,” he said quietly.
I shook my head, confused.
“Em, I told you. I don’t remember when my birthday is.”
“Then why not today?” He asked, moving his fist closer to me.
I placed my hand under his and he dropped something cool and soft into it. I opened my hand, my breath catching as I brought the item closer for inspection. It was a bracelet made out of intricately knotted thread, which wound around itself in spirals and had small, little loops along its edges. In the center of the bracelet, the thread wrapped itself around two small, polished stones. One was jade, an obvious representation of me, and next to it–so close that they were almost touching–was a small emerald stone.
I had no idea what to say. I didn’t even know if he could ever understand how precious this was to me. The last gift I’d been given had been from my parents on my eleventh birthday, just hours before they were killed right in front of me, and I never saw it again after that night. And I never had another memory to replace that one.
Until now.
Tears stung my eyes as I closed my fist tightly over the bracelet.
“Oh, Em!” I cried, launching myself into his arms without a second thought.
I held him tightly and tried to control my emotions, so he wouldn’t see my tears, but had to give up on that almost immediately. Holding him, which was something that would normally have my teeth grating in horrific discomfort, somehow felt completely right in that moment. Anyway, he didn’t seem to mind, as I could feel his smile against my neck.
“Thank you so much, Em. You have no idea how much this means to me.” I fingered the stones as I released him but stayed sitting far too close. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. “How did you get this?”
I knew he hadn’t had any coin with him and he had nothing to trade. The only thing he even owned was…
I glanced down to his waist.
“No,” I said quietly.
Emit just shrugged. I knew how much that woven bag meant to him. I couldn’t fathom why he would ever give up something so precious just to make me smile.
“Oh, Em.” I stared down at the treasure I held. “We can go back. Maybe if we return it with some coin, they’ll trade it ba–”
Emit’s finger was back on my lip, silencing my words and forcing me to swallow down the lump that had formed in my throat at his touch.
He looked down, suddenly shy, but not upset. “It was worth it,” he murmured.
We sat there for a while in the quiet of the night, both of us lost in our thoughts as I fought to accept the sacrifice Emit had made for me. This was something I would never be able to repay. Something that I never expected anyone, much less Emit, to ever give up for me. It was something I would never forget.
“Will you tie it on for me?” I asked hopefully.
“Sure.” He nodded.
I placed my hand on his lap as he carefully wrapped the bracelet around my wrist.
“Make sure you tie it in a tight knot okay? I don’t want to lose it.”
He looked up at me. “But then you won’t be able to take it off.”
I laughed. “That’s the whole point, Em. I’m never taking this off. Not ever.”
“Promise?” He asked suddenly, almost desperately.
He almost looked as surprised by his question as I was. Maybe he did understand the importance of the bracelet, of what it symbolized to me.
“Promise,” I breathed.
Emit blushed in the firelight and finished tying the bracelet. It was tight enough so that it wouldn’t slide over my hand but still loose enough for me to be able to turn it around my wrist if I needed to fidget with something.
“Perfect,” I declared.
“Anyway,” Emit said, “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”
“This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, Em,” I admitted.
“Thank you. Really.”
“No problem.” He shrugged before adding, “Happy Birthday, Jade.”
He resumed eating the nuts I had given him, which had ended up in his lap. Thankfully, the move caused him to miss the way my eyes had lingered far too long on his lips as he’d said those words.
But I most certainly had not.
Whatever had been troubling Emit seemed to have run its course. Because soon, we were laughing and telling stories around the fire like usual. My fingers kept straying to the bracelet around my wrist and to the two stones that were cradled side by side in the intricate webbing that held them in the bracelet. A jade stone and an emerald stone.
Jade and Em.
Together forever.
⸙
“Jade,” it called sweetly, “come back to me.”
There was something about the voice that made me want to return to my body, even as it betrayed me; accepting the brutal thrusts again and again.
“Jade, I’m here. You’re safe,” the voice lied.
I hadn’t been safe in years.
Not since I was eleven years old.
Not since that night.
“Jade, please.”
The pain and worry held within those words suddenly reached me and my eyes snapped open. I was covered in sweat, my face wet with tears and my body huddled in the corner of the dark overhang we’d camped under for the night.
“Jade! I’m here. I’m right here.”
The relief was evident in the voice as soft hands tentatively held the sides of my face with the gentlest of touches.
No. Not a voice. Not just any voice.
It was his voice.
“Em? Emit?”
I squeezed my eyes together, blinking rapidly and trying to focus on his face–barely visible in the dark.
“Yes. I’m here, Jade,” he murmured as his thumbs moved to softly wipe away the rivulets of tears that kept falling down my cheeks.
I should have been ashamed, embarrassed. But I wasn’t. There’d been countless times during the year and a half we’d been traveling together when Emit had pulled me back from the darkness that overtook me, whenever the claws of memory snatched me away. I sat up as he slowly moved back to give me some space. Emit knew that I needed him to move slowly around me when I got like this, so the darkness didn’t take me away again.
