by Gaia Octavia
The kiss seemed to go on forever. I hadn’t even taken a breath. I had been so sure that any response would wake me up, and I’d be back with that awful raider, on my way back to Callas. But all too soon, he pulled away. Looking instantly regretful.
My heart sank.
“Oh gods, Gem,” he rasped, looking horrified, “oh shit. I shouldn’t have.”
It was only when I saw the look of devastation on his face that I realized what he must have been thinking. I forced myself to breathe slowly and deeply, in and out, as he’d taught me to do as a frightened boy, lying huddled together in the terrifying darkness. The darkness that tricked my mind into seeing those men’s faces once again. Into hearing those nauseating grunts that had turned my stomach as my body fought to accept its punishment.
He must have thought that my lack of reaction had been like all those times I’d allowed myself to escape the fear and anxiety that gripped me by retreating into the rich fantasy world I’d created deep within myself. But the truth was that I hadn’t thought of those men as he’d kissed me. For the first time in my life, I hadn’t had to fight not to be transported back to that dark place when someone touched me.
Not even for a moment.
I had been afraid of bursting the thin bubble of pure joy that had enveloped me. Even if it did just turn out to be a dream. It had been so long since I felt hope. Real hope of ever being happy, and especially of ever being enough for Emit. I heard him call me the name that I had only ever been called by my parents, by those who loved me–truly loved me–and it was only then that I knew I wasn’t dreaming.
Because even in my wildest dreams, I never dared to consider that Emit might think of me that way. The possibility that he would ever equate that loving name, the one he knew meant so much to me, with the boy sitting before him, had never once crossed my mind in all the time we’d been together.
Gem.
And with that single word, I knew. Despite it all, Em loved me. He would always love me. Even if I were only ever the broken, fucked up me that had walked away from the best thing to ever happen to him. And I had always, always loved him. I’d been about to tell him that when he’d kissed me. So once more, I had lost my ability to breathe.
“Gem, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry–”
I touched him then, placing my hand against his chest above the steady pounding of his heart, and he abruptly stopped talking.
“Em, it’s okay,” I promised, holding my hand to his chest as if I was holding his very heart.
“It’s you,” I said.
“It’s you,” I said again.
Unable to say more. Unable to comprehend what was really happening. Unwilling to ask myself, yet again, if I deserved it. He must have understood what I meant, because his face softened.
“It’s only ever been you, Em,” I finally whispered.
And for the first time in my life, without any coaxing at all, I initiated a searing kiss.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
⸙
EMIT
I didn’t kiss Jade again. Not right away. Instead, I stared down at the beautiful man before me and closed my eyes, thanking destiny, the world, and him for allowing us to find each other. Then I thanked his parents for bringing such a beautiful creature into the world.
Jade had kissed me.
He’d sought out my lips with a needy, desperate hunger, telling me everything he’d always been too afraid to say. I slowly closed my hand over his on my chest, afraid that he would otherwise let go. Without another word, because we didn’t need any just yet, I gently laid him back down, joining him on his pallet and carefully scooping him into my arms as he faced me.
His hand, still flat on my chest, sent heat waves rolling through me, filling my heart as I held him like I used to when we’d been younger. But the meaning behind the embrace had completely changed. We laid like that for what could have been minutes or hours. Both of us staring, both crying, and then suddenly, both of us laughing.
After quite some time, Jade touched my cheek with his other hand.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“Yes?”
He nodded.
“I can do this, Em. As long as it’s with you, I can do anything.”
I smiled, because I already knew Jade could do anything.
“Let’s do this,” he continued, “let’s join The Travelers and help save kids like you and I once were.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
Jade just smiled, blinking heavily as he began to fall asleep.
“I’ve never been surer of anything else in my entire life.”
Jade kissed me again, softly, and added, “Except for the fact that I love you so much, Em.”
He smiled and closed his eyes, giving in to sleep, and the rest that his body so desperately needed.
⸙
The next day, Eaton stood in our tent looking at us carefully.
“Are you two sure about this? Being a traveler isn’t an easy life. We don’t have a home. We’re always moving. And the things we see–” Eaton paused as he fought the faraway look in his eyes before focusing back on us. “You can never unsee them.”
Jade took my hand, lacing his fingers with mine and squeezing. I knew he was thinking the same thing–that we both knew what it was to see things that tore at your soul, never leaving you, no matter how hard you fought to forget them.
“As long as I have Jade,” I said, “I am home.”
Eaton tried to smile but once again, it didn’t reach his eyes. I wondered what must have happened to the man to make it so impossible for him to feel the happiness he wore like a mask when facing the world.
“I leave at daybreak with the prisoner,” Eaton continued.
I felt Jade squeeze my hand even harder. Even after just one more night of rest, his strength seemed to have returned to him, though he was still under strict orders to stay in bed and rest.
“I’ll be back in five or six days so that you have time to heal,” Eaton said, looking at Jade, “then we’ll bring the boy home and I’ll bring you to meet the others. We can go from there.”
“Eaton,” Jade said, “Patu saved my life. He never did anything to hurt me or the boy.”
Eaton just looked at Jade, seemingly uninterested. But there was something in his eyes, a deeply uncomfortable look, which made me question how disinterested Eaton really was.
“Please, Eaton,” Jade continued, “he doesn’t deserve to be a prisoner.”
“He’s a raider, Jade,” Eaton said coldly, “we don’t work with raiders. I’ll get any information I can from him and then I’ll take care of him myself.”
But there was that look again, that troubled, panicky look.
Jade closed his eyes in pain.
“He doesn’t talk! You should know that by now.” Jade took a deep breath, no doubt trying to calm himself. “He doesn’t deserve this,” he said again, “he isn’t a raider. Not really.”
But Eaton had heard enough and turned to leave. He was barely out of our tent when Jade was asleep once more. But just before he closed his eyes, I leaned down close to him.
“We’ll talk to the other Travelers about Patu when we get there, Jade,” I promised in a low whisper.
I just hoped it would be soon enough. I kept our fingers laced together and watched him as he slept. While his face still bore the bruises and swelling from his run-in with the raiders, I had never seen him look so peaceful, so content.
So achingly beautiful.
Ma came in, bringing food and water and checking on Jade’s wounds as he slept. She didn’t talk while she worked, but she put her hand on my shoulder once she was finished, and I knew that she had heard of our decision.
“You’re a good boy, Emit,” she said softly, “you both keep each other safe, you hear?”
I nodded.
“And I expect you two to visit whenever you’re near. Jade still needs to try my calliope casserole.”
She winked and then cupped my cheek
with her hand. I nodded again, and she kissed the top of my head.
“That’s a good boy,” she whispered.
Later, when Jade and I were alone again, I softly kissed his forehead just as he woke from his quiet sleep. He hadn’t let go of my hand since Eaton had come in to talk to us, and he smiled when he saw that I hadn’t let go either.
“Kiss me, Em,” he murmured.
And I did.
The sweet kiss quickly turned into raw, white-hot hunger. I was being careful not to put any of my weight on Jade, but he shifted, and I suddenly found myself on my back. Lying underneath him. His move had been quick and strong, though I couldn’t help struggling to sit up as I argued.
“Jade, you’re hurt.”
He used the weight of his body to push me back down.
“I’m beat up, Em, I’m not dead.”
“But you’ll hurt yourself,” I continued, unwilling to risk him getting hurt any worse than he already was.
“My head’s a mess, Em–” a wicked grin spread across his face, “but my dick works just fine.”
I sucked in a breath. I wasn’t used to this side of Jade. It was as if he’d come back to me as an entire being. There was no more empty shell or vast distance between us. As soon as he had let himself believe that I still loved him, all of him, he’d become so light, so free, and was throwing his entire self into it.
Into us.
And against my better judgement, I suddenly wanted all of him thrown into me.
“You have to promise to stop if you start hurting.”
Jade’s grin widened.
“How about I promise to let you know if it’s not the right kind of hurt?” He teased.
My eyes widened.
He let out a chuckle.
“Relax, Em.”
He pushed his hand through my hair and down to the back of my neck.
“I realized a lot of things when I thought I was never going to see you again. When I thought I would never get the chance to touch you. To love you.”
His grip tightened on the back of my hair, tilting my face up toward him, our eyes locking.
“To fuck you.”
Gods, this man is going to be the death of me.
Jade slanted his mouth over mine, his tongue immediately beginning to take my mouth with a hunger that had my cock stiffening.
“Touch me, Em,” he commanded against my lips.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Always,” he whispered, “always touch me, Em.”
And I knew he meant it. He was no longer afraid of my touch. My chest tightened and I smiled. I knew that Jade wasn’t cured–that he would continue to struggle with many things. But the fear that had held him back from truly believing that I loved him was gone now, and that was enough. I didn’t know how he’d become the man I always knew him to be, but suddenly there he was–proud, strong, brave, sure, and oh, so beautiful.
I let my hands make their way under his shirt, trailing up his abdomen. The feel of his lithe body making my dick swell to a size I hadn’t known possible. With a quick but careful movement, I pulled Jade’s shirt from him. My hands stopped at the fresh bruises that marred his right side. I sat up, pressing gentle kisses around them, as if my love alone could heal him. I hadn’t realized I was crying until Jade pulled my head away from his torso and his thumbs wiped the tears from my cheeks.
“Every bruise,” he whispered, kissing me sweetly.
“Every mark,” he continued, kissing me again.
“Brought me back to you, Em.”
He cupped my face.
“You were right there.”
Another kiss.
“I’ll never regret even one of them.”
He took my mouth, his hand pressing against the back of my neck to press my lips to his.
My heart felt like it was going to explode. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever pictured Jade taking me so completely, so masterfully. My hands were back on him in seconds, traveling all over his body, touching him everywhere as if my life depended on our contact. And maybe it did. My need was wound so tight within me, it felt as if it could snap at any second.
Either Jade had sensed my urgency, or his need was as overwhelming as mine was, because he ripped my shirt off and began tugging my pants with rapid, jerky movements that he couldn’t seem to stop even if he had wanted to.
Once I was naked beneath him, he pressed kisses to my neck and chest, torturing my nipples in quick, but seemingly endless succession, and then he was licking my shaft as I groaned. I had to remind myself not to grab his hair because of his wounds. Instead, I fisted the blankets on either side of me as I bucked into his waiting mouth, which was removed too soon, earning him a growl.
“Jade,” I warned.
And then I felt his hot mouth on my balls. Sucking one inside, his tongue rolling it around as I shouted his name in surprise. My head swam as I propped myself up so I could watch him devour me. His eyes were open, and when his head lifted to take the other one between his greedy lips, he held my gaze. My mouth hung open as I watched him fill his mouth and gently suck, his tongue rubbing the underside of my sack as he hummed a moan.
The vibration spread deep inside of me, and I bit out, “Jade. Please. Fuck me.”
His eyes seemed to catch fire, lit from within, as he released my tortured flesh and put two fingers in his mouth. I watched in fascination as he slowly withdrew them, now slick with spit. He pushed my legs up until I was on full display, and I obediently placed my hands under my knees, holding them up toward my chest. I watched as his eyes fell to my entrance and his tongue flicked out to lick his bottom lip.
I whimpered.
Jade slowly pressed one moistened finger to my hole, rubbing a circle around my rim as my hips fought to draw it inside of me. When he finally pressed the tip of his finger inside, I felt a flash of warmth and a stinging stretch. The sensation was completely new. Not comfortable, but immediately alluring. I tried to press down on him to force more of his finger inside of me, but since I was holding my legs up, I had no leverage.
“More. Please,” I begged.
I heard him mutter, “Fuck,” as he slid his finger farther inside of me.
He was slow and patient, waiting for me to adjust before pushing his finger all the way in, but I was desperate, mad from his teasing. And I needed Jade’s cock inside of me so that we could be as close as any two people could get.
So that we could be one.
Jade slipped his middle finger inside of me then, and I gasped as he took a draw off my cock, his fingers twisting deftly inside of me. I moaned his name, begging him to fill me, when his fingers brushed a place deep inside of me that sent a jolt of electric pleasure from my ass down to the tips of my curled toes. I shouted, unable to control my body as it lifted off the pallet, relishing the shocks of pleasure that stole through my body. The move forced my cock from his mouth and I almost regretted having reacted so violently to the sensation. Jade seemed as surprised by my reaction as I was and had snatched his fingers back.
“Are you okay?” His voice was thick with concern.
“Do that again! Please! Now!” Was all I could manage.
“I’m not sure what I did, but I can definitely try,” he said through a smile.
His fingers worked themselves back inside of me. Twisting, searching, until he found that same spot and another bolt of light slammed through me.
“Jade!”
I managed not to pull his fingers from me this time, panting and moaning as I called his name.
“You’re gorgeous, Em,” he murmured.
He was staring at the place where our bodies were joined. He bent his head lower. I had no idea what he was doing, but the next time his fingers brushed that spot within me, I felt the heat of his hot, wet tongue lapping my rim.
Gods.
“Jade!” I howled, grabbing his hair to keep his head there.
I heard his cry the moment my hands made contact with his head and i
mmediately sat up, ripping Jade’s fingers out of my body once again.
“Gods, oh shit, Jade! I’m so sorry!”
Jade was laughing. And then I was laughing. But I wasn’t about to hurt him again, so I pulled him up to kiss him deeply, my tongue making love to him as I wanted him to be doing to me.
“Come here,” I said softly, moving him beneath me and being careful to lay his head gently as I did.
We kissed again, the fire inside of me steadily building once more until he gently pushed me up and said in a heavy voice, “Get me ready, baby.”
I was confused for a moment, until I remembered how he’d wet his fingers before slipping them inside of my body. My pulse leapt. I quickly slid down between his legs, pushing his pants down to his knees, and took as much of his dick into my mouth as I could, trying to ignore my urge to gag as his crown touched the back of my tongue. It was the first time I’d ever had a dick anywhere near my mouth, but I hadn’t given it a moment’s thought because my need was so strong. I was almost mad with my desire to get him inside of me.
I continued to drag the length of his dick as he gasped and sighed and moaned my name. He was bigger than I was, and I marveled at his length as I tasted the sweet saltiness of his precum on my tongue. His dick was as hard as wood, the velvet skin of his shaft stretched tight against his swollen cock. Dragging my tongue along his smooth, warm length, Jade moaned my name again, sending shivers down my spine. I could have tasted him forever.
Once I was familiar with the feel of him in my mouth, I forced his entire length inside of me, reveling in the way it made him gasp. His hands fisted my hair and held me against the thatch of hair above his cock as he buried himself as deep as he could, his crown down the back of my throat. When I gagged on his length, he slowly pulled my mouth from his cock. Ropes of saliva stretched between us so that my mouth was still, in some way, connected to him.
“Good boy,” he whispered on an exhalation.
Then he was pulling me up until I was straddling him.
