The second time, he wasn’t, but somehow Miss Cane heard me and came up to the room, holding me in her arms and humming a sweet song to me until I fell asleep again. She was the last person I’d expected. She really was a good person. Now I could see why Cane had fought so hard to protect her and to get her clean.
“You’re a brave girl,” she said that night when I laid back down. “Brave and beautiful. I admire you.” Miss Cane wasn’t much of a talker, I knew, so when she spoke, I had reason to believe everything she said was honest. With those words, I went back to sleep that night and woke up peacefully the next morning.
Still, the nightmares weren’t as bad as when I was without him. Being with him made me feel much more alive.
“Don’t be sorry,” he said, his voice calm. “I understand.”
“But you need it. Me.”
At that, he laughed, a deep, heavy chuckle that made my belly clench in the best way possible. “Fuck yeah, I need you, but I’m patient. I’ll be ready when you are.”
I picked my head back up, placing a kiss on his lips. After I was done, I said, “Maybe I should put my new wardrobe to use for the trip, huh?”
“You and Lora spent over $2,500 on clothes. Hell yeah, you better put that wardrobe to use.” I giggled as he latched his fingers behind me, locking me in. “You do know that I love you, Kandy? Right?”
“Yes, Cane.”
“And that I will do anything for you?”
“I know you will.”
“I mean it, baby. Anything.”
“You’ve only told me, like, a million times,” I laughed, then kissed him to shut him up. I knew he would do anything for me. His guilty heart always compelled him to spill that truth, but there was no need for him to feel so badly anymore. I’d forgiven him a long time ago. It was time for us to move forward now. Time for us to go back to being the Kandy Cane we used to be.
We didn’t have to hide anymore; we were free to do what we wanted, when we wanted, and all I wanted to do was enjoy our freedom.
Chapter Seventeen
CANE
“It’ll be a three-day trip,” I said as Neo drove toward the private runway. “I have to be back by Sunday afternoon. Cora will handle most of the stuff that needs to be handled at the office, and I’ve already signed some contracts, so I should be okay for our trip.”
“Cane,” Kandy said, a smile riding her lips. “Relax, okay? I’m sure you have it all handled, and even if you don’t, work can wait for once.”
“Okay. All right.” I held my hands up in a small surrender. “I just want you to know that for the next three days, minus the two calls I have to make, I’m all yours.”
“And I’m okay with that.”
She grinned, looking ahead at the jets parked on the strip. She looked so much better than she did a month ago. She’d lost a lot of weight after the accident. I could see it every time she changed clothes around me, and it pained me. I’d never been able to see her ribs before, or so much of her hip bone. I made sure Mama was always around to make her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Of course Mama didn’t mind. She loved cooking for us when she could. I was glad Kandy didn’t make a big fuss about it, either. She ate every single meal Mama made and loved it.
Her hair, which was frizzy and untamed when she arrived, was shiny and healthy, braided into two neat cornrows, courtesy of Lora. Not only that, but as the morning sun poured through the sunroof, she looked like she was glowing. Her lips were glossed, her face makeup free. Eyebrows freshly arched. She looked like an angel.
I vowed to never let her get that low ever again. She’d lost confidence in herself. She stopped caring. She’d lost herself completely. I was sure she was still trying to find herself after what had happened and after the bad news she’d found out, but she was coping well—better than I expected. Still, I noticed the sadness in her eyes every so often. She’d stare off sometimes, like she was deep in thought, and when I would ask her what was wrong, she’d shrug it off and say it was nothing. But I knew it was something.
Her parents.
Her future.
A lot had changed for her because of me.
She needed a distraction from reality, and I was ready to give it to her.
We landed in New York with decent timing. It was just around noon when we got to the hotel she’d been dreaming about.
“Oh my gosh,” she gasped as soon as she was out of the car. “It’s even better in person!” She swept her eyes all over the building, gawking while the driver took our bags out of the trunk, making way for the sidewalk with them. Car horns blared, and there was nothing but noise and chatter and ringing cellphones surrounding us. New York City wasn’t one of my favorite places to visit because of how damn busy it always was, but it was lively and energetic and there was a lot to do here.
It was a little foggy outside, and there was also a chill in the air despite the fact that it was well into spring, but the cool weather wasn’t going to stop us from having a good time.
“Let’s check in,” I murmured on the shell of Kandy’s ear. She nodded, hooking her arm through mine. We entered the hotel, the driver following behind us with our bags, and were greeted warmly by the front desk attendant, a young woman named Tierra. She clearly knew who I was and gushed repeatedly about Tempt’s wine.
“I love it so much!” she said, handing the keys to me. “You know we have Tempt wine on site too?”
“Do you really?” I raised a brow.
“Yes! It can be delivered for room service or served in our hotel restaurant. You’ll see once you check the menu. It’s a favorite around here.”
“Wow. That’s good to hear. I didn’t realize we served here.” I looked at Kandy. “Ready to go up?”
“Absolutely,” she breathed.
“Enjoy your stay, Mr. and Mrs. Cane,” Tierra sang. Kandy blushed while I nodded at Tierra.
“Hmm. Mr. and Mrs. Cane.” I fought a smile, looking sideways at Kandy. “Has a ring to it, doesn’t it?”
She laughed. “I’d say so.”
It took no time getting up the elevator. When I opened the door to our room, I could see why Kandy was so stuck on staying here. Almost everything inside it was white but the counters in the kitchen area, which were a tan marble. There were a few items with accent color on the walls, like the clock being a sea green, and the small, built-in aquarium showcasing vibrant, beautiful fish, but the walls, floors, and even the comforter on the bed was white.
I think the best part was where the bed was located: tucked right in a corner of the room, closest to the windows. It was swathed in a thick comforter and fluffy white pillows, and the view beyond it was incredible. Skyscrapers and buildings stood tall and strong, and Kandy was right—the buildings seemed so close you could touch them. It was perfect.
“Wow.” Kandy rushed toward the window, looking down. We were in the penthouse suite, overlooking almost everything.
“Is this what you wanted?” I asked behind her.
“It is. I love it so much, Cane.” She turned to face me. “It’s exactly what I needed.”
I met up to her when she turned to look out the window again. Placing my chin on her shoulder, I wrapped my arms around her midsection. “I’m glad it’s what you needed; let’s try to make the most of it. You hungry?”
She turned in my arms with a grin. “Very.”
Chapter Eighteen
KANDY
Cane took me to a restaurant he’d been to when he visited before, one that he loved, and I was pleased to say that I felt the same. The bourbon salmon was delicious.
For our first day, we didn’t do too much. We were more like tourists, taking walks, sightseeing and window shopping, although Cane insisted on buying things that awed me. Of course, I didn’t let him.
There were so many roads and so much noise. It was beautifully chaotic, and had definitely distracted me enough that I was totally focused on the moments we were in.
When it got darker, we made our way back to t
he hotel, but we weren’t in a rush. The walk was slow, casual. Cane had his arm hooked over my shoulder, and I was leaning into him as we walked, a small, goofy smile on my face.
“You’re smiling,” he pointed out.
“Am I not allowed to?” I looked up at him.
“Of course you are. I’m happy to see you doing it.” He held me tighter. “Just curious to know what that smile is for.”
“I’m smiling because of you, man.”
“Because of me?” He looked down, smiling too. “Stop it, girl. You know it’s not because of me.”
I laughed at the dumb inside joke we’d started when we got here. We were window shopping, and I told him I didn’t need more shoes to take home and he said, “If you say so, girl.” I told him, “I’m serious, man.” Since then, we’d kept at it. Our own little thing only we could understand.
“You may not think so, but you make me happy.”
“Happy?” He quirked a brow. “You sure you want to use that word in particular after all the shit you’ve been through because of me?”
“I’m positive.” I spotted an empty bench ahead and grabbed his hand, dragging him to the bench with me. I sat on the middle of it and he dropped down beside me, a confused expression on display.
“The hotel is right over there,” he said, pointing in the direction of it.
“I know.” I dropped my hands in my lap, looking up at the buildings, the dark blue sky. The sun had dipped beneath the horizon nearly two hours ago. It was dark and crisp out, a comforting chill in the air. “I just want to enjoy it a little more before we go up.”
I felt him looking at me while I still had my eyes pointed to the sky. It was seriously so beautiful, and even though there were a lot of lights surrounding us, I could spot a sprinkle of stars.
“I’ve spent a lot of time with you, but never heard you mention going to New York. What makes you so fascinated with it now?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” I lowered my gaze, looking at him through the corner of my eye before focusing on the tips of my black and white Nikes. “When Kelly hurt me, I just remember thinking that I wasn’t ready to die yet.”
I looked at him and he closed his eyes, his entire body tensing.
I placed my hand on the top of his. “But it wasn’t like an ‘oh shit, I don’t want to die’ kind of thing. It was more of a ‘I don’t want to die not knowing what the world looks like’, kind of thing.”
His eyes popped open and expanded, like that was the last thing he thought he would hear. “Oh…I see…”
“When I was younger, I remember making this bucket list with Frankie. New York City wasn’t at the top of our list, but after what happened, and when you asked me about a getaway, I started to wonder, why not, you know? I mean, New York City should be experienced at least once in a person’s life, especially if they live in this country. It’s also a city that is always in TV shows and movies, so it’s the obvious place to visit first.”
He chuckled. “Very true.” He grabbed my hand and caressed it with the pad of his thumb. “Where else do you want to go?”
I thought on it for a moment. “New Orleans, Belize, any part of California, Bora Bora, Scotland, Paris…a few other places.”
“I bet I can make all of those happen one day. I can take you to each and every one of them.”
I smiled, meeting his eyes. “Would you really?”
“Yep.” He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me to his side. After dropping a kiss on my temple, he said, “Just say when and I’ll make it happen.”
I put my arm around him, resting my cheek on his chest. I breathed in and could smell hot dogs grilling on nearby hot dog stands. “I love it like this.”
“Like what?”
“When it’s just us. No interruptions or distractions. No warnings or secrets.”
“Me too,” he murmured.
I picked my head up, then grabbed his hand and stood. “Come on.” I bobbed my head toward the hotel. “Let’s go back.”
He stood too, and we walked hand-in-hand back to the hotel. Of course, Tierra smiled at us from behind the counter. “You guys are so cute,” she said dreamily, as if she wished she had her own Mr. Cane.
All I could do was smile at her.
On the way up the elevator, it was only us, and as soon as the doors closed, Cane stepped in front of me, caging me between his arms.
“What are you doing?” I asked, smiling, my breaths ragged.
Our foreheads connected, and his lips came down on mine. He kissed me whole and deep, and it was unexpected, but I melted with the kiss anyway. I felt like I was going to turn into a pile of mush. I curled my fingers into his black jacket, bringing my other hand up and curling those fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck.
A moan gushed out of me, and Cane started to pull away when the elevator chimed, but I didn’t want the kiss to stop. I reeled him back in with a tug of his jacket. A deep groan erupted from his chest, and he picked me up in his arms, carrying me out of the elevator.
I don’t know what came over me at that point. I suppose this always happened. We’d kiss so hard, grind, tug, and pant, but as soon as he got down there, I’d panic. I always panicked.
Cane stumbled toward our room door. I felt him digging in his pockets with one hand for the key. Once retrieved, he stuck it into the lock, pushing the door open, all while I kissed him on his lips, his neck, his cheeks, anywhere I could put my mouth. The door automatically shut behind us, and he wasted no time going toward the bed.
My heartbeat ratcheted up as he placed me down and then climbed on top of me, making out with me just as passionately as he had in the elevator. He sucked my bottom lip between his teeth, and a soft groan filled my throat. I was heated, ready…but so fucking terrified. God, why was I so scared?
Cane snatched off his jacket and then pulled his shirt over his head, revealing his beautiful, lean, inked body. I sat up, kissing from his chest to his stomach, and when I got to the waist of his jeans, I unbuttoned them with shaky hands and even shakier breaths. My hands shook so badly that he stopped me when I got to his zipper.
“Kandy,” he warned.
“It’s okay,” I assured him. It’d been a little over a month since I returned, and I owed him this much. He needed me. I couldn’t be selfish anymore. I continued unzipping his pants, shoving them down his legs. I started to pull his briefs down, but he grabbed both of my hands, bringing them up so I’d have no choice but to follow the action.
He caught my eyes, and it was in that moment when I realized my vision was slightly blurry.
“Fuck, Kandy. Look at you.” His face softened, eyes swirling with a mixture of desperation and sadness. His voice was soft, and it made my chest ache. My heart was still drumming.
“I want it…I want you,” I told him, keeping my voice as steady as I possibly could. I tried pulling away, but he held on tighter.
“Stop, Kandy.” He brought my knuckles to his lips, kissing both hands. “This isn’t a race, all right? You don’t have to rush to get back to how you were before.”
“I’m not rushing, Cane. I do want you. I miss you so much. I’m just…” I inhaled sharply.
“Just what?”
“I don’t know…I mean, my doctor said I would be fine three more weeks after my appointment. I guess I’m just worried that it won’t feel the same.”
He sighed, nodding. “I get it.”
Releasing my hands, he laid flat on his back on the bed, then flicked his fingers, gesturing for me to come to him. I kicked off my shoes and went to him, resting my cheek on his chest. His heartbeat was steady, comforting. I closed my eyes, breathing as evenly as possible.
“Maybe if we go slow,” I suggested. “I mean…not our usual rough, dirty stuff.”
At that, he chuckled, and hearing it made me smile. “That’s going to be tough. Rough and dirty is all I know,” he teased, and I laughed. He placed a finger beneath my chin, tilting it up so I could look at him. “It do
esn’t have to be tonight, Kandy. I told you I’ll be ready when you are.”
“I want it to be tonight. Today was so perfect. I want to end it that way too.”
He rubbed my cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Having sex doesn’t make everything perfect, little one.”
“It will tonight, though.” I pushed up on my elbow, looking down at him. “If it becomes too much, or if I feel overwhelmed, I’ll tell you. I promise.” I cupped his face. “Please, Cane.”
He groaned, squeezing the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt you, Kandy. What if you aren’t healed enough?”
I smiled down at him. “I think we’ve been through this already. You didn’t hurt me my first time. It was great…and I feel fine down there now. I trust my body…I’m just nervous…”
He dropped his hand, looking me in the eyes carefully. I guess he saw how serious I was, because he finally said, “Okay,” and then rolled on top of me. He pushed up on his knees, helping me take my jeans off. I kicked my way out of them, and he went for my long-sleeved shirt next. When it was off, his eyes traveled down. He focused on the scar, the dark brown line on my pelvis. It wasn’t directly in the middle, but more so to the right and in a long slant.
I hated looking at it because it always reminded me of where it came from and who did it. My body didn’t have many imperfections, other than childhood scars on my knees and legs, but this was one that I was going to have to look at and live with for the rest of my life.
“You’re beautiful,” Cane murmured, crouching down. His lips pressed to the crook of my neck, then my collarbone, and then traveled down my chest. “Lift up for me,” he rasped, and I sat up a bit while he reached under me to unhook my bra. When it was loose, he helped me out of it, then tossed it aside. He continued his way down my body, kissing the valley between my breasts and working his way over, sealing his mouth around my nipple and sucking until it became a pebble. My breath hitched when he let go and made his way over to the other one, sucking gently.
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