by Amie Denman
“You never know how kids will turn out,” she said neutrally, her words sounding like a platitude rather than conversation. She put Carter down and began picking up the blocks scattered on the carpet. Luke dropped to his knees and helped toss blocks into Autumn’s bag.
“Will I see you at lunch?” he asked. “My staff always does an amazing spread on days when we’re at sea. I think they want to give us something to do.”
“Like eat for hours?”
He nodded. “You may want to.”
Autumn put her bag over one shoulder and took Carter’s hand. “I won’t forget I still owe you a game.”
Luke touched her shoulder and smiled, unsure what to say. As she left the room, she turned in the doorway. “And I also won’t forget that I was winning when we got distracted.”
“We were both winners,” he said.
Autumn blushed and betrayed a trace of a grin before heading out on deck.
Chapter Ten
“You look tired, honey. Vacation is fun for everyone except the moms,” Nancy Benedict said as she rubbed sunscreen on her bare arms and then handed the bottle to her daughter.
Autumn smiled at her mother while Carter napped on her father’s chest. Grandfather and grandson were both asleep on a lounge chair on deck after a giant lunch.
“I’m having fun,” Autumn protested. “I was worried about the laundry, but then I discovered someone had magically picked up my laundry bag and returned it with clean clothes. Carter should be able to make it the rest of the trip now.”
“Was that the only thing bothering you? I was afraid you weren’t sleeping much. Little ones don’t always adjust to new surroundings well.”
“Oh,” Autumn said, her voice trailing off as she watched her sweet toddler nap open-mouthed. “Carter has done his share of rolling around in the portable crib. I’ve heard him a few times at night.”
Her mother leaned forward and put a hand on Autumn’s knee as if she’d just had an incredible idea. “You should let him spend the night in our cabin tonight,” she said. “We’re in bed early anyway, and I don’t think a train would wake up your father.”
“No,” Autumn said, waving her hand. “That’s okay, I wouldn’t want to take advantage of you, and you need your rest, too.”
Her mother laughed. “I get up twice every night to go to the bathroom and I usually have to roll Bill over at least once because of his snoring. I haven’t slept eight hours straight in a decade.”
Autumn tried to never ask for more help from her family than she absolutely needed, but her mother’s offer was tempting. A brief image of spending the evening with Luke flashed through her head. They could finish their pool game. Catch up on the past two years—with some obvious omissions on her part. Continue that kiss…
“No thanks,” Autumn said emphatically as she thought of the temptation it would be damn near impossible to resist.
Her mother leaned back in her lounge chair and closed her eyes. “I love you,” she said, “and I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Autumn didn’t know how Luke knew she had the evening and the night free, but something in the predatory way he looked at her over dinner told her that he either sensed it or outright knew it. It was a three-course meal, as usual. A salad, a main course of fresh fish and local vegetables, and a choice of baklava, fruit, or chocolate cake for a sweet finish. Wine and cocktails had given the table and the faces around it a cheerful glow, and Autumn realized with a shock of sadness that their cruise was just past the halfway point. Going back to her normal life in her small apartment with a view of the building across the alley would be…she didn’t want to say disappointing, but she couldn’t deny that this lifestyle sparkled everywhere she looked.
Not that it was real. Luke seldom used the yacht, and he worked every day, probably longer hours than she did. This was an escape from reality for him just as it was for all of his guests. A wonderful escape.
Autumn smiled at the young man who cleared away dinner dishes and brought her chocolate cake. The people who worked on the Paige Ellen were her age and perhaps not so different from her. They went below decks to rooms without views where they put their feet up and probably cruised social media on their phones until they were tired enough to go to sleep. Thinking about it reminded her how lucky she was to enjoy even a taste of the luxury, but it also reminded her of the onerous responsibility of her decision not to tell Luke he had a son.
With every passing minute on the ship, she doubted her choice more. This was the life Carter could have. A life of elegant homes, travel, private schools. And Luke? The more time she spent with him as an adult, the more she realized what a good father he would be. But was it too late? And was it just the influence of being in Luke’s world that made her believe she should tell him? She’d been so sure at home of her decision, but everything seemed different on the decks of a fantasy ship in a gorgeous country miles from home.
After dinner, the rest of the guests drifted off toward their cabins or the multiple decks where they could enjoy drinks in the warm evening air. Like everyone else, Autumn had discovered comfortable seating, private nooks, and perfect views all around the ship. There was a pool on three different levels, and crew members were always nearby with an offer of a towel or a drink.
Life on the Paige Ellen was heaven, and even Carter seemed more relaxed there than at home. Fresh air by day and the gentle movement of the ship had him sleeping better, despite the mild fib she had told her mother about him. She was the one not sleeping well on Luke’s ship, but it had nothing to do with the accommodations.
“I’ll come get Carter’s crib moved,” Autumn said to her mother after she shared her dessert with the boy and her parents got up from the dinner table.
“Already done,” Nancy Benedict said. “One of the crew members took care of it right before your father and I came to dinner. That’s why we were just a minute late. I wanted to make sure Carter’s clothes and favorite toys got moved so we won’t have to disturb you at all tonight. Just enjoy yourself and enjoy the chance to relax,” her mother added.
Autumn tried to think calming thoughts to push away the jittery nerves creating heat all over her body. Did her mother have any idea how Autumn planned to spend her night off from being a full-time single mom? Was she making a huge mistake and setting herself up for a hard fall?
She kissed Carter, but he hardly noticed because he was happily being scooped up by his grandfather and giggling at the raspberries the older man blew on his belly. Her mother gave her a backwards wave as she left the dining room, and Autumn had to admit her parents looked happy to have Carter for the night and she couldn’t claim any worries on his behalf. He would have fun staying in their cabin and get plenty of love.
Autumn glanced around the table and there was only one person left. Luke. He kept his seat at the head of the table, but his eyes were so intense on her that she felt as if he was sitting right next to her.
“You didn’t get much of that chocolate cake,” he observed. “I can have another brought out for you if you like.”
Autumn smiled. “I’ll bet the first thing my mother does when they get back to her cabin is put Carter into the bathtub to wash off the chocolate frosting he has tucked behind his ears and between his fingers.”
“Poor kid.”
“Not at all. He loves playing in the water and marveling at the bubbles.”
“I love playing in the water, too,” Luke said as he picked up his drink and motioned toward the bar in the corner of the dining room lounge. “Let’s get you a fresh drink and then we’ll go upstairs and enjoy looking at the water from my private deck.”
Autumn hesitated, knowing it was a now or never moment, one of those decisive times when a decision carries the weight of the moment and far beyond. She’d made no promises to anyone for her free evening and night. She could claim she needed to go help with Carter, turn in early, even read a book in the library on the ship.
But as she watched Luke�
�s easy movements and felt the force of his attention on her, she knew damn well that she wasn’t going to lay claim to any of those things. She was giving herself one more incredible evening to add to her small collection that already included a night with Luke. And then, she promised herself, she would return to the neat and responsible—lonely—path she had chosen. It was for the best for herself and Carter and Luke.
But tonight.
“What are you drinking?” Luke asked as she walked to the bar on legs that felt as if they ended in ice skates instead of shoes. Every move was precarious but exciting.
“What are my choices?”
“Everything,” Luke said. “Anything.”
“That wine we had with dinner was wonderful,” she said. “How about another glass of that? I like the sweeter wines.”
“Ron?” Luke asked, looking at the bartender.
“I’d be happy to open another bottle of the Moscato, but I might also suggest an Italian champagne we have,” the barter said. “It’s sweet just like the wine, but with just the right amount of effervescence.”
Luke gave Autumn a questioning glance.
“I’d love some,” she said.
“And can you put the bottle on ice for us to take up on deck?” Luke asked.
“Certainly.”
Ron popped the cork and poured two glasses, and then he laid the bottle gently into a chilled bucket and handed it across the bar. “Enjoy your evening.”
“Thanks,” Luke said. “Go ahead and take the rest of the night off. If someone wants anything from the bar, they can help themselves.”
“Thank you.”
Autumn picked up her glass and sipped it. Bubbly sweetness immediately radiated from her throat.
“Good?” Luke asked as they walked to the staircase.
“Very. I’m glad we’re taking the rest of the bottle with us.”
“It would be a shame to waste it,” Luke said. “Once you open it, you have to finish what you started.”
Autumn felt there was more to his words. Was she willing to finish what she was starting by following him up the stairs that would certainly lead to a place where they would be alone? The bubbles in her drink seemed to help lift her feet on the carpeted steps, and she climbed them knowing exactly what she was doing and owning the decision with all her heart.
Luke opened the door to his private suite and held it for her, inviting her in without words even though his sultry expression said plenty.
Autumn smiled, needing to break the tension. “I remember going in your room when we were kids. My brother was going to your house to goof off after school, and I persuaded my mom to let me go along.”
“We played cards on my bed,” he said.
“You remember?”
“I think it was the only time a female was in my bedroom until I went to college,” he said, his grin taking her back to when they were kids. Friends. Neighbors. Practically brother and sister.
“Who would have thought then that you’d have a—,” her breath caught as she got a good look at his suite. It radiated luxury and expense. A wall of windows took up one end of the space with two leather chairs in front of the windows. The room had elegant furniture, tasteful window treatments in two shades of blue, and framed art on the walls. Through a doorway, she could see part of a bathtub and through another doorway, a massive bed.
“A what?”
“An incredible room of your own on a boat of your own,” she finished, almost losing her nerve in the face of the lifestyle that Luke now commanded. There was no place for her in such a life—not that she wanted one. If they spent the night together, it was just one night. Just as it had been more than two years ago. Any thought she had of telling Luke about Carter faded in the realization that this was Luke’s world and there wasn’t really a place for an old friend and an unplanned baby.
“Money can buy you a lot of things,” he said. “But not everything. Not even close.” He finished his glass of champagne and set it along with the ice bucket on a bar countertop under a large mirror.
Autumn stood behind him, seeing both of their faces reflected in the mirror. “What won’t money buy for you?” she asked in a whisper, knowing already part of the answer. She reached around him and put her empty glass next to his. He took her hand and held it against his chest as he looked at her face in the mirror.
“This,” he said. He raised her hand and kissed her fingers one at a time. “Time with someone who knows you so well you hardly need any words.”
Autumn’s heart fluttered and all thoughts of words and the secrets that built a wall between them melted away as she rested her head against his back and slid her other arm around him. He took both her hands and breathed deeply, his back expanding under her cheek.
“This won’t work,” he said.
“What?” Please don’t say we can’t have this one night…
“I need to see you,” he said, turning in her embrace and taking her lips in one fluid movement. He kissed her, his lips soft at first then becoming urgent. She felt his breath on her cheek, smelled his cologne and champagne. He was both the boy she’d known all her life and the man she desired from her lips down to her toes curling into her shoes.
“That other night,” he said breathlessly, taking her face in both his hands. “I wasn’t thinking at the time, but I’ve thought about it plenty since then.”
“Me, too,” she admitted honestly. He had no idea.
“But I’m thinking with my head tonight, not just my body that wants you more than I’ve ever wanted any woman.”
Autumn swallowed. “Here I am.”
****
“Do you think the champagne is still cold?” Autumn asked, rousing Luke from a very contented state as he lay beside her in his king-sized bed. An hour or more had gone by. An incredible hour of hastily discarded clothing, tangled sheets, and sensations he wouldn’t be able to describe even if he knew every word in the English language. His arm rested across her chest and he opened one eye.
“I could get up and check,” he offered even though he hated the thought of leaving the bed.
Autumn laughed. “It was my idea. I’ll be right back.” She swung her legs over the side of the bed and got up. The last rays of the sunset filtered through the floor to ceiling windows of his bedroom and tinged Autumn with gold and pink light.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, and she rewarded him with a backward smile over her shoulder as she went into the main room where the champagne had been forgotten on the countertop. She was back in a moment with two glasses and the ice bucket.
“Still plenty of ice,” she said, putting everything on the bedside table and filling both glasses. She handed him a glass and clinked hers against it.
“Let’s drink to a whole night just like the last hour,” he said.
Autumn frowned, and he was afraid she was going to tell him she had to leave, had to get back to her cabin and her son.
“You have a lot of confidence,” she said. “Of course you always did and look how it’s paid off.”
He drank half his glass and enjoyed the cool bubbles rushing through him like the exhilaration of a huge success at work, a swim in Lake Michigan, the first snow…
“I am completely confident that this night is far from over,” he said. “And we’re going to have to call for more champagne long before dawn.”
Autumn sipped her champagne, but she cast her eyes down at the twisted bedsheets. “Do you think this is a good idea?”
“Very,” he said, his voice husky despite the cool champagne.
“I mean…beyond the obvious…physical appeal.”
He wanted to have this conversation, but he also didn’t. Where did he and Autumn go from here? Of course they could do nothing. That’s what had happened the last time their friendship had spilled into need, lust, and flames. They hadn’t spoken since then, hadn’t told anyone, and it hadn’t changed their lives. He’d buried his head in work, she’d met someone and had a child.
Their lives had gone on, no matter how many times he’d suddenly thought of her when a commercial came on television that took him back a few years or when he saw a woman with long blonde hair walking down the street. If he got a whiff of fresh-baked brownies somewhere, he was right back in the Benedict family kitchen where Autumn was usually at the table doing homework or listening in on her big brother and Luke’s conversation. Every time he got a text from Grady or a quick email saying hello despite the time difference in Europe, he’d wanted to ask about Autumn, but how could he? If she hadn’t told her family about their night together, it wasn’t his place to do it.
And the Benedicts would have felt horribly betrayed. Angry with him. Not just for sleeping with her, but for not being truthful, not calling her. He didn’t want to lose their love and affection, couldn’t risk a world where he didn’t have them in his life. He’d screwed up, but was it too late to start over?
“There’s a lot beyond the obvious physical appeal,” he said, opting for the truth.
Autumn leaned over and grabbed the bottle. As she filled his glass and then hers, she nodded. “There is.”
“So?” he asked.
She tilted her head and then sipped her champagne, apparently taking time to consider his question. Had she really not thought about it before? Unlike him, she had gone on to have another relationship, albeit perhaps a short one. There had been no one for him. Only one woman since his wife died. Only Autumn.
“What are we going to do about this?” he prodded.
“I think you already promised me a wonderful night and champagne until dawn,” she said. “My life is more complicated than you realize, and anything beyond this,” she waved a finger in a circle, encompassing the room and then landing on him, “is more than I deserve, more than I can hope for.”
“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about…us,” he said.
