by Brill Harper
Fuck, she’d be gorgeous. Round and fertile. And the idea of filling her with cum makes me leak even more. But she and the girls are my top priority, and right now, a pregnancy wouldn’t be good for any of them.
Someday, though.
I can’t believe I’m even thinking about someday. Just this morning, I had no thoughts other than just getting through the days one at a time. Now I’m planning a future and mentally breeding the poor girl the night she loses her virginity.
I part her pussy lips with my cock and slide up and down her slit, getting juicy and lubed up while I tease her. Damn, she feels good. I can’t wait to get inside. I drag my cock across her clit that’s peeking out of its hood, and she throws her head back. She’s so pretty as she lets go. I tap the head of my cock on that clit a few times and then go back to spreading her juices around, using the tip of my dick around her entrance.
She raises up on her elbows again and gets a good look at what I’m doing and looks a little scared.
“It’s never going to fit.”
I swear my cock pulses at her words. Yeah, it’s gonna be a tight squeeze, all right. I push the tip in and pause, letting her stretch around my head, and then push a little further. “You feel amazing. Your pussy is grabbing my cock like a vise.”
I push it in a little more and I see stars. I’ve already filled up her little pussy, and I’m barely in. I tear my gaze away from where we are joined and notice she’s kinda pale. Not good. I need to get her back on board, fast. She likes dirty talk and when I tell her what to do, so I’ll give us both what she wants.
“Look at it. Look at my cock filling you up. Your little pussy is creaming for it. Watch it take my whole cock, Cassidy. Look at us.”
She moans.
“You like that, sweetness? You’re such a good girl. You’re gonna take all of my cock, aren’t you?” I put my thumb on her clit, giving it a little pressure. “You might be a good girl to the rest of the world, but in this room, you can be a very bad girl.”
She whimpers in disappointment when I pull out a little.
“Oh yeah, that’s my girl. You want your cock back, don’t you? Do you want to be my naughty girl? Do you want to take all this cock?”
She bites her lip and moans.
“Say it,” I order her.
“Yes. Yes, please. I want to be a bad girl.”
Fuck. Me. Hearing those words from her sweet lips makes it hard not to come right now. With her admission ringing in my ears, I push the rest of the way inside her, leaning over her to take her gasp of shock with a kiss. I’m holding absolutely still below my neck and it’s killing me, but she needs to adjust, so I focus on kissing her, distracting her with my tongue. Her nails are digging into my shoulders, and I feel like a real shit for causing her pain. I kiss her and when she starts responding again, I start kissing her the way my dick wants to fuck her. After about minute, she relaxes her body, but her pussy is still so tight it’s almost hurting me.
“I don’t want to hurt you, sweetness. I want to make this so good for you.” I start slow, my thrusts shallow and even. “You okay? Tell me what you’re feeling right now.”
“Full. I feel so full. But the pinch is going away.”
I use two fingers on her clit and roll it in a circular motion. “That’s good, baby.”
The sight of my glistening shaft easing in and out of her beautiful body has the cum churning in my balls. But I can’t go yet. Not until she does.
I’m going to make this girl come around my cock if it’s the last thing I do on this fucking planet. I start fucking her faster, thrusting my hard cock deep inside her warm pussy and filling her up with each stroke. My cock is pushing deep with each urgent thrust.
I can’t believe I’m finally inside her after all these months of yearning for her. “You’re definitely a dirty girl now, Cassidy. I’ve never wanted to come so bad in my life. All because of you. Do you want me to come?
“Oh God, yes. I want you to come inside me.”
“That’s a good girl. I need you to do something for me, sweetness.”
“Anything, Conner.”
My name from her mouth ratchets my lust up another notch.
“Play with your tits while I fuck you.”
She looks confused for a minute, but her hands come up automatically to her breasts and she starts tweaking her nipples.
“Pinch them,” I order her and I fuck her roughly, my strong hands digging into her thick hips to hold her still while I push my rod deeper and deeper. “Harder, Cassidy.”
She’s into her nipple play, and it isn’t long before my strokes and her pinches take her where I want her. Mindless. Shaking. Moaning. She tightens around my cock, milking me while she does this sexy mewing noise. I grab her arms off her tits and pin them on the pillow on either side of her head, diving in to kiss her just as my body tightens. I roar into her mouth and explode in her pussy harder than I’ve ever come before, my girl writhing beneath me.
The spasms take me someplace I’ve never been. Heaven, I guess. And now that I’ve found it, you can be damn sure I’ll never leave it.
My fingers entwine with hers, and I pull back to look at her. At the face I vow I’ll wake up next to for the rest of my life. “You’re mine, Cassidy.”
She nods. “Say it.”
“I’m yours, Conner.”
I need to get off her—I’m probably crushing her. I need to dispose of the condom. I need to get a warm washcloth and tend to this sweet woman, who’s probably sore.
But for a few seconds more, I need this. Her eyes on mine. Me still inside her. I can’t find the words, but everything is different now.
Laid: Chapter Six
Cassidy
WE’RE JUST FINISHING cleaning the kitchen when the doorbell rings.
Conner and I shoot each other questioning looks. Nobody comes here. Like ever. Which is fine. We’ve had three weeks of blissful lovemaking, and I was looking forward to another night of the same. The girls are asleep, I have no homework, and Conner promised me a massage.
Conner opens the front door, and three men stroll in carrying beer and bags of chips.
“We figured you were in need of a poker night, dude,” one says. He nods a hello to me, and they start setting up around the dining table, talking and joking as if this were an everyday occurrence.
“Uh, guys?” Conner says. “It’s really not a good night.”
“C’mon, man. You haven’t been out with us in seven months. We won’t wake the kids. We’ll even leave by ten.” He puts the case of beer down and turns to me. “I’m Deacon.” He holds out his hand, which I shake while looking at Conner.
“Cassidy this is Deacon, Charlie, and Matt. Guys this is Cassidy. She’s...” He looks at me with new eyes. “She’s the nanny.”
I don’t know what I was expecting him to say. I am the nanny, after all. That doesn’t stop the feeling that I’d just swallowed an ice cube, and it’s freezing everything inside me as it slides down my throat.
My heart especially.
The last three weeks have been amazing, but we didn’t put labels on it. It seemed too new to sully with expectations. We just built a cocoon around the house and pretended there wasn’t an outside world.
But there is. And it’s in the cocoon with us now.
Conner is looking at me like he’s seen a ghost. Or maybe he’s just seeing the writing on the wall like I am.
I’m the nanny.
Of course, I am.
I’m the teen babysitter.
What seemed so right ten minutes ago now seems sordid. Wow, when reality crashes your party, it does with the finesse of the Kool-Aid Man crashing through a wall.
“I’ll finish cleaning in the kitchen. You should visit with your friends. When I’m done, I’ll head...home...and be back first thing in the morning.”
Conner closes his eyes. Deacon says, “Wait. Cassidy? Could you stay longer? I’ll pay you whatever Conner does. That way if the kids wake up, he can st
ill hang out for a while.”
Conner says nothing. Nothing. I’m starting to feel sick that I get paid to do what I do. Am I getting paid to sleep with my boss?
I blink back my epiphany. That’s for Future Cassidy to think about. Right now, getting away from all these people is goal number one. “Yeah, sure. I’ll bring the baby monitor into the guest room and study in there.”
I feel Conner’s eyes on me as I go into the kitchen, but he’s still said zero.
It was actually easier in the living room, when all my insides were iced over. Now that I’m alone, I feel the prickles of a thaw coming. It hurts. I want the numb back.
We had pretty much finished the kitchen, so I rinse out the sink and towel dry it so I at least feel busy.
“Cassidy.”
I don’t turn around from the sink. I can’t. “There’s still some dip in the fridge, if you want to have it with your chips.”
“Cassidy,” Conner repeats.
I squeeze my eyes closed. Not now. Not now. You can’t break yet. Just a few more minutes.
His hands are on my hips now. His chest to my back. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“I’m fine.”
“I didn’t know what you wanted me to tell them. I didn’t want to put you in an awkward position.”
“You didn’t.”
He wraps his arms around my middle and rests his chin on my shoulder. “You think I can’t tell that you’re hurting right now? You think I don’t care that I’m the one that did it?”
“I’m fine. You should go back out there. They might come looking for you. We don’t want them to suspect.”
“I don’t care if they do. Sweetness, you know you’re more than the nanny to me, right?”
I don’t answer because I know I’m more than the nanny when we’re in bed. But I don’t know what I am when the real world rings the doorbell. These guys have seen him date a lot of women. It probably never even occurred to them that he could be having sex with me. They probably can’t even remember what I look like already. I’m the wallflower. I forgot it for these weeks. I remember it now. With all my other insecurities.
“Cassidy.” His voice is low, gravelly near my ear. An unwanted warmth rushes to my center. Damn it.
I exhale and squeeze his hands. “I’m fine, Conner. Go have a nice time.”
His mouth is still near my ear, his breath hot against the sensitive skin there. “I’d rather stay in here with you.” He nuzzles my neck. “I love the way you smell.”
“Conner.”
“Let’s tell them.”
“Tell them what? That the dorky girl next door has a crush on you? That your nanny takes care of your kids all day and then takes care of your dick at night? What exactly are we going to tell them?”
He goes stiff and steps back like it burned to touch me.
I turn. “I’m sorry.”
But it’s too late. His jaw is squared in repressed anger. His posture is tight. But his eyes are wounded.
“Conner, I’m sorry.”
He stares at me for a long time. I bite my lip, swallowing the golf ball trying to move up my throat. But I can’t stop the tear.
“Shit, that’s not fair,” he says. He pulls me into his arms. “Please don’t cry. I can deal with a lot of things, but making you cry is not one of them.”
It feels good in his arms. Too good. I want this. I want the life we’ve been playing these past three weeks. I want him to be mine. But the fact is, when pressed, neither of us knew how to introduce me, and that is the first ding in the windshield, I think. It’s weaker now. Ready to crack. If our first instinct was to hide our relationship, then maybe no matter how good it feels, it isn’t right.
Just like that first night, we’ve been role playing all along.
And if it isn’t right, then there are two people we need to put ahead of our selfish desire. The sleeping babies upstairs. They can’t afford for us to play house and wreck their lives. If we break up after they are used to us, then they lose all their stability again.
I pull back, put on an awkward grin. “You deserve a night of fun with the guys. But I think it’s best that I go home tonight.” I hand him the baby monitor. “They probably won’t wake up, but just in case.”
“Cassidy, don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything. My mom has been bugging me to hang out for a while now. I’ll be back before you go to work in the morning.”
“Cass—”
I hold my hand up. “Diaper.”
The safe word. The one that means stop.
He wasn’t expecting that. His face goes slack with shock.
I run out the back door. I don’t have shoes. I don’t have my laptop or my books. And I certainly don’t have my dignity.
In my childhood room, I pull back my curtains and look across the lawns into the room I haven’t slept in for weeks at Conner’s house. It was only a month ago that I was on that side, wishing I were at home. Now, this doesn’t feel like home. Not anymore. But home isn’t next door, either. It’s always been temporary. The plan had always been to get a permanent nanny.
My heart breaks because I think it’s time.
There is money for it. The house is paid for and there was money left from the life insurance policies. Conner met with a financial advisor about a month after the funeral. He made sure the bulk of the money got put away for the girls—but there is a budget for a nanny. I didn’t take the full amount he offered, but someone else will. Maybe they’ll even take room and board.
That sends an arrow of fire to my gut. Thinking of someone else living there. Taking care of the girls. Tucking them in at night. Giving them their baths. Watching them sleep.
That’s how I know it’s time. If I feel like this now—how bad will it hurt two years from now? Four?
I’ve spent the last few months sort of hand-waving over my feelings because everything felt right. But what happens when it doesn’t? When Conner meets a woman he’s attracted to who’s old enough to go to a bar? What happens to me when the girls are in school all day? Do I become Alice from The Brady Bunch? Will I get a room off the kitchen while everyone around me has a life of their own?
I can’t regret loving all three of them. But nobody can move on if I stay. And I don’t want to just be the nanny. I want it all. I may never find it, but pretending isn’t going to work forever.
The next morning is awkward. We’re overly polite. He’s cleaned up after his party, something he wouldn’t have thought to do six months ago. He’s watching me very carefully as I feed the girls breakfast. He automatically refills my coffee, putting the right amount of sugar in my cup, and my mouth goes dry because I know I have to leave. The temptation to stay is too strong.
I hand Conner a sheet of paper. “Before you go to work, do you think you could look these over?”
He glances at it. “What is this?”
“My job description and possible ads. I thought I would contact the agencies today. It’s time you found a permanent solution. We talked about it a few months ago, remember? That I was just temporary until things got under control?”
Conner says nothing. His hand curls into a fist, crinkling the paper, and he kisses the girls’ heads before he strides out the door.
I’m glad for once that the girls are such good distractions because they keep me too busy all morning to wallow in all my angsty feelings.
At one o’clock, I take Ashley to the doctor for a possible ear infection. My mom stayed with Hayden, so I take advantage of having just one baby and stop at Target on the way home. I pull into the parking lot, open my door, and see the gun first, the man holding it second.
Laid: Chapter Seven
Conner
I’VE BEEN SHITTY TO everyone at work today, and I can’t work up the fucks to care about it.
Last night, my first night without Cassidy in the house with me in a long time, was horrible, but it was a picnic compared to finding out she wants out permanentl
y.
Yeah, okay. I blew it by introducing her as the nanny. I’m not ashamed of her. Of us. But it’s complicated and not something I wanted to discuss with my idiot friends before I’ve discussed it with Cassidy.
And at the first sign of trouble, she’s out.
Right. Okay. That’s not fair. There have been lots of signs of trouble over the last seven months, and she hasn’t bailed. She’s stuck by me through everything. She’s been the person that kept me tethered to the planet when gravity was gone.
So how can she just leave me now? Am I so easy to leave? Are the girls? I thought she loved them. I thought we were building something. None of it makes sense.
She’s only eighteen.
I try to remember what I was like at that age. I should cut her some slack. She should be going to parties and having fun. Maybe I really am a selfish bastard. Have I been trying to mold her? Manipulate her? Maybe I should have known better. Pushed her away. Maybe after some time has passed, I’ll realize that I was using her, even if I didn’t mean to. That I was blinded by the pretty girl and the convenience of having a ready-made mom for my girls and a wife for my house.
Wife.
Fuck.
I love her. I want to marry her. Those feelings I had the first time we made love were real. She’s mine. I say that to her every time we fuck—but I guess I never say it when we have clothes on. How would she know how I feel if I don’t tell her? She probably thinks the things I say about her being mine are just sex talk.
I have screwed this up. Bad. Maybe she’s right. Maybe we’d all be better off if she moved out. She needs to be free. Have fun. I’ll find a nice grandma-like nanny for the girls. I’ll concentrate on being a good dad. Things will be fine.
Yeah. No, they won’t. I want to rage at the world. This is why I never let myself get close to anyone before. I’m not cut out for loving and losing.
I see Deacon approaching. He looks nervous. I don’t blame him, I’ve been biting off everyone’s head.
