by H J Welch
Cas popped the cork and poured them each a glass. Then they picked at cured meats, tangy cheeses, juicy olives, sticky rice balls, some sort of blueberry paste on salty crackers (which worked surprisingly well despite Matty’s initial hesitation), and lots of other delicious treats. The sun crept lower, turning evening into night, and Matty and Cas talked about a whole load of not-particularly-groundbreaking subjects that felt momentous to Matty.
This had possibly been the best day of his life.
And he realized with a horrible lurch that he was only here because his sister was deathly ill.
The thought sobered him up instantly, and he just sort of shut down, his gaze listless on the rippling water. He swallowed his last mouthful of food as a heavy lump in his throat, his fingertips going tingling and cold. Guilt flooded him, and he wasn’t sure what to do.
“Matty?” He looked up to see Cas’s concerned eyes staring back. “What is it?”
Matty bit his lip, the lump still lodged in his throat. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I’m having such a lovely time, but then I remembered why I’m here, and I felt so selfish having fun when my sister is probably so scared right now.”
“Hey.” Cas frowned and set his tea flask down. Then he took Matty’s drink from him and put it in the glass holder on the side of the hamper. He turned and held Matty’s shoulders with both of his strong hands. “You are not selfish. You dropped everything to help your family. Worrying is natural, but doing it every single second won’t help your sister, will it? And I thought you said they’d caught the relapse early, so she has really great odds?”
Matty sniffed and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right,” he said shakily. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to spoil the evening.”
Cas pulled a face and tilted his head. “You didn’t spoil anything, sweetheart. I’m glad you feel comfortable to tell me things like that. I…” He bit his lip and laughed ruefully. “I’d like you to believe me when I say that I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“Like this?” Matty asked.
Cas gave him that lopsided smile that made Matty’s stomach squirm.
Then he wrapped his arm around Matty’s shoulders, drawing him close.
“Spent a whole day with a gorgeous guy I just met,” Cas elaborated. “I’ve certainly never brought anyone else up here to the cabin before.”
“Oh,” Matty said breathlessly. “That’s…thank you. That’s really nice.”
Wow. Nice? Massive understatement. But Matty’s tongue didn’t seem to be working properly. Did Cas really mean that?
Matty wanted to ask what the hell Cas thought was so special about him, but he made himself stop. Vacation Matty didn’t question things like that, did he? In fact, what Vacation Matty would do was lean in, just a little. His face was so close to Cas’s already, and he was in his arms. Matty could feel Cas’s breath ghosting over his lips and smell his spicy aftershave. If they just moved a fraction closer, their lips were only inches apart…
The shrill ringtone of Matty’s phone almost scared him to death. He jerked violently, making the rowboat rock, sending ripples out over the previously peaceful water.
“Sorry, sorry!” he cried, wriggling to pull the phone from his pocket. Cas dropped his arms, his expression concerned.
Matty knew it wasn’t Finley, Reghan, or her wife Lola, as he’d assigned them all their own ringtones. The number started with an international area code that Matty was almost sure was Rosavian. He jabbed the answer button and pressed the phone to his cold ear. “Hello?”
“Hello, is this Mr. Doyle?” the woman on the other end asked with a Rosavian accent. Matty confirmed it was. “Oh, excellent. I’m calling from Alpina International Airport. We have your luggage, Mr. Doyle. It just arrived. We’re preparing to send it directly to your hotel now.”
“Seriously!” Matty squeaked. Relief flooded through him so suddenly tears pricked in his eyes. “Thank you so much. That’s amazing. Yes, I’ll be there. Thank you.”
He wasn’t a particularly materialistic person, but he did like his comfort. The thought of having all his clothes back and his own shampoo and all the silly little bits from home was a bit overwhelming. And Finley’s bow! She was going to be so happy!
“Good news, I take it,” Cas said once Matty closed the call.
He nodded and rubbed his eyes. “Our luggage just arrived. It’s on its way to my hotel right now.”
Cas smiled, but was it Matty’s imagination, or was it slightly fixed? “Well, that’s wonderful. Shall we head out?”
Matty blinked. “Now?”
Cas nodded and rubbed Matty’s thigh. Despite his relief, the action still made his cock throb eagerly. “Don’t you want your own pajamas to sleep in? Clean clothes for the morning? If we leave right away, we can have you back at the hotel with everything in less than an hour.”
Matty opened his mouth. It was probably the Zasfer talking, but…no. He didn’t really want that at all. He wanted stay out here in this little slice of paradise. He wanted to go back to the moment just before the phone had rung and see if they really had just been about to kiss.
But he’d taken advantage of Cas’s hospitality too much already. And if Cas was offering to drive him back to the hotel now, he’d probably make it in time to collect his things. Matty wouldn’t have been so concerned if it was just his bag, but it was Finley’s super expensive bow. His hotel was fine, but Matty didn’t imagine it had any kind of decent security, and he’d never forgive himself if he’d been so close to getting Finley’s beloved bow back only to lose it again at the last minute.
Even if it meant his magical day with Cas was over.
Apparently, Vacation Matty couldn’t get his way all the time. He needed to be a grownup again, and do the responsible thing.
“If you don’t mind, that would be amazing,” he told Cas. “Thank you.”
Cas licked his lips and rubbed Matty’s back. “My pleasure,” he murmured.
Matty groaned internally. Was it too late to take it back? He wanted to stay right here, in Cas’s arms. Who knew if he’d ever get the chance again?
But all too soon, their picnic was packed up and they were on the road back into the city. Matty tried to tell himself that the day had still been perfect, and that he shouldn’t want for more. But that was the trouble.
When it came to Cas, he was starting to worry he wanted everything.
Chapter Six
Cas
Cas should have known when his parents called him back for breakfast that morning, it hadn’t been because they’d missed him over the past few days. Cas tried to squash down the flare of resentment that he couldn’t even have a proper vacation without getting interrupted, because he was fully aware that his royal duties never really went away.
Besides, he’d needed a distraction when Matty hadn’t replied to the two texts that Cas had sent him last night and when he’d woken up.
He’d tried assuring himself that everything was fine and that Matty was just sleeping. This was his first experience with jet lag, after all, and he’d stayed up late as Cas had insisted on driving him back to Elm Willows last night so he wouldn’t have to waste money on a taxi to reunite Finley with her luggage. And, sure, Cas and Matty had enjoyed a glorious day yesterday playing tourist and strolling through Alpina, then the most magical picnic at one of the smallest, most secluded royal properties in the whole country. Just watching Matty’s smile as he relaxed, feeling his warmth as their bodies pressed together, and then leaning in for…
A kiss? Cas might never know.
But it was just a bit of fun, right? A bad idea from the start, best left alone now. What did Cas care if he didn’t hear from Matty again?
A lot, apparently. He cared a damn lot, and it was driving him insane. He hated feeling vulnerable like this, so he hadn’t cared much as to why his mother and father had asked him to grace them with his presence.
Until he’d discovered that his baby brother, Wren, was embroiled in some of the
biggest trouble of his life, and apparently refused to see it.
Cas and his parents had tried to stage a gentle intervention to steer him back on the right path, lest he do something drastic in the run up to the ball. Cas didn’t begrudge Wren having a romantic dalliance – even if it was highly unorthodox, with his damned valet, of all people – but they and their brothers had crown and country to consider. They always had and they always would.
It was foolish of Cas to think he could reason with Wren, but he found himself chasing his youngest brother through the palace, determined to try anyway. He didn’t want to give up on him, even when he was being utterly impossible.
“Wren,” Cas called out, getting his brother to stop his storming off.
Wren turned, and truly, his face did look miserable. Cas scrambled for something that might get through to him. He obviously fancied himself in love, but they and their brothers didn’t have the same luxuries as other Rosavians had. They couldn’t fall for just anybody they pleased. There were rules.
Something Cas would also do well to remember.
“I know it’s hard thinking about the palace every time you want to date,” he told Wren firmly. “But it is our duty.”
Perhaps his own surge of bitterness was what made his words come out harsher than intended. But Wren didn’t make things any easier when he smirked.
“Speaking from experience?” he needled.
Cas tried not to react, but something in his blasted expression must have given him away, because Wren’s eyes widened. Shit. Cas couldn’t let anyone find out about his little date yesterday, let alone Wren. He didn’t have the experience of keeping his mouth shut that their other brothers did. The whole point was that no one was supposed to find out about Matty!
“That doesn’t…” he spluttered, trying to finish the sentence without incriminating himself. But Wren was too quick. He’d sensed blood in the water, and no doubt the perfect excuse for him to deflect away from his own drama.
“So what about your date for the ball?” he asked accusingly. “Do we get to meet him, or are you hiding him away? Like I was trying to do with my plus-one?”
Cas growled out a huff and threw up his hands before changing his mind and shoving them in his pockets. He knew Wren was just fishing, and couldn’t possibly have any clue how close he’d gotten to the truth, but he’d hit a sore spot all the same. Cas could only control his anger so far.
“I can’t leave you guys alone for two minutes, can I?” he snapped.
He wasn’t just thinking of Wren. Leo was running around with some damned librarian – a male librarian. No one had a problem if Leo was suddenly discovering a new side of his sexuality, but Cas had worked so hard with his parents on that damn list of suitable matches. If Leo had wanted to include men, Cas would have, without pause. But nooo. Leo had given them his usual ‘fuck the rules’ routine and was flouncing around with someone from the royal library rather than seriously considering his impending engagement announcement and the future of their country.
And goodness only knew what Prince Dante of Thedes was doing back in Rosavia after all this time. Cas had always worried about whatever had happened between him and his brother Jules to split them apart four years ago. Now he was consumed with what trouble they might cause in the days leading up to the ball.
Who knew what the hell Ben was up to…and then there was Wren, insisting that this was love he had with Thomas Pierce. Cas knew Wren had been acting differently these past few months and, honestly, it was a change for the better. But Pierce was almost two decades his senior and a member of staff, for crying out loud.
…and wow, there was Cas’s snobbery showing again. The whole point of going and mingling among the commoners was to undo this hard-wired distance he had between the palace and the real world. Yet his knee-jerk reaction to both Leo and Wren dating regular guys was rejection and denial.
Possibly because he knew what he was feeling for his very own commoner had no future, and was built on a dangerous lie.
Fuck.
Unfortunately for his youngest brother, the heir to the throne wasn’t here. So Wren was suddenly the focus of all of Cas’s pent-up frustration for being pulled back into all his brothers’ drama after only a few days…but also for them holding up a mirror to all his own biggest fears right then.
“Jesus,” he growled. “I don’t know why we cut you so much slack, Wren.”
But rather than get upset, Wren – the little shit – batted his lashes. “Because I’m adorable.” He blew Cas a kiss. “Don’t get caught. They’ll have to call in Leo to tell you off.”
Leo? That would be the day. But realizing that his older brother was just as responsibility shy as he’d ever been didn’t improve Cas’s mood one bit. That was his bloody fault, too. Rather than say something he’d regret, he decided to go back to his original plan, remove himself from this whole stupid situation, and allow his brothers fend for themselves.
He spun on his heels and left Wren crowing to his back, refusing to concern himself any further.
And shame on his parents for drafting him back in to deal with this mess, quite frankly. Just because Cas could crisis manage didn’t mean he should have to all the time.
Urgh. Wren was far cleverer than most people gave him credit for. He’d sensed Cas’s own weakness, and gone for the jugular.
Don’t get caught.
Letting down his family would be Cas’s worst nightmare. Cas had no intention of allowing that harpy Ida von Tarr – or anyone else for that matter, certainly not his family – get wind of the precious time he’d spent with Matty. But seeing Wren’s botched intervention was a stark reminder of his own precarious position.
He was a fool to be messing around with a commoner. A blissfully ignorant tourist who had no idea who Cas really was, but a commoner nonetheless. That had been a big part of the appeal initially, Cas had to admit. But now he could see how dangerous it was, and how unfair it was to Matty. Matty wasn’t choosing to get involved with something that could very well end in scandal, no matter how careful Cas was.
Maybe it would be for the best if Matty had lost his number.
The mere thought made pain twist in Cas’s chest so badly he stopped walking down the corridor and rubbed above his heart.
Perhaps he should have listened better to Wren. These things weren’t so simple, after all. Maybe Wren couldn’t control his feelings any more than Cas could?
Except it was so difficult to be sympathetic to Wren when he switched on that bratty mode he apparently thought was so delightful. It drove Cas completely insane, and he’d been so relieved to see it less and less since Wren had turned nineteen and started working in the gardens at the start of the year. It finally felt like he’d been growing into his royal duties. But one argument, and it had all come flooding back.
And – yet again – it had been Cas that had to deal with the stinging barbs. Not Ben or Jules, and certainly not Leo. This had been exactly why he’d wanted a vacation from his whole life, not just the physical palace. But maybe he’d been playing with fire?
All these contradictory thoughts were so confusing. As Cas stormed down the palace halls, he tried not to look too visibly irked, in case any of the staff might see. But for the love of god, why was nothing ever simple? He’d thought going into the city would give him some distraction, but he’d ended up agreeing to come back to the palace to escape his messed-up feelings over Matty. Then Wren had unbelievably managed to find a way to throw that back in his face.
Maybe he should have followed Ben on his damned secret spy mission. That might have proved less of a headache.
Feeling distinctly put out, Cas put his head down and marched back to his suite. There was a difference between having responsibility and being used. He wasn’t being selfish for putting his foot down and refusing to bail his brothers out any longer. He was practicing self-care.
So why did he feel so shitty?
He made a disgruntled noise and stopped by a
portrait of one of his great uncles to pinch his nose and breathe for a few moments. Cas was doing them a favor, especially Leo. He had to grow up, fast, and take on the responsibly he’d been born into. Cas had inadvertently been hindering him and Wren with his good intentions.
No, it was the right thing for Cas to step back. He’d tried his best with Wren just now, but if his baby brother needed to make a spectacular mistake to grow the hell up, so be it. The same with Leo. He was old enough to deal with his own consequences. Cas had enough on his own plate to worry about.
That didn’t mean he wasn’t deeply concerned for his brothers’ wellbeing, as well as the fate of the country, but what else could he do?
Feeling resolved, if not exactly happy, Cas continued walking. He ignored a particularly pointed stare from one of the less likable footmen, Archer. That man always seemed to be looking for drama, and Cas wasn’t going to give it to him.
Cas banished the member of staff from his mind and tried again to focus on himself, something he was apparently not very good at. Damn Wren for being so observant and asking about Cas’s date. He hadn’t really intended on bringing anyone, even though he was expected to, and now he fancied it even less.
Because whoever he brought wouldn’t be Matty.
For a brief second, he imagined what it might be like if he could bring Matty, but that was just a ridiculous fantasy. And acknowledging that just made him crankier. When had a little vacation fling gotten so complicated?
His turbulent thoughts paused momentarily as he let himself into his suite. As soon as he unlocked the door, there was a distinctive thud, and within seconds, an enormous silver ball of fluff waddled out from Cas’s bedroom, no doubt where the hairball had been sleeping on Cas’s silk sheets.
“Hello, bad girl,” he murmured fondly as the fat cat bashed into his legs and wound her way around his shins. Then she rolled over, exposing her rounded belly. Unlike other cats, Bella loved having her tummy rubbed, and when Cas bent down to pet her, she clung to his arm like the sloth she thought she was. He sighed and grinned. “I suppose you’ve had a busy few days of sleeping, madam?”
