by H J Welch
Cas puffed out his cheeks and ran his hand through his hair, despite having carefully styled it. Fuck it. He didn’t care what he looked like. He cared about Matty. “Okay, yes. Thank you. We’ll get an extra security detail sent out?”
Valentina nodded. “I’m on it.”
Cas was grateful nobody tried to stop him from driving his own car. He’d always insisted on being allowed to transport himself anywhere and maintain a little freedom and privacy, and appreciated it especially in that moment. His grief at losing the little bubble of make-believe he’d cultivated with Matty was raw, and the last thing he wanted was an audience.
It didn’t take Cas long to reach Matty’s hotel from his apartment. The look on the receptionist’s face when he walked in would have been comical if Cas hadn’t been feeling so torn up. She was a neatly-styled woman in her thirties with horn-rimmed glasses and hair in a sleek bun. She glanced up as Cas approached, offering him a polite smile before glancing back at her computer. Then her head snapped back and her jaw dropped as he reached the desk. Thankfully, there wasn’t anyone else around at present to overhear them.
“Good morning,” said Cas, mustering a smile.
“G-good morning, sir. Uh, I mean, Your Highness.” The clerk blushed and visibly tried to compose herself. “How can I be of assistance?”
Ideally, Cas would have liked to have sneaked past her and just gone to knock on Matty’s door. Cas knew the number from when they’d nipped back to get Matty some fresh clothes the other day. But now the receptionist had seen him, he needed to do this properly.
No more playing outside the rules.
“I was wondering if you could try calling the gentlemen in room three fifteen for me?” he asked. “I’m concerned for his wellbeing.”
The receptionist’s perfectly drawn eyebrows crawled up to her hairline. “Of course, Your Highness. Do, um, do we need to contact the authorities if you’re worried?”
Cas gave her a tight smile. “Not yet, thank you. I’m probably overreacting.”
She gave a small, nervous laugh, probably unsure if she was allowed to laugh at a prince or not. “Of course. One moment, Your Highness.”
Cas managed to keep his smile on his face, but inside his guts were writhing. He wasn’t surprised when there was still no answer after a minute, but Cas had been clinging to the hope that he’d finally find his lover.
The receptionist shook her head and hung up. “I’m sorry, Your Highness. He doesn’t appear to be there.”
Or if he was, he was avoiding that phone as well. Cas nodded once, keeping his disappointment off his face. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen him?” he asked. It was a small hotel, and there was a chance that the staff would be familiar with their current guests. “He’s American, a little shorter and slimmer than me. Dark hair, pale skin, square jaw.” Blue eyes like the ocean and a smile like the break of day.
The receptionist bit her lip and thought a moment before shaking her head. “I know the gentlemen you mean. I checked him in. But I’m afraid I haven’t seen him in the past few days.”
Dread welled up inside Cas, but he kept his composure. He smiled and nodded politely at her. “Thank you very much for your assistance.”
“I hope you find him,” she blurted in a rush, her cheeks reddening. “Good luck.”
Cas managed to keep his smile going until he turned away from her. Then his crushing disappointment got the better of him. He grimaced as he pushed through the doors back out onto the street.
Where the hell should he go now? A quick call to Valentina assured him that Matty hadn’t come back to the apartment. So where else? Cas got back into his car and bit his thumbnail, a bad habit he’d trained himself out of as a teenager. But now he couldn’t give a crap.
What if he never saw Matty again?
Cas screwed up his eyes and gritted his teeth. He knew what they’d had could never have lasted, but god damn it, he’d wanted it to end on their own terms. To be torn apart like this was unbearable. He sniffed and finally gave in, rubbing his wet eyes where he couldn’t hold back his frustration any longer.
He wished this was another life, and he and Matty could just be together without all this bullshit.
Not knowing what else to do, Cas threw his car into gear and drove to a parking garage he trusted to be secure, then walked back toward the rose gardens. Without anywhere else to look for Matty, it was the only thing he could think of to make himself feel better. Perhaps if he was surrounded by the beauty he’d shared with Matty, he wouldn’t be miserable.
Or maybe he’d feel worse. Who knew? At this point, it was something for him to do. He didn’t want to sit still and wallow, so he paid the entry fee, ignoring the ticket-seller’s startled cry of recognition, and marched onto the grounds.
It was another gloriously sunny day, so the gardens were busy again. In his suit, Cas was far more recognizable as his royal persona, but on the whole people kept their distance. Thank goodness for the Rosavian sense of propriety. Cas kept his head down, walking between the roses and gently touching their petals, thinking of all the family members they represented. It was one of the essential parts of their education in the family’s and the country’s history, and Cas had a particularly good memory for which flower belonged to whom.
So many generations of royals that he had let down with his giddiness at getting some freedom in his life. Princes weren’t allowed to have casual flings. They were supposed to match with suitable partners and carefully plan every step of their relationship.
He sighed and shook his head, moving down the path. He was aware that his security detail had to be near, but as usual, he didn’t see any of them. He wished that he could be truly alone, but he’d been allowed to indulge in that fantasy for days now, with disastrous consequences. There was no sense in complaining when they were only hovering around for his safety.
He was coming to the realization that he might have to start on damage control before he got the chance to talk to Matty. Because he might never hear from Matty again, and the longer von Tarr’s article was out there without a response, the worse it would be for the crown. As much as Cas loathed the idea, he had to face facts. His tryst with Matty was only ever going to be temporary. Crown and country were forever.
Cas knew he should turn back, but he had an inexplicable urge to go look at his own breed of rose, the one Matty had loved. In Cas’s head, if he saw those blue flowers and remembered the moment they had shared, he could maybe bring himself to say goodbye to Matty.
There was only one problem with this plan.
Matty was standing in front of Cas’s roses.
“Oh, god,” Cas choked out in shock. He was there, he was really there.
Matty’s head snapped up. His skin was blotchy and his eyes red.
He knew.
“I-I’ve been calling,” Cas stammered, taking a step closer. There were people milling around them, but Cas ignored them all. The only person he saw was Matty, whose puffy blue eyes were wide and fixed on Cas. “I was so worried. I…I take it you saw the news?”
Matty swallowed and looked back down at the blue roses, touching the petals of the one closest to him. “This one’s yours, isn’t it? I saw it when I Googled your name.” His lips twitched in a sad smile. “It’s still my favorite.”
Cas bit his lip, not sure what that meant or where that left them. He took another step towards his lover, wishing like hell he could reach out and hold his hand. But he wasn’t sure if that would be welcome right now.
“I’m so sorry,” Cas said through the lump in his throat. “I’m so incredibly sorry I couldn’t be honest with you. I never wanted you to get hurt.”
Matty shook his head, sending a knife through Cas’s heart. “I’m not sure if I know you at all. Was anything we had real? Am…was I even allowed to be with you, Cas?” He sniffed and rubbed his eyes. “Do I have to call you ‘Your Highness’ now?”
“Please don’t,” Cas said quickly. “With you, I got to be Cas.
I got to be myself. It was bliss.”
Matty nodded. He was still looking determinedly at the roses and not Cas. “I’m glad,” he said quietly.
“And yes, god damn it,” Cas said desperately, taking the final step. Any closer, and he’d have Matty in his arms. As much as Cas yearned for that, he didn’t feel he’d earned that right again just yet. “It was all real, I promise. You stole my heart. I hoped we could have the time you were in Rosavia to create something amazing.” He swallowed and tried not to snarl at the unfairness of the situation. “Even if I couldn’t tell you the whole truth. But I should have. You deserved that.”
Matty choked back a sob. “I’m just scared,” he whispered. He balled up his fists and turned toward Cas, his beautiful eyes full of desperation that cracked fissures in Cas’s aching heart. “I could only translate so much, but that article said I was a gold digger, and it mentioned my sister and her illness!”
“I know, I know,” Cas said desperately. Without meaning to he raised his hands, going to clasp Matty’s shoulders and try and offer him some comfort. But he yanked them away again just in time in case Matty wouldn’t want Cas touching him now. “I’m so sorry. That’s what von Tarr does. She’s hateful.”
Matty twitched like he wanted to hug Cas, but then he held himself back, crushing Cas’s heart. Cas was vaguely aware of people looking at them, but thankfully none of the public were approaching them. He just hoped no one was filming them.
“It feels like you were playing a game with me,” Matty rasped, full of hurt. Cas shook his head, but Matty held up his hand and continued speaking. “Were you just playing the part of someone who cared? Do you pick up tourists all the time? Were you going to let me leave on Monday and never think of me again?”
“It was never a game,” Cas spluttered, shocked that Matty could think that. But then he remembered how Matty’s ex had enjoyed laughing when Matty got things wrong, and how his parents had abandoned him for coming out, and Cas felt a whole new level of pain that he’d abused Matty’s trust like he had. “I was trying to protect us both,” he said. “I’ve barely dated anyone, and certainly never a tourist before, I promise. I just wanted to have something with someone where they didn’t treat me differently for my birth, and that meant keeping a big truth from you, but-”
His voice broke, and he took a second to clear his throat. He looked Matty in the eyes, wanting – needing – him to hear him in that moment.
“But my feelings for you were nothing but honest, Matty. You got the real me, just minus one part – the part I never chose for myself. You’re incredibly special to me, and the week we’ve spent together has been the most real time of my life. Please, believe me.”
Matty swallowed, visibly trembling. He nodded his head, the motion sending twin tears cascading down his cheeks, but Cas felt a thrill of hope that maybe all wasn’t lost. “Cas,” he bit out. “I-”
“There they are!”
Cas snapped his head up at the raised voice, immediately spying the half a dozen people with cameras suddenly rushing toward him and Matty.
Ida von Tarr was leading the charge, naturally.
“Prince Cassander!” she cried, glee in her eyes as she thrust her voice recorder in Cas’s face.
Within seconds, he and Matty were surrounded. Bystanders were now turning around and openly gaping at them. Cas didn’t think, he just grabbed Matty and hugged him to his side in a vain attempt to protect him. However, it was also just enough time for Cas’s security detail to descend in a furious wave of indignation. That didn’t stop the press from hurling questions at them, though, as they fought the bodyguards to get as close as possible.
“Prince Cassander, how long has this illicit affair been going on?”
“Mr. Doyle! How did you meet the prince?”
“Prince Cassander! What does the royal family think of you dating a commoner?”
“How can this possibly be allowed?”
“People are calling it a disgrace to the nation! Do you have any comment?”
They were all shouting at once in English, so Matty would have understood it all. He looked terrified, quivering against Cas’s side.
Fuck this shit.
“No comment!” Cas shouted firmly, pushing his way through the throng, cameras flashing and people still yelling questions. They knew well enough not to touch a member of the royal family, but they moved like a bubble around them, hindering their escape.
However, there was nothing to stop Cas’s security team from manhandling the press, which they did effectively and without remorse.
“Step back from His Royal Highness!” they commanded, pushing on chests and covering camera lenses with open palms. They created an opening for Cas and Matty to escape through.
So Cas didn’t hesitate. He grabbed Matty’s hand, and then ran.
Chapter Thirteen
Matty
Matty was so tired and confused.
He’d wasted no time in checking that Finley was okay by alerting Elm Willows in person that there was a situation. That had been an excruciatingly embarrassing conversation to have, but it needed to be done.
He’d spoken to the school’s liaison to the archery program, who had made a goldfish face when she’d realized Matty was the one on the front page of the national paper that morning. She’d informed him that they were used to tight security measures, having been responsible for all five princes during their education. Then she’d pointedly said how much they’d loved Prince Cassander, leaving Matty feeling like he’d just been warned not to break Cas’s heart by a concerned parent.
He’d really love to not do that, but he was feeling like reality was spiraling out of control around him. So when he’d returned to the city center, he’d gone back to the rose gardens, hoping maybe if he stared at Cas’s flower long enough, he might work out what to do and whether he had the strength to return Cas’s calls. It seemed a cruel twist of fate that the rose Matty had loved most had turned out to be Cas’s namesake.
Matty was a nobody from Queens. Cas was a prince who’d had an exotic rose bred for him at birth. His face was on mugs and dishcloths. He was insanely rich, and was no doubt destined to marry another prince or a duke or some son of a noble family.
Not anyone so completely ordinary and unaccomplished as Matty.
Why, why had he gone to look at the roses? Why had Cas shown up at that precise moment? Was the universe back to being a douchebag, rubbing Matty’s nose in his humiliation?
He’d really believed Cas had feelings for him. That they’d made a connection. Matty had even been daring to allow the smallest idea into his heart that they could have attempted some kind of future together.
But now he wasn’t sure what to believe or who to trust. It had been so easy for Matty’s exes and his own parents to leave him. Why wouldn’t Cas just do the same? Matty should have tried to protect himself and stayed away. Yet somehow Cas had tracked him down. He could have just abandoned Matty once the scandal had broken, but he’d appeared like magic in the middle of the rose gardens, and Matty couldn’t deny there had been a huge part of him that had been overwhelmed with relief.
And now here they were, once again in Cas’s car, speeding out of the city.
That press mob had been no joke. Logically, Matty knew it had only been a handful of people, but it had felt like he’d been drowning in those few moments. So when Cas had taken Matty’s hand and started to run, Matty had just followed without questioning. And then it was as if Matty had blinked, and they were driving away from Alpina.
Now that he was coming back to his senses, he was starting to feel anxious, which he’d never felt with Cas before. Not since the start of their second date. Sadness washed over him. He chewed his lip and was torn between thinking he could trust Cas to take care of him just like he’d done all week, and whether he even knew who Cas was at all.
“Where are we going?” he eventually asked. He glanced at Cas, but then looked away again before their eyes could meet
, his gaze on his hands that were twisting in his lap.
“Away from the press,” Cas said. He slowed his BMW on the deserted road, pulling off on the side. They were surrounded by trees with the mountains looming in the distance. “But I can turn around and take you to your hotel if you like. I just don’t know if they’ll find you there.” He paused, sounding bitter when he spoke again. “If you’re not with me, you won’t have any security protecting you.”
Matty chewed his lips and warred between confusion and fear. Of course Cas had a security team. They’d probably been around this whole week. Matty hoped they hadn’t seen anything embarrassing.
Finley should be safe from the press at Elm Willows. But Matty? There would be nothing to stop the press from banging down his hotel door if they discovered where he was staying. He had no idea how easy that kind of information that would be to uncover.
“How did they even track us down in the park?” he asked, his voice wavering. “How did they know so much about me in that article? It’s like they hacked me or something.” He so desperately wanted Cas to have the answers and make this all okay again. He was only just stopping himself from crawling into his lover’s lap. But first, he needed more information.
“Matty,” Cas said gravely after a few seconds. “Can you think of anyone strange approaching you over the past few weeks? Perhaps that woman who was just asking us questions now? With the ponytail and long red nails?”
Red nails? That jolted an immediate memory in Matty’s brain. “Oh fuck,” he rasped, jerking his head up to look at Cas. Now that he mentioned it, she did seem kind of familiar. “A woman picked my phone up off the floor when I was at a café. Before our second date. She said I dropped it.”
“Von Tarr,” Cas snarled. Matty thought that might have been the name Cas had mentioned earlier as the journalist who’d written the damming article about them. Cas bit his lip and held out his hand. “May I please see your phone?”
