by Roxy Gray
“I don’t get it. The phone is supposed to be right here.”
I walk slowly through the brush, checking for any signs of disturbances. Fresh earth, broken branches, anything.
“Violet?!” I call a few times into the empty woods, receiving no reply. There’s not a single sign of the phone, of Violet or her attacker. The forest is deserted. Even the animals must be in hiding.
“Why don’t you check online again? Maybe she moved locations since you last looked,” Jasper suggests.
I do as he says, logging into the website. To my dismay, the blue dot has vanished from the map entirely. An error message displays:
Unable to recover location.
“Fuck,” I say, feeling hopeless yet again. “It’s gone. Her phone must be off…or dead,” I gulp.
So is she, likely.
“Shit,” Jasper says, running one hand through his messy locks.
“Let’s go.” I solemnly walk back to the car, growing quiet as Jasper does a three-point turn.
“Sorry, Ivy.” He puts his hand on mine, squeezing it.
I don’t reply. I’m too numb, too disappointed to process losing Violet yet again.
* * *
“I have to get to class,” Jasper says once we arrive back at our place.
I check the time. “Same.”
“See you later.”
He kisses me quickly and dashes out the door.
I wait a minute, then I slip out after him.
My guilt over following Jasper has grown since we slept together, but it’s become part of my ritual. Am I sick? I should be in class, but instead I find myself trailing thirty feet behind Jasper, watching curiously as he heads away from campus.
“Going to class? I don’t think so,” I say to myself, quickening my pace as I follow him.
He heads into town again, this time ducking into the Myra Community Centre. I wait thirty seconds and sneak in behind him, looking up and down the hall for where he could have disappeared to. I hear clapping from an assembly room a few doors down.
“Hi, I’m Jasper.”
I peak through the narrow window. Jasper is standing at the front of the room behind a podium. People in rows of chairs listen intently as he addresses the group. They’re a mix of ages. Some of them look a little rough around the edges. Sickly, even. Others are younger, their eyes seeming less tired. In the corner, there’s a table set up with snacks and coffee. A few brochures that I can’t read from here.
“Hi, Jasper,” the crowd replies.
He clears his throat nervously, combing through his hair with his fingers. He takes a deep breath and speaks.
“I used to be a drug dealer,” he says. “But more than that, I was an addict too.”
Jasper’s voice echoes in the large room. My breath catches in my throat. I have the sudden feeling that I’ve wandered where I don’t belong. But I can’t tear myself away. Now that I’ve been in his bed, I need to know what Jasper is about to say. I need to know everything about him.
“I sold anything I could get my hands on. Pills, weed…even cocaine.”
He keeps his eyes fixed somewhere on floor, not making eye contact with anyone in the crowd.
“I told myself I wouldn’t be like the others. That I was just in it for the money. That I wouldn’t get addicted. But there it all was…sitting in my bag. One night, I made a mistake, and I tried some pills. And I liked them, so the next night, I tried more.”
I scan the crowd, looking for familiar faces. Just when I thought I didn’t recognize anyone, I spot Simone near the front of the room, her eyes fixed on Jasper.
“If it hadn’t been for my friend, who I won’t name, I wouldn’t be here today,” Jasper smiles, pointing to someone in the front row. I crane my neck, surprised to see Clay nodding and smiling in his seat. His bag is on the chair beside him.
I guess everyone knew about Jasper’s problems but me.
“It felt good to be numb, not to care,” Jasper continues. “One of the girls I sold to was young. My age, really. I still feel guilty, because even though I’m clean now, she’s not. I had the power to help her, but I didn’t. And now she’s missing, and it’s my fault.”
Jasper looks down, shaking his head in shame. My mouth falls open as his words sink in, and I understand their true meaning:
Jasper dealt to Violet.
And he didn’t tell me. He didn’t even try to.
If he dealt to Violet, he probably dealt to Simone too. More than that, he’s been letting me believe that he’s on my side, that he’s changed. A crock of bullshit.
Jasper’s speech managed to confirm my worst fears. People don’t change ― they just become better liars. Jasper is the same person he always was, stepping on others to dig himself out of a hole. All of the fluff has obviously been fake.
“Thanks, Jasper,” says another man, coming up to the stage.
As he heads back to his seat, Jasper freezes, noticing my face in the doorway.
Shit.
I close it quickly, jogging down the hall to make my escape.
“Ivy!” Jasper calls after me, his footsteps echoing in the empty corridor.
“Ivy, I can see you!”
He reaches me just before I make it to the exit, and steps in front of the door, blocking me in.
“What are you doing here?”
I shrug.
“Are you fucking following me now?”
His jaw is tight, his green eyes angry in the light from the window. And that mouth, the one I enjoyed a mere hour ago, is arcing downward in discontent. I stare at him blankly, unsure how to respond without making things worse.
“Well?”
“Yeah, okay, I am. I have been,” I admit.
“Why?”
I shake my head, “I, uh. I thought maybe you knew…something.”
“Something?” Jasper laughs, though the sound is far from happy. “You mean, you thought I knew something about Violet.”
“Well, do you?”
“No, Ivy. I told you that.”
I shake my head, pushing past him to get to the door.
“You told me a lot of things, Jasper. How can I believe anything you say, when half of what comes out of your mouth is a lie?”
“That’s not true, you know it.”
“Well, then why did Violet’s phone mysteriously stop showing its location after I told you about it? And why didn’t you tell me that you were dealing to my best friend? Or that you had a drug problem?”
Jasper clears his throat nervously but doesn’t speak.
My tears overtake me, and I leave him there, running outside. I power walk home, my anger making me move quicker than usual.
I’m done with all of this. Done with the lies, done feeling panicked constantly, done second-guessing myself. When I get to our building, I don’t bother glancing around for the attacker. I don’t look left to right when I get out of the elevator. I don’t let the paranoia in. I simply walk, unafraid to our apartment.
If he’s going to come for me, let him come.
I’ve just finished getting my things ready for class when Jasper comes bursting in the door, out of breath. He goes to his room without looking at me, returning a few minutes later with a bag stuffed full of things.
“Where are you going?”
“Leaving. Done being your scapegoat.”
He slams the door, and all is quiet.
Determined not to let Jasper ruin my day, I head to the rest of my classes. I try to focus. I take notes. The image of Violet dead somewhere haunts me. I feel powerless. I blame Jasper in part. Every time his face appears in my mind, I make it explode in a cloud of anger. Anger at him, and myself for letting my guard down. By the end of the school day, I’m fuming and frustrated. I’m so mad that I don’t notice Jamie, and I bump right into him.
“Hey, Ivy.”
“Hey,” I say, falling into step beside him as we head in the direction o
f the dorm. “Is your offer to help me with my courses still on the table?”
Jamie’s face lights, and he smiles. “Of course. When’s a good time for you?”
“How about now?”
I really don’t want to be alone with my negative thoughts right now.
“Sure. My place or yours?”
I imagine my empty apartment and shudder.
“Let’s do yours. I just need to grab a couple of books and then I’ll come over.”
“Sounds good.”
I feel better in the comfort of Jamie’s apartment, where it’s far from quiet. We park ourselves in the dining room, the banter of his roommate’s conversation creating an interesting backdrop to our study session.
“I read your latest article,” Jamie mentions as he flips his textbook to the proper page. “Any helpful tips come through?”
“No,” I shake my head. “I’m beginning to think that I’m not helping the investigation at all.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Jamie says, putting his hand over mine. He smiles at me. “Anything helps.”
I smile back at him, leaving my hand under his for a second.
“Thanks, Jamie.”
We go through the rest of the coursework, and by the end of our session, I’m feeling much more confident about the classes I’ve missed.
‘Thank you so much for doing this with me, Jamie,” I say as I pack up my things. “If I can ever return the favour, just let me know.”
“No worries.”
I go to the door, and Jamie follows me, giving me a hug.
“Ivy?” He says after we separate.
“Yeah?”
“Do you want to go get a drink somewhere or something?” He asks nervously.
I smile warmly.
“Thanks, Jamie, but I’m pretty tired. I’m just going to head home if that’s okay.”
“Sure.”
I give him another squeeze before heading back down the hall to my place, which is strangely empty. Guilt swarms me over rejecting Jamie again. He’s such a nice guy. I wish I was attracted to him. My life would be much easier.
Unfortunately, we don’t have the luxury of choosing who we’re attracted to. Otherwise, I would be with someone gentle and nice. Someone like Jamie, or maybe Clay. I wouldn’t be head over heels for the complicated boy next door.
Speaking of whom, Jasper’s door is shut. There’s only darkness beneath it. The other side of the apartment is quiet too, with Clay away and Violet…gone.
In the silence, my skin begins to crawl again. My mind automatically stirs up visions of Violet, of myself being hurt. Of the hooded attacker, watching and waiting. He could easily be in the hall, just outside the door. Or at the exit waiting for me. Or maybe he knows my class schedule by now. He could find me at any moment. And I won’t be holding my breath for the police to save me; little they’ve done so far.
I arm myself with a bundle of snacks and lock myself in my room, blocking the door with my desk chair. I don’t come out all night. I spend the evening watching movies, reading through Violet’s messages again, and stalking Jasper on social media. I do anything to numb the thoughts that swirl in my brain, and the pictures of where Violet may be.
It isn’t until I wake the next morning, still dressed in my clothes that I realize I must have fallen asleep at some point before dawn.
I slowly rise from my bed, the eery quiet of our empty place evident even from my room. I unblock my door and swing it open slowly, seeing that Jasper still hasn’t come home.
The bathroom is empty, and so is the living room. Our door is still locked, and my shoes are the only ones beside it.
There is something though; something that wasn’t here before. As I turn to head back to my room, I see it, freezing in my tracks.
My body goes limp, and I fall against the wall in shock.
There it is, scrawled across the back wall of the living room in bright purple letters. Violet paint drips from each one of them, the shape reminiscent of blood. Beneath it, there are scattered photos of me: in my room changing, on my way to class, and one of me in the common room. The message itself is a blatant note, containing only five words:
This is your final warning.
8
___
DEVIL IN THE DETAILS
HIM
How dare she come out to my woods? I shut the phone off just in time. I smashed it. She would have found Violet if I hadn’t.
Ivy, you are proving to be a problem.
One I don’t know how to solve.
My sweet Violet and I are finally happy. Finally alone. She’s finally healing from the hurt that this world caused her.
And Ivy is trying to ruin it.
I mean, I’m not surprised. Ivy is easily manipulated; a trait I’ve known about for some time. I’ve manipulated her myself. She thinks she can wrap any man around her little finger ― not me. Not anymore.
At first, I have to admit, I was interested in Ivy. She’s strong. She’s fierce. She doesn’t bite her tongue. Sexy too, in an unconventional way.
The world needs women like her; just not in this situation. Not when I’m in the middle of something very important. Then she comes poking around… she’s almost as bad as the police.
The police. They’ve asked me a million and one questions already during this investigation. I guess they did to all of the guys on our floor. Still, it’s annoying.
But they have no evidence. If they did, they would have come for me by now.
IVY
“And this was here when you got up this morning, correct?”
“Yes.”
“What time was that?”
“It was around eight-thirty.”
Officer Daniels and his team photograph the lewd warning message the next morning as he runs through a million questions with me.
“Okay. And the photos — do any of them look familiar?”
“No,” I shake my head. “I didn’t notice them being taken. He must have been following me around.”
Daniels nods, jotting down some notes.
“Okay. We did find a small camera in your room, which will be taken in as evidence.”
A chill runs down my spine. How long was he watching me?
“Have you looked into all of the other guys who live on our floor? It must be someone close by,” I say.
“Ivy,” Daniels says, “You know we aren’t able to discuss details of the case with you. Just know that we’re doing everything we can.”
“Right. Sorry.”
Daniels sighs.
“We need to talk about the work you’ve been doing,” he says quietly.
“What work?”
“The articles, the theories. Going through Violet’s phone information. We didn’t ask you to do any of that, and we’re concerned it’s interfering with our investigation.”
I frown. “I’m just trying to help. Isn’t that allowed?”
“Ivy,” Daniels says. “One key component of our police work is controlling the flow of information to the public. You’re releasing details about the case that we did not authorize you to release, and we’re going to have to ask that you stop treating this investigation as a side project.”
I open my mouth in protest. “It’s not a side project. Violet is my best friend. And honestly, it seems like I’m the only one interested in finding her these days,” I say, my voice cracking slightly.
“We’re working on it. We are,” Daniels says, meeting my eyes. “The best thing you can do right now is to step back and let us do our job. We’ll contact you if we need anything.”
“Okay,” I sulk.
“In the meantime, we still have an officer stationed outside.”
“Yeah? Well that didn’t prevent this from happening, did it?”
Daniels gives me a look.
“You know what?” I laugh. “This entire thing is bullshit! Why am I the only person who
cares about Violet? Why am I the only one doing anything?”
The other team members turn away from what they’re doing to look at me. Daniels dismisses them with a wave.
“You aren’t,” he insists. Daniels jots something down on a piece of paper and slides it over to me.
“Everything you’re experiencing right now is normal given the situation. I’d like to recommend that you see a counsellor. It’ll help you process what’s been going on with your friend.”
He slides the paper over to me. At the top, the name and number of a counsellor is scrawled in black ink.
“No thank you,” I huff. “Take all the time you need. I’m leaving.”
I take my jacket and bag, slamming the door on my way out. As I’m heading to the elevator, I pass Jasper in the common room. He has his backpack with him, still full to the brim with his things. The sofa is littered with candy wrappers, his toothbrush on a table nearby. I guess he slept out here last night.
Better than at Amanda’s.
“Why are there so many cop cars parked outside?” He demands.
“Just go to our place. You’ll fucking see,” I snap, not stopping. Fresh tears stream down my face.
Jasper follows me to the elevator, blocking me from pressing the down button.
“Are you alright?” He asks, concerned.
“No, Jasper. I’m not alright. In fact, I’m so mad that I can’t even look at anyone right now, especially you.” I move his hand out of the way, pressing the elevator call button emphatically.
“Ivy, tell me what happened,” he says calmly.
“No. If you had been home, maybe it wouldn’t have. And you know what? I don’t know what I was thinking, hooking up with you. We obviously aren’t a good match.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t trust you, that’s why.”
The elevator finally opens and I step inside, holding the button until Jasper’s face disappears from my view.
* * *
I spend the rest of the day in the library, confining myself to a table by the window. It feels good to be around other people, even if I’m not socializing. I can almost imagine that I’m a normal student, one who isn’t plagued by the fear and paranoia of an attacker. One who isn’t plagued by Jasper, either.
