by Jackie D.
Dylan tried to reach for Emma’s hand, but she pulled it away. “Emma, I’m sorry. I think I love you.”
Emma glared at her. “You think you love me? Jesus, Dylan. You can’t even make your mind up about that, but you want me to risk my heart again. For what? For you to change your mind in a few weeks? No thanks.” Emma left before Dylan could say anything else. The others followed her out, and Tyler threw her a look of commiseration before closing the door softly behind her.
Dylan flopped into the chair after the door shut. Emma was much angrier than she’d anticipated. She was right; she should’ve called. Dylan’s own insecurities had prevented her from taking that step. But she was wrong about losing her. Emma had never lost her. Dylan was playing by the rules they’d agreed upon. She was following through because Emma hadn’t been in a space where she could. But now that things were going to be different, Dylan needed to prove to Emma, through her actions, that she wanted to be part of her life. And somehow, she’d figure out a way. Then, if Emma didn’t want her, at least Dylan would know she tried.
* * *
Emma paced furiously in Tyler and Brooke’s living room. “I never should’ve gotten involved with her. I can’t believe I was so foolish. I never do things like that, and this is exactly why.”
Brooke watched her from her place on the couch. “Why did you?”
Emma looked at her but didn’t stop pacing.
“I mean, if it was out of character for you, why did you decide to get involved?”
Emma’s curt laugh was incredulous. “It wasn’t my original intention. I know how Dylan is wired. Christ, we even discussed that this couldn’t possibly last beyond Russia. But then she got hurt and I realized exactly how I felt about her.” She pointed at Brooke. “I know what you’re thinking. You think it’s my own fault. We made clear boundaries, and I knew the outcome before I went down this path with her. Believe me, I play those exact sentiments over and over in my head, every day.”
Brooke grabbed Emma’s hand and pulled her down onto the couch. “That wasn’t what I was thinking.” She gave her a half smile. “I was thinking that despite your intention to keep this in some nice little box, you fell in love with her. I know she hurt you in Estonia, but I think she was scared, and she was doing what she’s programmed to do—follow the plan. That’s what we’re all taught to do. She’s here now, and it seems like she wants to give you two another chance.”
“None of that matters.” Emma closed her eyes. “I’d never felt pain like that before, and I can’t imagine going through it again. I’d accepted what happened as something that was out of her control. I know she was trying to do the right thing. But then, she never called me. She spoke with you and Tyler, but never me. If she really missed me, if she really thought we could be something, she would’ve called.”
Brooke looked at the engagement ring on her finger and pushed it around with her thumb. “You know, Tyler tried to keep me away at first, too. She thought she was protecting me.” She quietly laughed and shook her head.
“Not everyone is you and Tyler. You two are lucky.”
“How do you know that you and Dylan aren’t like Tyler and me?” Brooke took Emma’s hand again. “Emma, you’re going to have to decide if the pain of not being with Dylan is greater than the pain of potentially getting your heart broken again. Once you figure that out, you’ll know what to do.”
Emma tried to hold back the tears she felt forming. She understood what Brooke was saying; she just wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to endure the loss of Dylan all over again. The idea of getting close to Dylan, sharing herself with her, just to have it ripped away again was too much to bear. Because that was really what it all came down to, wasn’t it? All this anger she was feeling was coming from a place of fear. She understood why Dylan did what she did, so why couldn’t she get past it? Even the premise of Dylan not calling her as her source of anger was nothing more than a shield against the pain. Emma knew the answer but couldn’t bring herself to say it aloud. It didn’t matter how much her heart longed for Dylan. She’d listen to her head this time like she should have when they first met, so she’d never have to feel like this again.
Chapter Thirty-five
Dylan pushed her earpiece. “Testing.”
Brooke’s voice was in her ear a moment later. “Roger, we hear you loud and clear.”
“We have a visual on you, too. If anything goes sideways, we’ll pull you out,” Caden said.
Dylan adjusted her baseball cap and continued to lean against the lamppost. She checked her watch. It wouldn’t be long now. She thought about Emma sitting next to Brooke, their computer screen scrolling with various images they were abstracting from all the public cameras available. Emma wasn’t talking to her, but it felt good knowing she was there.
The front door to the hotel opened and Nikolai strolled out, a man on each side of him. He gazed up at the sky, waiting for his car to pull around. Dylan took a deep breath and darted across the street. She knew the men would stop her when she approached, so she wasn’t surprised when one grabbed her shoulder before she got too close. She pulled away, not liking the contact.
“Sasha?” Nikolai’s expression shifted from surprise to anger. “Or what is it that I should call you? I know you aren’t who you say.”
Dylan handed him the note and hid the shiver of fear she felt at his words. Her cover was blown, then. Now she knew. “No, I’m not.” She waited for him to finish reading it. “Follow those instructions, and your questions will be answered.”
Nikolai balled up the piece of paper, but he put it in his pocket instead of dropping it. “You dare to threaten my daughter? I should take care of you here and now.”
“But you aren’t going to do that, Nikolai. I finally found your one weakness and you have no idea who else I’ve told. You have something to lose.” One of the men grabbed her by her injured arm, but she resisted the urge to cry out.
Nikolai’s neck turned red and the color crawled up to his face. “Let her go.” He opened the car door and got in without saying another word.
Dylan watched the car pull away and wasn’t sure if her nerve endings were registering pure terror or relief. The ball was no longer in her court. Nikolai would either become a CIA asset, or he’d be dropped into a hole and never be heard from again. Either way, her mission was over. She thought of Emma, and for the first time in her life, she was looking forward to what came next in her life.
* * *
Emma rubbed the rosary in her pocket. The adrenaline pumping through her body had her on edge. The feeling was disorienting, making her feel a little dizzy, and she wasn’t convinced that she wouldn’t vomit. She had pulled all the information Martin had asked her to retrieve. It was on the table, in full display for Nikolai to see. She chewed on her thumb and did her best to ignore Dylan sitting a few feet away. Her face was pale, and Emma fought the urge to see if it had anything to do with her arm.
“Target is on his way. He appears to be alone,” Tyler said, her voice crackling in the earpiece.
Emma rubbed her hands over her face. “I don’t know how you’ve ever gotten used to this feeling.”
Brooke made a few more keystrokes. “I’d like to say that you do, but I’d be lying.”
“Sit down, Quinn,” Martin said as he took his seat. “You’re making everyone nervous.”
The buzzer to the door sounded and Caden pulled it open, her weapon drawn and ready. Nikolai noticed immediately and put his hands up, showing he wasn’t carrying anything. Caden quickly checked his waistband and ankles, then directed him to the table in the center of the room. Emma watched as he glared at Dylan, anger radiating from his body. The way he looked at Dylan, clearly wanting to kill her, sent a shiver up her spine.
“I’m Deputy Director Martin of the CIA.” He put his hand out, but Nikolai took a seat without acknowledging him.
“What do you want from me?” Nikolai turned to look at Dylan. “What have you done?”
Martin pushed the papers forward. “We know exactly who you are and about all the things you’ve done, Nikolai. I’m here to offer you a deal. We want you to become an informant.”
Nikolai was quiet, and then his body started shaking. It started in his belly and moved its way up, guttural laughter taking hold of him. “You think I’d betray my county for America?” He snorted out between laughs. “Why would I do that?”
Martin didn’t so much as crack a smile. “Because if you don’t, we’ll reveal exactly who you are to your daughter. We know she believes her father was some kind of war hero who died before she was born. We’ll tell her the truth. We’ll tell her everything about you.”
Nikolai picked up a picture from the table. He looked at the small girl in the photo, touching her cheek. “What makes you think that would matter to me?”
“Because you kept her a secret. Because you know she’s the only good thing you’ve ever created. Because you know that if she discovers the truth about you, the only remaining part of your humanity will be gone,” Dylan said. There was no emotion in her voice or her face. “Or worse, we’ll let your enemies know exactly who she is, and where she can be found. Do you want that hanging over your head? Are you willing to put her in danger?”
“What is your real name?” Nikolai turned his full attention to Dylan. When she didn’t answer, he continued. “You think you’re better than me? You think you ascended to your position in my organization because of good deeds? No, dear girl. You got there because of your ruthless instincts. You got there because you did whatever I asked, without fear of consequence or conscience. Now you sit here in judgment of my humanity? Have you forgotten the people you helped make disappear? Have you forgotten the blood, the carnage?”
Dylan picked up a more recent photo of his daughter and held it up to him. “If your enemies discover who she is, she will be hunted every day for the rest of her life. Do you want that on your conscience?”
Nikolai took the picture and stared at it. “Do you want it on yours?”
Martin nudged Brooke, and she turned the computer screen toward Nikolai. “You can see here that we have access to your international bank accounts. We have copies of your emails from all your business deals. You can either work with us or we’ll shut it all down. We’ll dismantle your remaining relationships one by one. You’ve already taken a major blow in human trafficking. We can make things much harder than you could ever imagine. Or better yet, we’ll drop you in a hole somewhere and let you imagine what we’re doing.”
Nikolai looked surprised by the information on the screen. “Even if you get me out of the way, there will be another. We’re too big to fail.”
“We aren’t all that interested in your business. We’re much more concerned with the Russian government.” Martin was deliberate with his words, taking his time.
Nikolai smiled. “I see you’re not really all that different from us after all. You’re not as concerned with the people affected by my business as you are with my government. Politics before people, always.”
Martin pulled a folder from his bag and placed a piece of paper in front of Nikolai. “We consider it part of the greater good. We’re willing to look the other way regarding your indiscretions if it’s beneficial to us and to the world overall.”
Emma felt a lump form in the back of her throat. She knew how dangerous Russia was, there was no denying it. From their interference in US elections to their rocky relations with the international community. But the US was willing to trade on the lives of human trafficking, drug trafficking, and money laundering to have an inside edge on the Russian government. She understood intellectually what the CIA was trying to accomplish, but it didn’t make her feel any better about her role in it.
Nikolai stared at the paper. “You’ll leave my daughter alone? You’ll leave her relation to me a secret?”
Martin nodded and pointed to the dotted line. “As long as you keep your end of the deal. And you’ll leave Agent Prey alone. If you violate any of the conditions…well, we have ways of making people disappear, too.”
Nikolai looked at Dylan. “Prey?” He waited for her to make eye contact with him. “In my experience, you’ve been much more the predator than the prey.”
Dylan crossed her arms and shrugged, her expression inscrutable. “I did what I had to do.”
Nikolai picked up the pen and signed his name. “See, we’re not all that different. I need assurances that my government will not find out. Your threats pale in comparison to what they’ll do to me if they find out I’m here with you.”
Martin pulled the papers away and handed them to Brooke. “We’ll make sure you have good cover from our end. Remember, as long as this stays mutually beneficial, you’re worth more to us alive than dead.”
Martin and Brooke explained to Nikolai how he would report, what channels to go through, and how they would be in touch. It was all background noise to Emma. Dylan looked defeated in a way she hadn’t expected. This was a win. It would be good for her career. Emma wanted to run her hands over her face and soothe away the pain Emma saw flash through Dylan’s eyes when she looked at Emma. She wanted to kiss her until all Dylan could think about was the good that existed in the world. She wanted to remind her of all the things worth fighting for. But she stayed in her seat and let the possibilities of what could have been play in a loop in her mind. Once something was broken, it could never be put back together the way it was before.
Chapter Thirty-six
Tyler did her best to remain calm, more for Brooke than herself. She knew Brooke needed her to be steady now more than ever. She wanted her to understand that no matter how this night played out, they would be okay.
“I’m not having this conversation with you again, Mother.” Brooke’s voice was steady, but Tyler could feel the impatience bubbling below the surface.
“It has nothing to do with Tyler, Brooke. She seems nice enough. I just think it’s too soon. You’ve never really given any man a chance.”
Brooke squeezed Tyler’s hand under the table. “I’m not going to keep doing this with you. Even if I didn’t know Tyler, I wouldn’t end up with a man. I’m gay. As in, only attracted to women. I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to understand.”
Janice sipped her wine, undeterred by her proclamation. “It’s just not natural, and it’s embarrassing.”
“I’m sorry I’m such an embarrassment to you,” Brooke said sharply.
“Oh, don’t be so melodramatic, Brooke. You know what I mean. Look at your brothers, they all turned out perfectly normal. I don’t know what I did to you to make you behave this way,” Janice said.
Brooke put her fork down, trying to gain her composure. “Not everything is about you. Why don’t you understand that? This is who I am. It doesn’t matter to me if you think it’s normal or not. I’m going to marry Tyler on Saturday. You can either be there or not, I really don’t care.” She raised her hand for Janice to stop when it looked like she was going to interrupt. “But if you are going to be there, it has to be because you support me. Us. I don’t want to hear your flippant remarks, and I won’t tolerate your disdain, especially on the most important day of my life, among my friends who would be equally offended by your narrow-mindedness. I love Tyler, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her. It’s up to you if you want to be a part of that or not. But I’m done trying to play nice with you.”
Captain Hart looked between his wife and his daughter and took a deep breath, focusing on Tyler. “Tyler, you’re one of the finest people I’ve ever met. I’ll be proud to call you my daughter-in-law. I’ll be there to walk Brooke down the aisle whether my wife is in attendance or not.” He looked over at Janice. “Sweetheart, I never tell you how to feel or behave. You’ve given me a wonderful life and four wonderful children. But in this instance, you’re simply wrong.”
Janice threw her napkin on the table and stood. “If you want to watch our daughter throw her life away, that’s your preroga
tive. I’ve been supportive. I went dress shopping, and we even bought them a gift. But do not expect me to remain silent when I see, as clear as day, that this is wrong.” She left the restaurant, never bothering to look back.
Brooke’s father swirled the scotch in his glass, staring at the dwindling ice cubes. “I’m sorry—”
Brooke shook her head. “Don’t. Don’t defend her actions like you always have. Don’t try to make what she said okay. Don’t try to make me feel better about this. You’re my parents. Your love is supposed to be unconditional.”
He nodded and sipped his drink. “You’re right. When Tyler told me she intended to marry you, I was overcome with joy. I’m embarrassed to say that feeling was quickly eclipsed by dread, knowing your mother’s reaction. I know it’s hard to believe, but she does love you.”
Brooke got out of her chair. “You’re right, it is hard to believe. She wants to love a version of me that doesn’t exist. She doesn’t love the real me.” She glanced around. “I’m going to go freshen up.” She shook her head when Tyler went to get up too. “I’d prefer to go alone.”
Calvin watched Brooke walk away and took a deep breath. “They’re more alike than they realize, you know.”
Tyler sipped her wine, choosing her words carefully. “I’m sure that’s true in many aspects, but there is one glaring difference—Brooke is fearless. She isn’t bogged down by differences in people, or how that may reflect upon her. She loves with a ferocity I’m lucky to be on the receiving end of. So, while they may share similar features and even a propensity for stubbornness, they’re very different.”
