by Kat T. Masen
He broke me first.
I’m still angry.
And most of all—I hate that I miss him.
Reaching into my purse, I retrieve my key and unlock the door. I motion for Noah to come inside, keeping my words at bay. I quickly head for the freezer as he follows me and grab a tub of ice-cream since it’s all I have, placing it in his hand.
“Did you call him?”
“No,” I answer, defeated. “I didn’t.”
“So, he just came here? Just rocked up at your door.”
I nod, keeping silent.
“I need to know what happened?”
“Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing at all.”
Noah retracts his hand, wincing in pain. His jealous streak is exhausting. Lowering my head, I feel an emotional wave of tears but hold back because I’m not that woman. I don’t cry over men, especially in front of them.
“You’re telling me that the two of you stood in silence and said nothing? That he didn’t remind you how great it is to fuck him? That what you have is amazing. He’s the love of your life. He can give you things I possibly can’t?”
The tear finally escapes gracefully down my cheek and onto my lips. I can’t hold it back. I could blame the exhaustion, the lack of sleep, but deep down inside, I know it’s because I’m standing beside a man who I can’t live without.
It hurts to breathe without him.
This much I finally know.
“You want to know what I said?” I search Noah’s eyes, begging for a sign that everything I feel means something, that it’s not something superficial. It’s not lust, and it’s more than just friendship. “I told him that I deserved more. I wanted more. I want to feel the love of a man whose heart only beats for me. I want a life, memories. I want it all. And the worst part of it is, all I could think about is you. The same person who makes me feel less than what I am when you fail to listen to me and tell me I can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be a mother.”
“What I said…” he utters, dropping his shoulders and ducking his chin, “… was uncalled for. I’m so angry at myself for fearing the worst, for losing control, and for taking it out on the one person who has always believed in me. I’ve allowed other people to control my own emotions before I even have a chance. And all it’s done is push you away. Fuck, Kate. I hate myself for doing this to you.”
I can’t look into his eyes, terrified that if I do, he’ll break me again. But this isn’t all about me. Slowly, I lift my head to stare at a man who has openly admitted his weakness, embraced his vulnerability to show me how much he doesn’t want to lose what we have. I realize now, despite his callous words bringing me down, the burden he carries is far greater. He was, and still is, fighting to be the best man he can be for his kids. His greatest fear of being an absent father has driven him to the depths of despair.
Expressing his pain and showing his courage to turn up here in Paris is far from comfortable. He’s taken a risk, even though we left things the way we did, and I love him even more for fighting for what he wants and never giving up.
Even if I have to finally admit he’s fighting for me.
“I know you feel something, Noah. I no longer deny that… I’m just…”
“What, Kate?” he urges, drawing closer to me. “If we’re going to do this, you and me, we need to be completely honest with each other.”
Noah is right. We can’t play these games anymore. There’s too much on the line. My heart is hanging by a thread, just one snap, and it’s completely broken.
“The way you make me feel,” I whisper, holding my breath. “I’m losing who I thought I wanted to be. It’s like when I’m with you, nothing else matters.”
Noah caresses my cheek, wiping away the one tear I allowed to escape. The touch is warm, a blanket keeping me safe and comforted. How can I tell him it’s all or nothing? How can I admit to my best friend that there’s only one road we can travel down, and I want to be beside him now and forever?
“I love who I am when I’m around you,” he expresses as his lips curve upward. “You bring out the best in me.”
I stare into his eyes, allowing myself to lose myself in him. As he leans forward, my pulse races, craving him so much. His lips graze against mine, soft and teasingly. He withdraws but stays a breath away, leaving the spot he kissed burning like the touch of a flame. It pulsates through me, spreading like wildfire as his stare deepens, and my heart belongs only to him.
“If we do this…”
“If we do this,” he repeats in a small breath.
“It’s all in,” I tell him, throwing my heart into the battlefield with everything to lose. “Too much is at stake, and too many people will be involved in our lives for us to fall apart without hurting those around us.”
He bows his head, and when he raises his eyes to meet mine again, a glaze shimmers around his pupils.
“We’ve both watched each other live our lives with other people. I watched you walk away, move to Paris, fall into the arms of another man who doesn’t deserve you.”
“And I’ve watched you fall in love with another woman, marry, and have her child. I may not have been around when it fell apart, or when you ran into somebody else’s arms, and to be honest, I’m glad I wasn’t around for that.”
“Our life will be complicated. Kids, ex-wives, ex-lovers, friends… are you sure you can handle my baggage?”
I run my hands through his hair like I’ve done a dozen times before, but this time it feels so different. Wrapping my hands around his neck, he rests his hands on my hips. “Noah Mason, you’re worth it.”
His lips brush against mine again, and softly, he kisses me, a kiss which melts away any doubt I have left in us. A kiss which seals our fate and makes us one.
“So,” I breathe, still holding onto him. “What now?”
“What? One kiss and you’re bored of me already?” he teases, kissing me again before pulling away.
I laugh, grazing his bottom lip with my finger. “One thing I can admit is that I’m never bored with you. I’m in Paris, and you’re in LA.”
He releases a sigh, knowing our battle to be together is far from over.
“I’m here now.”
“Yes, you are, but for how long?”
“I have a flight out tomorrow at four, but for tonight, I want to take you out on a real date.”
“A real date?” I grin with an appraising glance. “How romantic of you. Do I get a clue?”
He shakes his head. “Not one single clue. I’ll be back in an hour. Be dressed and ready.”
“Wait, what kind of dressed?” I ask, still holding onto him. “You know, my wardrobe ranges from Dior to a potato sack.”
“You have a potato sack in your closet?”
“Yes, it’s called a failed purchase when Eric told me muumuus were in.”
Cupping my face with his hands, he kisses me deeply before pulling away, leaving me aching for more. “I’m sure you look sexy in a potato sack. But perhaps, to ease your mind, something more formal.”
“But why do you have to go?” I beg, clutching his shirt with my hands. “I like you here.”
“I have something to take care of. And if I don’t go, you’ll end up on all fours complaining about why you can’t walk. We’ve got plenty of time for that to happen, but only one night in Paris.”
With a final kiss, he exits my apartment, leaving me in my kitchen as I touch my lips, reminiscing about our kiss.
A night in Paris with Noah Mason is just what my heart so desperately aches for. My two greatest loves, together for one night, and with that thought, bringing the happiness I finally deserve, I realize it’s all too late.
I’ve fallen in love with my best friend.
And there’s no turning back.
KATE
“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”
On a beautiful Parisian night, Noah kisses my hand as we stroll along the street to an unknown destination. At least, un
beknownst to me. Noah knows exactly where we’re going.
In the eyes of someone so blissfully happy with a gorgeous man beside her, Paris has transformed into the most romantic city. As we walk past other couples, we nod, almost like a secret society of couples. Everything surrounding us feels so different. The streetlights are like stars above us, the flowers in the gardens are in full bloom, and perhaps, somewhere floating around us is cupid with his bow and arrow.
I’m drunk on happiness and not even sorry.
“We’re here.”
I follow Noah inside the building, past the concierge who graciously escorts us on the elevator ride up. As we reach the top floor, he holds the door open as Noah requests I close my eyes. Guiding me through a doorway, he tells me to open my eyes moments later.
We’re standing on a terrace surrounded by greenery and twinkling lights scattered around them. In the middle of the space is a small round table adorned with a white tablecloth and lit with candles. A bottle of champagne is sitting in a chilled bucket next to the plates and silver cutlery.
It’s all so breathtaking until my eyes glance sideways to sweeping views of the Eiffel Tower. Perfect and oh so romantic.
“You know, I’ve never been wooed before.” I sigh dreamily as Noah pushes the chair out for me to take a seat.
“Not even in the 1950s when that saying was used last?”
“Such a charming date,” I counter hopelessly. “I’m certain that part of wooing isn’t roasting the said subject.”
“Okay, I’m sorry.” He pouts, touching my hand while my stomach flutters in excitement. “You’re stunning, and I want all your clothes off by midnight.”
I chuckle, dropping my head foolishly. “More like it. Tell me, how did you make this all happen?”
“Pulled some strings. I know a few important people.”
“I’m impressed.” My smile wavers while my head does the math of how long we have together. “So, you’re only here for one night?”
Noah places both his hands on mine, easing the nerves of what we’re doing. “We have a long road ahead of us. Let’s enjoy the journey. Someone once told me to be present, in the moment.”
With a knowing grin, he pops open the champagne and pours some into my flute, then into his own. As the champagne graces my lips, even the taste is different. For once, it’s purpose is to celebrate rather than drown out my sorrows over a failed love life.
A waiter serves us a meal, placing it in front of us. The aromas of traditional French cuisine engulf my senses as Noah encourages me to eat. My first bite is like heaven, and given my lack of appetite earlier on, I’m absolutely starving right now.
“Tell me about work, Haden, and Presley. I read an article saying that e-Books are profiting and publishers are inundated.”
“Books will always be in demand. It’s going well. No surprises, the romance sector is very profitable.”
“Wait a minute…” I place my fork down. “Does Noah Mason read romance?”
He purses his lips behind a smirk. “I’ve read maybe one or two. Just to understand the market.”
“You’re quite the perfect man right now. Minus the ex-wife and all,” I tease, picking up my fork to finish my meal. “I haven’t spoken to Presley for a while without Haden in the room annoying her.” I answer his question, then continue with, “So, everything’s going well then with work?”
“Hmm, it’s okay.”
I hear the hesitation in his voice. “But? You can talk to me.”
“There’s something in the pipeline. I don’t want to speak too prematurely until it’s finalized.”
I understand his hesitation. The business world is cutthroat. One minute you’re about to make the best deal of your life, and the next, it’s pulled out from underneath you.
“And what about you?” He changes the subject. “How did it go with Mr. Auvray?”
“We’re making headway. A few improvements to try and draw some attention to the winery.”
“It’s beautiful and an easy sell. People are looking for experiences, the type they can splash all over their social media and brag about. This is the market you want.”
“You’re the expert in that area, so I wholeheartedly agree. I know when we stayed there, I’ve never experienced such exquisite food. Did Lex tell you he offered the chef his own chain of restaurants?”
“He certainly did.” Noah chuckles. “That man is unstoppable.”
“Yeah, some cousin-in-law you have.”
“Some boss you have.”
We both laugh at the same time, any tension I have built up in my mind easing as the night goes on. We’ve been the best of friends, and that’s what makes this all the easier. He knows me inside and out, just as I know him.
“How are things with Olivia and baby Nash?”
“He’s doing well. Eating like a machine, or shall I say drinking like a machine. Olivia is okay, I guess.”
“What do you mean she’s okay? Have you asked her how she’s doing?”
“Yes, she has a lot on her mind. They want her back at work, but her job is in the air, meaning long hours.”
“Noah, she’s all alone trying to raise a baby for the first time. I can only imagine how difficult that must be. I remember when Presley had her baby, and she and Haden weren’t a couple yet, she struggled, especially when she went back to work. Olivia needs all the support she can get. What’s that saying? It takes a village to raise a family or something like that.”
His eyes linger, the soft hazel mesmerizing as he falls deep into thought. “So, you really don’t want kids of your own?”
I’m taken aback by the topic of kids being raised, specifically about me. I’ve always been honest with my opinions on this matter, and nothing has changed that. Noah has his hands full with two young kids, a career, and now a girlfriend in Paris.
“Are you telling me this is a deal-breaker?”
“No, I’m just asking, to be clear.”
“To be honest, it’s never something I’ve strived for. I love children, but I never viewed family as something you have to physically give birth to. My father was adopted as was one of my brothers. The love of a family does not have to be defined by the pressure of society. We can equally love no matter who we choose to welcome to our family.”
“But if it happened, by accident?”
I laugh, wanting to strangle him. I can almost see my annoying best friend emerging with his ridiculous questions. “Find a different hole, buddy. I guess I’d have the child. I don’t know how to answer that.”
“Back to the hole thing…”
“Such an optimist, Mr. Mason.”
Our dessert is served, but Noah suggests we take it to the lounge chairs along with our champagne. As we sit with the stunning view of the Paris skyline in front of us, Noah places his arm around me and draws me closer. Planting a soft kiss on the top of my head, I bury my face into his chest, living for the moment of feeling safe in his arms, untouchable by the world surrounding us.
“I don’t want to leave,” he whispers, a strain in his voice. “But I have to.”
I raise my head, staring into his eyes. “We’ll make it work, I promise. But you’ve got to be patient. We both have such hectic lives. We’re never going to be like everyone else, so that comparison needs to stop right here. We have to make the best of our situation.”
His lips find mine, a kiss filled with a fiery passion. When he pulls away, I attempt to catch my breath as his mouth wanders to my neck, kissing my skin with urgency.
“Noah, we can’t here.”
“Why not?”
“Because of people.”
“There are no people.”
I look behind us. The place is vacant. The waiters have disappeared.
“But there were people?”
“They won’t be back,” he murmurs, still buried in my neck.
Noah retracts, his eyes wild and untamed. “I promise you. They won’t be back. I paid them not to be back.”<
br />
His fingers graze against my shoulder, pulling the strap of my dress down. He watches it fall past my shoulders, the bite of his lip holding my gaze. “I’ve been waiting for what feels like a lifetime for this moment. Once we…”
“We can never go back,” I finish for him.
I know exactly how he feels.
We’re finally in sync.
His kisses trail my skin, igniting every sense. My hands wrap around his head as I moan softly. We lay beside each other, lost in a sea of kisses. I never imagined how passionate foreplay could be by the simple act of kissing. It’s all so juvenile, and I love every second of it. There’s no rush, no pressure, just two people learning how to become one.
Noah’s hand slides down my arm, past the curve of my breast, and rests on my thigh. I wiggle beneath him until he’s lying on top with a penetrating gaze. No words need to be said, the silence speaking volumes as my hands wander toward the button of his pants. Noah groans in my mouth while he reaches below and slides my dress over my thighs.
My heart is beating like a loud drum, the anticipation too much for my aching body to handle. Our eyes can’t break the stare until he brushes against my entrance and enters me whole. My back arches, a delicious moan escaping me as his lips find their way back to the crook of my neck. I wither under his touch, the intensity of such an intimate moment is all so new to me.
We move in sync, our bodies crumble into this perfect mold of who we have become. And with a penetrating stare, I beg of him, “Together.”
We both finish as if our whole being depends on it. The ripples of delight spread through every inch of my body, the euphoria being a constant state of high I never want to come down from.
Noah falls softly on top of me, and all I can hear is the sound of his beating heart.
A sound so pure like a melody I’ve known all my life.
“Noah,” I whisper. “That was perfect.”
He brushes a loose strand of hair away from my face.
“I wanted our first time to be perfect,” he says softly, then follows with a devious smirk. “But, since that’s now over, it’s time to get dirty. Are you ready to head home? I’ve got plans for you, and sleep isn’t one of them.”
