by Kay Leitch
'What the hell has upset Maggie?' asked Helen as soon as she got back, 'She just rushed past me with tears streaming down her face…was it something I said?'
Carla looked shamefaced, 'No, it was something I said I'm afraid,' the three women sat in silence for a couple of minutes… 'I will go round and speak to her on my way home,' said Carla eventually.
'Actually I think it might be better if you leave it till the morning love,' said Tracy. 'The mood she was in it might just make it worse,' at the sight of Carla's miserable face, she took her hand. 'Let her sleep on it…I don't know what it was that you said but it obviously hit a nerve. I think she's struggling at the moment, all this over the top high spirits and trying to be so blasé about her relationships…but she loves you Carla, I think she's got more respect for you than anyone else…she'll come round, just give her time.'
Carla then surprised them all and herself by bursting into tears. 'I'm such a know it all bitch,' she said between sobs, 'How could I have been so insensitive,' sniff sniff, 'What a cow,' snort sniff, it took quite a while for the other two to calm her down and since the fun had gone out of the evening they soon called it a night and went home.
Tracy called Maggie's phone as soon as she got in…she answered after a few rings, she had obviously been crying, her voice was thick with tears. 'Oh thank you for worrying about me sweetheart,' she said sleepily, 'but I'm home safe and I'm just going to bed now, don't you keep your lovely man waiting…yes yes I'll talk to Carla tomorrow…I know she didn't mean it…ok see you soon Trace…bye.' Satisfied that her friend was safe at home Tracy turned her attention to the rather wide awake man that had been waiting patiently for her to come home.
She shimmied sexily towards the bed never taking her eyes off his face and slowly started to remove her clothes, talking in a little girl voice as she did so.
'Oh my…there seems to be strange man in my bed…oh please sir don't hurt me I'll do anything you ask…but as you can see I'm just a weak feeble woman, so you will easily be able to have your wicked way with me…what was that, you want to tie me to the bedstead…oh sir but that's sooo naughty and…'
She got no further, Simon who had been watching her with a smile on his face could obviously take no more and with a growl he grabbed her and pulled her down towards him.
CHAPTER 45 - HELEN
Helen went home feeling full of determination, she was going to confront Wills tonight, it could not be put off any longer. Mike seemed to be getting pretty serious about her, she hadn't slept with him yet although things were certainly heating up in that direction. But the other night she had had such a magical night with Wills, he had been like the old Wills, sweet and tender, not rushing and preoccupied, it had made her realise that she was still far too much in love with him. It seemed like he had finished his affair, either that or it was definitely cooling down, he had been coming home at the usual time from work, there hadn't been any weekend conferences for a while now either, now was the time to let him know that she knew he had cheated on her, but that she was willing to forgive him and start again…put it all behind them. She felt quite calm now, she knew that this was the right thing to do, no matter what Maggie said. She didn't want any sort of revenge, what good would that do her…no she just wanted her husband back. She felt they had both learned a lesson, Wills that Helen was worth hanging on to and Helen that she needed to make more of an effort with herself to keep Wills on his toes.
Will was in the living room, spread out on the couch in front of the telly, laughing at a repeat of 'mock the week', he smiled when he saw her.
'Hi love, you're home earlier than I expected…what was it, no one interesting enough to gossip about tonight, a lack of scandal in the village or did Giles kick you all out for being too noisy?' Helen walked over and got herself a drink from the cabinet, she drank it down in one go before turning to her husband.
'Actually Carla and Maggie had a bit of a row, Maggie left and Carla was really upset…it sort of killed the mood.'
Will looked shocked, 'Wow I bet it did, I can't imagine those two arguing, they're such good mates… what was it about…some man I expect.'
Helen sat down opposite him. 'Yes it was about some man, but not in the way you think. It was about how I'm meant to deal with you…they both had a different approach you might say…Maggie wanted me to castrate you slowly and wear your balls round my neck as a warning to all men, and Carla…well Carla suggested that I talk to you…which is what I'm doing…'
Wills had gone very quiet; Helen turned the TV off and sat down again in front of him.
'I know Wills you see, I have known for weeks now, I know her name, Sarah, I know when you have taken time off work to be with her. I know which hotels you have stayed in when you have been away at a 'conference' and it has been breaking my heart…'
'Helen sweetheart…' began Wills trying to take her hands, Helen realised that she didn't actually want him to touch her yet she was beginning to feel angry, she pushed his hands away.
'I just want to know why...why did you need more than me…we've always been such good friends, haven't we? We've always enjoyed each other in bed…or maybe that was just me…what made you do it Wills…I can't understand, was she so much better than me?'
'Oh no Helen darling, you are such a special person, so talented and sweet and yes of course I have always enjoyed being in bed with you, you have such a wonderful passion…. I can't tell you why it happened…it just did, I wasn't looking for anyone else you have to believe me Helen…it just sort of happened that's all I can say… I'm so sorry I never for one minute meant to hurt you…Sarah, she just seems to get me you know, I don't have to be anybody but me when I'm with her. You are so much above me, I've always felt I was punching above my weight…people are always telling me how wonderful you are, a talented artist, wonderful florist, so active in the community…I just haven't ever been able to live up to you…'
Helen turned on him incandescent with fury.
'So all of this is somehow my fault for being too good is that what you're saying…that's pathetic Wills, we have known each other since college, we've been married for over twenty years and suddenly now I make you feel inadequate…bollocks! You just saw someone younger that you fancied, she made herself available and you thought fuck all about how it was going to hurt me.' Now she had started Helen didn't seem to be able to stop the tirade of anger and hurt, she turned on him pointing her finger in his face.
'You do realise that I have come this close to giving up on this marriage you stupid wanker…you nearly threw us both away just because you couldn't keep it in your pants you stupid fucker, it's only because Carla had the sense to make me see that I still loved you…though it doesn't feel like it at the moment…and that now your pathetic little mid-life crisis is over we had something worth saving, I nearly walked away from you…you stupid cretin…'
Wills suddenly began to look shifty.
'Hang on a minute Helen, I am sorry that it has come to this, and I didn't plan on telling you in this way but…I am not giving Sarah up. I love her Helen…she's been in New York for the last couple of weeks but as soon as she's back I am moving in with her…I was planning on telling you this weekend…'
For a moment Helen couldn't believe what she was hearing, she looked at Will blankly as if he was talking a foreign language, until it slowly began to sink in. She had expected abject apologies and pleading for her to forgive him but, as she soon started to realise, instead he was saying that he was leaving her. Helen began to feel an uncontrollable fury coming up from her chest, an anger that so filled her she had to let it out somehow.
With a primeval scream, Helen launched herself at Will punching, kicking, gouging trying to hurt him in any way that she could. He tried to defend himself by holding her arms, but she just kept on punching and punching trying to draw blood until at last she had no more strength left…she collapsed in a heap at his feet sobbing…Wills tried to pull her into his arms, he was crying uncontrolla
bly too…he had never anticipated inflicting such pain, but Helen shoved him away whenever he tried to get near…he stood by her, not knowing what else to do…after a while she stopped crying, she was sitting on the floor with just the occasional shudder going through her body, Wills crouched down beside her.
'Helen, what do you want me to do…should I go…I don't know what to do.'
'Yes…go… GET OUT YOU FUCKING BASTARD,' Helen shrieked, then she turned her face to the wall her shoulders shaking with the sobs.
Will went upstairs and threw a few things into a bag. He was in shock, he had never expected the torrent of emotion that he had just endured…he felt worried about leaving Helen in the state she was in he found his mobile and rang Maggie's number.
'Yes… hello,' said a sleepy voice after a couple of rings.
'Maggie… um… this is Will, Helen's husband…I think she needs someone to be with her tonight…I wouldn't normally ask but…'
'What the fuck have you done to her you bastard…' shrieked Maggie, wide awake now. 'Oh forget it I'm on my way…you are a sad excuse for a husband Will, she'll be much better off without you…just don't be there when I get there if you know what's good for you, you little prick.' Maggie practically threw her phone across the room in anger, then she jumped out of bed and scrambled into some clothes…in five minutes she was pulling out of her driveway and heading for Helen's.
Maggie found Helen curled in a corner in her studio…she was shaking, either with cold or shock Maggie couldn't tell. She wrapped her in a blanket and made her sit on the sofa while she made her a cup of tea. She was seriously worried, Helen hadn't spoken to her, she had just allowed herself to be wrapped up, she was just staring blankly at the wall…every so often silent tears would stream down her face…she was a broken woman…Maggie recognised the signs…she knew what to do…she put her arms around her friend and held her until she fell asleep.
The next morning Helen haltingly told Maggie what had taken place the night before. Maggie felt desperately sorry for her friend; there was nothing so painful as being rejected for another, by someone you love. Helen was in agony, parts of the night’s events she could barely recount, the words were just too painful to say out loud…he loved Sarah…he loved Sarah…she gets him…'Which means I don't get him I suppose,' sobbed Helen. Maggie stayed with her the whole day, bullying her to eat and trying to persuade her to come and stay with her, she hated the thought of Helen all alone in that big house, finally Helen saw the sense of this argument and agreed to come and stay a few days.
Mike had tried to call her a couple of times, but Helen hadn't answered the call…she didn't know how she felt about that situation anymore…all she could think about was Wills…Wills and Sarah.
Wills had called once…she had told him to fuck off…he hadn't called back.
It was the right decision to stay at Maggie's Helen thought as she unpacked her bag in Maggie's palatial spare room later that day.
It was a noisy house, there was always something going on, at the moment a loud argument was what was going on between Maggie and Jed about the fact that he hadn't called his dad this week. Maggie was very diligent about making sure the kids kept in contact with their father…even though Jed was a grown man and should have been allowed to decide whether he saw his dad or not…but Helen certainly wasn't going to interfere between mother and son, especially about something so sensitive. 'I suppose I should be grateful that we didn't have any children,' she thought, 'what a mess that would have been, I would have made sure he never saw the kids again.'
Helen had surprised herself at the level of anger that she felt towards Will and that bitch, as she referred to Sarah. She had always thought that she would have been the pragmatic and sensible type, that she would have been able to remain friendly with an ex, maybe even spending evenings with new partners. How wrong was she…she felt a scorching deep hatred for Wills…she hoped that one day he would get his comeuppance and she hoped she would be around to see it, and as for that slut…well she had plans for her.
Maggie had let Tracy know what had happened, knowing of course that meant Tracy would let Carla know.
Maggie felt very ashamed of the way she had behaved at The Bull the night before…it was completely out of character and she thought she knew the reasons why she had been so touchy but that was no excuse…she had turned on Carla of all people…ok ok Carla could sometimes be a bit patronising, but she meant nothing but good, and she would have been mortified to think that she had hurt Maggie's feelings. If Maggie hadn't been so distracted by Helen's situation she would have called and apologised by now as it was nearly a whole day had gone by without making up…she would have to call her.
One stumbling block however came from an unexpected source, Helen was angry with Carla, she felt that Carla had pressurised her into confronting Wills, somehow putting her into the mess that she now found herself.
'If only I had listened to you Maggs,' she had said earlier, 'I could have carried on with Mike and let Wills have his fun with the ginger minger (they had found out that Sarah was a red head) until he got tired of the bitch and came running back to me, but no, Carla had to push me into 'doing the right thing' and look where that's got me.'
Obviously these were the ramblings of a seriously fucked up woman and made no sense at all, but Maggie was beginning to feel like Helen would see it as a betrayal if she apologised to Carla, and she had had her fair share of betrayals over the last day or so, so Maggie opted not to call...yet.
Another little problem that was tugging at Maggie's heartstrings had reared its ugly head earlier in the evening, when Charles had called full of sexual promise and sweet nothings and Maggie had had to put him off. Helen was far too fragile to be confronted by the sight of her (Maggie) cuddling up to her latest squeeze on the sofa in front of her. Charles didn't take it very well, even though Maggie had tried to let him down really gently, well for her anyway.
'I'm really really sorry sweetheart but I have a friend staying and it would just be too awkward…no it's a girlfriend…Helen, and I'm not answering any more of your questions, if you can't trust me then what's the point Charles…actually Charles I'm not explaining myself to you, if you've got a problem then deal with it….I'll speak to you soon…bye.'
Helen was mortified, 'Oh god Maggie I don't want to get in the way, don't worry about me I can always watch telly in my room or something.'
'Don't be stupid love, I can see Charles anytime…he'll get over it…anyway it's fab having you here…what do you say to a take away and a DVD tonight…you can choose the film, but no weepys we've both had enough crying to last us a lifetime.'
They spent a quiet evening, Maggie ordered a curry and Helen chose a comedy, Bridesmaids which managed to get them smiling, then Maggie turned the TV off and made some hot chocolate for them both, Helen followed her into the kitchen.
'This feels like being at home again when I was in my teens, my Mum would often make me a hot chocolate before bed, especially when I was miserable… usually over some boy… oh god why do we do it Maggie, why can't we learn our lesson…all men are bastards. Christ we're told that often enough, we've seen the evidence of it often enough as well, I mean how many of your friends have at some point in their lives been on the receiving end of men's infidelities, most of them I bet. Oh I know women do it as well but it's more often than not the man in the relationship that buggers everything up. So many of my girlfriends, even you with your fabulous looks, have been thrown over for a younger model…and yet we put ourselves right back in the line of fire again…looking for 'Mr Right' as if he exists…and we hand over our hearts never knowing whether we are going to be allowed to keep them intact or whether they are going to be ripped from our chests again. I mean look at Tracy, she has obviously fallen head over heels for this Simon chap, granted he seems like a nice guy, but how does she know that a couple of years from now he won't decide that he fancies someone younger, thinner, someone who 'gets him'…every bit of emotion t
hat Tracy invests in this new relationship will count for nothing. Fuck it Maggs I'm never doing it again, no one is ever going to have the chance to hurt me lliikke tthis agaiiinnn….' Helen collapsed into tears again; Maggie put her arms around her.
'I know sweetheart…I know, and you're right they are all bastards …and it's a good thing that you are going to protect your heart. But don't let your disappointment with Wills ruin your life forever honey…stand up and fight back, treat men as they treat you, have your fun with them and then move on…that's my philosophy anyway…' Maggie finished lamely as she realised that she no longer felt quite like that, Charles was definitely worming his way under her skin…well she would have to put a stop to that, but that was something for another time.
'I don't know why we as women do what we do, it makes no sense you're right, it must just be part of our genetic makeup…the need for love and companionship…and I suppose that's what makes us the weaker sex…' Maggie could see that Helen was dead on her feet, drained by all the emotion of the day, 'come on love, why don't you go to bed, you look half asleep as it is…would you like a tablet to help you sleep?'
Helen nodded, the thought of falling into a deep dreamless sleep was far too tempting to be bothered by the evils of sleeping tablets…just for tonight she said to herself, she took the tablet and after hugging Maggie goodnight she made her way up to bed…within minutes of putting her head on the pillow she was asleep.
Maggie on the other hand sat downstairs for hours thinking about what Helen had said…she understood exactly how she felt and seeing her friend's grief today had brought it all back to her, the feelings of utter despair, the excruciating pain of rejection, how on earth could you ever expect to get beyond that, but somehow little by little you did…life moves on, it's an old cliché but it's undeniably true…unfortunately for Helen she had to go through all the crap first before she would start seeing glimpses of light at the end of the tunnel.
