by Kay Leitch
'That's enough for now Wendy love,' Dad interrupts her, 'you know what the doctor said you mustn't tire yourself out…Vanessa can come back and see you later after you've had a nap…come on Vanessa,' he starts tugging at my hand, but Mum won't let go…she looks crossly at Dad.
'I'm ok Derek…I haven't seen Vanessa for months and I'm going to talk to her for a while, you don't have to watch over me…Vanessa's here she'll keep an eye on me won't you darling?'
I reach over and stroke my Mum's hair, 'Of course I will Mum.'
'Look I'm not going to have her telling you things that might upset you, you know how she has always twisted everything, now is not the time Wendy, she is bound to upset you.' Dad seemed extremely worried about what I might say…as well he might be, because I had an awful lot that needed saying.
'Derek!' says Mum sharply, 'Stop being so stupid, how much more time do you think I have to talk to my girl…maybe if I'd been allowed to talk to her earlier she wouldn't have felt like leaving us, now go away and let us have a chat,' she falls back against the pillows after this outburst, breathing heavily. It is obvious that Dad is not at all happy at the thought of Mum and I having a 'chat' especially if he isn't there to censor anything that I might say, but he also obviously can't think of a good enough excuse to stay in the room, so very reluctantly he goes out, but not before giving me a hard stare and saying.
'Don't even think about upsetting your mother Vanessa, she doesn't need to be hearing a lot of nonsense from you just because you want to be dramatic…think about her…ok…you can see how weak she is.'
With Dad gone, Mum turned to me, she looks as if she is bracing herself…making herself strong to speak to me.
'Come on then, out with it…why did you leave, and no lies now, I want the truth from you my girl…no matter how much you think it will upset me, if it will make it easier… I think I already know…at least I have my suspicions, what you tell me now will make up my mind…it's him isn't it? Dad I mean…tell me darling, I will believe you, but you must tell me.'
I am sobbing by now, and I find it very hard to even to speak, but little by little I calm down enough to look up at my Mum and nod, then haltingly I begin to tell her all that has happened, stopping every now and again when she gets too upset but over and over again she presses me to carry on no matter how much it is upsetting her…I don't tell her about the baby though, that, I think would kill her and if I'm honest I just can't…I feel so ashamed…I just hang my head…how can I tell her about it…how I just left it…so I lie about what drove me from home.
'I just couldn't stand him touching me anymore, I tried to stop him Mum I promise I did…he said I led him on but I swear I didn't, I hated it…it made me feel sick…but he just kept on, even though he knew I didn't like it…so I ran away…but then I missed you all too much so I came home…I really did write though, you have to believe me, I am so sorry if I have made you ill…I never meant to…' I stop as I hear Mum let out a moan, she is crying as hard as me now.
'Oh Vanessa, oh my darling girl, what have I done…I should have known, should have seen…please forgive me darling,' she is pulling me to her sobbing against my face.
'Mum don't upset yourself please…you need to stay calm, remember what Dad said, I don't want to make you anymore ill than you are already, I'm just so sorry that I caused you all this upset, Dad's right, I did make you ill.' It is terrifying to see my strong beautiful Mum so weak and breathless, she takes my hand again.
'Well that's enough of that sweetheart, that's just more poison from your dad…you go and get settled back into your room now darling…I'm so glad your home…safe and sound…and don't you worry, I won't tell him that you said anything, at least not until I'm well enough to deal with him.'
I can see that Mum is exhausted, so I give her a kiss and then leave her to sleep.
Dad is waiting for me downstairs, he looks at me warily as I come in and then comes right up close to me talking into my face in an intimidating whisper.
'You had better not have been spreading filthy lies about me girl, I won't have your mother upset anymore by you…I suppose you think this is all my fault don't you, never mind that you couldn't keep your hands off me, flaunting yourself around the house hoping I'd notice you…well when you behave like a whore you get what's coming to you…so you've only got yourself to blame.'
I cannot believe what he is saying to me. After all I have been through over the last few months I was sure that I would be safe to come back home…to my family, but Dad is looking at me with panic in his eyes, I can tell he wishes I'd never come back.
'I did what you wanted me to do…you have nothing to worry about… I got rid of it, so now I have come home…I have nowhere else to go…I thought that was what you wanted,' I say, pleading with him but nothing I say seems to pacify him, he is in fact barely listening, but keeps looking round as if he's afraid someone will hear what I'm saying.
'Shut up you stupid bitch, I've told you what could happen if anyone finds out about our little secret…you don't want to be the cause of your sister being put into care do you?' I can't believe he is still coming out with the same old lines, I feel myself getting angry, the stress of the past few days makes me want to lash out at him.
'You're pathetic, do you know that, can't you think of any new threats, you've been using that one for as long as I can remember, and to be quite honest it would probably be better for Faye to be in a foster home than for you to get your paws on her,' I see something in his eyes that sickens me.
'Oh god no you've already started on her…haven't you, you sick bastard…well I'll not let you get her into the same trouble you got me into…I'm telling Mum,' I try to get past him but he blocks my way, realising that I'm serious, he changes tactics.
'Don't be silly Vanny,' he says in a wheedling voice now, trying to placate me. 'I wouldn't touch Faye…you've always been my special girl, you know that don't you…now let's have no more talk about telling anyone…let's all calm down and try and get on, for your mum's sake shall we?'
I take a breath and decide that I had better go along with him for now…I don't want to have to leave while Mum is so sick and if I wind him up any more he's quite capable of kicking me out on the streets, so with a scathing glance at him I go into the living room. Faye is in there she gives me a cold stare, I sigh and sit down next to her.
'I'm sorry I was gone for so long squirt, I thought about you all the time I couldn't wait to come home…'
'Oh shut up you horrid liar!' shouted Faye. 'You didn't think about us at all…it's been horrible here, Mum's been so worried about you all the time, then she just got sicker and sicker and I couldn't help her…and then Dad…' she broke off in a fluster.
'Dad what? What were you going to say Faye?'
'None of your stupid business, nothing I wasn't going to say anything…' she turned angry tearful eyes towards me and I knew. 'You just shouldn't have gone Vanny…I'll never forgive you.' With that she fled the room. I sat there for a while trying to think what I should do. I had to try and get her to admit that he was interfering with her, and then maybe we could talk to Mum together about it. I found her about an hour later in the garden on the swing, she went to run off when she saw me but I stopped her.
'If Dad is touching you Faye we must tell Mum, can't you see that…that's why I had to run away, because he got me pregnant…you can't let him do the same to you…we must tell Mum she'll put a stop to it…she knows some of it anyway, she told me she had guessed so it won't be so hard…come on let’s go up now and tell her together.' I hold out my hand to Faye, but she just looks at me with hatred in her eyes.
'Dad told me you would do this, he said you'd be nothing but trouble…telling me lies about babies and stuff…you know we can't tell Mum, she's dying because of you…you horrible cow…all she could think about was you…where had you gone…how she missed you…why hadn't you got in touch…you made her ill…you! And now you want to upset her even more, well I'm not tel
ling her anything…there's nothing to tell, you've made it all up just to get attention…I hope you go away and never come back…I hate you!' she ran passed me and into the arms of Dad who had been standing a few feet away behind the tree, he had heard everything I had said.
'See Vanessa, no one wants you here, why don't you just go back to where you've been hiding all these months…we don't need you coming back upsetting everybody, saying disgusting things…just go away.' He grabbed my arms and started to pull me towards the house, I try once more to speak to Faye.
'Please little squirt can't you see that he's using you, please don't believe what he says he's said the same things to me…done the same things to me, it's not right Faye…he shouldn't be doing those things to you…please don't let him get away with it, even if you hate me and you don't want to tell Mum, tell someone…please Faye.' Faye just turns her head away from me, I shake off Dad's hands and turn to him with determination.
'Well I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving Mum again and if you make me I will tell everyone I know, what you did to me and what you are doing to Faye,' and without bothering to see how he reacted to that I ran back into the house and upstairs to my room. He left me alone after that, but neither he nor Faye spoke to me while I was there.
My Mum died two weeks later.
Dad phoned a friend he knew in Ashford, Kent who had a room and a job for me, packed up all my things and put me on a train, 'Don't fucking come back this time you spiteful cunt,' was the last thing he said to me as the train pulled out.
Mum had told him before she died that I had told her the reason I'd left home…she had let him see how much he disgusted her…it was a small victory.
CHAPTER 49 - March 15th 1999
Vanessa watched from the café as the road outside the house that she had been a virtual prisoner in for the last couple of years filled with police cars and vans, and a veritable swarm of officers jumped out of the vehicles and surrounded the house in question. A few of them ran up to the front door and proceeded to smash in the front door, shouting warnings as they did so…a few minutes later Keith was brought down kicking and squirming desperately trying to cause his captors some harm. Two more of the men that had been hanging around the house for the past few weeks, were also being dragged down to the waiting police van in handcuffs, then came the girls, some of them shouting obscenities, some of them being taken straight to the waiting ambulances…one of the really young girls (she'd only arrived a few days ago) was so drugged up she could barely walk and was put straight on a stretcher. Vanessa stirred her coffee and watched as the drama played itself out, lastly all the drug related paraphernalia was carried out of the house and taken away and gradually the street began to empty of police cars and return to normal. The whole operation had taken about two hours.
Vanessa waited another hour or so and then she went to the pay phone that was in the corner of the café and dialled.
'Vince,' she said after a couple of seconds, 'yes like clockwork…yeh all of them and they cleared the house, so when do I get my money? Don't mess me about Vince you know what you promised me…ok ok I'll meet you there.' Vanessa replaced the receiver with a smile on her face. She had spent the last two years of her life after being put on a train by her father, apparently to start a job as a live in nanny for a friend of his, being raped and beaten; she had been kept prisoner in a tiny smelly room while drugs had been fed into her in an attempt to make her submissive. She had tried running away, only to be dragged back and beaten so badly that she lost consciousness. So she had submitted, and consequently had been subjected to every degrading thing that the human mind can come up with, penetrated in every orifice by anyone with the money to pay for it, never seeing the outside apart from when she was walking the streets looking for punters, her every move being watched by Keith's cronies.
Vanessa had kept quiet and done as she was told…she knew she needed to survive this. So she gradually weaned herself off the drugs without her pimp, a man named Keith Mobray, suspecting a thing and little by little she began to strike up a friendship with a friend of Keith's, a man called Vince Harman. Harman was a terrifying customer…a true sadist that knew how to inflict the most awful pain and suffering on his victims, he and Keith had been partners of sorts until that is that Harman got a bit carried away with a couple of Keith's girls and injured them so badly that they were unable to work. Keith was furious and an all out war broke out between the two pimps. Vanessa saw an opportunity, a chance to get even with Keith and also get herself out and away from her 'drug' induced slavery.
She knew when the best time would be for the police to strike, when Keith would be at his most exposed. Once a month he would receive delivery of the drugs that he would divide up and distribute to the neighbouring dealers, who would then sell them on the streets of Kent, during this process Keith tried to keep all the girls locked in their rooms and drugged up to the hilt Vanessa included, what he didn't know was that Vanessa was now virtually clean of the drugs and knew how to get out of the house.
Taking her life in her hands she began dropping hints to Vince, putting ideas in his head about how ideally placed she was to bring down his enemy…basically she was offering to put her life on the line by giving information to the police that would almost certainly get Keith off the streets, and in return for her help she wanted enough cash to rent herself a nice flat in a nice road so that she could finally start reaping the rewards for all the skills she had learnt, not only from all the disgusting punters but also from her own father, she was planning to go into the high class hooker business.
Vince agreed, he was quietly intimidated by the strong willed Vanessa…so between them they plotted Keith Mobray's downfall.
CHAPTER 50 - CARLA
Vanessa sat and stared at a spot on the wall just behind Carla; so far she had said nothing.
'I think it might be useful if I let you know what my theory is on why Louise was where she was, and why she was killed,' there was no reaction from Vanessa, Carla soldiered on regardless, hoping for a response.
'From what you've told me Vanessa, and from what we've been told by other people that knew you back then, I think that at the age of 15 you were terrified and alone, finding yourself pregnant you were scared of your overbearing father and your religious nut of a mother.'
Vanessa's eyes flickered at the mention of her mother.
'So rather than tell them you were carrying a child, you ran away from home and kept yourself and the unborn child a secret from everybody…how did you manage that Vanessa, I've had two kids myself and I blew up like a balloon…didn't anybody notice you were pregnant, or did you really hide yourself away completely for months on end, how did you live…I mean we know about Sandra…'
Vanessa's head came up, she looked surprised.
'How did you know about her? I never told anyone.'
Carla smiled; at least she was talking now. 'Julie told us, Julie Grant do you remember her…she remembers you. She told us how you went to Maidstone and helped her sister with the kids in exchange for a room and board…didn't she ever suspect you were pregnant, I mean you were living in her home, she must have noticed.'
'No one noticed,' said Vanessa, not without some pride, 'I lost so much weight…Sandra only gave me what the kids ate, less than them sometimes…sometimes I managed to sneak some milk, I knew I needed that for the…it…and if I was in the house by myself I could finish up what the kids left, so I wasn't starving, but I got so thin that my clothes hung on me…so I didn't show much. No one looked at me anyway, not properly, I had to stay in my room once Sandra got home…so no one noticed.' She looked up at Carla, tears were rolling down her cheeks, she wiped them away impatiently.
'So tell me what happened when you had to give birth Vanessa, how did you manage to do that in secret?' Carla asked gently.
Vanessa put her head in her hands, she was crying openly now…Carla waited… after a minute she looked up, she'd obviously got herself under control again. She beg
an to tell her story, hesitantly at first. 'I needed to be alone when it happened…I couldn't have borne them…her, Sandra…seeing me, and I hadn't really thought about where I was going to leave it…after, you know…so I kept my eyes open, I started looking round for places whilst I was walking the kids to and from school. We had to go past the back of the old hospital buildings, they were mostly derelict, deserted when the new hospital was built and I noticed some porta cabins at the far end of the compound…far away from anything. So I worked on the door of one of them, a little bit each day until I managed to get in…it was disgusting, filled with years of rubbish and filth but it was out of the wind and rain and it was in the middle of nowhere. I tried to clean it up a bit, and I brought some old blankets and towels and left them inside ready. So when my pains started I made my way there and stayed until it was born. I kept it warm and I wrapped it up as best I could…I didn't know about the afterbirth, I just didn't know what it was and what to do with it, so I put it in the bag with…I made sure I left the bag somewhere it would be found, but I couldn't hang around to make sure …I had to get back to take the kids to school you see.'
'Then what happened…did you go home, I mean home to your mum and dad?' The look Vanessa gave Carla told everything, how scared she must have been…the grief she felt.
'Yes…but I'd left it too late…Mum was dying you see, and Faye blamed me…and dad…well he didn't want me there, even though I'd done what he'd said…he threw me out…'
'What do you mean even though you'd done what he'd said…did he know you were pregnant Vanessa?'
Vanessa realised she had said too much… she didn't answer just kept her head lowered.
'Was it your dad that told you to go away and dump your baby, Vanessa, is that why you hate him so much…why didn't you just tell your mum, were you so scared of her…did she hit you?'
