“I’m going to ask you a question, but you have to promise me something,” I say.
“Okay. What?”
“You can’t laugh at me or think I’m a pussy.”
“I’ll try,” he teases.
“Jake . . .”
“Fine, fine. I won’t make fun of you on the phone. Deal?”
I groan. I wish I could hang up now, but I need his opinion. I’ll have to make do.
“Fine,” I say. “Do you believe in love?”
“Are you seriously asking me that?”
“Does it sound like I’m serious?”
He sighs, that damn chair squeaking again. “Okay. Do I believe in love? Yes. I do.”
“Why?” I press.
“I don’t fucking know. Why not believe in it? It even makes sense scientifically, if you think about it.”
“Why?”
“Well, it bonds people together, I guess. It gives you a reason to wake up. It keeps a couple together to raise a family or to have experiences that are more satisfying.” He pauses. “Why? You don’t?”
I pace a circle, my boots crunching the gravel. “Yeah. I do. But here’s my problem with it: I’ve never experienced a love that didn’t end. And I haven’t seen it either. And if you haven’t seen something, does it exist?”
“You don’t think Dad loves Meredith?”
Apart from Saturday night, Dad and I have never talked about emotions. He’s never been particularly emotional, so why start now? Does he love Meredith? I don’t fucking know.
“Maybe. But Dad married Mom and that ended in war. Meredith was married before and that failed. Look at my first serious relationship—that landed Tera in the hospital,” I say, my heart breaking for her. “Why did that happen? Because I didn’t feel like I was in love with her anymore, and she couldn’t take it.”
“Trev . . .”
“What if I do that to Haley? What if I decide it’s not for me and something happens to her? I couldn’t hack it, Jake. I’d be done.” I shiver, my stomach threatening to expel Lorene’s biscuits and gravy that I had for breakfast. “I just don’t know if I can take that responsibility.”
“You’re the only one who knows, little brother.”
Fuck. All I know is that hurting her would break me. Surely that can’t be love.
It’s lust. She needs someone who is all about love. All about lifelong love and commitment. And that’s . . . that’s not me.
“I can’t commit to that with her.” I turn to see Penn standing at my truck, his hands over the bed. My stomach twists and I force a swallow. “I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”
“Bye.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
HALEY
Hey,” I say.
I step onto the porch and close the door behind me. Trevor kisses the top of my head before taking my hand and guiding me down the sidewalk.
The friend kiss again. Okay.
“Thanks for coming with me,” I say. My voice wobbles more than I’d like, but I’m doing my best to keep my composure. Every day, every hour, that passes is a moment closer to him leaving and me not having a resolution to whatever it is we are. Or aren’t.
“Absolutely,” he says. “In you go.”
The truck door opens and I climb inside. I set the vase of flowers I arranged earlier for Neely on the floor between my feet, and by the time I’m situated, Trevor is climbing in.
The conversation he suggested we have yesterday hangs over us like a dark cloud. I feel it lingering about, threatening to ruin everything.
I don’t know whether to bring it up or to let Trevor do it. As he flips on the engine, I figure it might be best to wait until the party is over. I’d rather not see my friends with mascara tears, and even though I knew who Trevor was going into this sexual relationship, it hurts. But at least I’m happier in myself and I’m still awesome.
But I might still cry . . .
“Did you design those?” he asks, nodding to the flowers.
“Yeah. They’re pretty, huh?”
“You did good, Ohio.”
He pilots the truck onto the road. I turn the heat up on my side and rub my hands together in front of the vent. There’s a chill I can’t shake, but I think it radiates from inside me and no amount of heated air will fix it.
“Turn here,” I say.
“So why are they moving?” he asks. It’s a clear conversation starter, and I hate that it’s so forced.
“Dane has lived in the house they live in now since before Mia was born. Now that Neely is in the picture, he thought it would be nice to have a house they could all see as home.” I shrug. “It’s pretty sweet, actually.”
“He seems like a good guy.”
“He really is.”
We drive quietly out of town. The sun hovers over the horizon, painting the sky the most beautiful colors. Trevor bites a fingernail, something I’ve never seen him do before, and I wonder if that’s a good sign or a bad one.
I’ve thought about our impending conversation all day and popped antacids like they’re candy. Whether it’s out of necessity or because I’m that desperate, I can find some hope in things. He came into the shop today. He’s going with me tonight. He wouldn’t do those things if he didn’t see something for us together. It wouldn’t make sense, and if Trevor is anything, he’s logical.
Besides sexy. He’s so fucking sexy.
He glances at me out of the corner of his eye and smirks. “You’re staring again.”
“You’re cute again. What do you want me to do?”
He reaches over and grabs my thigh. He gives it a gentle squeeze. “Thanks for inviting me tonight.” His tone lacks any enthusiasm whatsoever.
“Thanks for being so excited about it.”
He laughs, removing his hand. Instantly, I miss it. I want to take it off the steering wheel and put it back on my leg. Or arm. Or face.
Damn it.
“Is this it?” Trevor points at a farmhouse on the right. “Never mind. The sign makes it clear.”
We pull into the driveway and park behind Penn’s truck. Trevor jumps out and opens my door and pulls me into him before my feet hit the ground.
He smells amazing, like leather and pine. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest. He holds me tight, gripping the back of my head and pressing it into him. My body relaxes as his heartbeat plays beneath my cheek.
“I know you want an answer,” he says quietly. “I don’t want you to think I’m avoiding you or the conversation.”
“But aren’t you?” I ask, my chest burning like it’s on fire.
“No.” He shakes his head. “We have to figure out where we stand. I know that. I’m not stupid.”
“Is it something you have to think about? Or do you know?”
He lowers his face and kisses my head, letting his lips linger. “I don’t really want to talk about this right now.”
“That doesn’t sound good.” I fist his shirt in my hand and steady myself. Be strong. “But we’ll talk about it later. After the party?”
He kisses me again. “Yeah. We’ll talk tonight.”
I fight a lump in my throat as I pull back. He gives me a soft smile that, if I thought about it long enough, could be defined as sad. Or foreboding. Or the exact opposite spirit from what the bamboo was supposed to deliver.
Shoving it out of my brain, I focus on getting through the next couple of hours. At least here, I’m surrounded by my people. That’s good.
I take his hand, his palm enveloping mine, and start toward the house. “I want you to know that this party won’t be anything like your dad’s. So temper your expectations, please.”
He laughs, squeezing my hand. “Most parties aren’t like my dad’s because most men aren’t married to a Meredith.”
“I thought you and Jake put the party on for your father?” I ask.
“Oh, we did. Just like Dad had the house here built for her but she sent drawings and designs down to incorporate. Meredith
has a way of getting what she wants.”
“I respect that.”
“Trust me—if I could figure it out, I’d do it too.”
I grin to myself. If he only knew how much he could get away with just by flicking that smirk or touching an arm. It’s probably for the best he doesn’t know.
We take the steps. I give a courtesy knock and then walk on in.
Dane, Neely, Matt, Penn, and Susan are standing in the kitchen. Pizza boxes from Mucker’s are open in front of them along with water bottles and two-liter containers of soda. Mia’s, Keyarah’s, and Madison’s laughter filters downstairs as their feet pound on the floors above.
“Hey,” I say as we enter.
“How are you, Haley?” Susan walks over to us, a little shell-shocked as she takes in Trevor. “I’m Susan.”
“Hi. I’m Trevor Kelly.”
“It’s nice to meet you.”
Trevor smiles and walks on by to say hello to the guys. Susan mouths, “Oh, my God,” as he passes. All I can do is giggle because I get it. I feel the same way.
“Want some pizza?” Neely asks. “We have all kinds. More kids will be here in about thirty minutes. We thought we’d get here first so we can actually hear each other talk.”
I grab a slice, even though my stomach threatens to reject it just from smelling it. Trevor comes up to my side and pours himself a glass of soda.
“What’s up, Matt?” Trevor asks, screwing the top back on the two-liter bottle.
“Not much.”
“I was telling my brother about the deck you built. He had me grab some pictures to take back with me.”
I avoid Neely’s gaze and take a bite of pizza instead.
My heart thumps wildly in my chest, my blood rocking through my body. He’s leaving. That’s one variable down.
“Hey, Trevor, come back here,” Dane says, opening the back door. “If you like to fish, you have to see this pond. Completely stocked with catfish. Don’t tell my lady, but this is the reason I really wanted to buy the house.”
“I love to fish . . .” Trevor follows Dane outside, Matt on their tail.
As soon as the door closes, I shake my head. “No,” I say, waving off the questions Neely and Susan are poised to ask. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Has he still not talked to you?” Neely asks.
“We’re supposed to talk about it after we leave here.” I feel my energy fade into the room. “I don’t know what to think.”
“But Nashville isn’t far. You could totally see each other on the weekends,” Susan offers. “Who really sees their guy during the week, anyway?”
I look from one to the other, to an unusually quiet Penn standing by the door.
“Yeah, but I don’t think that’s the problem,” I say. “It’s more than that.”
“Maybe he’s just unsure how to handle it,” Susan suggests.
“Maybe.” I realize I forgot the flowers in Trevor’s truck. “Hey, I brought you something, Neely. I’ll be right back.”
I step outside, grateful for the quiet. All their questions—spoken and unspoken—overwhelm me because this is not up to me. If it were up to me, I’d figure it out with Trevor because I really like him.
A lot.
More than I’ve liked anyone and in a different way.
In a better way.
In a way that probably doesn’t matter.
My feet slow as I realize all the time we’ve spent together meant something different to me. He might like me, but he was just having fun. I was, too, but I did what I always do . . . start falling in love.
Oh, dear Jesus.
My hand lies on the front of Trevor’s truck as I blink back a tear.
“Hey.”
I jump when Penn comes around the back of the truck and sees me. I sniffle, wiping at my eyes just in case.
“Hey, you,” I say. “What are you doing out here?”
“I came to talk to you.”
“Penn, now’s not the time.”
He leans against the truck and looks at me. His eyes are as serious as they get, his face—which is usually full of mischief—free from any shenanigans. It makes me nervous.
“I know you think I’m a big goofball,” he says.
I smile. “Aren’t you?”
“Yeah. More or less. But sometimes, even this goofball has something he wants to say.”
“Okay.”
“Do you remember the first day I met you?” he asks.
“Yes. I believe I was pushing Mia in a stroller and you made a very inappropriate comment about my butt.”
“Sounds about right.” He grins. His arms cross over his chest as he looks at me with a seriousness I didn’t know Penn could manage. “I’m an idiot when it comes to women. You know how I roll.”
“If that means you knock them over like dominoes, then yeah. I got you.”
“Nice analogy. That makes me look fancy.” He shrugs, shoving off the truck. “But one thing I never do is play them.”
“I know you don’t, Penn. No one thinks you want anything from a girl but sex. Hence the reason I’ve never gone to dinner with you.”
He grins, his cheeks flushing a little. He’s adorable in a boy-next-door kind of way, and for as much crap as he catches from us and doles our way, he’s resilient. He’s loyal. He knows we’d all do anything for him because he’d do as much for us. That’s the beauty of Penn Etling—he’ll drive you to the brink and then pull you off it before you fall.
“Look, this is none of my business.” He works his neck back and forth. “Fuck it. I’m just gonna go back in.”
My smile fades as a chill creeps over my bones. There’s something he’s not saying, and I need to know what it is. Even if it hurts . . . and I think it might.
“Penn, what’s wrong?”
He squares his shoulders to mine. “You really like Kelly, huh?”
“I do.”
He chews on the side of his cheek. “This is why I don’t pay attention to shit. Then you gotta know shit. Then you gotta decide what to do with it.”
I force a swallow. “What do you know, Penn?”
He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know anything, really. I just don’t think Kelly is the kind of guy that’s gonna stay with a woman long term.”
I lift my chin to distract him, and maybe me, from the way my heart splinters into a thousand little pieces. “How do you know this?”
“I’m not judging him for it, Hay. I’m the same damn way. But the problem is, it’s you on the receiving end, and I’m gonna have a helluva time watching that.”
“Maybe it won’t end like you think.” But if even Penn can see this, why am I holding on to hope?
“What do you think is gonna happen?” he asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’m hoping he goes back to Nashville and we figure out how to see each other and we can build on it from there. I really think we can make it work, and I think Trevor wants it to too.” A bubble of panic begins to burst in my chest. “I know he says he doesn’t want commitment and all that, but don’t most men say that?”
“I guess. I do. But I really don’t want it.”
“I don’t think he’s wanted it either. But every man has to find a girl that changes things for them. Am I right? I hope,” I say, grimacing. “I sound like a damn idiot.”
“You do not.” Penn struggles with what to say. It physically manifests itself in the rigidity of his shoulders and the strain in his neck. “I hope you get everything you want out of life. And if that includes Kelly, then I hope he realizes what he’s got and reels you in.” He kicks at a rock.
I put my head on Penn’s shoulder and sigh. He pats the top of my hand with his heavy palm, being as gentle as he can be. It’s not what I thought I’d be doing tonight, taking comfort from the guy who drives me crazier than any other, but it’s what I need right now. I’m glad Penn knew it and offered his friendship to me.
“You’re all right, you know that?” I ask.
>
“Yeah.” He leans his head on mine. “And if you ever find yourself in need of a night out, don’t forget that I’m patiently waiting my turn to woo you.”
I snort, pulling my head up. “You don’t want to woo me. You just want to sleep with me.” I retrieve the flowers from the truck.
“That’s not true,” he says as we start back to the house. “So you know, I’d take you to a nice dinner. Tell you how pretty you are. Then I’d sleep with you. You’d get more out of it than just a lay.”
I laugh as he opens the door for me. “How thoughtful of you.”
“I’m really underestimated.”
“That you are.”
I watch him walk ahead of me and make a note I owe him one. He didn’t have to do this—take time to come talk to me so I could walk back in with a smile on my face—but he did.
He’ll make a good catch for someone one day.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
TREVOR
I stand just around the corner of the house, unmoving. I need to go back inside, especially because Haley and Penn have returned. But I can’t. My feet won’t move.
That’s probably for the best since I want to put a fist down Penn Etling’s throat. Not because he’s wrong. But because he’s right.
They say the truth is sometimes hard to hear, and that’s certainly accurate this time around.
“I just don’t think Kelly is the kind of guy that’s gonna stay with a woman long term.”
My teeth grind together as the weight of Penn’s words trickles through my mind. The bastard is right. I’ve never been that guy. I haven’t wanted to be. It’s against my code of conduct.
Why stay with a woman when you know how badly it’ll end? When she wants a house and kids and a commitment of forever and you can’t guarantee that? Tera’s face, tear-stricken and pale, slides through my mind, and my stomach lurches.
I gag, imagining Haley looking at me in the same way, all because I changed my mind. All because I told her I was just learning about myself and realized I had it wrong and it wasn’t fair to either one of us to stay in a relationship that wasn’t right.
That I didn’t want to resent her for making me not take certain jobs or not live in certain places all because I told her I wouldn’t years before.
Tangle Page 21
