“I think that’s all.”
“Ok. Well, have a wonderful day!”
“You too, Ava.”
They said their goodbyes in time for Ava to sprint back to her room and turn off her smartphone’s alarm clock. She hesitated, then resisted the temptation to use the phone to Google her father’s name. She was on vacation. The last thing she needed to do right now was worry about the campaign.
She took a shower and got ready for the day, tugging on a sporty black and white two-piece swimsuit constructed of a series of crisscrosses. A short charcoal gray cover-up went over it. She stepped into a pair of white sandals and adorned her ears with some inexpensive, dangly shell earrings that she wouldn’t be heartbroken over losing in the ocean. She swept her lashes with waterproof mascara and moistened her lips with equally waterproof red lipstick. No use wearing on any other makeup since it would all get washed away in the ocean.
With a few minutes to spare, she grabbed the pastry she’d saved from their trip to Mongoose Junction yesterday. She ate her breakfast while staring at the smartphone she’d left on the sofa. She really shouldn’t…
Curiosity won out.
She picked up her phone and Googled her father’s name. Of course, his campaign website would already be up. A short campaign video marked the landing page. It featured her father and emphasized adjective like honest, trustworthy, family values, opportunity, and exceptionalism. The biography page displayed a family photo taken only six months ago at Emerson House in Austin.
Already aware of all her father’s stances on the issues, she left the campaign site to glance over a few articles about her father’s announcement. One particularly well-researched piece included a section on her. It speculated that her recent popularity on Pirate’s Plunder may have had something to do with the timing of her father’s announcement.
Ava laughed. “Yeah, right. This has been a long time coming.”
Shaking her head, she scrolled to the next paragraph. It mentioned she would be speaking at the Pure Love conference in Washington, DC next month and hosting something called “An Evening with Ava Emerson” a month later. Ava frowned. “What?”
The article was wrong. She hadn’t agreed to do any such thing. She stilled. Unless…
Desperately pressing the button to go back to her phone’s home screen, she tapped the calendar app that connected her schedule with her parents’. A notification popped up. Alarm rushed through her. “Forty-three pending events?”
She scrolled through them in growing disbelief. Her parents couldn’t have— wouldn’t have— committed her to all of this without even asking her. Surely, this had to be a mistake.
The sound of a car door shutting in the driveway shattered her stunned silence. Grabbing her beach bag, she headed for the door only to stop halfway there. She turned to pick up the keys to the villa, her sunglasses, and sunhat. Finally, she made it out the door.
Ian was halfway up the stairs to the villa when he caught sight of her and stopped. “Good morning. Let me take the bag for you.”
“Good morning.” She offering a quick smile, then handed him the beach bag that he was reaching for. “Thank you.”
As they backed out of the driveway and started down the road, she couldn’t help pulling out her phone again to browse through all the events. So many meetings. Meetings with campaign personnel, a speech writer, a manager. Manager?
Her parents had hired a manager for her? Like the one Ian had? It made sense. They’d have so much on their plates—
“Ava, which do you prefer?” Ian asked.
She glanced up from her phone. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
He stopped at the stop sign and glanced at her with a mixture of curiosity and concern. “Everything ok?”
“Yes, I just missed what you said.”
“We could go to Trunk Bay or try to find some place less populated.”
“Less populated? For what?”
His brow furrowed. “Snorkeling. Trunk Bay is one of the most popular snorkeling beaches on the island. Plus, it’s close to here. The only problem is that it’s likely to be crowded. One of us might get recognized.”
“Then we should go somewhere else,” she said quickly. Too quickly. But, if her parents found out she was in St. John on vacation alone with a man she’d met on a reality show, someone they didn’t know and might not approve of…
Well, they’d have some pointed questions she might not be ready to answer. Meanwhile, the rest of the world would be all too willing to speculate and jump to conclusions. Appearances mattered, especially since she was supposed to speak at the Pure Love conference. If she wasn’t mistaken, that conference emphasized the importance of abstinence, which—
Ian’s voice cut into her thoughts. “I thought you might say that. Well, actually, I thought you wouldn’t care, but I think I know of a great place for snorkeling that will also give us more privacy.”
“That’s good.” She glanced at her phone again. Photo shoots. Interviews. This didn’t even include the Pirate’s Plunder press tour. Her grandmother was being honored on an award show, and Ava was supposed to present in her honor. Wasn’t her mother the one on tap for that?
Ian’s hand landed on her knee. Only then, did she realize she was trembling. Not with panic, but with something else entirely. Something she didn’t want to name.
Of all the time times for Ian decide to be affectionate, why now? She removed his hand from her knee, threading her fingers through his to keep him from noticing her shaking. He needed his hand back soon enough to keep from hitting a mongoose that had wandered into the road.
A few moments later, he pulled into a nearly empty parking lot at the base of a large, wooded hill. She smiled. “No crowds here, that’s for sure.”
“It’s a bit of a hike to the beach.”
She slid her phone deep into her beach bag. “No problem.”
They grabbed their gear and climbed an easy trail to the top of the hill. The rainforest thinned out until it revealed a lush clearing that overlooked the ocean. Ruins of an old windmill stretched two or three stories high, resting near the edge of the cliff.
Instinctively, Ava veered toward the gray stone tower. She entered the largest archway at the front of the circular structure. Smaller archways provided a view of the surrounding mountains, forest, and ocean as well as the other Virgin Islands in the distance. There was no roof so the square, sawed off stones gave way to the vibrant blue sky above.
Trailing her hands over the rough stone, she paused near one of the windows facing the ocean. She pulled in a deep breath as though doing so would help her internalize the nearly tangible peace of this place. It didn’t. Not at all.
She heard Ian set their gear near the entrance. Only his voice crossed the expanse toward her. “Ava, you don’t have to pretend that you’re ok.”
She froze. Turning on her heel, she met his too-perceptive blue eyes. “I’m fine.”
“You are not.” He took a step closer. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or do I have to guess?”
She leaned back against the wall and lifted her chin as she stared at him rather blandly. A dare if she’d ever issued one, though why it felt necessary, she couldn’t say. “Since you insist there is something wrong, perhaps you’d better tell me what it is.”
“Your parents…”
Well, shoot. She tensed. “What about them?”
He crossed the space between them until he was only inches away. “They did something to make you absolutely livid, but for some reason you can’t allow yourself to admit it or to feel it, and so…”
He took her wrist and lifted it between them so that there was no hiding the tiny shivers coursing through her. Defiance pulsed in her chest, but it was pointless. Ian hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t fair to take out her frustrations on him. Yet, the heat roiling within her only increased.
He searched her face. “What are feeling right no
w?”
“Anger. So much anger.” She tugged her arm from his grasp and turned away from him. Sliding her fingers into her hair, she pulled in a deep breath. “Do you know what it’s like to have no voice? No control. Over anything. It’s like I’m a doll. A pretty little doll they dress up and parade around when it’s convenient for them. When it isn’t, they put me back in my box, and I stay there until…”
Gritting her teeth, she shook her head. “I shouldn’t be saying—”
“Keep going. Keep talking. Let it out.”
She whirled toward him again, but couldn’t quite look him in the eye. “I hate it. I absolutely hate it. It’s like nothing is ever good enough. They always want me to be more. To be perfect. To be beautiful and brilliant. My every decision is weighed a thousand times over, analyzed.”
She finally met his gaze. “I’m making them sound like villains. They aren’t. They’re just… driven. They expect the same of me, but I’m tired. I’m so tired.”
Taking a seat in the hollowed-out window, she sighed and glanced to the beach bag where she’d left her phone. “They’ve planned the next few months of my life, made hard and fast commitments of my time without even consulting me. I know I’m going to find a way to justify it, to say it’s ok. That’s what I always do. But, it isn’t ok. And, right now, I don’t want to do any of the things they’ve planned simply because they’ve planned them.”
“Then don’t do it.”
She gave him a look because they both knew she would. “I have to do at least some of it.”
“You are a grown woman. You aren’t required to do anything you don’t want to do.” He sat beside her. “Look at me, Ava.” He waited until she turned to face him before he continued, “You have a choice.”
“And, I’m going to choose to be a good daughter and do what they ask of me.”
He shook her head. “Is that really what you think God wants?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s one of the Ten Commandments.”
“Yeah, and what’s the first one?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Are you saying I’m putting my parents above God?”
“You tell me. Does their word supersede God’s in your life? Are they the deciding factor for your decisions? Have you even prayed about whether God wants you to do everything they’ve planned for you? Have you given Him a say at all? Do you usually?”
She knew the answer to all those questions, and she didn’t like any of them. She wrapped her arms around her waist, then leaned back against the cold stone. “What am I going to do, Ian?”
“It isn’t my place to answer that, Ava. It’s God’s.”
She sighed and glanced out at the sea before meeting his gaze again. “Will you pray for me?”
“Go ahead.” He took her hand in his and bowed his head probably knowing full-well she’d wanted him to pray for her. Instead, he was making her talk to God about her life. Something she should have been doing all along. Frustrating man.
Nevertheless, she pulled in a deep breath. “Lord, forgive me for not putting You first in my life. I give that place back to you. Show me who I am, who you want me to be. Help me to listen to you. In Jesus’s name…”
She waited in case Ian wanted to add something. He did. He prayed God would give her clarity and the desire to do His will. He asked God to give her courage and peace. Finally, he said, “And, God, help me to help her. Show me what to do. As I seek Your will, keep me from deliberate sins—especially in my relationship with Ava. We pray this in Jesus name, amen.”
“Amen.” She lifted her head to meet his gaze. “Why did you pray that?”
“Pray what?”
“You asked God to keep you from deliberate sins—especially in your relationship with me. Why especially? What sins?”
His eyes widened. “Oh. Hey, we should try to find the beach.”
“No, you don’t.” She caught his arm when he tried to rise. Pressing her hand on his knee to keep him seated, she leaned closer. “Talk.”
Chapter Nineteen
Well, this was awkward. Really awkward. And, he had no one to blame but himself.
He’d gotten so used to praying the prayer Brian had taught him that the words had slipped out of before he could stop them. Perhaps it was for the best. It was probably past time to get his struggles out in the open, particularly since they involved Ava.
Suddenly, he couldn’t seem to hold any of it back. “Ava, you know I haven’t always been a Christian.”
“No one has always been a Christian, babe. Everyone has to choose God on their own.”
“I know, but… I’m saying this all wrong.” He stopped himself and tried again. “The truth is, I’m really attracted to you, which makes it hard because we’re in a relationship now.”
Her brow furrowed even as her lips curved into a bemused smile. “I… What? That makes no sense.”
“I told you I haven’t dated much as a Christian and never to someone I’m this attracted to, so I talked to Brian about it—”
“Hold on. You did what?”
“There weren’t any cameras around, and he wasn’t mic’d up.”
“Well, that’s something at least.” Apparently, she trusted him not to run off because she removed her hand from his knee. Crossing her legs, she turned to face him more fully. “You told him you were struggling. What did he say?”
“He said I should trust God to lead me in our relationship. He also told me to pray, specifically those words about seeking God’s will and deliberate sin.”
“Oh.” She tilted her head, then shrugged. “Well, that’s not so bad then. In context, I mean. In fact, it’s kind of sweet.”
He frowned. “It isn’t sweet.”
“Why isn’t it sweet?”
“Because I’m still having the problem.”
“What problem?”
“I’m still nervous. I’m afraid I’m going to cross the line or go too far and mess everything up.”
“Cross the…” She stared at him in confusion. Finally, her eyebrows lifted. “You mean physically? With me?”
“Yes.”
She blinked. “Um… Are you sure that’s the real problem?”
“Why wouldn’t it be the real problem?
Her palms lifted upward. “I don’t know. I’m just a little confused. It isn’t like we’ve been super hot and heavy as a couple. Or even just plain hot for that matter.”
He straightened. “You don’t think what we have is hot?”
“Well, I think you’re hot. I’m pretty sure you think I’m hot. After all, you’ve told me you find me attractive a few times now, but I wouldn’t say our chemistry is…” She sent him a confused look. “I mean, we don’t exactly need to call the fire department.”
Was she kidding? He searched her face. No. She wasn’t kidding. “Then what is our chemistry like?”
“It’s sweet. More caring—which is fine.”
“Fine,” Ian echoed. Right because every guy wanted his girlfriend to classify their chemistry as “fine.” Great. Just great. “I beg to differ. I think it’s plenty hot.”
She smiled like she thought his insistence was… cute or something. She shrugged. “Ok. Well, my point is you have been the perfect gentleman. So even if you think you’re having problems in the self-control department, they aren’t manifesting in reality.”
His jaw clenched. “Is that so?”
Her amusement turned to concern. “Look, I don’t mean to take this lightly or make you upset. It’s just the way you’re talking makes it sound like we’re on the edge of making some huge mistake when we are so far from—”
“Yeah, I got that.”
“I’m not saying it doesn’t happen in Christian relationships. Sometimes boundaries get wonky. Best intentions go awry, but it doesn’t have to happen with us.” She tilted her head to survey him. “I mean, I do get a say in this whole ‘crossing the line’ thing, right?”
“Of
course, you get a say.”
“Well, a long time ago, I decided I would wait for my husband. As careful and respectful as you’ve been with me so far, I trust you to honor that. I also know, regardless of how you may have behaved when you weren’t a Christian, you want to wait, too.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “I do want to wait, but like you said, I have a past. I don’t want to fall back into old patterns.”
“But they’re old patterns, right? That isn’t who you are anymore.” She briefly touched his arm. “See? This is what I mean. This isn’t about how physical we are or aren’t in our relationship. It goes deeper. We need to address the real issue here.”
He tried. He really tried to let it go… for about a half a second, but he couldn’t. “You mean the one besides the fact you don’t feel like we have any chemistry?”
She stilled. “Oh, my word, Ian. I never said we don’t have any chemistry. I said we didn’t have that type of chemistry, which is not even the point right now. Can we focus on what’s important?”
“This is important.” He ignored her frustrated groan. “How could you think we don’t have ‘fire department level’ chemistry?”
“Why would I? You rarely initiate affection. Sometimes you barely even look at me.”
Oh. He rubbed his jaw. “You noticed that?”
She rolled her eyes even as her lips tilted in amusement. “Was I not supposed to?”
Honestly, he hadn’t thought how his issues might affect her or her view of their relationship. He hadn’t thought about her at all—which wasn’t exactly something to be proud of. “I guess I didn’t think it would matter to you.”
“Of course, it matters, but I assumed you simply weren’t the affectionate type.”
Now, that was something no one he’d ever dated had accused him of. Maybe he needed to loosen up a little. “I can be more affectionate.”
She seemed amused again. “Well, don’t force it for my sake.”
“Believe me. I wouldn’t be forcing it.” It was probably best to ignore the fact that she was laughing at him. He captured her gaze to add some seriousness to the moment. “It wouldn’t bother you, though? I know you’ve been through a lot with the attack a few months ago and the guys on the Intrepid. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way.”
Beyond the Tide Page 22
