“I’m glad she has a true friend at her side,” Dr. Beck said. “It’s something we all need.”
“We’re all her friend,” Jamie said. “Fatty, Donny. Even Dad. When he wakes up.”
“Those aren’t friends,” Dr. Beck said. “They’re acquaintances. You’re a real friend. You would never leave her behind, never give up on her.”
“Of course not,” Jamie said.
“True friends are very hard to come by,” Dr. Beck said. “Especially now. She’ll need you. In the future.”
“I’m not sure there’s going to be much of a future,” Jamie said. “Not after the Bugs are finished with us.”
“The sad truth is, that might very well be true,” Dr. Beck said.
He turned to the monitors, eyes moving from one screen to another. Jamie did the same, letting the vastness of the world sweep over him. Letting himself feel small and insignificant. It gave him a great sense of peace.
“I was thinking about the commune,” Jamie said. “Is there any reason they can’t join us here?”
“You’re the second person to mention that,” Dr. Beck said. “I suppose there’s no need for us to live here in secret any longer, is there?”
“They’ll be a lot more comfortable here, with plenty of food,” Jamie said. “And it’s safe.”
“Tell that to the Rages outside,” Dr. Beck said.
“Rages are always outside,” Jamie said with a shrug. “Better to be inside.”
“Your commune isn’t safe?” Dr. Beck said.
“I used to think so,” Jamie said. “That was before the Reavers attacked us. They blew a hole in one of our walls. It’ll be hard to fix if the Reavers keep coming back for their weekly donation.”
“I’m not sure they’re much interested in the donation any longer,” Dr. Beck said.
Jamie frowned. He didn’t understand.
“Why?” he said.
“Because they took off when they came across your little tragic scene,” Dr. Beck said. “The Bug pod. The human skin of one of their number. The broken Bug body. It proved too much for them.”
“The whole clan?” Jamie said.
“Most, if not all,” Dr. Beck said. “You can go back over the video footage we have of your commune if you like. You might be able to identify the difference between your commune members and any Reavers they left behind. You’ll know better than I. Still, I believe the vast majority left already.”
“Why would they leave everything behind?” Jamie said. “They beat us, our commune. They could have taken everything, could have demanded food from us every week. Could have gotten enough supplies to live forever.”
“Or they saw the Bug’s crippled body and decided it was best to get as far from here as possible,” Dr. Beck said. “I can’t say I blame them. If I were in their shoes—or boots, as the case may be—I might very well have made the same decision.”
He took the small remote from his pocket and pressed one of the buttons. One of the camera monitors cut to black, blinked white, then flashed with a frozen image of the commune from the earlier satellite feed.
“The controls to scroll forward and back and so forth are on the keyboard in front of you,” Dr. Beck said. “Play around with it. You’re a smart kid. You’ll get the hang of it.”
Jamie pressed the buttons. It didn’t take long to figure out the controls. After the satellite passed the commune, a whole new image started. The commune had changed slightly.
“I don’t understand,” Jamie said. “Why does the commune look different? The wall is still in place on this one! The commune couldn’t have rebuilt it already, could they?”
“You’re looking at the previous satellite sweep,” Dr. Beck said. “We record every movement the satellites make. Never know when you might need data. We used them to check on other Cities, see if they’re active, still operational.”
Jamie skipped back through the history of the commune. Buildings popped up and disappeared. Walls extended and shrunk. Previous Rage and Reaver attacks played out in real time. If Jamie concentrated, focused on a time and place that coincided with these satellite images, he could even see himself. Sitting on the ramparts, watching the sunrise. It sent a shiver up his spine.
“This is amazing,” Jamie said.
And then he stopped.
“Is something the matter?” Dr. Beck said.
“Did you know about us in the commune before we came here?” Jamie said. “You have the video footage, so I guess you must have known.”
“We were aware of our vicinity, yes,” Dr. Beck said. “Why?”
“Our commune is a stone’s throw from here,” Jamie said.
“I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking,” Dr. Beck said.
Jamie turned in his chair to stare at the old man.
“I’m asking why you never came to our aid,” he said. “When we were starving, struggling to get by. Why didn’t you ever come help us?”
Dr. Beck was silent a moment.
“We didn’t take much notice of the outside world or those who were surviving,” he said. “I admit, we should have paid closer attention. If it wasn’t for you and the other communes, we wouldn’t have had the time we needed to complete our mission.”
Jamie’s eyes could have drilled holes in steel.
“It’s human nature to look out for others,” he said. “But you didn’t. You left us to rot, to die, against Rages, Reavers, nature and even an enemy we didn’t know we were facing. The Bugs.”
“When a scientist really gets into what he’s working on, there’s no stopping him,” Dr. Beck said feebly. “He focuses on what he’s doing and knuckles down. Nothing can come between him and his work.”
“You think that’s okay?” Jamie said. “You never told anyone outside what you were doing here. We might have been able to help.”
“You did help,” Dr. Beck said. “Your commune still is.”
“How are they?” Jamie said. “What’s their valued role? They’re outside. Fodder for the. . .”
He fixed Dr. Beck with a look.
“No,” he said. “You can’t be serious.”
“It was necessary,” Dr. Beck said.
Jamie’s expression was one of pure revulsion.
“You sacrificed us,” Jamie said. “Knowing we were going to die. Knowing the Bugs would come after us. The Rages and Reavers circling like vultures. You didn’t care. You knew we were struggling to survive. You knew we wouldn’t give up. It was a suicide mission from the start. You knew we were going to die.”
Dr. Beck shook his head and shifted his walking stick from one hand to another. He couldn’t look at Jamie.
“We needed the Bugs to think humans were still alive, still fighting the Rages,” he said. “We all had to make our own personal sacrifices.”
“What was your sacrifice?” Jamie said, eyes blazing. “Here in this Eden of yours?”
“I made my fair share of sacrifices,” Dr. Beck said, eyes growing steely hard. “We’re on the same team, struggling to survive. Without you out there, there was no way we would have had the time to build the ship. If I could go back, don’t you think I would have done things differently? There’s no changing our nature, no changing the past. It’s our policy never to interfere with the outside world, nor for them to interfere with what we’re doing. What if we gave you a helping hand? What if the Bugs saw us, tracked us, and destroyed the one hope we had of defeating them?”
“The City was destroyed anyway!” Jamie said. “The rocket, gone! What difference does it make?”
“It makes a difference,” Dr. Beck said, calming down, “because now we have the benefit of hindsight. At the time, we wanted to help. But how could we risk everything for a handful of people? Yes, they were people you knew, who you loved. But so were we. Humanity’s one hope versus a box of food. Does that sound like a fair trade to you?”
“You could have helped us,” Jamie said sadly. “Before, you mentioned you had to drug the people wor
king here to get them to feel good about what they were doing. They didn’t need it for that. They needed a pick-me-up because they had lost hope. They saw us dying outside, being murdered right in front of their door, and they wanted to help, but you stopped them.”
Jamie could see he was hitting the right mark. Dr. Beck’s mouth worked but made no sound.
“When I rescued Lucy, I went with a close friend,” Jamie said. “A girl. She was my friend. A good friend. And she died. To rescue Lucy. If I could go back, I would have changed that. It should have been me who died. Not sweet Nester.”
Jamie looked away and braced himself on the desktop. Heavy silence hung thick like a blanket.
“I promise to do more in future to aid the communes,” Dr. Beck said.
“Good,” Jamie said. “Including letting them stay here.”
“Of course,” Dr. Beck said. “I’ll go to every commune in the area and invite them. But someone like you will have to come with me. They’ll likely burn me at the stake if I told them the truth outright.”
He put a hand on Jamie’s shoulder.
“I know things have been difficult for you out there,” he said. “But it made you into the man you are today. Whatever happens in the future, you’re going to need that. I’m sorry for the decisions I made in the past. I did what I did because I felt I didn’t have a choice. Lucy and our mothership was all I could see. The future of the human race was up for grabs if we won. Along the way, I lost sight of my humanity somehow.”
“I hope you rediscover it,” Jamie said. “Because it will be a hollow victory if we lose our humanity in the process of winning.”
“Regrets are a terrible thing,” Dr. Beck said. “I should know. I have more of them than most.”
“If I hadn’t insisted on leaving the commune, Nester never would have died,” Jamie said.
His shoulders shuddered, the stresses of the memory beginning to break him. He wiped his eyes on his shirt sleeve. This was no time to lose control.
“And you never would have found Lucy,” Dr. Beck said. “I’m not saying one outcome is any better or worse than another. But you have to marvel at the universe’s balance. It gives with one hand and takes away with the other. There’s an ancient and powerful natural equilibrium at work, I think. We might die out, but the Bugs will prosper. We lose, they win. There’s nothing personal about it, except to us, of course. The universe doesn’t care what happens to us or what happens within its borders. It’s not alive. It doesn’t have preferences. If it did have a sense of justice it would have taken pity on us.”
He looked sad then, peering down at his knobbled fingers. Liver spots dotted his arms. He wasn’t long for this world, Jamie knew. No one could live forever, even with modern technology. Death could be stalled and put off for days, weeks, even years, but there was no stopping it from knocking on your door eventually.
“You said before that we’ve made sacrifices, to the Rages, to the Reavers, most of all to the Bugs,” Jamie said. “What were yours?”
Dr. Beck struggled with the words. They refused to form on his lips.
“Forgive me, my boy,” he said. “Sometimes it’s hard to recount events of the past. It’s harder to relive events the further back in time they happened. I realize how weak that sounds. I do not mean to belittle your own tragic experience.”
Jamie nodded. He knew things from the past could be extremely painful in the present. It was that way for his father. He had never really come to terms with the death of his wife.
Dr. Beck used his walking stick to leverage himself up into a standing position. He moved for the door, then stopped. Turned.
“I’m sorry about your friend,” he said. “I truly am. I only wish time could be wound back so easily as that satellite feed. I can’t speak about my own woes, but perhaps I can tell you in another form. If you ever leave this place, and should you find yourself travelling east, you will come to a town called Jury. There, you’ll find a house with a black tiled roof in the suburbs, with red brick walls and a swing out front from an old tree with a single strong limb. Inside that house, in the main bedroom upstairs, you will find a loose floorboard poking out from beneath the end of the bed. There, you’ll learn my own sad tale and everything that happened in the months leading up to the Fall. You’ll learn of my experience, of my personal sacrifices. I can’t give them voice. I hope you will not judge me too harshly.”
He pondered over his words a few seconds, considered whether or not to add to them, before turning and leaving Jamie to his thoughts once more.
26.
LUCY WAS walking. She had nowhere in particular she wanted to end up, no end point in mind. She wanted to let her mind wander, let herself think. She had a lot to think about.
She didn’t much like the way the others looked at her. They never voiced their thoughts, never asked her questions. But they acted differently around her now. They were quieter, less jovial. More than once, she caught Fatty staring at her. He was slow to pull away. It would have made her laugh if she didn’t feel like a freak. Even Jamie was acting strangely around her.
Couldn’t they see she was the same Lucy as before? A lot had happened in that time but nothing had really changed between them. Then she realized that perhaps they weren’t really acting strangely around her. Perhaps it was her own issues that made her think that way.
She didn’t yet feel comfortable with herself. Just when she was beginning to get a feel for who she was—what she was—Dr. Beck had thrown her a curve ball. And yet, somehow, it hadn’t been a complete surprise. He’d only voiced the thoughts she’d already had whispering at the back of her mind. The probing questions about how she could do the things she could. How she had known the Reaver leader wasn’t who he pretended to be, that he was something else. How she had known how to get inside the City—
Lucy paused. That was it. She’d managed to get inside the City before by inputting a code into the keypad. She’d been working on instinct, her subconscious somehow holding the information. It had bubbled up to the surface right when she needed it. Much like the flashbacks she’d experienced. Right when she needed them, she remembered. And right now, she needed to—
She turned to the doors on her left. The place her feet had brought her through no intention of her own. She needed to get inside this room. The one with the tanks Dr. Beck had brought them to before. Perhaps it would spark another memory in her mind. It lay right behind these security doors. She pressed randomly on the buttons.
The red light blinked. NO ENTRY. She didn’t have a passkey like Dr. Beck had. She tried to recall the code she’d typed to enter the City.
The lights flashed red. NO ENTRY.
She tried again. No good. She concentrated hard and tried one more time. The light flashed that awful crimson again.
Lucy screamed, balled up her fist and prepared to hammer the keypad into oblivion. She sensed she could smash this console to pieces if she wanted. Perhaps even tear the door open with her bare hands.
“You’re trying too hard.”
Lucy started. Spun around. Dr. Beck stood behind her, leaning on his walking stick to remain upright. She backed away.
“You need to relax,” Dr. Beck said. “Let it come to you naturally.”
“What are you doing here?” Lucy said.
“It’s my facility you’re attempting to break into,” Dr. Beck said. “It should be me asking you that question.”
He said it with a smile on his face but Lucy couldn’t see the funny side.
“Sorry,” Dr. Beck said. “Humour isn’t my strong suit. I want to help you. Of course, you’re curious about where you came from. It’s only natural. It’s what every human being spends his or her time thinking about. Who they are, where they came from. Their future. But you don’t need to hide, don’t need to creep around.”
“I wasn’t creeping around,” Lucy said, poking her chin out in defiance.
“Let me remedy that now,” Dr. Beck said. “You’re entitled to yo
ur own keycard. This place is as much your home as it is mine.”
He reached into his pocket and withdrew his keycard.
“No,” Lucy said, blocking his hand. “Teach me. I want to remember.”
“All right,” Dr. Beck said, returning the keycard to his pocket. “First, you need to relax. Let your subconscious take over. Let it feel the keys and press the ones that feel most natural. You can close your eyes to make it easier.”
Lucy began with her eyes open. She stared at the wall and let her fingers feel the keys. Feel, not press. They had little bumps on them, each one different, identifiable to the blind. She had no idea what any of the little symbols meant, though she supposed they could only be referring to the numbers underneath them.
“Good,” Dr. Beck said. “Relax. And press the buttons that feel right.”
Lucy pressed the buttons one after another, moving slowly but surely. She paused only once—after taking herself out of the situation by growing excited that she was actually remembering.
Bleep! The light flashed green. A whooshing sound as the twin doors slid open.
“Well done,” Dr. Beck said with a proud smile. “I knew you could do it.”
Lucy stepped into the room. The tubes remained as they had before—empty. That was not how Lucy remembered them. In fact, Lucy could only recall one capsule. The one she had been inside.
The liquid had been thick and tinted green. She could hardly see through it. It had emptied while she was still inside it. Her breath hitched in her throat at the memory. She had been scared, frightened. The moment she’d been born.
Lucy moved toward the tube and pressed her hand to it. Immediately, a memory sparked to life. A hand on the outside had pressed against the thick glass. She, on the inside, had put her own hand against the hand’s shadow.
“It was you,” Lucy said. “On the other side of the glass. You put your hand to it.”
“Yes,” Dr. Beck said. “I wanted to say hello. What else can you remember?”
“A corridor,” Lucy said. “I remembered it the first night we came here. On the way to the ward. You were there. And so was another scientist. You were both wearing long white coats. You turned and saw me. Then you smiled and called me ‘L’.”
After the Fall- The Complete series Box Set Page 29
