by Keira Conrad
He raised his arms and ran his fingers through his hair. He took a deep breath. "Callie," he said, "I can't deal with this right now."
"What about what I'm dealing with?" Her voice was thick with emotion and she knew she was about to cry.
He went to her and took her in his arms. "Tell me what you’re dealing with."
"I hate it when you leave me. When you go on your trips." She brushed her tears away and tried not to get snot on his chest. "I worry you won't come back."
"I'll always come back for you," he held her close as she cried "Callie, I go on simple scouting missions. Sometimes, hunting trips. It's all very routine and unexciting."
"Don't abandon me," she pleaded. Her voice was muffled against his chest. Damn these pregnancy hormones.
"Never." he promised.
"It might not be up to you," she said. "You're going to be a father. You have responsibilities to me and to this child."
"Callie, where is all this coming from?" He led her to the bed and lowered her onto the edge of it. He sat next to her and held her hands.
"You know my mom left when I was little. It was just me and my dad from that point on. He used to go hunting. Sometimes he'd take me with him, but most times he liked to go alone." Vaka wiped away her tears and tried to be as tender as possible. "When I was thirteen, he left at dawn and never came home."
Things were coming into focus for Vaka. "Did they find him?"
She shook her head no. "I waited all night for him to come home. I went out on my own the next day to look for him. I visited all the spots where he set his traps and I checked his deer stand, but I never found anything."
"I'm so sorry," he said.
"I was all on my own until some neighbors figured out what was going on and reported me to a social worker." She took a deep breath and tried to stop her tears. "So, when you don't tell me when you're coming home, I sit here by myself among these near-strangers and worry that the only man I ever loved isn't coming back."
"You love me?" The wonder in his voice touched something deep inside her. Surely, he must know that she nearly worshipped him?
"Of course I do." She felt sheepish saying so and didn't understand why. She should be screaming it from the literal mountaintops. "Don't you love me?"
"I've loved you for a long time," he said as he sat next to her on the bed. "I'm so sorry, Callie. I didn't mean to upset you. I wish you'd have told me sooner."
"Please don't leave again until our baby arrives.” she said.
"Of course," he said. "And I have an idea for after."
He reached into a leather pouch attached to his loincloth and extracted a small whistle. It looked like it was made of bone and shells and she remembered seeing him use one like it to call a dragon all those months ago. He threaded it with a strip of leather and tied it around her neck. "You can call me anytime with this," he said. "Only death will keep me from you when I hear its call."
She caressed the whistle like it was a magical talisman and then she reached for him. Their hunger for each other was different this time. She felt it in his touch. There was desperation in the way he took her in his arms and spread her on the bed. A primal need in the way he spooned beside her and pushed her nightgown up. He slid inside her and their coupling was more intense than it had ever been. He cradled her in his arms and marked her neck with his kisses. She reached behind and tried to pull him deeper. They were physically spent in moments, but the emotional connection cemented their relationship.
30
Callie woke in the night with a scream. If felt like something was tearing her in two. She realized what was happening and anxiety surged through her.
"I can't have this baby," she said as Vaka stirred beside her. "Andromeda's not arriving until tomorrow."
"I'll call her now." A communication device that functioned like a long-range walkie-talkie was essential in their situation. "I'm sure she'll be here in no time."
"So will this baby!"
There was a knock at the door. Shiva was practically bursting with excitement. She looked like a kid on Christmas morning.
"We must move her to the ceremonial pools." She approached their bed and helped Callie to her feet. Callie tried to walk, but a labor pain seized her with her next step and her knees buckled. Before she had time to cry out, Vaka had swept her into his arms and carried her like she weighed nothing.
"Andromeda is on her way," he told her. Vaka looked excited as well, but there was more than a little fear clouding his features. Callie knew the feeling.
Shiva led the way through the stone corridors. She walked with impressive speed for someone her age. The pathways angled downward and Callie felt a pinch of panic as they moved deeper into the bowels of the mountain. The last time she had visited the lower levels she had been carried to the mating rooms on the back of a dragon. Now, it seemed, they would make the journey on foot.
"Can we go any faster?" she asked as she felt a gush of fluid release from her body. "I'm pretty sure my water just broke."
Callie was thrilled with the prospect of a quick labor. Ordeals that lasted four or five days were the stuff her nightmares were made of. At the pace things were moving, she'd have less time for her anxiety to ride the runaway train. She hoped she held on long enough for Andromeda to arrive, but she told herself that women had been having babies since the dawn of time and she trusted that her body would know what to do.
"We're almost there," Shiva said as she turned the final corner. Vaka shifted her weight in his arms and hurried for the entrance.
"I'm so ready for this stuff to work its magic," Callie said as Vaka lowered her into the water. It was pleasantly warm, as promised, and she hoped its other benefits weren't overstated. She could stand on the bottom of the pool and the water reached her armpits. She touched the wall and discovered a smooth ledge. She hoisted herself up as another contraction tore through her abdomen.
Vaka jumped into the water next to her and helped her to settle comfortably. As comfortably as was possible under the circumstances. She took hold of his forearm and squeezed, looking for any outlet for her pain.
The contraction passed and she looked around the room. It was much less ornate and comfortable than the ceremonial mating chamber had been. It figured. The pool Callie was currently situated in sat in the middle of the floor. The room was so dim she could barely make out the walls. Shiva lit votive-type candles near the pool, but Vaka called her back when she moved to light the large pillar candles near the walls.
"Is Andromeda here yet?" Callie asked as the next contraction geared up.
"I'm afraid you'll have to make do with me, my dear." Shiva slid into the pool beside them and felt below the water. "I don't think this child will be waiting on anyone."
"Take a deep breath," Shiva instructed as she held Callie's hand. "When I tell you it's time, I want you to push."
Later, she'd think that maybe the water did take the edge off. But it was still the most intense physical pain of her life. She grunted and screamed and cried and pleaded while she pushed with all her might. She thought it would never end, but when Shiva placed the baby on her chest, everything in her life until that moment disappeared. The pain faded and she focused on her miracle.
"She's a girl." Callie looked at Shiva and Vaka. "I thought for sure it was a boy." She searched their faces for any sign of disappointment. There was none. Their radiant joy matched her own.
Shiva reached out and stroked the child's luminous skin. Her scales weren't as defined as Vaka's or Shiva's, but she still glowed in the candlelight.
Shiva stepped from the water and left them to their happiness. Callie turned all her attention to her daughter and surveyed her slight body. Ten little fingers and ten little toes. She had swirl of her mother's brown hair, but her eyes were sky blue, like Vaka's.
"She's the prettiest thing I've ever seen,' Vaka said as he touched her button nose.
"Agreed." Callie relaxed against the rock. It was strange to feel exhaust
ed and exhilarated all at once. She felt like she could sleep for a month and then she chuckled at the foolishness of that thought. She was almost delirious with joy. She had everything she had ever wanted. As far as she was concerned, her life was perfect.
She thought dawn was beginning to break, but then she realized Shiva was lighting more candles around the room. The large ones farther from the pool.
"Shiva! Stop!" She had never heard such panic in Vaka's voice before. And had never heard him address Shiva in such an angry tone.
“I have held my tongue long enough,” Shiva said. “She deserves to know. She needs to know. We can trust her.”
Callie looked to the old woman and her heart nearly gave out. "No," she whispered as she gazed upon the truth Shiva had revealed.
31
It can't be. Callie wasn't sure if she'd said the words aloud or not, but it was the only thought in her mind as her perfect world crumbled before her eyes.
She studied the newly illuminated cave paintings and prayed there was an innocent explanation. The depictions were terrifying in their simplicity. A warrior in motion, running towards danger. He leapt into the air and his skin shone in the sun. In the burst of light, he grew in size and sprouted wings and transformed into another being entirely. He became a dragon.
"Is this some kind of a joke?" She looked pleadingly at Vaka as she hugged her innocent babe to her breast. He hung his head in shame and refused to answer.
Everything clicked into place. She should have seen it earlier. The whistle that summoned both dragon and warrior. The dragons that patrolled camp at night, but hid out of sight during the day. Vaka’s frequent trips for hunting. His refusal to let her explore certain areas of village and his insistence that someone always watch over her. She wondered if they were all in on it. Maybe she would have realized his deception earlier had she not loved him so, but her passion blinded her.
No wonder the Obeday had been obsessed with the Verakai. She couldn't even begin to imagine what dragons would be worth on the black market. She felt a stab of pity for Vaka in her heart, but it was overshadowed by her rage at having been lied to.
"Were you ever going to tell me?" She crawled from the pool with her child in her arms. "Or did you plan to let me wander around your village like a clueless fool?" Shiva scrambled to Callie’s side and helped her to her feet.
Callie stood there, dripping wet and trembling, with her heart breaking.
"You know what the sad part is, Vaka?" She wrapped a blanket around herself and the child but she couldn't stop trembling. "I don't really even care. It wouldn't have made a difference to me one way or the other if you had been honest from the start."
He tried to interrupt, but she talked over him. "I don't want to hear it!" she cried. "You gave me so much crap when you found out I was a little less than honest about our true mission. You dressed me down and then gave me the silent treatment, and now I find out that you've been hiding something a million times more important." Her shoulders collapsed as she convulsed with sobs.
He reached for her. "I'm sorry," he said. "I was weak. I was ashamed. I was afraid."
"How could you talk me into having your child without telling me what that meant for my child. What it meant for me? What will become of her?"
“She will be fine,” Vaka said gently. “Only men are able to transform. And even then, the ability does not present itself until adulthood.”
He was trying to comfort her, but he only enraged her further. She clutched the girl to her chest and raced from the room, willing her legs to hold her as her muscles trembled with exhaustion.
Callie prayed Andromeda would arrive soon, because she wanted to get the hell out of their wretched village. The tiny bundle in her arms was the only thing stopping her from cursing her arrival in this place. The pleasant memories of her time with the Verakai were erased the moment she learned the truth.
She leaned against the wall as she fought against grief and exhaustion. She was in the process of slowly lowering herself to the ground for a rest when she heard footfalls echo up ahead.
“Andromeda?” she called.
“Callie?” the doctor shouted. “Oh my God, you did it.” Her friend broke into a jog as she caught sight of the infant. The smile on her face crumpled when she processed the strangeness of the situation before her. “Where is everyone? And what are you doing out here? You should be in bed.” She raced to Callie’s side.
“They lied,” she muttered as her friend helped her up. “They lied about everything. You have to get me out of here.” Her voice cracked. “Take me home.”
32
Callie couldn’t believe the change in the human camp she had left behind months ago. It hummed with activity like an oversized beehive. She marveled at the improvements that had been finished while she was away. Their city of tents had been replaced with permanent habitation units and communal gathering places. The 3-D printers had been working overtime. The colonists had incorporated some native material, as well. The perfect melding of human and Verakai.
A secondary med bay had been constructed next to the headquarters of the security team. Most of the supplies from the ship had been transferred, and colonists were happy not to have to venture inside the charred hull that transported them to this place for medical treatment.
Greenhouses dotted the landscape, and she could tell the crops inside had already reached shoulder height. She wondered when they'd be able to harvest them. She'd have to consult with Flora. She was an engineer by trade, but the idea of helping Flora grow their food appealed to her as well. She felt something shift inside her with the arrival of her child. Maybe her instinct to nurture was just going haywire.
The permanent housing units were intended to accommodate a single colonist, but Juno, Flora, and Andromeda insisted on staying with her as she transitioned back to life among her own people. They gave her the bedroom, of course, and the three of them camped out in her small living area and kitchen. They all marveled at the running water. It seemed like such a luxury after months of doing without. If only their friends on Earth could see them now.
Callie was determined to give her infant everything she had lacked as a child. She doted on the babe and hovered close, trying to anticipate her every need. She had never been particularly prone to anxiety before, but her capacity to worry had skyrocketed with the new arrival. She tried to do everything herself, but her friends refused to let her play superwoman.
"You have to think of it as maternity leave," Flora said as she rinsed out a soiled bib in the sink. "Nobody expects you to be out there working on the hyperdrive. Relax and enjoy this time."
“She's right, you know," Juno admitted. "You're the first colonist to have a baby. That pretty much makes you a celebrity around here. You should soak up the attention while you can. Let people help."
She was right. Callie was an outsider no more. She marveled at the ability of a baby to bring a group of different women together. It felt like half the colony had stopped by in the first few days after she returned. Everyone was eager to see little Naomi and they fawned over her like she was their own. Women who struggled to acknowledge her existence only weeks earlier now visited bearing gifts. Bibs trimmed with delicate hand embroidery. Onesies sewn from colonist clothing. Soft yarn booties with tiny bows on the front. Callie could have gone without the attention, but she appreciated the help.
This should have been the happiest time of her life, but she struggled mightily. There were scads of people in her life except for the one she wanted more than anything. Callie didn't understand how their relationship had gone so wrong. She didn't think of herself as blameless in the whole mess, but she couldn't accept the enormity of his lie to her. The personal implications were staggering. The fact that he didn't trust her after everything they had experienced together shook her to her core. They created a child together and he still wasn't willing to take the chance on her.
She wondered if he had every really loved her. Had it all been a l
ie? Had she so longed to be treasured by another that she saw things that weren't there? Had she turned a blind eye to his deception? Her mind raced all hours of the day, struggling to untangle the threads in her mind. Her heart ached. As furious as she was with him, if he had followed after her and begged her to explain, she would have listened. She wanted to forgive him. Wanted to be able to provide her little one with the perfect family she never had. But he had let her walk away, more upset with Shiva's determination to share the truth than horrified at his own selfishness.
You'll be fine, she told herself. This is why we don't count on other people. This is why we don't fall in love. It was a good reinforcement of the lessons of her childhood. Her father had known what he was talking about. She should have trusted his judgment. Instead, she rebelled against it, twenty years after the fact, and paid with a broken heart for her trouble.
There was a knock at the door. Juno popped her head inside.
"Why don't you let me give her a bath?" she asked. "You can sneak in a little cat nap. I haven't seen you look this tired since the week after we arrived here. All those months ago."
"It feels like a lifetime ago," Callie said as she handed the swaddled bundle to her friend. "I think I actually could do with a nap, if you don't mind."
"I'll have Flora beat any visitors back with a stick. We'll look after this little beauty while you get some shut eye."
Callie heard the door close as she snuggled into the covers. They all loved the alien baby as much as she did, but they were so careful not to mention Vaka. She wondered if they saw how she was barely holding it together.
