No. She couldn’t think of it. Besides, he was fine. She’d made sure to inspect every inch of him. Just to be safe.
Last night had been amazing. Not just the sex, though she was sure they’d set some kind of sex record for most joint orgasms in a single night. She’d admitted to Parker that she cared about him, and he’d returned the sentiment. Were they in a relationship now? Could they be in a relationship?
They were both consenting adults. Navigating a relationship that wouldn’t impact their parents’ marriage might be tricky. But if there were genuine feelings there, didn’t they owe it to themselves to explore it? She knew her father would want her to be happy, same as she wanted for him.
And for the first time in her life, the excitement of the possibility of a future with Parker was overriding her fear of losing him one day. She was still terrified of the possibility, but she finally understood why her dad always said marrying her mother was the best thing he ever did, even after he lost her. Those years they had together were worth more than all the painful ones that followed.
She was getting ahead of herself again. All this needed to be talked out with Parker. The silly man who was currently downstairs pumping iron when he could be pumping her. Oh well, this gave her time to freshen up anyway. She hopped out of bed and headed to the bathroom, deciding against a shower or getting dressed. No sense in either since she planned on sharing a shower with Parker when he got back from his workout. A shower and more.
She grabbed the plush-looking robe hanging on the back of the door and put it on. It swamped her, Parker’s scent drifting off the fuzzy terrycloth material. She brought the collar up to her nose and inhaled deeply. Calm settled over her body.
Now that she’d taken care of business and was covered, it was time for coffee. She should probably check her email, too. The manager job at work was being announced today. Day manager wasn’t her dream job, but it did come with better pay and a steadier schedule. That would allow her more flexibility to work on her art and hopefully make a bigger dent in her seemingly unending student loan payments.
After starting up the coffee pot, she went on a search for her purse. She found it under the table where she must have flung it after grabbing the condoms. She pulled out her phone only to curse.
“Dammit!”
Dead. And of course her charger was at home.
Phone in hand, she moved around the condo in search of a phone charger. Nothing in the kitchen, living room, or bedroom. She made her way down the hallway, peeking her head into the other rooms. Bathroom, guestroom, bingo! Office. If any place had a charger, this would be it.
The office was decent sized. About the size of her bedroom, but less cramped with stuff. All he had in here was a shelf full of books ranging from comics to non-fiction, some sports equipment in the corner, and a large oak desk set against the far wall. She headed to the desk, pulling the drawers open in her search.
“Crap!”
No cord. But there was a laptop sitting on the desk. She was sure Parker wouldn’t mind if she used it to check her email. Patience had never been her strong suit, and she was anxious to hear about the promotion. And he had said to make herself at home.
She pulled out the leather office chair and sat, flipping open the laptop. The screen came to life immediately. She pulled up the Internet browser. The home page opened to his email. She started to move the cursor to the top to log him out when something caught her eye. A subject heading and a name.
Report on Thomas Hayes
Her fingers froze on the track pad. She read it again, but the words didn’t change.
Report on Thomas Hayes
Report? On her dad? What did that mean?
Maybe it was another Thomas Hayes. Heart pounding, she moved the cursor back down to click on the email, opening it. Nope, it was definitely about her father. Her eyes scanned the report, stomach clenching with each line she read.
Check everything. I wanna know if he got even so much as a parking ticket.
Dig into his financials, all of them, especially if he has any suspicious insurance policies.
Leave no stone unturned, I want every bit of dirt.
Bile rose in her throat, anger and shame covering every inch of her. Parker had hired some PI to investigate her father: his finances, job history, criminal record, which consisted of a few parking violations and one speeding ticket. Something she could have told him if he asked, but he didn’t.
Why?
Suddenly, she felt suffocated. The fluffy, comforting robe she had on now felt like heavy, cold steel covered in thorns. She pushed back from the desk, rushing back to the bedroom, stripping the offending garment from her body as she went. Her clothes were scattered all over Parker’s floor. A testament to her foolishness. How could she have slept with a man, cared for this man, when he’d been lying to her the whole time?
He had my father investigated! What about me?
She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to that question. Right now, all she wanted to do was get dressed and get out of here before Parker came back.
“Honey, I’m home.”
Shit!
The sound of Parker’s chuckle and the closing of the door echoed like a doomsday bell in her ears. Quickly, she finished dressing. She reached the hallway, taking a deep breath before lifting her chin high and heading out into the living room to face the lying, sneaky sack of crap.
“Thanks for making coffee.” Parker lifted a cup, smiling as she came into the room, but his smile soon dimmed. He placed the mug on the counter and rushed to her. “What’s wrong?”
When he reached out to her, she leaped back, practically tripping over her own feet. She couldn’t stand his touch right now. Not with the sting of betrayal so fresh.
“Tamsen?”
His brow furrowed, lips turning down as he stared at her, brown eyes filled with concern. Good. His ass better be worried. Her thoughts and emotions were all jumbled up in her head, but she would not break down in front of him. She opened her mouth, but pain choked back the words. Taking a deep breath, she tried again. Her voice came out harsh and scratchy, but she managed to speak the awful truth she’d uncovered.
“Why did you have my father investigated?”
He blinked, silent for a solid minute as her words landed. Recognition finally filled his expression. If she was being hopeful, she’d say there was a tiny bit of guilt in there, too, but she was too heartbroken to have much hope.
“My father, Parker. Why did you have him investigated?”
He crossed his arms over his chest, his voice defensive as he responded, “How do you know about that?”
“Do not answer my question with another question!” Her eyes glossed over, but she blinked back the tears. He didn’t deserve her tears. “My phone died so I went looking to see if you had a charger. I saw the computer in your office and thought I could use it to check my email, but it brought up yours and I saw the email from your PI and I—”
She sucked in a shallow breath. Hyperventilating, unable to catch a breath. She could barely control her tears, but not her rambling, and now, not even her breathing.
“Tamsen, breathe.”
He placed one large palm on her chest.
“Don’t touch me!” she shouted, pulling away. Last night his touch had been the only thing she wanted. It made her feel desired, fulfilled, cared for. Now it was tainted. She glanced up at him, unable to stop the tears this time as they rolled down her cheeks. “How could you, Parker?”
His jaw clenched. He stepped back from her with a pained expression. “I was protecting my mother.”
“How?” Protect her from what? He wasn’t making sense.
“My mother doesn’t have…the best judgment when it comes to the men in her life.”
Ouch. Tamsen was offended on behalf of his mother and her father.
“My dad treated her like shit, always wanted her to be someone she wasn’t, and when she didn’t cater to his demands, he left her. Then she started dating these men who told her everything she wanted to hear, but only so they could get access to her bank account. My mom is all about helping people, but sometimes she helps the wrong person.”
Umbrage burned in her gut. “And you think my dad is the wrong type of person?”
“No.” He ran a hand over his head, tugging at the dark brown strands of hair matted down from his workout. “Men have tried to marry her for her fortune in the past. The last one even got her a month away from the altar before my PI discovered the scam he had planned to take her for half of what she has. I was just making sure your dad… I didn’t…I didn’t want my mom hurt again.”
She got that. She really did, but what she didn’t understand was how he could investigate her father without telling anyone. Without telling her. He could have just asked—she would have told him whatever he wanted to know. It wasn’t like her dad had any secrets. He wasn’t a con man or a secret spy. Her dad was the best man she knew. He took care of her on his own her entire life. He provided for her, read bedtime stories to her. He took a class on menstruation just so he’d have the knowledge to help her when the time came because she didn’t have a mom for that kind of stuff.
How could Parker think a man like that would take advantage of anyone? And why the hell didn’t he talk to her about his worries? She thought they cared about each other. That they had something real.
Sickness turned her stomach as a thought entered her mind.
“Oh my God, is all this—” She pointed back and forth between them. “Was all this just some way to find out more? Get me in bed, get my defenses down to worm information about my father out of me?”
“How could you even ask that?” He frowned.
Oh, now he was the offended one? No.
“I don’t know, Parker. Apparently, I don’t know anything about you.”
She tried to brush past him, but he grabbed her wrist. Not tightly, and dammit his touch still made her burn. It shouldn’t. It should disgust her. But it didn’t.
“You know me, Tamsen.” He sucked in a sharp breath, his voice soft and censured. “Better than a lot of people.”
She glanced up into his golden eyes, taking small solace in the pain she saw there. Good. He should feel bad. Because right now her heart felt like it was cracking into a million pieces.
“I thought I did, but now…”
“Seriously?” His eyes hardened. “You go snooping around, find something you don’t like, and suddenly I’m the bad guy here?”
She pulled out of his grasp. “I didn’t snoop! I told you I was looking for a charger. I opened a browser window and his name popped up right there on the computer screen.”
Grabbing her purse, she moved past him, careful not to make any contact with him. If she touched him right now, she’d either kiss him or punch him.
Or both.
She hated that her body still craved him. After what he did, she should hate him.
“Tamsen, please.”
She turned at the pleading in his voice.
“I was just trying to protect my mother.”
A tiny bit of understanding poked through her cloud of pain and betrayal. She took a small step closer, staring up into the face of a man who just an hour ago she thought she had a real shot at a relationship with.
“You could have asked, Parker. You could have talked to me. I would have told you the truth.”
One dark eyebrow rose. “Would you have?”
Her heart broke a little more. Of course he would think she’d lie for her father, not that there was anything to lie about. A sigh escaped her.
“How sad it must be for you to distrust everyone so thoroughly. Not everyone is out to take advantage of people. My dad doesn’t give a flying fuck about your mom’s money. And I know as his daughter, my word is shit to you—”
“It’s not shit, Tamsen, I—”
She held up a hand, stopping whatever he was going to say because she didn’t want to hear it. “Some people are good. Some people do love without conditions. My father is one of those people, and if you would have taken the time to get to know him instead of hiring some stranger to dig into his life, you would have seen that.”
He had nothing to say to that. Didn’t matter, she was done here anyway. Done with this, done with him. She turned to go, but his voice stopped her.
“Tamsen.” He hesitated. “You aren’t…you won’t tell them about this—your dad, my mom? About the…”
She wasn’t quite sure if he meant the investigation or their relationship. Check that, former relationship. Didn’t matter.
“No.” The words tore from her throat like glass. “I would never hurt my father like that, or your mother. Because, unlike you, I trust the people in my life to make their own decisions. Good-bye, Parker.”
She moved quickly toward the door, wrenching it open and hurrying through.
No promises, no problems.
It was what they agreed on. It was supposed to make this easy, but nothing about this was easy anymore. Because they’d forgotten the biggest P of all. The one that crept up on you, infiltrated every relationship no matter how light and easy you tried to make it. The one universal truth that came up to bite you in the ass when you least expected it.
Pain.
And right now, Tamsen was in more pain than she ever imagined. Her heart felt like it had been dug out of her chest with a dull spoon and stomped on. And she didn’t know how she was ever going to feel whole again.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Parker slammed his locker closed. His shift was over, and not for the first time this past week, he wished the chief would let him put in some overtime. But the man was very particular about their twenty-four on, forty-eight off schedule, and overtime was rarely approved. Sucked because Parker could really use the distraction of work to get his mind off the absolute fuck of a mess he’d made with Tamsen.
“Hell, man.” Ward grunted, leaning against his own closed locker to his right. “What did the locker ever do to you?”
“Leave him alone,” O’Neil said from his other side. “The guy is clearly suffering from being a dumbass.”
Parker glared back and forth between his crewmates. “What does that mean?”
O’Neil shrugged, closing his locker so gently it didn’t make a sound. “It means you missed pub quiz this week, and not because you were on shift. But someone else was also absent from pub quiz. A certain dark-haired artist who has you spinnin’ your wheels lately.”
What? He wasn’t spinning his wheels. He didn’t even know what that meant.
“Since you’ve been grumpy as shit all shift, I imagine both of your absences weren’t from being shacked up together, but due to you both trying to avoid each other. Which means you fucked it up somehow.”
“Hey!” He turned to face O’Neil. “Why do you assume I fucked it up? Why couldn’t Tamsen have been the offending party?”
“I’ll take this one, dude,” Ward said from behind him. “Because as accident-prone as she is, the woman is a sweetheart. You, on the other hand, pretend to be this fun-loving guy without a care in the world, but underneath, you’re a suspicious bastard.”
He whipped around. “Am not.”
Ward chuckled. “Are too.”
“He’s right.” O’Neil came around to stand beside Ward. He did not appreciate the way his supposed friends were ganging up on him. “I’ve worked with you for five years now, and I’ve never seen you get close to anyone, except Tamsen. Not even us.”
He didn’t know what to say to that.
“If you don’t let people in,” O’Neil continued, “you can’t get pissed when they decide to leave.”
O’Neil’s expression dark
ened. That’s when it hit him. His friends were right. If he even had the right to call them friends. He did keep people at arm’s length. Sure, he joined in on pub quiz and joked around at the station, but beyond that, he kept things very surface level with…everyone. Everyone except Tamsen. He’d let her in, showed her bits of himself he’d never shared with anyone.
And now she was gone. Because of him. Because he couldn’t trust anyone.
Thanks, Dad. Seems you can still fuck up my life without even being in it.
“Just go apologize, dude.” Ward snapped his fingers. “And buy her a present. Women love presents.”
“Ward!” Díaz’s loud voice called from outside the bunkroom. “Did you leave this charred, encrusted nightmare in the sink?”
“Shiiiiiit.” Ward’s head tipped back, his eyes rolling to the ceiling.
Parker chuckled. “Yeah, I think I’ll take my advice on women from someone who’s actually good with them.”
“I’m great with women.” Ward scowled. “Díaz is not a woman. Well, she is, but she’s also a punishment for something I did in a past life, sent here to torture me with her constant disapproval and badgering.”
“Wow, didn’t realize you believe in reincarnation, Ward. How enlightened,” O’Neil said with a small smile.
Ward flipped them both off. “Screw you both.”
Parker moved past his friends to the door, more than ready to head home and crash. Maybe he could sleep off this dark ache in his chest that had been haunting him ever since Tamsen stormed out of his place last week.
“See you guys.”
They shared a look, like they wanted to say more but didn’t. As a fire crew, you got close to the people you worked with, but sharing feelings wasn’t really his strong suit. The people he saved needed him to be strong and sure in the face of any crisis, and sometimes it bled over to his personal life. Healthy? Probably not, but it was how he coped.
Parker pushed out of the room to see Díaz leaning against the wall a few feet down. He nodded to her, and she smiled at him before opening her mouth and shouting.
The Wedding Dilemma (Mile High Firefighters) Page 20
