by Brian McCann
They’d all seen the farmer
do his shearing before,
shaving them bald,
their hair on the floor.
So they hid out all day
until the man was in bed,
then they made their way over
to his sheep-shearing shed.
It was a two-story structure
made just to shave wool.
The door was unlocked,
so they gave it a pull.
Then they raced to the loft.
They knew just what to do.
It was hair-cutting time
for the lamb, rams, and ewe!
This seems like a very good spot to stop and think about things for a second. First of all, I’m guessing you just learned a couple of new words. Maybe you knew that a lamb was a younger sheep, but did you know grown male sheep are called rams and females are called ewes? And guess what, there’s a French word coming up very soon! It’s the French word for butt, so you’ll want to remember it. Now, let’s talk about the lamb, rams, and ewe for a second. I’ve seen a lot of sheep, and I’ll be honest with you, not once did I say to myself, “That sheep really looks like it knows how to cut hair.” Not once did I say, “I would trust that sheep with a sharp hair-cutting tool.” I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but sheep don’t have things like hands and fingers, which are really important when cutting hair and holding sharp objects. But they believed they could do it, and here’s what happened . . .
They found the sheep shears
near the wall, on a stool.
They fit in their mouths!
They got covered in drool!
One swung his head wildly
to start cutting hair.
But the blade just got stuck
near a ram’s derriere!
(That’s the French word that means butt!)
He shot up in pain,
crashing hard on the rail,
landing first on his head,
then smashing down on his tail.
This was all very lucky
simply because
when the shears fell out,
they started to buzz!
The buzz was a sound
the sheep remembered quite clearly,
the sound of a shearing
that happened once yearly.
So they tried it again.
One picked them back up.
He swung his head wildly.
Was it dangerous? Yup.
He clipped easily through
one side of the ewe.
It wasn’t pretty, exactly,
and it frightened her, too!
She jumped to the side,
but the loft was so small,
she got buzzed again
when she bounced off the wall!
A big tuft of wool
flew off of her head.
Where there once were cute curls
was a disaster instead!
She wanted to run,
but there was no place to go
while the crazy sheep barber
jerked his head to and fro!
It was total confusion!
Flying wool everywhere.
Now all of the sheep
were losing big clumps of hair.
From all the commotion,
the loft started to bust!
The boards started creaking.
The air filled with dust.
The sheep didn’t move.
They were frozen in fear.
Then they looked at each other,
and the carnage was clear.
Their hair looked so awful.
It couldn’t look worse!
One looked like a waffle.
One looked like a curse!
They all looked horrendous.
No beauty. No style.
They were mangy and messy.
It had not been worthwhile.
Then one floorboard snapped!
What a frightening sound!
Then the whole loft collapsed!
The sheep fell to the ground!
They landed with force,
and each let out a bleat!
Then they looked at each other . . .
That bleat sounded so neat!
They tried it again,
this sweet one-note song.
One let out a baa!
And the rest joined along.
The sound was enchanting.
The notes swelled in their hearts.
They had created true beauty.
Harmony in four parts!
Despite their bad haircuts,
they were far from upset.
Instead of barbers, they were
a barbershop quartet!
They returned to the pasture,
singing their song.
The flock gathered round,
and all joined along.
It was an odd-looking, sweet-sounding,
magnificent sight,
as their song filled the air
on that beautiful night.
They were patchy, looked silly,
but they just had to grin.
The outside doesn’t matter.
Beauty comes from within.
So to sum things up
I just have to say,
if your barber’s a sheep,
you should just run away!
THE DAY THE HORSES DECIDED THEY COULD MAKE THE FARM MORE SUCCESSFUL!
(DID YOU GUESS TOTAL DISASTER? YOU’RE RIGHT!)
Wannabe Farms,
where the animals dream,
used to be busy
but was now losing steam.
As you probably know
a new highway came through,
bringing traffic and progress
and that new billboard, too.
It’s hard to deny
the strength of these forces,
and they were felt most of all
by the Wannabe horses.
The horses, at one point,
were the stars of the show.
They made Wannabe Farms
a place people would go.
Powerful, pretty
stallions and mares.
Ponies to ride
at the Wannabe Fairs.
There was jumping and polo,
racing and shows.
Trotting and dressage
and horse rodeos.
Crowds came to the farm.
It was the place to be.
Business was booming.
It was something to see.
Then slowly but surely
the crowds went away.
No one came to ride.
No one came to play.
The reason was simple.
Out of sight, out of mind.
The people moved on
and left the horses behind.
They lived by the old road
that nobody used.
The highway was now
where all the cars cruised.
From that fast-moving freeway
horses couldn’t be seen.
Two pastures away
with a lake in between!
And their old horse barn
had lost all its charm.
It could no longer be seen
advertising the farm.
The horses were bitter.
They used to be kings!
They just weren’t prepared
for the changes change brings.
Their days were so du
ll.
They felt trapped by their fences.
They were lonely and bored.
Change has consequences!
They watched as the others
made new dreams come true.
And they began to get jealous.
They didn’t know what to do.
How dare they have fun!
How dare they evolve!
The farm was in crisis!
There was a problem to solve!
This farm was for horses!
And the crowds that they bring.
Not for cows building cars
and sheep learning to sing.
Oh, the horses were angry!
Enough was enough!
It was time to do something.
It was time to get tough.
But how to achieve it?
How to get what they needed?
They started kicking and bucking,
and then they stampeded!
They started neighing and snorting.
They were pawing the ground.
It was a loud horse conference
heard for miles around.
Then as quick as it started,
the horse conference stopped,
and up to the barn
all horses clopped.
They stared at the sign,
so big and inviting.
It was clearly important
with its painted-on writing.
Two stories tall.
A beacon to all.
WANNABE FARMS
and a number to call.
The horses all neighed.
They knew just what to do.
They now had a dream,
and they would make it come true.
These horses believed
the barn had to be moved.
And who better to do it
than the powerful hooved.
It must be pushed to the highway,
where it couldn’t be missed!
It must block that new billboard!
Oh, they couldn’t resist!
Then all of the cars,
all the trucks and the buses,
would see the big barn
and wonder what all the fuss is.
Thousands of people
would see the sign every day!
They’d return to the farm
to ride and to play!
Now . . . this plan of the horses
seemed downright insane.
To move this big barn?
You’d need a freight train.
But then, horses are horses.
They’re solid and strong.
They can run two-minute miles
with someone riding along!
But barns aren’t just heavy.
This one was immense.
They’d have to push it downhill
and lift it over a fence.
The lake was a problem
they chose to ignore.
They’d figure that out
when they got to the shore.
And this barn was old.
It was a hundred and two!
Was moving it now
a smart thing to do?
No. No it wasn’t.
It wasn’t smart. Not at all.
This rotted old barn
was destined to fall.
How do I know this? Let me tell you a little bit about the barn . . .
A hundred and two years ago a group of neighbors all helped a farmer named Obadiah construct his horse stable. They weren’t master carpenters by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, most had never built anything before in their lives. So they tried to follow the plans as best they could and, for the most part, did a pretty good job. Truth be told, this barn should have fallen down long ago, but through all of those years, the farm avoided disaster after disaster. Tornadoes narrowly missed it. Heavy rains never challenged it. Nothing ever crashed into it. No fires ever burned it.
This was one of the luckiest barns in the world, and even though its wood was rotting, it still stood proud and tall. Until the day the horses thought it should be moved over to the highway. You really need to be an engineer to successfully move any type of structure, and as smart as horses are, they just aren’t trained engineers. They were unable to take into account all the factors and forces that the barn would be subjected to, and because of this, things quickly went haywire.
The horses split into teams,
one in back, one in front.
They started pushing and pulling
and to whinny and grunt.
Support beams were snapping!
The barn started to slide!
Things broke through the walls
that were sitting inside.
A tractor! The stables!
Out came an old truck!
Lots of things were revealed
when that barn came unstuck!
The horses kept pushing,
right through the old fence,
when all of a sudden,
things got very tense!
The barn started moving
all on its own.
There was no one in charge.
Horses were thrown!
Down! Down a hill,
racing fast toward the lake.
It was picking up speed.
An enormous mistake!
It cartwheeled and tumbled.
The sign split in two!
Moving a barn
is something horses can’t do!
A door was thrown high!
And as a matter of fact,
all the sides were destroyed,
but the roof was intact!
That roof was so huge,
so heavy and large,
when it smashed into the lake,
it floated out like a barge.
But it didn’t float long,
because it hit the far side.
It sort of wobbled a bit,
then its momentum just died.
It didn’t sink very much.
The lake wasn’t too deep.
And the sound of the crash
brought over the sheep.
The pigs came to look.
The cows came down, too.
And the chickens came over
to see the hullabaloo.
They all stared at the roof
as it sat in the lake.
The horses were silent.
They’d made a mistake.
What had they done?
They had acted so dumb!
And all because
they wanted people to come.
Once bitter and angry
and hungry for fame,
they hung their heads low
and felt a great shame.
They returned to their field
sad and defeated.
Their dream of the crowds
would not be completed.
But down by the lake,
the mood was quite high.
The roof made a bridge
the others could try.
They’d never been able
to cross the small lake.
What the horses had done
was a happy mistake!
It opened a whole new
world to explore.
They’d seen all the horses
but never met them before.
So the cows and the chickens,
the pigs and the sheep,
went to the horse field,
up the hill tall and steep.
/> They found all the horses
glum and depressed,
and thought this was a problem
that must be addressed.
It was time for a party!
The best party ever!
For the first time in history,
they all were together!
The sheep were the band.
The pigs looked tremendous.
The cows passed out apples.
The Chicken Show was stupendous.
The horses had wanted
new crowds to come,
and by creating a bridge,
what they wanted was done!
They’d no longer be lonely.
The whole farm was connected!
Things worked out much better
than the horses expected!
And you could see the joy
on every animal’s face.
They knew that some magic
had just taken place.
They were working together
for an evening of fun!
Their five dreams combined
into this stunning new one!
By trying their hardest
they helped one another.
They’d discovered themselves
and discovered each other.
At the end of this night,
all the animals knew,
they’d be there for each other
no matter what they went through.
So they all took a walk
to the now broken sign.
They paid their respects.
They built a small shrine.
Wannabe Farms
had become something new.
A powerful place
where dreams always come true.
They’d no longer be bored.
They’d no longer be blue.
To follow their dreams
was all they would do.
That night, all the animals,
every last one,
finally felt happy.
Their lives were now fun.
Or . . .
IT’S THE EPILOGUE OF THE BOOK!
(DID I MISS THE WHOLE POINT?)
Perhaps there’s no way
to know what animals think.
If they have dreams.
If they enjoy what they drink.
Some people say
they can’t think a bit!
That they simply have instincts
