I swallowed hard.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to shove my face in a pillow somewhere and cry until it didn’t hurt so bad.
Was this love?
Because if it was, it sucked!
Biting my lip, forcing the burn in my eyes back, I reached for the dress Lorna had laid out for me on her bed.
“The blond. The one hanging all over him … no self-respect. Who watches a guy make out with three girls and volunteers to be the fourth?”
Who indeed? I thought bitterly.
“Anyway, enough about my lothario of a brother. There’s a guy here perfect for you. He’s one of Jamie’s teammates.”
Pulling the hem of the dress down, I wandered over to Lorna’s full-length mirror. The dress had straps, at least. Lorna knew my boobs could not hold up a strapless.
But it was scarlet red. And it clung to my curves, showing everything.
“Uh, I don’t think so.” I gestured to my reflection.
“I do think so. The red is great against your skin tone. It makes your eyes pop. And look at your boobs. There are women at that party who have paid surgeons a lot of money to have boobs like the ones God gave you.”
“Yes, and now everyone and his father can see what God gave me.”
Without answering, she took hold of my wrist again and led me out of her room and across the hall. “Wash your hands.”
“Yes, Mom.” I teased but did as I was told. Catching sight of my cleavage in the mirror above the sink, I sighed. “Seriously, Lorna, you know I’m not used to dressing like this.”
“I’m not arguing with you about it. The ballet flats calm down the look, okay. Heels would take this dress to slutty on you, but the flats leave it at sexy.”
“Don’t say slutty.”
She rolled her eyes. “PC Brigade alert.”
“We don’t need women perpetuating rhetoric that men use to denigrate our sex.”
“Can we, like, not?” Lorna took hold of my hand after I dried them and led me out of the bathroom.
“You know, for someone who wants to be a litigator, you don’t like conversations deeper than a kiddie pool,” I teased.
“Yeah.” Lorna cut me a serious look. “Right now, I don’t. I’ve spent the past few weeks having deep conversations and sleeping fitfully. Tonight, I want to be shallow. Is that okay with you?”
I squeezed her hand. “You know it is.”
She pulled me into her side, wrapping her arm around my shoulders as we walked downstairs. “I can’t wait to introduce you to Wex. I’m interested in his buddy Ryan.”
My instinct was to pull away. To tell her I didn’t want to flirt with some strange college guy. But from our vantage point on the stairs, I saw Jamie pressed against the wall in the far corner of the living room. The champagne blond was kissing the hell out of him, and he didn’t seem to do much to stop her.
I was an idiot.
Those damn tears burned my eyes again as I looked away. Unfortunately, they snagged on Skye, who was watching me. She stood with a few of her actor friends in a huddle in the kitchen. She glanced through the crowd toward Jamie and then back to me. Concern flickered across her expression.
“Come on.” Lorna pulled me down the last few stairs and past the kitchen.
I refused to look at Skye again.
She saw too much.
Wex and Ryan were out by the pool, sitting with the rest of Jamie’s team and some girls.
Despite no one being legal drinking age, Skye was cool with everyone of college age having a few beers, as long as she was there to supervise. Lorna and I were excluded from this rule, of course.
It didn’t stop my friend from plopping down on a guy’s lap and helping herself to his beer bottle. The guy had dark hair and eyes, and as he cupped Lorna’s hip and grinned at her, I saw he had an attractively crooked smile.
The guy next to Lorna’s playmate for the evening nudged him. “I don’t know how Jamie will feel about his sister being in your lap, Ryan.”
Ryan shrugged as Lorna whispered something in his ear that made his neck flush.
She pulled back, a wicked smile on her face, and gestured to me with the beer bottle. “Everyone, this is Jane, my best friend and the most beautiful soul you will ever meet.”
I flushed at her praise and threw her an annoyed look.
She knew I hated being the center of attention.
“Jane, this is Ryan, and this”—she pointed to the guy who’d warned Ryan—“is Wex. Wex, make room for Jane.”
Wex was tall with a similar build to Jamie. He had blue eyes that were startling against his dark coloring. Wex was good-looking. I could see that.
But he didn’t give me butterflies.
However, he was looking at me as if I had struck him dumb.
Ryan nudged him, laughter in his voice. “Are you going to speak again, idiot?”
“Uh, yeah.” Wex stood abruptly, not taking his eyes off me. “Here, please, sit.” He gestured to the lounger he was on. I didn’t really want to share the lounger with him, but it felt like the entire team was watching our interaction.
The image of Jamie and the champagne blond filled my head.
Maybe Lorna was right.
Maybe I should just let go for tonight after the hellishness of the last few weeks.
And Wex was cute.
I gave him a small smile, aware that my cheeks were probably sporting two bright spots of embarrassment.
“Remember, she’s seventeen,” Ryan teased under his breath, loud enough for me and Wex to hear.
Lorna giggled. “Uh, what age do you think I am?”
“Nah, you’ve been here before.” Ryan nuzzled her neck. “And you’re the devil.”
“You’re not wrong,” I said before I could stop myself.
“Hey!” Lorna laughed.
I felt Wex chuckle because his body was pressed against mine.
Glancing shyly at him, I pulled on the hem of Lorna’s stupid dress and inadvertently drew his attention to my legs. He swallowed hard and looked away from them. Our eyes met.
“So, you’re on Jamie’s team?”
“Yeah.” He held out his hand to me. “Wex. Pete Wexham. Everyone calls me Wex.”
I shook his hand. “I’m Jane.”
He held on far longer than appropriate and gave me a boyish smile when he released my hand. “Sorry.”
I didn’t know what to say.
I wasn’t exactly great at making small talk with strangers.
It turned out Wex was. He peppered me with questions about school and my interests, and I relaxed into the conversation, returning question for question. He seemed like a nice enough guy.
I didn’t know how much time passed, and I wasn’t aware of anything else going on around me because I was trying to focus on Wex and not on the horrifying thought of Jamie having sex with the champagne blond in his room above us.
That’s why when Wex suddenly leaned in to kiss me, I was completely taken aback.
I’d been kissed before, of course.
My first kiss was in the eighth grade when we played spin the bottle at a party Lorna forced me to go to.
The last few years, I’d even gone on a few dates that involved first-date kisses, but I’d never wanted it to go beyond a first date because I was hung up on Jamie.
Wex’s tongue flicked at my lips and I opened them on instinct, all the while screaming at myself, “What are you doing?!”
He groaned into my mouth as I kissed him back, and then his hand was on my nape, clutching me closer.
It wasn’t a bad kiss.
What it was, though, was a mouth against mine, one that tasted of beer, and a strong hand on my neck.
I didn’t feel the kiss anywhere else.
I never did.
Was there something wrong with me?
I pulled back, pressing a hand to Wex’s chest. “No,” I said. “I can’t.”
“Shit. Sorry if I read you wrong.” He looked
genuinely worried he had.
“I have to go.” I pushed up off the lounger and stepped around people who were sitting on the floor of the deck.
I was shaking.
Why was I shaking?
Because there’s something wrong with you. Something missing.
Wex seemed nice. And he was hot.
Why didn’t I want him to kiss me?
There were too many people inside the house. I needed somewhere to be alone. Remembering Jamie’s gift, I spotted it on the pile on the table in the kitchen, grabbed it, and hurried upstairs. I was dismayed to find the main bathroom occupied. Knowing Skye wouldn’t mind, I slipped into her bedroom and fumbled through the dark to her private bathroom.
With a sigh, I flipped the light switch and closed the door behind me. I threw Jamie’s gift on the counter and leaned on Skye’s cool porcelain sink. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Sometimes I wished my happiness weren’t dependent on how other people felt about me. Wouldn’t life be easier if we weren’t all so preoccupied with the need to be loved, the need to be needed?
And if I was so desperate to be loved and needed, why didn’t I keep kissing Wex?
The door to the bathroom flew open, jerking me out of my musings. I jolted in fright.
The sight of Jamie storming through and slamming it shut made my breath catch.
There were those butterflies again.
And the heat … the heat that was always missing when someone else kissed me flared to life just being in Jamie’s presence.
At night, in bed, under the cover of darkness, when I slipped my hand beneath my underwear and touched myself, I did it imagining it was Jamie.
There is nothing wrong with my body, I reminded myself.
It was just my desire wired inextricably to my heart.
Even with him standing there pissed about something, I wanted him.
“Jamie?”
He dragged his gaze down my body, lingering on my cleavage, before traveling south, leisurely. Almost insultingly.
I stiffened. “What is it?”
Those ocean eyes came back to mine.
Was it Wex?
My breath caught at the thought. No. It couldn’t be.
“Jamie?”
“So, you put on a sexy dress and suddenly my teammates are fair game?”
I noticed his fists were clenched at his sides.
Anger flushed through me, and I knew I was blushing with it. “I didn’t think you’d notice or care, what with the champagne blond and the three girls before her.”
Jamie’s head jerked back like I’d hit him. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Lorna filled me in on the girls, and I saw the blond for myself.”
“What girls?”
“The three girls you made out with before the party even got started.”
He scowled and closed the distance between us, his chest against mine, forcing me against the sink. I leaned away, curling my fingers around the edge of the porcelain. I couldn’t breathe properly with him this close.
“Lorna is talking shit as usual. There were no girls. As for the blond”—he bent his head toward me, eyes hot with anger—“she cornered me. I didn’t initiate that.”
I ignored the fact that Lorna lied about the girls. “Yeah, you looked like you were not enjoying that at all.”
His eyes narrowed at my sarcasm. “Why do you care who kisses me?”
“Why do you care who kisses me?” I countered.
Jamie leaned his hands on the sink, caging me in. “My teammates are off-limits to you.” His breath whispered against my lips as he pressed his whole body against mine.
He was hard.
I gasped and his eyes flashed.
“Everyone but me is off-limits to you, Jane. You got that?”
“I don’t belong to you,” I whispered. It sounded weak. I hated that it sounded weak. Why did he do this to me? How could one person affect me so much?
“Yes, you do.” His voice was hoarse. “And I belong to you.” He swallowed hard. “I was going to wait. I’m supposed to wait.”
“For what?”
“For you to turn eighteen.”
I knew that I should feel euphoric that Jamie wanted me, but his words hurt. He could wait? And what would he be doing while he waited? I mean, according to him, all other men were off-limits to me, but a player like Jamie didn’t give up sex for nine months.
He must have seen the fury in my eyes because he tensed. I pushed against his chest, but he wouldn’t budge. “Move.”
“What just happened?” He pressed even deeper against me. “What is going on in that busy head of yours?”
“You were going to wait nine months? And I’m to believe you weren’t going to have sex with other girls in that time?”
That telltale muscle in his jaw ticked. “I’ll never lie to you, Jane.”
Bastard!
I pushed against him harder, but he wouldn’t be moved. “Move out of my way.”
“You never yell,” he suddenly whispered, dropping his head to the crook of my neck. I felt his lips on my skin and shivered, despite myself.
God, I hated him in that moment.
He pressed a soft, sweet kiss to my neck and then lifted his head to whisper in my ear, “I’ve tried to fuck other girls. To fuck you out of my head.” He pulled back to stare into my eyes. The intensity of his searing emotion caused a ripple of need low and deep inside me. “I can’t,” he confessed. “I try to be with them and it’s like a thirst that’s never sated. I can’t go through with it— with being with them.”
“Why?” My voice sounded hoarse.
“Because they’re not you. I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”
“You don’t mean that.” I shook my head, afraid to believe him.
He cupped my face in his hands and brought our lips to almost touching. “I will never lie to you,” he promised. Then he crushed his mouth over mine and I was lost.
It wasn’t a sweet kiss.
It was deep and searching, tongue licking against tongue, lips pushing against lips, and hands pulling at each other. I tugged at his T-shirt, trying to haul him closer, while he couldn’t seem to decide which part of me he wanted to touch the most. My hips, my waist, my breasts. When he squeezed my breasts in his palms, his thumbs catching over my nipples, I throbbed with desperate need between my legs. I moaned into his mouth.
“Fuck.” Jamie broke the kiss, panting. His eyes were bright with desire, desire I could feel pulsing against my stomach through his jeans. “I have to touch you.”
I smiled shakily. The moment felt so surreal. Years of longing finally realized. “I thought you were.”
He gave me a quick shake of his head as he gathered the hem of my dress in his hands. “Let me touch you.”
Understanding what he meant, I blushed and felt that throb intensify. My body swayed with need, and I grabbed hold of the sink for balance. Unable to speak, I nodded.
All those nights of fantasizing about this, and it was going to happen.
Jamie leaned his forehead against mine, his breath quickening even more as he pushed the dress up to my waist. “I’ve imagined this,” he whispered, his voice thick with lust. “More times than I count. Lying in bed, in the shower, hand around my dick. You in my head.”
I shook with increasing need.
“Have you fantasized about me?”
I nodded, blushing harder.
“Say it.” He lifted his forehead from mine, his expression as demanding as his tone. “Tell me you’ve thought about me like I’ve thought about you.”
I think I surprised myself more than I surprised Jamie when I whispered, “I lie in bed and I touch myself only ever thinking about you.”
Jamie kissed me again, ferocious, consuming, until I clung to his shoulders to hold myself up. I shivered against him as his fingers tickled my stomach, and then I tensed as he slipped his hand down my belly and pushed beneath my underwear.
&nb
sp; “You okay?” he broke the kiss to ask, his fingers stilling.
As strange as it was to have someone touch me where only I ever had, this wasn’t just “someone.” This was Jamie. My instinct was to push against his touch. “Please.”
He didn’t kiss me again.
Instead, Jamie held my gaze, his jaw clenched with tension, as he pressed his thumb over my clit and pushed two longer fingers inside me. I cried out against the unexpected pressure, my fingers biting into his shoulders.
“Fuck, Jane,” he panted.
My eyes fluttered closed with sensation as he circled my clit. “Jamie,” I breathed out his name on a pleasured sigh.
“Open your eyes.”
They flew open.
“Good.” He grunted. “Eyes on me.”
It was so much more intimate like that, holding his gaze as he slid his fingers in and out.
“So tight.” He bared his teeth at me. “So fucking tight, Doe.”
I smiled on a gasp at the return of his Boston accent. “Jamie.” I dug my fingers in deeper as I pushed against his touch, riding his fingers.
“That’s it, fuck me, Jane, fuck me,” he murmured hoarsely against my lips. He groaned as I physically responded to his dirty talk. “So full of surprises. You’re perfect. Made for me.”
As the tension built, little cries choked in my throat as Jamie pushed me toward climax.
“Don’t stifle it,” Jamie demanded. “No one can hear you back here but me. And I want to hear how much you want this.”
“Jamie.” I pushed under his T-shirt, wanting to feel him, caressing the ridges of his abs with one hand, as I held onto his waist with the other. Instinct made me raise my leg against his hip, opening myself further to him. The thrust of his fingers sped up. “Oh God,” I panted, eyes still locked on his. “Jamie.”
“One day I’ll be inside you completely,” he promised. “I’m going to be your first and your only, Jane.”
That made me even hotter than the dirty talk. My cries grew louder, and Jamie brushed my lips with his. “More.”
“Oh my God.” I let go, riding his fingers with desperation, clawing at his abs with my nails.
One last rub on my clit.
“Jamie!” I cried out, shuddering and jerking against his hand, throbbing and contracting around his fingers.
All the strength went out of my body. I melted into him. Nothing but a satisfied heap of hot-skinned Jane.
Black Tangled Heart Page 7
