Courage to follow your heart

by Christina Aas

  Liz looked around at them, but none would say anything. “What? What happened? You’re scaring me.” Finally, Hunter cleared her throat and came forward between Jeff and Erik. “It was a pretty bad accident. A big truck spilled oil all over the road and none of the breaks seemed to work on the first cars. Several of them crashed pretty hard into the truck, although they tried to maneuver away.” Liz stared at Hunter, who continued with pain in her voice. “All the students in the first car died immediately on impact. Most of the students in the following cars ended up with massive injuries and are still in the intensive care unit here at the hospital. For some of them it’s not looking very good at the moment.” Hunter swallowed heavily. “It was a horrible accident. Dr. Hufgaart spoke on the news earlier. They’ve cancelled the rest of the summer school program obviously, and there’s a bunch of grief counselors at campus now to take care of the family members who’ll be arriving during the coming days.” She looked over at Liz with sad eyes. “It’s a big mess, everyone is crying and it’s just horrible.” The others around looked down. Liz felt her heart sink heavily. “Oh my gosh” she paused. “I don’t know what to say actually. I feel like it’s all my fault. I really wish we’d never arranged the trip in the first instance.” Felicia nodded silently while a tear rolled down her cheek. Jeff uttered angrily. “No, we’re not doing that.” He shook his head fiercely. “We’re not doing the pointless, silly blame game. This is nobody’s fault. It’s an absolute tragedy, nothing anyone could have predicted or foreseen, okay?” he looked over at Liz and then back down at Felicia. They both nodded quietly in return. The rest of the group stood in silence. Jeff continued. “Let’s just be glad that we here are okay, and that Katie and Bryan are okay, and take it one day at a time.” Tinka squeezed his hand and looked up at him with love in her eyes. The others nodded again.

  Dean and Kris walked hastily through the sterile corridors, past nurses’ stations and empty hospital beds. Kris felt her heart racing. What if she’s not okay? What if that’s why the nurse couldn’t say anything… Her palms felt sweaty and her whole body trembled. Stop it! Don’t think the worst unless you have to. Dean grabbed her hand and squeezed it while they moved quickly toward Liz’ room.

  When they stepped up to the pinewood door, it was as if the whole world quieted down and disappeared out of focus. Kris felt a vacuum in her ears and her mind went blank. She held on to Dean’s hand tightly when she peered through the glass window on the door. Suddenly she exhaled a long breath and finally relaxed her stiff shoulders. She loosened her grip on Dean.

  The room was filled with their fellow student friends. In the middle Kris saw Liz laying in her hospital bed, looking fragile but alert. She was smiling at something Jeff had just said, and her cheeks had a good healthy color. Kris turned around and leaned her back to the door and smiled. “She’s okay, thank god.” Dean stepped over to the door and peered through himself. “Ah, that’s great! Wow. I was so worried. It feels like a huge weight has lifted. You must be incredibly happy, huh?” He looked over to his sister. But he noticed her face was becoming ice white, and she bit her jaw tightly together. “Hey” he poked into her side. “What’s up?” he uttered with a worried tone of voice. But he never received a response. Kris had already stormed off out of the hallway. What happened? Dean was left as a huge question mark.

  Kris entered the ladies room. She felt the cold droplets of sweat break out in her neck and she found herself hyperventilating. Her whole body shivered. She quickly checked under the three stalls to see if she was alone in there. Then she turned to face the bathroom mirror and placed both her palms on the marble counter. She’s okay. But what does that mean? What happens now? Kris leaned forward and looked at herself. “What’s the meaning of all of this?” she asked her shadow.

  Kris clenched her hands. The summer program is cancelled. Liz is here. Kris tried to grasp the realm of the situation. Where do I move to now? There’s nothing left for me back in Canada. It’s not my home anymore. Kris shivered hard and felt a fierce stab of pain strike her in her chest. She forced herself to take a slow, deep breath. Don’t panic. You’ll figure it out, somehow.

  Kris turned around and slid down along the counter wall to end up sitting on the floor. She leaned her head in her hands and stared ahead at the orange bathroom doors. She finally closed her eyes and let her thoughts drift away. Suddenly she gasped heavily. She opened her eyes widely. She’d had the same vision as she’d seen back home in the mirror the evening before the funeral. What’s going on?

  Kris raised her knees and leaned her elbow on them. She thought back to the moment in front of the mirror. She had seen the same then as now. The visual image had been perfectly clear, and it was difficult to misinterpret. She was somehow back home in the family kitchen, preparing breakfast as usual. Except it wasn’t her mom sitting across at the counter. It was Liz, together with two children. And it all felt as natural as she had never felt, ever before. She had felt a calmness, through her whole body. And the world felt in place.

  Is this what my mom meant? When she told me I need to dare to open my heart? Kris stood up abruptly and turned back toward the mirror. She noticed her ghostlike appearance and decided to splash some water in her face in hopes of helping it slightly.

  While she dried off the last drops of water she examined herself in the mirror. But what does this mean exactly? Where do I go now? Back to Canada? Or do I join Liz in Europe perhaps? What happens with my plans for the PhD postdoc here in Silicon Valley?

  As Kris was pondering her options, her mind drifted back to the sight of Liz being pulled bloody and torn out of the crushed vehicle. And she felt her heart being torn apart. She clenched her jaw. “Nothing else matters.” She stepped out of the bathroom.

  Dean looked surprised at his sister when she walked forcefully down the hallway toward the door to Liz’ room. She walked straight past him and opened the door before entering. He looked after her. What just happened?

  Everyone turned around to see who had just entered the room. Kris felt a million eyes on her, but only one pair meant anything at all. She stared straight ahead. Liz lay looking more beautiful than ever. Kris locked eyes with her and moved slowly forward toward Liz in her hospital bed. It seemed the others understood they were somehow superfluous to the moment, and decided to retreat out. Everyone slowly left the room, and Liz found herself alone with Kris. Kris looked gorgeous. She had a true happiness in her eyes, and a certain calmness Liz hadn’t seen before. Kris moved all the way up to Liz and gently grasped her hand. “Hey you” she smiled down at Liz. Liz swallowed. Kris moved her hand to Liz’ cheek and caressed it lovingly. She looked deeply into her eyes while she leaned down and whispered: “I’m sorry it took me so long. I love you.”

  THE END

  About the Author

  Christina Aas is a dreamer and an innovator. She loves indulging herself with a good story and has finally dared to follow her dreams and start writing stories of her own. ‘Courage to follow your heart’ is her first book to write and second to publish.

  Next to her passion for writing, Christina is also eager about the promotion of science to future generations and leaders of society. Christina is an aerospace engineer by education. She co-founded an aerospace company in 2010 which today has 11 employees. Today she works as a project manager in a government company for a number of space projects.

  Christina lives in Norway with her wife and twins of 2 years old.