by John Fajo
In the meantime, he glimpsed at the island, where he believed it was supposed to be, and to his surprise saw, indeed, a dark blot. The blot hadn’t been there before nor was it staying in place. It was spreading and as it did so its transparency increased. At the same time, the spacecraft accelerated again, nailing him to his chair. Nameless Andrew realized the island had been destroyed as he was hurled into deep space. He wondered what that could have meant, while the planet receded and finally disappeared completely.
****
It was the tenth inhabited planet he had reconquered from the evil empire. It was small and damp, it perpetually rained on land, and he thought it was an impossibility to survive in such a climate. But people thrived here as well, in fact they were taller, stronger and more patient than elsewhere. They mostly lived off the sea; the lands were barren, the water quickly eroding the soil the natives tried to till. He was treated here as a hero, he had got a hero’s welcome and everything that came with it. After all, he was the liberator, planting the seeds of democracy everywhere he went.
He led but a tiny army, yet the empire crumbled wherever his forces struck. The adversary had more troops and equipment, and was better coordinated. But what made the difference on the battlegrounds was the zeal and innovation of his rebel army. They wanted to win at any price, because they believed any price was better than living under the cruel oppression of the empire. The local populations were also behind them, supporting them with bases where they could relax in-between skirmishes, and even with manpower. But most importantly there was great moral support for their cause. They were blown with confidence, and so the battles tilted in their favour, despite all their discrepancies. Starting out only as a few fugitives and renegades and as nothing more than an annoyance in a small sector they evolved as the greatest challenge the empire had to face since its existence. So far, they were yet to lose a single scuffle.
Therefore, they had arrived at the tenth planet in mirth, and boasted among themselves full-heartedly. He himself was assured, convinced of his success and about his aims. He knew it was enough to make a chink and the whole empire would crack open as a shell, falling to pieces. His major objective was to show that the empire was vulnerable and beatable. Once this was done all regions would rebel, he thought, and the burden of waging war would lessen on them, in the end leading to victory.
He was in such an optimistic mood when landing on the newly freed planet. He was met by rain and a small delegation there. He stepped out of his warplane unwittingly, and was struck by lightning at once, which had always evaded him before. Among those meeting him, was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. They looked at each other, and he saw a mirror image of himself in her eyes...
He was in deep space seemingly motionless, but in reality, the rocket was advancing at its top speed. Eternity surrounded the spacecraft, an eternity that had made him create his little world, a romantic dream world, where he was someone. Out in deep space he was no one, nothing but a speckle of mass hurtling through darkness.
****
He felt something, a weight pulling him forward, the belt tightening around him. He opened his eyes, for the first time since he had started dwelling on his long searched topic. He was annoyed that in doing so the dream was gone, the very instant victory was in his grasp, and a feeling of mighty comfort disappeared. Instead, a greenish sparkling planet glowed at him, awesome in the distance, a clear indication of his oncoming arrival at his destination.
The spacecraft was decelerating furiously, vibrating in force quickly demolishing the remnants of his confidence incited in him by his own dream. Was this the first sign of collapse of the romantic model he had indulged in? He was afraid, frightened of having to face an unknown world alone, fearful of vanishing without a trace. He wondered if there was anyone who had noticed his disappearance at home, and sorrowfully thought of the possibility that no one had had. He wished his escapade was over, if as abruptly as an exploding fireball blows to pieces. His muscles cramped in anticipation, he felt his tongue was way ahead of him floating and dragging him along. But something kept him in place, and eventually the queer sensation abandoned him leaving only a bitter taste in his mouth.
The Green Planet was below him, all shades of that colour emerging in front of him. The spaceship completed its deceleration sequence; it was now circling the planet, which seemed as a monotonous series of mountain ridges and valleys from his outpost. It was utter boredom to him, very much unlike the romantic Universe of his dreams. Here nothing happened, the stillness was absolute and undisturbed, there were no skirmishes nor spectacular battles with glittering horror, only silence. The silence of eternity. He was a part of it, his body obviously not ageing during the trip. He wanted it to end; this wasn’t what he had bargained for. But there was no way out, the spacecraft sealed him inside. Besides, outside was no different. The only difference was within him.
He closed his eyes for a second only to open them with a sudden realization. The only difference had always been within him. He thought it was strange he noticed it only now. This voyage had, indeed, taken him to far and previously unknown territory, a terrain reflecting upon his earlier life, when he had no time nor desire to reflect upon it himself. On the other hand, everything had its price, by seeing something differently he had ultimately lost another life philosophy. Something gained, something lost. He thought his innocence had evaporated at childhood’s end, now the remnants of his hot-headed fervour were close to extinction.
Now that he gave it more consideration, it seemed to him absurd to have and apply more than one life philosophy at one given time. Yet, the machine with its many different lifeforms must have had many life philosophies, perhaps the reason for the obvious conflicts and disagreements it had encountered within its own ranks, he thought. After all, it not only defined one’s outlook on the world, but also the rules and conduct by which someone lived, and adhered to. The machine had been paralyzed when the rules were in conflict, which had clearly been the case. It had taken time to sort out the differences, and he believed this to be the machine’s major drawback. Of course, it had been strong and unstoppable once the decisions had been made.
With one sudden and tremendous jolt the rocket entered the atmosphere. At least there was one, he thought as the spacecraft landed on a platform, probably of natural making, and then came to a halt in front of a ridge. It was a nasty landing, for a moment it had seemed he would collide with the sharp edged green rocks ahead; a scare that he thought was utterly ridiculous afterwards, because it would have been a solution. That is what he wanted. A solution to his life. A palpable one. And floating around aimlessly he did not consider as a solution.
****
The rocket simply ejected him. He was paralyzed in a force field while the spaceship gaped its front as if it was a horrible animal with an aching stomach. He watched the events listlessly; he didn’t wish to go outside nor to stay inside. Yet he wasn’t annoyed any more for not being able to make decisions himself. He was assured he could re-enter his dream world at any given moment, and leave the greenness behind.
The force field moved him outside, and then the spacecraft closed, he was standing below a protruding ridge and gazed around. He was uncertain whether the planet’s atmosphere could bear terrestrial life, the strange state he had experienced in the rocket continued, his only sense at his disposal was vision. He wondered if the force field was still around him. He thought it had been brilliantly devised if that was the case, because he was able to touch and feel the silkiness of the rocks in his vicinity. They were queerly soft, almost as silk, yet very heavy.
What was he supposed to do here, he asked himself. Should he wander off or simply squat on a rock until he would be taken back to where he had come from? If he wasn’t doomed for the rest of his life to live on the Green Planet.
Finally, he decided to explore his surroundings rather than to wait there. He climbed the ridge, which was full of cavities probably made by meteorite debris, ma
king the scramble childishly easy, while the silky touch gave a comforting feeling. From the top of the rock, he could see far away into the distance. The sight emerging before him was soothing; there was mesmerizing magic in the motionless silence surrounding the green mountains and valleys reflecting the rays of the setting sun of that solar system. There seemed to be an uncountable number of hues of green with some greyness and redness here and there. Despite all his dislike of his situation, he had to admit, it was the most beautiful sunset he had ever seen. Somehow, the dead surroundings came to life; there was a sense of vibration.
He looked around, and was overwhelmed by a feeling of comfort and ease. This was a fairy tail land, where the nooks and caves hid little and cunning creatures awaiting the arrival of darkness, when they could do nasty things. But among them were also good and wise ones, kind to a lost traveller. The glimmering plateaus reminded him of thick forests, the sun’s rays sparkling greenly here and there seemed like trees. In these forests lived the fairies and witches, the former in clearings, the latter in the thickest regions. They were continuously fighting each other. In the lowlands, five giants crouched around a fire, their bulky figures reminding him of someone, their number reminiscent of the past.
But here all was but a mere illusion, for as the sun disappeared below the horizon the giants turned out to be mountains doomed to solitude, and the fire simply a reflection of light. As darkness fell, tranquillity seized the land once again, holding it firmly, motionless. The fairies, witches and forests were gone as swiftly as the giants were, except that there was nothing left behind them, no signs they had ever existed. Soon the stars lit the sky, and he began to wonder what to do next. For some time he sat on top of the ridge. It was difficult to adjust back to freedom after the coerced and regulated trip; he found it hard to believe he could walk around at his own will. The spacecraft was located beneath him, its contours visible, but only to someone who knew it was there. After a while, Nameless Andrew decided to go to sleep, and stretched out on the silky rock.
****
He realized something was wrong at the moment he awoke. He lay askew; the ground slanting although when he had gone to sleep it had been level terrain. He looked around. The spaceship was far from him, shining in the sunlight. The terrain further away seemed the same, yet he had a suspicious feeling about it. It was as though everything changed place, moved apart. Two of the mountains he had imagined as giants were further from the other three than before. This once again reminded him of the past, although he knew it was nothing more than coincidence.
He stood up and considered the situation in its entirety. Of all the possible reasons for the change, a plasma explanation seemed to him most likely. According to this, the Green Planet was covered or was made of a plasma-like substance floating around all the time, though slowly enough that he hadn’t noticed the movement at once. The change was only visible if he wasn’t there to observe it, that is if he slept or simply wasn’t present.
How long he had been at rest was questionable, but he thought it must have been an extended period, in spite of being fully aware of the especially relative nature of time in his world, which was pretty much determined by emotions. It was uncertain how long night or day lasted, he had no way of comparing it with terrestrial conditions.
He slid down from the ridge on a natural slipway to the level of the spacecraft. The ridge looked more like a hill now from below; it had lost its sharp and steep edges. He walked back to the rocket, and not being able to enter it, squatted down beside it.
****
Nights and days passed by, and by the number of alterations he counted years would have ebbed away on the Earth. He was resigned, and other than going twice on longer excursions to find nothing of interest, he sat mostly besides the spacecraft, leaning against it. He remembered this had been the way he had liked to position himself on the island as well, under a nice shady tree. He often called back those happy days, and all he wanted now was to crawl under a shady tree and listen to the chirping birds, smell the scent of grass. In those happy days though he had never considered sitting under a tree as too exciting or exhilarating. He realized only now how much he had liked that, and so started missing it. In his yearning, he had almost slipped into deep depression, but once again, imagination had proved to be his salvation. He had created the world of fairies and witches, endless forests and immense grassy plains, where all forms of life could be found. In such a way, he placed himself among fictitious characters, and most importantly mentally left the Green Planet’s boring green reality. He enjoyed grazing his eyes on his new world, where the silvery spaceship transformed into a large iron castle. The sky was covered with fleecy clouds and bird flocks occupied it. Sometimes it even rained, the water pouring down as during a summer storm.
This was another romantic model. A romantic model helping him survive the absolute emotional emptiness of his surroundings. It had its own well-definable rules and consequently limitations. But as long as he stayed within this frame the birds kept flying and singing, the grass remained green, and the good fairies prevailed over the bad. He hoped his world would not collapse due to an inconsistency in the rules it had been defined by.
****
And finally, the time came. He was sitting by the side of the rocket when the monster gaped and the force field sucked him inside. All happened unexpectedly and without any prior incident, which could have indicated a prelude to the end of his stay on the Green Planet. The events crushed his idyllic fairy tale world, and he suddenly found himself inside a depressing and rigid box excluding all instruments once again.
Now he could but barely see the contours of the Green Planet in the far distance. It was slowly disappearing, uniting with blackness. He was surrounded by blackness once again, only here and there variegated by shining spots. He thought it was time he was going home. But was he? This question barely entered his head and that for two reasons. The scientist had mentioned only the Green Planet as his final destination, where he would spend a long time. There had been no word of him going anywhere else nor of floating aimlessly around or between the Earth and the Green Planet. But if this latter was the case it was better not to consider the question at all, it would simply have driven him crazy. So, for the time being, he assumed the spacecraft was taking the shortest path home. But where was his home? This was another bothering question. Had been the island his home before? He had never thought of it as such earlier. Anyway, there was no island any more, he gathered. Did Earth exist at all, or did it vanish in a colossal war? Was there anything to return to? And if there wasn’t what would become of him? And if there was, what happened during the time he had been away? How would he adjust to the new conditions?
As questions like this bombarded him a curtain started rolling down in his brain. This was a shield protecting him from dangerous thoughts, just as a curtain shields from light. He was on one side of this shield; the questions and darkness were on the other. When the curtain rolled down completely nothing slipped through from the other side, the separation was absolute. He anchored the shield so no hurricane could cut a hole in it.
On his side of the curtain, things were colourful, exhilarating and fast paced. The victor over the evil empire founded a new and democratic interplanetary union...
****
He was full of anxiety. This was the moment of revelation. The rocket was commencing a landing on Earth. Perhaps it was the beginning of the end. He peered out of the window, saw the continents partly covered by clouds and discovered no change in their appearance. In any case, this was reassuring. The horizon turned blue, a richness of colours emerged unprecedented in deep space. It was nice to be home, he thought, and basked in the sun as the spaceship descended further over the ocean. He was excited and felt his heart pumping in his neck. He could hardly wait for the touchdown. His banishment seemed over. He was to be free again.
The spacecraft cast a shadow over the water; ahead land could be seen. He counted the seconds as much as
he remembered how much a second had lasted. A couple of moments later he discovered trees blossoming.
