"I won't tell him," Tanner assured the young man. "But if he gives you any trouble you need to let the sheriff know."
Brad promised he would and Tanner went upstairs, mentally gathering his to-do list. The most important item to be checked off?
Romancing the hell out of his beautiful wife.
17
"Amanda wants a dog."
Maddie had heard those words before from her own husband but so far, she'd successfully ignored them, delaying what was probably the inevitable.
While Tanner was questioning suspects, Maddie had decided to check in with home. Lounging on the couch, she'd studied her painted toes while Amanda had told her all about the fun she was having, and it totally included pretty much all the ice cream she could eat. But five-year-olds get bored quickly and she'd handed the phone over to Sherry after about five minutes to join the twins in a game of hide and seek.
"When did this come up?"
"So far? Every single day. She adores Bruno and he loves her. I think she might try and sneak him home in her little pink suitcase."
There was no way Bruno was going to fit. He was a huge yellow Lab and Sherry's first baby. Seriously, he thought he was a lap dog, climbing on Dan and Sherry when they were sitting on the couch or lying in bed. Maddie had actually witnessed with her own two eyes Dan cradling a full-grown Bruno in his arms like an infant.
"I hope you haven't been encouraging this."
Sherry loved dogs. Any dog. All shapes and sizes. When Tanner and Maddie had still had Scout the German Shepherd, she used to come over and play with him until Dan brought home Bruno the puppy.
"Why are you being so stubborn about this? You love dogs."
"Not as much as you."
"No one loves dogs as much as I do but I know that you love dogs, too. You spoiled the hell out of Scout when you thought no one was looking. Why do you pretend you're such a hard-ass when you're clearly not?"
Sighing, Maddie tried to think of a way to explain it to her friend without sounding like she'd lost her ever-loving mind. She barely understood it herself, but it was all part of this world going too fast issue she was having. At least now that she'd talked about it, it didn't seem so terrible or shameful.
"You know that I'd end up taking care of that dog. Amanda is too young."
"Are you saying that Tanner won't help out? Because I don't believe that for a second. He was Scout's primary caretaker."
"That's because Scout was really his dog."
Although Scout had been a retired police dog, Tanner would often take him into the station and let him socialize with the deputies. He didn't like the idea of Scout lying around the house bored all day long. Later when Scout got older and needed more rest, Tanner had relented, letting the canine snooze on a giant cushion most of the day.
Maddie could hear Sherry howling with laughter on the other end of the phone.
"You're afraid that the dog is going to attach to you and make you its person."
"I am not," Maddie defended. "It's just..."
"Just?" Sherry prompted. "Just what?"
"I'm just not sure I can go through it again. It was terrible the first time."
Silence.
"Did you hear me?"
"Yes, and I know what you mean. I just don't think about it that much."
"Ever?"
"I try not to. I just try and be in the moment with Bruno for however long we get to have him."
A lump took up residence in Maddie's throat, making it hard to speak.
"I'd love to have a dog, Sherry. But when I say that the world is moving too fast, I mean all of it. I'm not sure I can face that again. You put everything into caring for a dog, your heart and soul, and then one day..."
"You still don't get it. Nothing is forever, Maddie. You're so busy looking into the future you can't see that the now is going on right under your nose. You have to learn to live in the moment. Enjoy what you have. No one gets any guarantees about tomorrow. You're a doctor. You should know that."
"I think I'm in a weird state of denial."
"It won't make a bit of difference," Sherry stated. "I could try and be more gentle about this but life doesn't give a shit about your denial. It's going to keep going on and you're going to miss it. I'm begging you to stop and open your eyes."
A tear slid down Maddie's cheek and she rubbed at it with her knuckles.
"Tanner is older than I am."
There. There it was. The thing she'd been pushing so deep down inside of herself. The reality she hadn't wanted to even think about. So instead she'd concentrated on her own mortality. She'd distracted herself with Amanda growing up and the crow's feet that had appeared around her eyes. But sadly, that was a reminder that time was passing and it gave her no respite from that fear in the pit of her stomach.
"Yes, he is," Sherry replied, her tone gentle. "You knew that when you married him, and it's not like he has one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel. He's still pretty young and spritely. He's in great shape. He could live decades more. Hell, he might outlive us all."
"I love him so much," Maddie whispered, that ache in her heart that she'd been trying to keep at bay squeezing her ribs and making it hard to breathe. "I don't ever want to lose him."
"Wow, you really are going through a midlife crisis. Listen to me very closely. You're only forty, Tanner is only fifty-five, Amanda is five and parenting never ends. Even when she's thirty you'll be worrying about her and she'll be asking you for advice. By then you might even want a break."
"What if...I'm too happy?" The words were hard to say. "What if the universe thinks that I have too much good in my life and decides to take it all away?"
"Then you'll deal with it," Sherry replied immediately. "You're a strong woman, Maddie, and you'll be okay. There might be pain in the short term but in the long run you'll be fine."
"You sound so sure."
"Maddie, where is all of this coming from? It feels like it's come out of nowhere."
It had been coming for the last several months. Honestly? Since Maddie's last birthday.
"My mom," Maddie croaked, more tears falling down her cheeks. "She had it all too–"
She couldn't say anymore, her heart hurting far too much. Pain and fear had been building for too long.
"I know it's not rational," she said. "I know that it's crazy but here I am. Scared I'm going to lose it all. I don't make any sense whatsoever but I can't help but be frightened. Isn't that stupid? I've officially lost my mind. In my head I know that there's no real reason to be scared but I am."
"Emotions aren't always rational. I can understand why you would be scared. But you're not your mother. You're a separate human being and her fate is not yours."
"I know that. I really do. But I'm kind of freaked out about how quickly life is flying by. Tanner and I talked about it and we decided that I'd cut back on work and that made me feel better. It really did. At least for a while, but I can't help but feel swamped by fear. I'm just scared of losing it all. It could happen."
"A meteor could hit the earth and we could all perish. You can't live in fear. You have to face up to it. Yes, you're happy. And lucky. You're right that not everyone can say that. But it doesn't mean that the universe is waiting to drop a shoe. You might just have a great life."
"Luck. Fate. I feel powerless sometimes."
"Then take your power back. Live each day with gratitude. Live it like you won't get another. Tell Tanner how much you love him every single day. Hug and kiss Amanda. Listen to what the people in your life are really saying. And I mean really listen. Show them you care. Don't leave stuff on your bucket list undone. Slow down and enjoy life. Be present for it. Hell, that's some great advice there. I'm going to do it, too."
"Thank you, Dr. Sherry."
"You're welcome. Did I help?"
More than she would ever know. Just by being her friend.
"You did. I'm still a little scared but just talking about it has made me feel better."
"It always does." There was a small pause. "And Maddie? I get scared about all of that shit, too. You're not alone. Dan and I are so happy, and the twins are healthy. Everything is going so well and sometimes after everyone is in bed, I'll still be awake wondering if it could all be taken away from me."
I'm not alone. That does make me feel better.
"How do you handle it?"
"By getting up in the morning and living life with even more zest. Really dig into it. Because if you're busy thinking about all the worst-case scenarios you're definitely not enjoying your life."
"When did you get so wise, Dr. Sherry?"
"Would you believe I was born this way? Seriously, your fears are common but don't let that boogeyman run your life. Fight back. You and Tanner have a lot of living left to do. Just don't waste your time. And get your daughter a dog. You know you want one, too."
To be honest? Maddie did.
18
Tanner was up to something. Ten years ago, Maddie wouldn't have realized it but she'd been married to him long enough to know when he had something up his sleeve. He loved to surprise her even when it was something silly like making her favorite dinner or a foot massage when she was tired after a long day. There had never been a brand-new car in the driveway with a big red bow like in those commercials - thank goodness - but she was a woman who appreciated his tokens of love. Years ago, Sherry had said that Tanner wouldn't be a man that talked about how much he loved her—he'd show her instead.
Sherry was a wise woman.
So she could tell by the way he kept moving her from room to room in the condo, then disappearing to "take a walk", and then finally urging her to relax in the tub. They were supposed to go out to dinner on Friday night for her birthday so it couldn't be that...
Clean from head to toe - thanks to a tub full of bubbles - and dressed casually in a sundress with minimal makeup, Maddie walked hand in hand with Tanner to the restaurant he'd chosen for dinner. This must be the surprise because she could barely keep up with his long legs. He was damned eager to get to their destination.
He'd showered as well and he smelled incredibly good. It was one of the first things that had attracted her to him when they'd met as adults. Okay, his stunning looks and physique hadn't hurt. Nor had his caring and respectful nature. He'd been head and shoulders over any other man she'd ever dated, so it hadn't been a stretch to find herself falling ass over tea kettle for him in a short amount of time.
It was a lovely night, warm but not too humid. Maddie could smell the salt in the air mixed with a floral scent that she couldn't identify. The sky was turning pink and purple as the day drew to a close. Since talking to Sherry earlier, a sense of calm had come over Maddie that she hadn't had in quite a long time. Her friend was right. As usual.
There wasn't a way to slow down time, but she could embrace each day and moment with as much fervor as Sherry did. The true tragedy would be not living this life she had been given because she was so worried about...everything. She had so much. Instead of worrying about losing it she needed to jump in with both feet and savor it. The answer to her problems was so simple and yet she'd completely overlooked it. That's how deep in her own issues she'd been. For someone that prided herself on being practical and open, she'd dropped the ball completely.
"I hope you like this place. Brad highly recommended it."
"You talked to Brad?"
"He did say he was the resident expert regarding the local cuisine."
"I'm sure I'll love it." She gave Tanner's hand a squeeze. "I love you."
His smile widened and he pulled her closer, his arm around her waist. Nothing too risqué since they were walking on a public street, though.
"I love you, too. Did I mention that you seem really happy tonight?"
"You didn't but I am. And why wouldn't I be? I'm here with my favorite guy in a semitropical paradise. It's all good."
"Even though I'm working a little, too?"
"I told you it's fine. It's all fine. I spent a nice afternoon at the pool. And I talked to Sherry and Amanda, too."
Tanner had called their daughter before they'd left for dinner to say goodnight.
"That's great. She says she loves school and she's eating a lot of ice cream."
"Sherry says that Amanda wants a dog." Maddie took a deep breath. "I'm thinking that when we get back home, we should start looking for one."
Tanner stopped on the sidewalk, his brows almost to his hairline. "Wait...are you saying yes to a dog? I thought you didn't want one."
She could have gone into all the reasons she'd thought she shouldn't have one but did Tanner really want to hear it all?
"I think that Amanda is at a good age for a dog," she said. "And I know that I won't end up doing all the work because you'll do it, too."
"Of course, I will. This is terrific. Amanda is going to be so excited."
He wasn't fooling anyone.
"You're excited too."
Now she felt kind of like shit because he'd clearly wanted a dog more than she'd realized. He was grinning like he'd won the lottery and a lifetime supply of steak and ice cream.
"I guess I am. It will be fun to have a puppy around the house again." Laughing, he leaned down and dropped a kiss on her brow. "Don't worry. I'll protect your shoes."
"I'm not worried about my shoes. At least not all of them. My black leather pumps were expensive, though."
Maddie didn't know much about clothes and shoes. Sherry had made her buy those pumps and she had to admit they'd been a good investment. She'd worn them many times and they were extremely comfortable.
"We just need to remember to keep the closet closed." His finger slipped up down her bare arm, sending tingles to her toes. "Baby, I'm not complaining or anything so don't think that I am. I'm thrilled that you're open to getting a dog, but I can't help but wonder what changed your mind."
"Dr. Sherry," Maddie admitted. "She and I had a good talk this afternoon."
"That's great. Can I ask what about? Maybe she could hang out a shingle."
"She is good at giving advice—after all she decided that I should marry you before I did. We did talk and I admitted that I was frightened about losing everything. I feel so lucky and I know that it could all be gone in an instant. I got scared and I guess I'd spiraled down to the point that I couldn't see that I was missing out on actually living this great life that I'd been given. She gave me a hand out of the dark, you could say."
"You could have talked to me."
There was hurt in his tone and she'd put it there. She wasn't proud of not talking to her husband. Normally she and Tanner had an open and honest relationship, but this one time...
"You seemed like you had a lot on your own plate."
It was several beats before he answered.
"I guess I did but I don't think it's healthy that we weren't talking to each other. Where did we lose our way?"
"I'm not sure. Life gets busy and crazy and I think we were just trying to survive it. We were both in the quagmire and I think we didn't want to make it worse for the other."
"Just so you know, you could never make it worse for me. I want to know what's bothering you, Maddie."
"I want to know what's bugging you, too." Giggling, she linked her arm with his. "You can dump all of your problems on me anytime."
His expression relaxed, his entire demeanor more at ease. "Good to know. I feel the same. Now how about we have some dinner and enjoy ourselves? I have plans for you."
A shiver ran down her spine at his tone. His plans were always so delightfully wicked.
Sherry had encouraged Maddie to embrace life fully. No better time to start that than right now.
Brad had been right on the money with his restaurant recommendation. Their dinner had been delicious and Maddie had enjoyed every single bite of the buttery lobster tail. Tanner had steak with his lobster tail but they'd both saved room for dessert - a decadent chocolate mousse that tasted bitter and sweet on her tongue
at the same time. She didn't even think about the calories, instead savoring each smooth and creamy spoonful. If this was embracing life, she was all for it.
They'd walked hand in hand back to the condo, the warm breeze keeping the humidity from being completely oppressive. It had rained for a short time while they were eating and the dampness hung in the air. She was giggling as Tanner unlocked their door.
"What is so funny? You look quite tickled."
Slapping a hand over her mouth, she shook her head.
"I shouldn't tell you."
Tanner's eyes were twinkling, enjoying her merriment even if he wasn't in on the joke.
"You definitely should. I'd like a good laugh, too."
Why not?
"Moist."
His forehead furrowed in confusion. "What? I don't get it."
"Outside." She waved an arm towards the windows. "After the rain, it was moist outside. I couldn't think of any other word but you know how I hate that word. Sherry hates it too, unless you're talking about cake."
"Moist," Tanner repeated dutifully. "I didn't know you hated that word. What's wrong with it?"
"It's...kind of icky."
"Icky? You're being pretty hard on a single word. It's just a word. I think this is your dirty mind working overtime here."
"Then say it," she demanded with a smile. "Say it several times and then tell me what you think."
Rolling his eyes, he humored her, repeating the word half a dozen times.
"And?"
"Okay, I see what you mean. But you were right, it was...moist outside."
She fell back onto the couch cushions. "I'm not making this stuff up."
"Really? I'm making it all up as I go along." He waggled his brows like an evil villain in an old black and white movie. "Since we got all sweaty...and moist, you want to take a shower? And get...wet?"
She looked up at him from under her lashes. "Will you wash my back?"
"Honey, I'll not only wash it, I'll kiss every inch of it."
Bitter Justice (Cowboy Justice Association Book 12) Page 13
