by Bible, Jake
“And Charlie?” I asked.
“His argument is that he needs to know how to fight people,” Stella said. “He can fight Zs, but people are a whole other thing.”
“He has a point,” Stuart said. “People are a whole other thing. Doesn’t matter how many Zs are out there, all it takes is one asshole with a pistol to end it all.”
“All it takes is one Z chomping through his skin to end it all,” I said.
Stuart nodded towards Stumpageddon, my missing arm, and smiled. “That so?”
“Fuck off. You know what I mean,” I snapped.
There was a knock behind him and the door opened. Stuart moved out of the way as Lourdes, Melissa, Critter, John, and Buzz came inside. I thought the door was going to close, but Mr. Flips, the unofficial canny leader, followed behind, hurrying inside and closing the door right away.
“Traveling in the winter across Colorado is fun,” Mr. Flips said. “Anybody else having as much fun as I am?”
“Can’t feel my balls or my toes,” Critter said. “Damn barrel of fun.”
“Search parties are back,” Lourdes said, getting right to business like always. “We have some fuel, a little bit of food, and more ammunition. There’s a small town a couple miles away. It’s been picked over, but not by a big group otherwise it’d have been stripped clean.”
“Found two skinned bodies too,” John said. “Same bloody writing as the others. El’s sisters sure don’t like disloyalty.”
“Loyalty above all else again?” Stella asked.
Loyalty above all else.
I don’t...what is that?
“Yep,” John nodded. “Loyalty above all else.”
“Were they two of yours?” I asked Mr. Flips.
“I don’t think so,” Mr. Flips said. “I didn’t recognize the faces.”
“How the hell could ya?” Critter cackled. “Their goddamn faces were gone.”
“I put the skin back on the heads,” Mr. Flips said. “Only way to know for sure.”
“Well, bein’ a canny and all, I guess you’d have that skill set,” Critter nodded, his body language saying he was ready to bust some balls. “Was it weird puttin’ the skin on instead of takin’ off?”
“Former canny,” Mr. Flips replied. He was obviously pissed at Critter’s comments. I could see him wanting to respond, but he kept himself in check. “Same with the rest of my people.”
“Our people,” Stuart said. “We’re one group now. We’ve lost too many to stay divided.”
“I agree one hundred percent,” Lourdes said, looking at Mr. Flips. “You have to tell your people that. Maybe it’ll keep them from deserting.”
“Hold on?” I asked. “I thought we were in agreement that it’s Elsbeth’s sisters that are snagging folks?”
“Not anymore,” John said. “The skinned bodies are the work of the sisters. Elsbeth has pretty much acknowledged that. But the cannies going missing I think is attrition. They don’t have confidence in our goal of getting to the Stronghold and are making out on their own whenever they can.”
“Do ya blame ‘em?” Critter asked. “Shit, I don’t have much confidence in our goal. We should have hunkered down a while ago and sat it all out until winter was over. Only reason we’re pushing on is because that damn girl won’t let us stop. I’m thinkin’ we need to reconsider that strategy, that’s what I’m thinkin’.”
“You ain’t thinking at all, Critter,” Elsbeth said from behind us, walking out of the back bedroom.
“What the fuck, El?” I said. “Have you been back there the whole time?”
“Most of the time,” Elsbeth said. “I was taking a nap.”
I looked at Stella and she just shrugged.
“Where’s Charlie?” I asked.
“He’s playing with the soldier boys,” Elsbeth said. “Learning how to get his ass beat without dying. Good thing to learn.”
“You have him training with my PCs?” Lourdes snapped. “I did not authorize that.”
Elsbeth shrugged. “I did.”
“Listen here, girl,” Lourdes said, moving at Elsbeth a lot faster than usually prudent. Surprisingly, Elsbeth let her. “There is a chain of command around here. When it comes to all military and defense issues, that chain begins and ends with me. Do you understand? You don’t tell my people to do anything.”
“I thought we was all one people?” Elsbeth asked, that dangerous smirk on her face. “Ain’t that what Stuart said? We is all one people? No cannies, no PCs, just people. The Whispering Pines Express. Heading one way to Hell.”
“You’ve been talking with Charlie way too much,” Stella sighed. “Don’t listen to him.”
“Boy has a lot of good things to say,” Elsbeth replied. “More than you two know.” She pointed at everyone. “More than most of you know. But, I guess he’s just a kid and not really part of you people.”
She flipped us off with both fingers then slowly backed into the bedroom. We all just stared, stunned as fuck. After a few seconds she came sauntering out, a huge grin on her face.
“How was that? Charlie said that flipping people off and backing out of a room looked cool. Did it look cool?” Elsbeth asked, genuinely interested in our opinions.
“It looked cool,” I admitted.
“Do not encourage this,” Stella said, standing up. “I’m going to find our son and slap some sense into him.”
“Ain’t no need,” Elsbeth said, exasperated. “Ain’t you all listening? He has plenty of sense.”
“Regardless of your son’s sense,” Lourdes said, looking at us, “we have business to discuss.” Then she pointed at Elsbeth. “We still aren’t done talking about you ordering my people around.”
“I think we are,” Elsbeth said. Then flipped us off and backed into the bedroom again.
“Too much, El!” I called after her. “You lose the effect if you do it repeatedly.” No response. “El?”
We all waited then Stella sighed and walked back into the RV’s bedroom.
“She’s gone,” Stella said as she came back out.
“Okay, then that works,” I said. “I’ll tell her later.”
Everyone glared at me.
“What?” I asked. “It’s both ironic and effective to actually do it again and then sneak out the back window.”
“You’re like a five year old sometimes,” Stuart sighed.
“Sometimes?” Critter laughed.
“Can we please discuss our next move?” Lourdes growled, done with the pleasantries. Not that pleasantries are her thing.
Where are my sisters?
What? Okay, I am more than certain I wasn’t hearing voices in my head back then. What the fuck is this?
“Denver is only a little over one hundred miles away,” Lourdes says. “One hundred. We can do that in a couple of days, even with the weather.”
“Doesn’t look so great out there,” I said.
Everyone turned and looked out from the truck bay the RV was huddled up in. A lot of shitty snow was blowing this way and that. A lot.
“No choice,” Lourdes said. “We have enough food and fuel to get us to Denver now. If we wait much longer then we run low on both and risk getting snowed in.” She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Do we have to have this conversation every damn time? If the goal is to get to the Stronghold in Boulder then we need to get there now. The longer we wait, the worse the weather is going to be. Winter doesn’t end by the calendar in Colorado. March and even April can have some nasty storms come through.”
“Well fuck March and April, then,” I said. “They can kiss my ass.”
Everyone turned and looked at me. I could see the worry on their faces which usually meant that I’d said something wrong in a weird way.
“What?” I asked.
“Why did you mention your dad?” Stella asked.
“Huh? I didn’t,” I replied. “I said fuck March and April. I was making a joke.”
“No, you said your dad wasn’t go
ing to be at the game,” Stuart said. “Then you whistled.”
“Ha ha ha, guys,” I responded, lifting my one middle finger. “Is this funny to you? Mess with brain-addled Jace? Good one.”
Then shit went really weird.
Skip that, please. Get to the road.
What? No, I can’t just skip the fact I had my first seizure. Wait...
Then tell the story. But hurry, Jace. Time is ticking.
I’m really confused.
“JACE? BABY?” STELLA asked. “Wake up, Jace. Can you hear me? Wake up.”
“I can hear you,” I said and tried to sit up, but Stenkler was there and he pushed me back down.
“Rest,” he said. “You blacked out. I’d say you had a small seizure, but I can’t be for certain since I wasn’t here.” He looked about at everyone in the RV. “I have said I’d prefer to be with him for most of the journey. Only way I can monitor his digression.”
“My digression? Way to go negative, man,” I said, trying to sit up again.
“Stay,” Stella says.
“But the floor of this RV smells like feet and rotten oranges,” I replied. “I’m gonna puke if I have to stay down here. At least get me up on a couch.”
Stella looked to Stenkler and he nodded. Stuart, John, and Buzz lifted me up and set me on the couch.
“Rotten oranges?” Stenkler asked. “Have you been smelling that a lot lately?”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
“We’ll need to find a medical facility as soon as we reach Denver,” Stenkler said. “And I must insist I remain with him until then.”
“We’ll see,” Stuart replied. “You’re still not quite one of us, doc. I think we all feel more comfortable with you under watch along with Kramer.”
“You realize that Dr. Kramer is kind of nuts, right?” Stenkler asked.
Stenkler? Talk about him.
Stop that.
“Yeah, we know,” Stuart said.
“He’s also a true medical genius,” Stenkler said. “And I’m not exactly a mental slouch. Keeping us together, where we can discuss our options and possibly collude, isn’t the best idea. As far as you know, we are planning to escape together.”
“Is that so?” Lourdes asked, looking menacing.
“Nah, he’s full of shit,” Critter laughed. “The man is soft. He wouldn’t last more than a day out there. And Kramer is a coward. He likes havin’ his meals brought to him and havin’ people die fightin’ for his safety. He’ll stick around as long as we let him.”
“Regardless,” Stenkler said. “Jace’s neurological deterioration is alarming.”
“Your neurological deterioration is alarming,” I replied. “Ha!”
“That there,” Stenkler said, pointing at me. “Why else would he mention a toaster at a time like this?”
“Toaster?” I asked. I looked at Stella. She nodded. “Shit.”
“This decision isn’t based on anything Dr. Stenkler has said or on Jace’s condition,” Lourdes announced. “But we are leaving in an hour. Spread the word.”
And then she was gone and the cold air was whipping into the RV again.
“I’m going to find the kids,” Stella said. “Will you be alright?”
“I’ll stay with him,” John said. “You guys go administer.”
“I’ll stay too,” Critter added. “Nice and toasty in here.”
“You are coming with me, Uncle Crit,” Buzz said. “We have work to do making sure all the vehicles are ready. I’ll need your help.”
“You don’t need my help on nothin’,” Critter said. “You just want to see an old man freeze his shriveled ass off.”
“Trust me, I really do not want to see that,” Buzz laughed. “But you’re one of the leaders of this gang, so you need to get out there and show your face.”
“Then why ain’t he comin’?” Critter whined, pointing at me. “People look up to the moron. He should be out there too.”
“Thanks for the compassion, Crit,” I smiled.
“That’s why,” Stuart said.
“What’s why?” I asked.
“You just made farting noises and called me Luela,” Stuart said. He looked very serious.
“Oh,” I winced. “Poop.”
“John? You sure you got this?” Stuart asked.
“Not a problem,” John said. “I’ve been out in the field all morning. My legs could use the rest. I’ll make sure the doctor doesn’t mess with Jace.”
Stella leaned down and kissed my brow then stared at me for a couple of seconds. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Take your time,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“No, you’re not going bowling,” Stella replied, her worried look getting even more worried.
“Did I say bowling?” I asked.
Stella nodded then left quickly. Pretty sure she was about to cry. Fuck.
“Can I keep examining him?” Stenkler asked John as soon as it was just us in the RV. “At least until everyone starts loading back on?”
“You cool with that, Jace?” John asked me.
“Cool as a cucumber,” I said.
“Then go ahead,” John said to Stenkler.
“Can you talk for me, Jace?” Stenkler asked.
John laughed at that.
“Talk about what?” I replied.
“Anything,” Stenkler said. “I just want to hear your speech pattern and make some notes when you go off topic or your nouns get mixed up.”
“He always goes off topic,” John said. “It’s his specialty.”
“Oh, I know what I could talk about,” I sneered at John. “Elsbeth. How are things between the two of you?”
John cleared his throat and the smart ass look he’d just had went away fast.
“Fine,” he said.
“You two still a thing?” I pressed. “Still getting it on? Bumping uglies? Doing the nasty?”
“Did you mean to say all those euphemisms?” Stenkler interrupted.
“Yep,” I grinned.
“We’re still intimate,” John said. “Not much choice. When Elsbeth wants to, uh, bump uglies, then we bump uglies.”
“Is it against your will?” Stenkler asked, looking alarmed.
“What? No,” John said quickly. “I care for her. I do. Probably more than I should. It’s just that...”
“Elsbeth is Elsbeth,” I answered for him.
“Exactly,” John said. “That woman is simple on so many levels, but that makes her only more complicated on so many more.”
“True dat, bro,” I said and held out my hand for a fist bump.
John just stared at me.
“No fist bump?” I said.
“What? Uh, Jace, you’re lifting your stump and waving it at me,” John said.
“Am I?” I looked down and saw Stumpageddon doing a little dance. “Huh. Didn’t know that.”
“Involuntary motor control,” Stenkler said. “Your list is getting longer.”
“You know me,” I grinned. “I like a long list.”
“That makes no sense,” John said.
“Doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?” I asked. “No, I guess it doesn’t. Story of my life.”
The door to the RV whipped open and Stella stuck her head inside.
“You need to come see this,” she said to John.
“See what?” he asked.
“Just come on,” Stella said then looked at me. “Stay here.”
“What? I wasn’t planning on going anywhere, but now that you tell me I can’t then maybe I should,” I smirked.
“Stay here,” she growled.
Uh-oh.
John frowned then got up and followed her out. I looked at Stenkler and he just looked back at me. Then he must have seen a look in my eyes.
“No. You need to stay put,” he said.
“Just a peek,” I grinned.
“No,” he insisted.
“You ever killed a man, doc?” I asked.
“No. Wel
l, yes, but I didn’t want to,” Stenkler replied.
“So you’ve never shot a man, stabbed a man, jammed a hunk of metal through a man’s skull?” I said. “Because I have. Want me to show you?”
Stenkler took a few steps away from me.
“Just a quick peek,” I said, smiling at him. “You can even stand right by my side and make sure I don’t fall over and die.”
“I won’t have much control over that,” he said. “If you fall over and die, all I can do is catch your corpse.”
“That’s helpful. I just washed these jeans, so it would suck if they get truck depot grease on them,” I said then stood and made my way to the front of the RV.
It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I intended on being all strutting and cool. Pretty sure I only managed wobbling and weak. I was sweating like a cannibal’s dinner on a spit by the time I got to the door.
“I’m officially objecting one more time,” Stenkler said. “Then I’m shutting up.”
“You should get to that shutting up part,” I laughed. Nice to say that to someone else instead of it just being said to me. Then I saw the look on his face. “What did you hear?”
“Something about strawberry shortcake,” he sighed.
“Ooooh, that sounds good,” I replied. “Man, I’d love to have some strawberry shortcake. How well do strawberries grow in Colorado?”
“I don’t know,” he said as he helped me down the short stairs and out of the RV. “I hope we find out.”
“Me too,” I said as we got outside. Damn, it was cold.
People were hurrying out of the truck depot and into the falling snow. Most of them were survivors from Asheville, but a few were cannies mingled in here and there. Sure seemed like there were a lot fewer cannies than before. Elsbeth’s psycho sisters must have really been picking them off. Or not. Whatever was happening.
“What’s up?” I asked as Melissa hurried by.
The wife of my late best friend from Whispering Pines, and sister to the Fitzpatrick boys, Melissa Billings is not someone you mess with. She’s tough as nuclear nails and packs as much of a punch.
“Did you just tell me to shove a gerbil in my butt?” Melissa asked, looking from me to Stenkler then back to me. “Jace, you had better be messing around.”
“He’s having new speech issues,” Stenkler said.
