I’d show her. She was good enough, and I’d do whatever I could to convince her of it. We were standing on the threshold of the Green Room, and I was planning to cross it tonight.
Chapter 18
Jessica
I was a bundle of nerves, that was the easiest way to put it. Between Ryan being here, the invite to Pipe Masters, and then this dress… every part of me was a wreck. My brain didn’t know what to focus on first. After talking to Andrea, I spent most of the evening sipping champagne and dancing with Ryan. At one point we escaped to the backyard, and just walked around. It was a warm night, and you could feel the breeze off the water from where we were. I could tell Ryan was uncomfortable. He kept tugging at his tie, and the look on his face said he was only putting up with all of this because of me.
“You wanna get out of here?” I tugged on his hand. “It’s getting late and my feet are killing me, and that jacket has to be hot.”
“Are you sure?” He looked around. The party was still in full swing, but I’d already talked to everyone I should have. I’d made my appearance, and Phillip had already left too.
“Everyone who’s important has gotten their hand shake. I kinda wanna get out of all of this.” I motioned to my dress. Despite looking beautiful, I felt so stiff at the moment. “We can just hang out if you want. Maybe watch a movie at my place, or something.” I shrugged as I saw relief wash over his face.
“I’m down with that.” He smiled and held his hand out.
As we walked back inside, I stopped by the small group of people where Andrea was talking. I said my goodbyes and thanked her again before reaching for Ryan’s hand. The minute out fingertips touched, a small zing ran up my arm. I’d been ignoring it all night, but now it seemed stronger than ever. I wasn’t sure if it was the champagne making it more noticeable, or the fact that we were going back to my place.
Ryan and I never gotten further than a few touches here and there when we were together in high school. I was sixteen, and very innocent. I’ve had boyfriends since I moved out here, but nothing serious, no one I’d want to sleep with. It’s always been easy to ignore the fact that I’m probably the last virgin on the planet, until now. I haven’t said anything to Ryan, and he hasn’t asked, but I’m thinking we’ll need to have that talk soon. I know he’s messed around with more women than I care to know about, and I’m sure my inexperience will show as soon as he tries to make a move. All we’ve done so far is kiss, and even that was outta my league.
ooooooooo
Ryan
The entire ride to Jess’s apartment was done in silence. I watched her knee jerk up and down as she tapped her foot on the floorboard of the car. Our driver was none the wiser about the tension in the air. When she’d suggested going back to her place, I had no idea what exactly she meant by that. Did she really mean what she said? Just watch a movie? I don’t think we’ve ever watched a movie before. Any time we turned on the TV, it usually led to something else. I was caught making out on my parents’ couch more times than I care to admit under the pretense of watching a movie.
I didn’t have any clothes at her place, so I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about the tux. Curling up on her couch in formal wear didn’t sound appealing, but I also didn’t want to read too far into her suggestion. Was she expecting me to make a move on her? We’d kissed a few times now, but with our history, it wasn’t like we didn’t know each other. I didn’t want to scare her off though, and I didn’t want to think about how many other men had been invited back here just like me.
“You didn’t eat much tonight. You wanna order a pizza or something?” I broke the silence as I turned towards her more.
“Sure.” She lifted a shoulder as she stared out the window.
“You ok? You don’t sound like the girl I picked up tonight.” I reached out and ran my knuckles down her arm. She flinched slightly, causing me to pull back.
“I’m fine.” She sighed. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“About us?” I slid closer, begging her to look at me.
“About a lot of things. You. Pipe Masters. You,” she mumbled.
“What about me?” I leaned in and reached to turn her chin to face me.
“I don’t want to do this here,” she muttered.
“Fine.” I slid back over to my spot just as the car stopped in front of her building. I was frustrated and feeling dejected. I’d thought we’d moved past this hiding our feelings thing, but apparently, we hadn’t. I pushed opened my door before the driver could get out and help me, and stormed around to Jess’s side, yanking it open also. She blinked up at me before stepping out.
“What’s wrong?” Her brow furrowed.
“Nothing.” I shrugged, mimicking the move she’d just done to me. I was being childish, but I was frustrated and I’d started this night with hope. I wanted us to be adults here, but every time I tried, something seemed to set us back.
She strutted past me as I closed the door and watched the car pull away. I guess I was going to be stuck here unless Jess gave me a ride back to my hotel. “Great,” I muttered. I spun towards her building just in time to see her marching through the door, and punching the call button on the elevator. “Would you wait a minute!” I called out as I rushed to catch up. “Jess?” I yanked the door to the building open and strode with purpose up to her. She turned to face me all wide-eyed and with what looked like a little fear. “What is going on?” I gripped her upper arm, trying to stop her.
“I don’t know,” she mumbled.
“You have to do better than that.” I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair. “I’m trying here, Jess, but you have to give me something.”
“I just…” she trailed off as the elevator doors opened. She stepped in, and I rushed in after to her.
“Just what?” I backed her into the corner, and when she realized this she seemed to panic. Her eyes danced around the small space before finally landing on me, and then she swallowed. “Are you afraid of me?” I leaned in closer as I placed one hand above us, and the other on her cheek. I was holding on by a thread at this point. All I wanted to do was rip that dress off and devour her, but I knew I couldn’t.
“No.” She bit down on her lower lip.
“Then what?” My voice was a strangled whisper. Right as she opened her mouth to say more, the doors opened on a ding, alerting us we’d made it to her floor. She sighed before pushing against me. I stepped back, and let my shoulders drop as I followed in her wake.
She quickly made her way to her door, and fumbled with the keys before the lock released and allowed us inside. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of her. She seemed to relax a little until I closed her door behind us. I watched as she jumped, almost coming out of her own skin from the sound of the door clicking shut. She spun and faced me, eyes wild, and her skin flushed.
“What is going on?” I stepped closer as if I were approaching a scared animal.
I watched in confusion as she closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, and twisted her fingers in front of her. She was preparing herself to tell me something, something that she thought I was going to be upset about. I stepped closer, but she held her palms up begging me not to. “Jess?” I tipped my head to the side as I cautiously moved forward. “Whatever it is, just tell me.”
She nodded as a whoosh of air slipped from her lips, lips I was dying to kiss. “I’ve never done this,” she whispered.
“Done what?” I was thoroughly confused at this point. My nerves had been on edge most of the night as I tried to be the perfect boyfriend in a world I wasn’t part of, and now she was sending me cryptic messages, that she seemed to think I could understand.
“This.” She waved her hand between us.
“Have a guy back here?” I furrowed my brow. There was no way she’d gone all this time and not dated. The caveman in me wished that was true, but no one goes three years and doesn’t meet somebody.
“No.” She was frustrated now and I could see her berate herself
for the fact that I didn’t understand.
“What? Bring a date to one of your parties? I’m lost here Jess.” I quickly slipped out of my coat and tossed it on the nearby chair. “You gotta give me more to go on.” I chuckled before yanking at my tie. I was miserable in all this fancy crap, and was dying to get back to what I was used to, swim trunks and a surfboard.
“I’ve never,” she motioned between us, “you know? God, I can’t do this.” She stomped her foot on the ground before turning to storm to what I guessed was her bedroom. If I’d been smart I would have stayed away from her bedroom, but no one ever said I was intelligent when it came to reading between the lines with Jessica Ryland. We were the epitome of mixed messages.
My shoes didn’t click on her floors like hers did, so when she spun to close her door, she crashed right into my chest. Her eyes flew to mine as she went completely stiff. “I’m trying here, Jess. I wanna understand you, but I’m completely worn out after tonight. Just talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“I can’t.” Her lip quivered as she blinked up at me. “I don’t want to be a disappointment,” she murmured.
“What?” My head snapped back. “You could never be a disappointment. Are you worried about the Pipe Masters thing still?”
“No,” she growled. “I don’t want… I mean I haven’t…” She blew out a breath through her nose before her chin lifted and she stared right at me. I watched the resolution finally set in. “I haven’t had sex before.” As the words fell from her lips, my eyes went wide. Her hands flew to her face, as she buried it. “I can’t believe I just said that,” she growled, but it was muffled from her hands.
“Wait, wait, wait.” I shook my head, trying to understand all this. “No boyfriends? Jess, you’ve been out her for three years. Are you saying that the last guy to touch you, or do anything with you, was me?” Part of me thought that was what she was saying, but the other part of me thought it was impossible. Jess was beautiful, and any guy would have to be blind to not notice her.
Her head bobbed in her hands as she stood there refusing to look at me. “Yes,” she mumbled.
“Look at me,” I begged.
Her eyes rose and she stared at me with uncertainty. This was unbelievable. The girl that I’d wanted for as long as I could remember was going to be mine. I’d come out here just hoping that she’d talk to me, and now I was standing in her bedroom getting ready to pour my heart out.
“You could never be a disappointment Jess, no matter what you did. I love you. Don’t you see that? I’ve loved you as long as I can remember. You’ve always been a part of my life, whether we were happy, mad, or jealous of one another. Nothing you ever did could make me love you less. Believe me, I’ve tried. Loving you has been one of the easiest and hardest parts of my life.” I stepped closer and leaned my head down until it touched hers. “I can wait,” I murmured. “I can wait as long as you need me to.”
I watched as the tension began to fall off her shoulders. She tipped her chin down and stared at my feet. In barely a whisper she sighed, “I know you will, but I don’t want you to.”
To say that the caveman side of me didn’t pound on his chest at that moment would have been a lie. She was basically telling me that she was finally ready, and she wanted me to be the one. I was going to be her first, and if I had anything to say about it, I’d be the last too. “You can always tell me to stop. You know that, right?” I tipped her chin up so our eyes would meet and waited for her to acknowledge me.
“I trust you, Ryan. Just don’t hurt me.” Her eyes were swimming with vulnerability as she blinked up at me.
“Never,” I hissed before I lowered my mouth to hers. I’d like to say it was a sweet and gentle kiss, but I’d be lying. I was finally here, and going slow tonight was going to be my biggest challenge yet.
Chapter 19
Jessica
I’d finally told him. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. I didn’t think he’d believe me, but the look on his face when it all clicked together said that he heard me loud and clear. The tension that had been hanging between us in the car was back and stronger than ever, and the hunger in Ryan’s eyes told me tonight was going to be a night I would never forget.
“You can tell me to stop, you know that, right?” he stared at me as his pupils dilated and his breathing became heavy.
“Yes, but I don’t want to,” I whispered. There were so many moments in the past where I’d stopped him. We’d be lying in each other’s arms kissing and touching, and that little voice in my head would start talking to me. It’d tell me that I needed to stop him, that I wasn’t ready, that Ryan only wanted sex and he didn’t care who he got it from.
The moment my words hit him, he swallowed and took the remaining steps needed to close the gap between us. One arm wrapped around my waist as the other cupped the back of my head. His head tilted to the side as his mouth crashed down on mine. It was a powerful kiss, and proved that Ryan’s feelings hadn’t changed. His tongue parted my lips as he forced his way in. His chest rumbled on a groan as his arms tightened.
I wasn’t really paying attention that we were moving until I felt the bed bump against the back of my knees. I broke the kiss and a nervous giggle bubbled up. I wanted this, but I was a wreck. What if I wasn’t what he thought I’d be? How would I compare to the others? What if I let him down?
“What’s wrong?” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to the side of my head. His eyes softened as he waited for me. I could tell he was hanging on by a thread. He was going slow for me, trying to make this good for me.
“Nothing.” I swallowed before running my hands up his chest. I could feel the muscles jump under my touch, and his eyes closed briefly as he attempted to get a grip on himself.
“Don’t lie to me. I can tell something is bothering you.” One hand tugged the strap of my dress off my shoulder, and he kissed me where it had been. “What is it? Do you want me to stop?” He paused before going to the other shoulder and doing the same thing. The dress slipped down and hung on my hips, exposing the makeshift tape bra I’d been wearing.
“I don’t want to let you down,” I murmured as I started to pull at the tape.
Ryan chuckled lightly before shaking his head. “You could never let me down, Jess. You could tell me to stop right now, and it wouldn’t be letting me down. I’d wait forever for you. Don’t you get that? Being here, right now, this is better than any fantasy I could ever dream up. There’s absolutely nothing you could do to upset me right now.”
“But what about before? Brinley and…” I started but clamped my lips shut when he sent me a warning glare.
“Were not you.” He kissed my nose. “Nobody and nothing can compare here. I can’t change my past, but I want this,” he kissed me again, “and I want a future… with you.”
“Ok.” I half smiled as I relaxed into his embrace.
When he leaned in to kiss me again, his hands skimmed up my sides, pausing to cup my breasts and he pulled back. “What is this?” He flicked the tape.
“A bra,” I laughed at the expression on his face.
“Ouch! Doesn’t that hurt?” He started to pull on it, and saw where it was stuck to my chest.
“Yes, but it was my only option.” I sighed before gripping a piece and yanking as if I was pulling off a Band-Aid. The skin was red and angry, but I knew it would go away. This wasn’t the first time I’d had to do this.
“Geez. I guess I shouldn’t complain about wearing a tie anymore.” He shook his head before cringing as I ripped the other side off. “I think I can help with some of this.” He brushed his knuckles across the red marks on my breasts, causing my nipples to harden. “Oh yeah.” He grinned as his head bent and he pressed a kiss to one of the marks.
The pain the tape had caused was long forgotten as Ryan licked and sucked his way across my chest. My knees became weak, and my hands gripped his shoulders so tight I thought he might have his own set of marks.
He began pushing
me back against the mattress until I gave in and sat before he stepped back and stared at me. I frowned as I looked up at him, still fully dressed. “What’s wrong?” He smiled. I think he knew, but he wanted me to tell him.
“You need to lose some of all that.” I waved my finger up and down in front of him.
“You mean this?” He pulled his shirt from where it had been tucked in his pants. When I nodded, he began undoing each button excruciatingly slow. When he reached the last one, I couldn’t help but lick my lips as the shirt slipped off his shoulders and landed on the floor somewhere behind him. “Better?” He laughed as he leaned in and placed one palm on each side of me on the bed.
“Much.” I sighed as I pressed my lips to his. Ryan’s always had a nice body. I started noticing it when I was just a kid. I dreamed of being the one to touch him like I was going to tonight. I’d gotten close before, but my innocence always held me back. I still wasn’t well versed here, but I was older now and I wasn’t letting anything stop me.
Ryan pushed me back so I was lying on the bed before tugging my dress the rest of the way off. The blue satin panties I’d had on underneath were visibly wet, and he noticed right away. His nostrils flared as he leaned over me and ran his nose up the column of my neck, pausing at my ear, “You are making it so hard for me. I want to take my time; make this good for you; you’re first time should be something special, but you are just too much.” His hands slid down the bed as he pushed himself back to standing and released the clasp on his tux pants. They fell to the floor, and he kicked them to the side. “Every part of you is mine tonight; tonight and forever. You hear me?” He knelt down on the floor and gripped my panties, pulling them slowly down my thighs. “Beautiful,” he whispered as he slipped them over my feet and tossed them to the side.
“Ryan?” My voice quivered with need, and I swallowed as I tilted my head so I could see him. I watched him rise to his full height, shove his boxers down, and begin rooting around in the pile of clothes. When he faced me again, he had a condom pinched between his fingers. He pressed one knee on the bed as he reached toward my night table, and tossed it there.
Finding the Green Room (The Sutter Family Book 3) Page 13
