i, probably, will be at home staring at my toenails.
mad maddie:
that’s bullshit
mad maddie:
do u really think he’s gonna throw himself in my arms?
SnowAngel:
so to commemorate my sadness, i’ve shaved off all my hair. i just wanted to let u know.
mad maddie:
WHAT? u’ve been trying so long to grow it out!
SnowAngel:
yeah, but what’s the point? i don’t have anyone to look good for, so i shaved it all off. i can be daring too, u know.
mad maddie:
skype me then. prove it.
SnowAngel:
um, my skype machine is broken
mad maddie:
yr “skype machine”? uh huh. is snapchat broken too?
SnowAngel:
ok, let me clarify. i *cld* have shaved it all off. i THOUGHT about shaving it all off.
mad maddie:
your hair is so pretty. don’t shave it off.
SnowAngel:
i’m just so depressed. i have to do something.
SnowAngel:
my mom says i can go to atlanta over spring break, but that’s not good enough. that’s so far away!
mad maddie:
ur coming to atlanta over spring break? angela, that’s awesome!
SnowAngel:
yeah … but i wanna be there now!
mad maddie:
when’s your spring break?
SnowAngel:
march 21–25
mad maddie:
that seems like a long way off, but c’mon. this is very very very good news.
SnowAngel:
then why doesn’t it feel like it?
mad maddie:
hold on, girl. u’ll be here before u know it!
Wed, Feb 2, 4:44 PM P.S.T.
SnowAngel:
still sad. so sad i’ve started cutting myself, just fyi.
mad maddie:
so sad what a bad liar u r.
mad maddie:
u can’t stand the sound of your pulse, but i’m supposed to believe u could slice your skin and watch your blood ooze out?
SnowAngel:
ugh
SnowAngel:
u should go into counseling, maddie
mad maddie:
what? i’m not the one with the problem here!
SnowAngel:
i don’t mean as a patient. i mean as a counselor. i can just see u talking to some poor distraught girl—much like ME, i might add—and saying, “u cut yourself, do u? u slice your skin and watch the blood ooze out?” u’d cure her in no time.
mad maddie:
good. does that mean i cured u?
SnowAngel:
maybe i’ll start slow and build up. this girl in my math class uses a pink eraser to rub raw spots on the inside of her arm. i could manage that, i bet.
mad maddie:
please don’t hurt yourself, angela. even in jest. and i think we shld have a moment of silence to send good thoughts toward any real cutters out there, cuz i’m suddenly feeling bad for making a joke out of it.
SnowAngel:
*groans* *puts head in hands*
SnowAngel:
yr right, of course. kk, moment of silence, then:
SnowAngel:
SnowAngel:
r we done? r we good?
mad maddie:
SnowAngel:
subject change: did zoe ever make it to victoria’s secret?
mad maddie:
ooo, baby. she just popped by to show me her purchases, and they’re sexcellent.
mad maddie:
she didn’t model them for me, for which i say a prayer of thanks, but she done made me proud. the bra is lacy and has a rosebud in the center, and she bought a thong to go with it. i am extremely impressed.
SnowAngel:
she bought a thong? for reals? what’s it look like?
mad maddie:
er, like a thong? it’s lacy too, and it’s got the same rosebud thing going on as the bra.
mad maddie:
pelt-woman calls her jesus sandals “thongs,” btw.
SnowAngel:
can u imagine pelt-woman wearing a *thong* thong? a real thong?
mad maddie:
i will now slide a steel door over my eyes to prevent that image from entering my brain. there r few things i can think of that wld be more horrifying.
SnowAngel:
my mom says that the key to a successful marriage is wearing pretty underwear. u might let pelt-woman know.
mad maddie:
your mom says strange things.
SnowAngel:
if u think she’s bad, u should try my aunt sadie. i called her last night and said, “please can’t i come live with u? please please please please please?” and she was like, “angie, i would love nothing more than for u to come live with me. we’d be two hip girls on our own. we’d have a blast! but hon, that’s between u and your parents.”
SnowAngel:
then she told me she had to go cuz she was getting ready for a date, but before she hung up, she gave me a handy tip which i shld prolly pass on to zoe.
mad maddie:
which was?
SnowAngel:
to lean over when u put your bra on and really jiggle your boobs into place. “so many women have an extra inch of cleavage that remains under-utilized,” she told me. “it’s over by your armpits. u just have to shove it into place.”
mad maddie:
armpit cleavage. luverly!
Wed, Feb 2, 5:21 PM P.S.T.
SnowAngel:
hi, mads! me again!
mad maddie:
couldn’t get enough of me, is that it?
SnowAngel:
i just wanted u to know how wrong u r about me, that’s all. i may not be able to stand the sound of my pulse, but i’m quite fine with needles as it turns out.
mad maddie:
so ur saying … what? u’ve taken up cross-stitch?
SnowAngel:
i’m saying that i’ve pierced my nose. AND my nipple. i did it myself in my very own bathroom. just this second. *proudly thrusts out boob*
mad maddie:
angela. cupcake. ur picking the wrong girl for your charade. u need to be telling this to zoe, not me.
mad maddie:
anywayz, if ur going for shock value, u should tell her u pierced your labia.
SnowAngel:
*eyes widen with appreciation* u r so right.
mad maddie:
but don’t say u did it yrself. that’s too much of a stretch, even for zo.
SnowAngel:
ah, yes. true true!
Wed, Feb 2, 5:30 PM P.S.T.
SnowAngel:
zoe, i have something shocking to tell u, and i don’t want u to get upset.
zoegirl:
what happened? is something wrong?
SnowAngel:
no, no, nothing wrong … other than everything, that is.
SnowAngel:
it’s just, well …
SnowAngel:
i pierced my labia.
zoegirl:
WHAT?
SnowAngel:
i pierced my labia. i got this sudden urge, i don’t even know why, so i walked into a body-art salon and just went for it.
zoegirl:
omg. omg! did it hurt?
SnowAngel:
a little, yeah. well, ok, a lot. but i was very brave. in fact, the guy who did the piercing said i was the bravest of anyone he’d done.
zoegirl:
a *guy* did it? why, angela???
SnowAngel:
cuz he was the only person there. he does tattoos too. think i shld get a tattoo?
zoegirl:
angela, i don’t know how to say this, but—and please don’t be offended—is this a cry for help? sometimes people do really out-of-character things when they’re unhappy.
i mean, tattoos are fine, but do u honestly want to get one? you know how you are with needles.
zoegirl:
as for your … as for the other thing, if you took the ring or stud out right now, would the piercing close up?
SnowAngel:
oh, zoe. ur no fun.
SnowAngel:
no, i don’t want a tattoo. and i don’t want a pierced labia, either.
zoegirl:
you *were* just doing it for attention! poor angela!
zoegirl:
so go take the ring out RIGHT NOW! you’ve only had it for a day, right?
SnowAngel:
even less. i never got it done, zo.
zoegirl:
what do you mean, you never got it done? you just said
zoegirl:
oh. haha.
SnowAngel:
sorry
zoegirl:
did maddie put u up to this???
SnowAngel:
*blinks meekly*
zoegirl:
i should have known. what was i thinking? you can’t even stand the sound of your own pulse.
SnowAngel:
must everyone go on and on about that? YES, i’m a blob. i admit it. you and maddie do these daring, exciting things, and what do i do? i plod thru school with glendy trailing behind me like a cloud of doom. even when i go to the bathroom, there she is, glaring malevolently at me from over the top of the stall.
zoegirl:
she does not stare at you from over the top of the stall.
zoegirl:
does she?
zoegirl:
anyway, what have i ever done that’s daring and exciting?
SnowAngel:
hmm, does parading thru the mall with marshmallow-nipples count? plus ur planning this fabulous night with doug, which requires its own kind of daring. and while ur cozying up with him, maddie’s gonna be confessing her undying love to chive. that’s braver than all the stupid-ass stunts she’s pulled before.
zoegirl:
well … ok, that’s actually true. but you’re brave too, angela.
SnowAngel:
no, i’m not. if i was brave, i’d escape this stinking hellhole!
zoegirl:
being in california isn’t your fault, and being stalked by glendy isn’t your fault either. just keep telling yourself, “spring break. spring break, spring break, spring break.”
SnowAngel:
u think it’s that easy, but it’s not. i can’t talk about it anymore—it’s only making things worse!
Thu, Feb 3, 6:02 PM E.S.T.
zoegirl:
mads, you there?
mad maddie:
i is, i is. wassup, girl?
zoegirl:
well, i can’t talk long because i’m heading out to dinner with my parents. i figure i should play the good-girl role while i can, so that they won’t suspect anything about saturday night.
mad maddie:
have u worked out the details with doug?
zoegirl:
my mom and dad leave for the prom at 7:00, so i’ll start cooking then. i’m making chicken parmesan, steamed broccoli, and crescent rolls.
mad maddie:
i thought for a romantic evening u were supposed to eat oysters.
zoegirl:
yeah, like i know how to cook oysters. if i even liked oysters, which i don’t. anyway, i told doug to show up at 8:00. i don’t want him coming over until the food is in the oven.
mad maddie:
what about kidding around? don’t u guys usually work on saturday nights?
zoegirl:
we traded shirts.
mad maddie:
u traded SHIRTS?
zoegirl:
oops
zoegirl:
*shifts. we traded shifts with other employees. this is our one opportunity to have the house to ourselves, and i intend to take advantage of every minute of it.
mad maddie:
yeah, so that u can trade shirts, heh heh heh.
zoegirl:
that was pretty freudian, huh?
zoegirl:
i’m *nervous*, maddie. isn’t that silly?
mad maddie:
it’s cuz ur having impure thoughts. just think, after saturday u’ll be a soiled dove.
zoegirl:
a soiled …?
zoegirl:
maddie, no. i told you already—we’re not gonna have sex.
mad maddie:
says who?
zoegirl:
says me! *and* doug. we’re not ready.
mad maddie:
u say ur not ready, but what happens when the passion of the moment overtakes u? do u have a condom just in case?
zoegirl:
oh, and where am i supposed to get a condom? you think i’m just going to march into the drugstore and
zoegirl:
*stop*! i am not having this conversation! doug and i are going to have a lovely romantic evening together, and maybe we’ll fool around and maybe we won’t.
mad maddie:
believe me, you will
zoegirl:
okay, we will. but we’re *not* going to have sex.
zoegirl:
what about you? have you planned what you’re going to say to chive?
mad maddie:
ur joking, right?
zoegirl:
if you’re gonna confess your love to him, you need to know what you’re gonna say. these things require thought.
mad maddie:
cuz ur the expert now?
mad maddie:
zo, u know i’m not a plan-it-out kind of girl.
zoegirl:
have you thought about it at all?
mad maddie:
dude, i have sweat stains the size of buffaloes blooming from under my pits.
zoegirl:
ick, maddie!
mad maddie:
just imagine how bad i’ll be by saturday when i actually see him. THIS is why i don’t wanna think about it. i’ll just … say whatever i happen to say. don’t stress me out, ok?
zoegirl:
fine, just as long as u don’t wimp out. just remember: marshmallows!
mad maddie:
grrrr
zoegirl:
ack, my mom’s yelling that it’s time to go.
zoegirl:
but quickly, have u heard from angela today?
mad maddie:
no. u?
zoegirl:
she called from her cell a few hours ago. it was a little strange.
mad maddie:
strange how?
zoegirl:
because three minutes into our conversation, she said, “oh crap. here comes glendy.”
mad maddie:
i thought glendy was giving her the cold shoulder.
zoegirl:
that’s exactly what i said. and angela said, “i thought so too, but she’s heading straight for me. and she’s wearing a VEST.”
mad maddie:
i don’t get it. what’s the significance of a vest?
zoegirl:
i don’t know, that they’re tacky?
zoegirl:
then in the background i heard this whiny voice, which i assume was glendy, saying, “angela? can we talk?”
zoegirl:
and then angela told me she had to go, but that she’d call me right back. and then she hung up.
mad maddie:
huh. i wonder what happened.
zoegirl:
and *i* wonder why she hasn’t called me back.
zoegirl:
all right, bye for real!
Thu, Feb 3, 9:33 PM E.S.T.
zoegirl:
where in the world is angela? she still hasn’t called or txted or anything!
mad maddie:
give it a rest. she’s FINE.
zoegirl:
you don’t think she’s gone off and done something crazy, do you?
mad maddie:
ANGELA? no, i don’t think she’s gone off and done something crazy.
mad maddie:
unless maybe it involves a daringly sparkly eyeshadow …
zoegirl:
all right, all right. you don’t have to make fun of me for worrying about my friend. sheesh!
Fri, Feb 4, 6:59 PM E.S.T.
zoegirl:
maddie, angela’s phone is turned off, and i haven’t seen her on FB or twitter or anywhere for two days. i called her parents’ land line, and her mom says she’s at *glendy’s*!
Ttfn Page 20
