by Emma Easter
She slept on and off throughout the trip. It was about eight o’clock in the evening when the plane landed. She immediately called Sienna’s phone. It rang and rang, but Sienna didn’t answer.
Sienna, come on sis. Pick up!
It stopped ringing, and she called again. This time the phone clicked and a male voice said, “Hello?”
The same voice. “Hi, is Sienna there? Can I speak to her?”
“She’s asleep right now.”
Audrey frowned. “Okay, if she wakes up, let her know I’ll be at her apartment in about an hour.”
After the call ended, she took a taxi from the airport and gave the driver the address to Sienna’s apartment in SoHo. She’d been to Sienna’s old apartment in East Village but not this new one. Siena had only just given her the address a few weeks ago. She’d dictated the address over the phone and then said, “For when you are ready to come to New York.”
As the cab driver wove in and out of traffic, Audrey tried to calm her nerves. He finally stopped in front of a white brick and steel apartment building.
She entered the building, took a deep breath and prayed again. She walked into a glass elevator, rode it to the seventh floor and stepped out into an interlocking black and white tiled hallway. She quickly strode through a row of flats until she found Sienna’s apartment number.
She rang the bell, and the door opened almost immediately. A guy in his mid-twenties, with messy blond hair and boyish good looks, stared at her.
“You must be Audrey,” he said.
“Yes.”
He opened the door wide, and she entered. She followed him up a spiral staircase, and he pointed at a door at the end of the short-carpeted hallway. “That’s her room.”
She walked to the door, opened it and entered the spacious room. Sienna was on the bed with her back turned. Audrey hurried to her and sat on the bed. “Sienna, are you okay?”
Sienna turned her head, and Audrey hugged her tightly.
“I’m okay,” Sienna answered. She pulled back and smiled at Audrey. “I’m so glad you are here. The doctor said I need a few days of bed rest and plenty of food. So sorry I made you leave your job. I would have hired someone, but I just wanted my older sister.” She started to cry.
Audrey hugged her again and patted her hair. Her emotions roiled as she held on to Sienna. After a minute, she drew back and studied Sienna’s face. “What really happened? How did you overdose on a drug?”
Sienna shook her head and started to sob.
Audrey felt the tears swimming in her own eyes. Seeing her little sister like this and not knowing how she could help her was killing her. With her fingers, she wiped away Sienna’s tears. Looking her in the eyes, she asked softly, “Sienna, did you try to kill yourself?”
Sienna didn’t answer.
Audrey felt like breaking down, but instead, she exhaled. She had to be strong for her sister. But most of all, she needed to understand why Sienna had tried to take her own life. “What’s happening to you? Please help me understand.” She couldn’t hold it back anymore, and the tears flowed down her cheeks.
Sienna sighed softly. “I’ve already told you what I understand.” She muttered, “Except for Bryan, no one really gets what I’m going through . . . not even me.”
“Who is Bryan?” In spite of herself, Audrey smiled through her tears and said, “Is he the hottie downstairs?”
Sienna laughed weakly. “Yes, he’s the one.” She grew serious again. “It’s been terrible, Audrey, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Tell me about you.” She smiled. “Trish told me you have a cute boyfriend now.”
Audrey sighed. Sienna was avoiding the real issue. They needed to talk about it. She searched Sienna’s eyes and saw how world-weary they looked.
Maybe Sienna didn’t need to talk about it right now. Perhaps, what she needed now was some cheering up and not a re-immersion into the darkness that had caused her to attempt suicide. Even though there was nothing more Audrey wanted than to get to the bottom of this, she would humor her sister.
She put on a smile. “There is someone. I hope you can meet him soon. He’s going back to Miami in a few days, though, and I don’t know when I’ll see him again.” She grew somber as she thought about Ken’s departure to Florida. And then she brushed the feeling away and focused once more on cheering Sienna up. She took Sienna’s hand, “I’m glad I’m here now to take care of you.”
She jerked her head up when she heard Trisha’s voice.
Sienna smiled.
“Trish is here!” Audrey grinned. “Good, it’ll take the two of us to get you out of this funk.”
Trisha rushed into the room with a strangled cry. She reached out and pulled Sienna into a tight hug. After a long moment, she pulled back and said through her tears, “Oh Sienna, I’m so glad you are fine. I was told you OD’d on some pills. How did that happen?”
Sienna looked away.
Audrey pressed her lips together and then to deflect Trisha’s questions, she said, “You weren’t home when I came back and packed my things to come here. I’m assuming you went for your prenatal appointment. I hope the baby is doing well.”
Sienna sat up. “Baby?” She moaned. “You didn’t tell me you were pregnant!” She reached out and caressed Trisha’s bump, her eyes wide with excitement.
“You’ve not exactly been the easiest person to reach,” Trisha said. “Besides, I thought Audrey would have told you by now.”
Audrey shook her head. “Nuh uh! You told me you were going to tell her yourself, remember?”
Trisha sat beside Audrey on the bed. “I’m so sorry, Sienna. After I told Audrey about the baby, I wanted to tell you too.” She took Sienna’s hand. “Apart from the fact that I couldn’t reach you the first two times I tried, a lot has been going on with me.” She bit her lips and then shook her head. “Enough about me, though. Now that you know you’re going to be an aunt soon, please take care of yourself. My baby will need her model-aunty to teach her about fashion.”
Audrey gasped. “It’s a girl?”
“Yes, I just found out. Unfortunately, I’ll only be able to spend a few days here. I have to get back for my prenatal appointments. I’m really glad I came, though.”
Audrey said, “I’ll only be able to stay for a few days also.” She told them about her appointment as chief of police. Trisha squealed with joy while Sienna told her she was truly happy for her.
Audrey took Sienna’s hand. “But I’ll make sure you’re totally able to start taking care of yourself before I leave.”
Trisha smiled at Sienna. “Who brought you home from the hospital?”
“Bryan.”
“You mean the hottie downstairs?”
Audrey burst out laughing. “That’s what I just said to her now.”
“He is super cute,” Trisha said. “Is he your boyfriend, Sienna?”
Sienna mumbled. “He’s just a friend.”
“I can see from your eyes that you like him,” Audrey said. “Maybe you should tell him that you want to be more than ‘just friends’.” She said making air quotes.
Sienna shook her head vigorously. “No, no!”
Trisha giggled and said, “If you don’t scoop him up right now, I will!”
For a few seconds, Sienna stared at Trisha with huge round eyes, and then she burst out laughing.
Audrey and Trisha stared at her and then they both joined in.
Audrey heaved a sigh of relief. Seeing Sienna laughing now felt so good. This was exactly what their baby sister needed from them—lots of humor and laughter. They had to do more of this, she and Trisha. That would be the goal for the next few days before they both returned to Rosefield.
*****
Bryan sat in Sienna’s elegantly furnished living room, flipping through the TV channels. From time to time bits of the sisters’ conversation drifted to him. He looked at the clock on the wall again. It was almost eleven o’clock at night. He’d been ready to leave for a motel for two hour
s now, but he couldn’t without telling Sienna, and he didn’t want to intrude on the ladies’ conversation.
He continued waiting for another thirty minutes, and then he stood. He had to get to a motel now. He hadn’t even decided on one yet.
He started to make his way toward the stairs but backed up when they exited the room. He was surprised to see the older sisters holding Sienna by both arms and leading her down the stairs. The doctor had given clear instructions that she remain on bed rest for some days.
They reached the bottom of the stairs and began to lead her out to the porch. He wanted to tell them what the doctor had said, but he changed his mind. She was with people who cared for her, and they would make sure she was just fine.
He followed them to the porch. The fluorescent light was on, illuminating the place. They set her down on a wicker sofa with white cushions and sat beside her.
He said to Sienna, “I’ll have to leave now, but I’ll be back tomorrow. I haven’t even booked a motel to stay in yet. Is there any affordable one near here?”
She gave him a look that screamed what she thought about his question —that he’d completely lost his mind.
Her older sister, Trisha, chuckled. “Why would you want to go and stay in some motel when you can stay here?” She grinned up at him. “I know we” she pointed at herself and their oldest, Audrey, “sorta look like cougars, but I promise you that we are harmless.”
He found her comment hilarious and roared with laughter.
Audrey shook her head. “Stop it, Trisha! Maybe he feels uncomfortable in a house full of women. Sienna said he was a chaplain.”
He smiled, partly embarrassed and partly amused. The thought of staying with them didn’t make him uncomfortable. It was the thought of staying with their sister that did.
Sienna said faintly, “Please, Bryan, you don’t have to go. Stay here. Besides, it’s late.”
“Don’t worry,” Trisha gave him a teasing smile. “We will be gone before you know it. Both of you can then have the house all to yourselves.”
His heart jumped into his mouth. That was exactly what he was afraid of. He didn’t want to be all alone with her. He trusted God to keep him on the straight and narrow, but he just didn’t need that sort of temptation at all. He started to shake his head, but Sienna pleaded, “Please stay.”
Trisha added, “Audrey and I will stay with Sienna in her room. You can take the other room.”
He shut his eyes, exhaled and then nodded. “Okay, I will.”
He sat on the chaise lounge and half listened as Audrey talked about her boyfriend, a guy named Ken who was the police chief of Rosefield. After that, Trisha spoke about her plans for her unborn child. Bryan mostly spent the time gazing between the striking night Manhattan skyline and Sienna. Under the bright fluorescent lamp, she looked like an angel with her light blond hair and delicate features.
Trisha soon stood up. She placed her hand on her stomach and yawned. “I’m tired. I have to go in.”
Audrey also stood. “I’ll go start dinner.”
“It’s past mid-night, Audrey,” Sienna said.
“I know it’s late, but we can’t go to bed on an empty stomach. At least I can’t.”
When they left, Bryan looked at Sienna. She was staring into the distance, lost in her thoughts. He wondered if it was the right time to speak his mind. After a few minutes, he decided to and asked, “What happened Sienna? Why did you try to take your life? Can you tell me?”
She didn’t look at him. She just shrugged and said, “I can’t.”
He sighed softly. “Well, that’s okay. You can tell me whenever you are ready.”
“I don’t think I’m ever going to tell you.”
He shut his eyes, feeling a mixture of misery and frustration. Lord, how can I help her if she doesn’t tell me what happened?
He exhaled in an attempt to put his emotions in check. Staring again at the night sky speckled with bright twinkling stars and a half moon, he said, “New York’s skyline is gorgeous, but nothing compares to the breathtaking beauty of God’s natural creation. And they speak of His love and grace.”
“I don’t know about that!” she said tartly. He blinked in surprise and turned to look at her just as she yawned. “I think I will go inside now,” she said and stood up. She reached the sliding glass door and then turned around. “Bryan?”
“Yes, Sienna?”
“Thank you for coming to help me today.”
He smiled and said softly, “As I said before, God told me to come here and help you.” The Spirit whispered to him, and he added, “He wants you to know that He loves you very much.”
She turned around and went into the house.
He remained in the porch, looking at the stars while still trying to calm his raging emotions. The more time he spent with her, the deeper he fell for her. She was irresistible, but she was also very troubled. The last thing she needed now was a romantic relationship.
Half an hour later he went back into the house. Audrey was placing plates of delicious-looking lasagna on the dining table.
“This looks and smells so good,” he said, his mouth watering. He sat at the table and ate with Audrey and Trisha. Sienna ate on the sofa so she could stretch out her legs.
After dinner, Trisha said to him, “So, Bryan, tell me, what do you do as a chaplain? Do you give advice, because I need some right now?”
“Sometimes I do,” he said.
“Okay. So, I’ve been wondering if I should file for a divorce from my husband. I still love him, and I know God said He hates divorce, but I am tired of his ways.”
He wanted to tell her that it depended on the specific situation, but Audrey spoke first.
“You know what the right thing to do is,” Audrey said. “I’m glad you are considering it, though.”
Trisha laughed harshly and then began to tell Audrey about finding her husband’s mistress’s message on his phone. “I didn’t want to tell you about this latest one, Audrey,” Trisha said. “I was too ashamed to.”
Bryan listened for a while, wondering why their lives sounded so much like a script from a soap opera. He looked over at Sienna who had now curled up on the sofa with her eyes closed. What the sisters were talking about seemed like a private discussion. He excused himself, got up with his food and went to sit next to Sienna.
“Are you okay?” he asked her.
She didn’t answer.
He took a deep breath and said, “I’m praying for you, Sienna.”
She opened her eyes, gave him a half smile and then stood. “I need to go to bed,” she said, stretching.
He watched her as she left, his heart aching for her.
*****
Sienna jerked up, her heart racing and her body trembling. Her bed was covered in sweat in spite of the air-conditioning. She could hear Audrey and Trisha’s soft snoring from the other end of the room. She threw off her duvet and hurried out of her room to find Bryan, panic spurring her on.
She’d just had another terrifying nightmare—that she’d been thrown into a horrible flaming hell and monsters surrounded her. It had seemed so real that even now she felt as if those ugly beasts were chasing after her.
A loud voice mocked her as she hastened down the stairs, You deserve to go to hellfire for your sins. And she knew she did. But she had to find Bryan. He was the only one who could help her now. He always talked about God’s love and grace, and he heard God’s voice clearly. Maybe God would listen to him on her behalf and have mercy upon her—if it wasn’t already too late for her.
She reached the bottom of the stairs and hurried on to the guest room. The depression and despair that had caused her to swallow a bottle of pills were taking hold of her again. The doctor had told her to see a shrink to help her deal with her anxiety, but she wasn’t sure she would survive this night.
She pushed open the guest room door and saw a form spring out of the bed. She turned on the light, and Bryan’s eyes widened. He was in his boxers,
and so she understood why he looked embarrassed. However, she was too scared to care. “I need your help, Bryan.”
His expression turned to one of concern, and he said, “Okay. Can you give me a minute to put something on?”
“Okay,” she whimpered. She quickly exited his room, but just halfway. She pressed her face against the door and held the handle tight, her heart racing in fear.”
He came out a minute later dressed in the green T-shirt and jeans he was wearing earlier. He led her to the sofa. “What happened?”
She sat close beside him, drawing comfort from his calm masculine presence. “I had a terrible nightmare but, I don’t even know if it was just that. It seemed so real.” She couldn’t hold it in anymore and told him about everything. The meeting with the watchers at the Bible College, how she fled the school since God had turned his back on her and how she’d decided to live it up. She felt incredible shame as confessed about going home with the guy at the club, and most of all about the weekend with Alessio. When she finished, she bowed her head and sobbed.
He is going to push me away now and tell me I am disgusting for doing all those things. And I’ll deserve it. She felt completely broken.
He placed a hand on her shoulder and then he wrapped her in his arms. She looked up at him in shock. There was no judgment on his face. She wept even louder, overcome by the love and acceptance she saw in his eyes. “Aren’t you repulsed by me? Because of the terrible things I have done?”
He rubbed her back soothingly and then held her and looked into her eyes. “Sienna, when you were trying your best to be good and please God, you still felt unclean, didn’t you?”
She studied his face, wondering where he was going. And then she nodded.
“Your nightmares, panic attacks, and feeling of condemnation did not start because you did these things you just confessed. Remember what I told you in school? About scrupulosity or religious OCD?”
She nodded.
“I looked it up and wanted to tell you about it the day you left school. It’s a debilitating disorder characterized by moral obsession and pathological guilt.”
